clmgirl’s BodyBlog

At first, I was going to try blame it on not enough support. I starting typing, but it just didn’t come out.

I stopped and thought about it…………………

 No one is going to give me support or help. Everyone is busy, just as I am trying to accomplish their own goals and live their own lives.  

I stopped and thought about it more……………………….

I read all my blogs, I read the up and downs I have gone thru. The pleas for advice and help. Is anybody there?

No…………………

Will anybody read this and give a S#*T, probably not. DO I care? No, because realizing that throughout this whole year post after post, I myself have not progressed because I was depending on support from others when I should depend on my own support.

 Now………….. The question is…………. will I be there for myself?

So, I am still on the wagon and steadily too. I am happy where I am at. I am eating clean, going to the gym, and juggeling the family life quite well. If I don’t say so myself!

I started off in May, just really watching what I ate. June came around and said it’s time to put it in gear. I have lost about 8-10 in 2 months. Not that bad, I am trying to ease into the intesity of my excersising in hopes of not QUITING!

 My goal really is to keep going and make this a lifestyle and not a chore. I really have this mindset and I hope it works for me!

The party hostess says, "Chocolate Birthday cake w/ ice cream on the side?"……………………………
……………… I say with a nice smile "No, thanks I don’t like cake or ice cream. Got any low fat yogurt? Thats really what i am craving!

This week I am back on the band wagon, don’t know how long it will last. My set goal was for 5lbs in one week. I know this is a lot, I was hoping it was possible. Maybe I would lose some water retention or maybe it was bloating. I guess I am just FAT!!! LOL because I only lost 3lbs. This is fine and I am satisfied with this. My next goal I am making for myself is to lose 3lbs by next Friday. I know I can do this, I just hope not to stop doing what I am doing.

Not much weight loss has been happening, but I think I am ok. I was thinking I was not but, I was reading some of the transformations of the week. Reading what everyone has done like eating, exercising, and supplements. I think the only part I am missing is the supplements.

With my training I have not skipped a workout in 7 weeks. My diet is about 80% clean, with occasional hiccup here and there. Like eating a bowl of cereal for dinner or having a piece of whole wheat toast with peanut butter. I have not yet had a hamburger w/ fries or a huge slice of birthday cake w/ ice cream.

I really think I need to push a little harder and focus on the working out. I don’t know but it has to work it just has to. I can’t just not lose not even one pound in three weeks after losing 10lbs in the first month. Can I?

This weekend was FRUSTRATING. I feel so alone on my quest for weight loss. I have said to myself that I needed to change my lifestyle. Well, I have.

 Birthday party after birthday party after birthday party. I went to three birthday parties this weekend! I HATE BIRTHDAY PARTIES!!!!! Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. All I kept hearing is……….. aren’t you gonna eat? Have some hamburgers! Have some Hot dogs! Chips? Soda? Grape, pineapple, cola! Time for the cake!! would you like some ice cream? What do you mean you already ate? Why would you do something silly like that?

 It’s not my fault that I care about myself! It’s not my fault I want better health! YES, I ate before I went to the party, and NO! I don’t want cake and Ice cream. I will have my kashi bar, half an orange and a huge cup of water…… thank you very much!!

Friday, was very difficult for me. My husband said I was being a rude hostess for his cousins party. I didn’t want to drink any alcohol or eat any of the food. By the time 1:00am rolled around I wanted to go to bed. I had a very good excuse, I had a 7:00am appointment with my trainer! Which I had to cancel at 6:00am, because these people ended up drunk at my house and I had to give them a ride home.

I have never felt so alone as I do now in this moment in time. Waking up at the crack of dawn to get my training in. Eating alone, because everyone else will eat whatever is put in front of them. This lifestyle sure is different, it requires some dedication and hard work. But, the results are FABULOUS!! So, I guess just call me a loner.

It has been one crazy month. Juggling between children, work, workouts and clean eating is one heck of a hard thing to do. The rest days are jam packed with catching up on cleaning and other house chores. God forbid anything breaks down because we have no time for any of that NONSENSE!

Well, despite of it all, I have managed to lose 10 lbs. Yeah me ! Now, I have to keep going. I am just hoping that I can keep myself going. I hope that I can learn to adapt to this new lifestyle. I have set my new goal and hope to lose another 10lbs by around St. Patrick’s day. Back to work it is !!!  

I have been eating so, so , so, clean. I really am never actually starving, but I have this craving that likes to nag at me like someones OLD LADY! LOL…. I crave anything sweet. I am still not a pro at this clean eating lifestyle. SO……what to do about the sweet tooth? I don’t know! I just had a minuture 3 muskateer with a cup of water. I had just ate my lunch, so it’s not like I am hungry. I just like sweets. How can I kill this craving? I think I need a support group for people who are mourning their sweets. Ha ha - For now I really don’t know.

I feel like  i am going to VOMIT! I signed up to LA Fitness. Then they give you a complimentry training session, which is mostly all talking. SO, I decided to sign up for a trainer. I will see him once a week.

Today was my first appoinment. Working with the trainer did give me more motivation, especially thinking about the fact that you are spending your money. He pushed me more than I would have ever pushed myself. Now I am thinking, is 1 day a week with a trainer going to be enough?

So, Here I am another week gone by. No accomplishments whatsoever! What to do? I want to do it, I need to do it, But how to start up again? I feel like I have lost myself in this Body. I know it is not me. I think I am going crazy!

It’s work, family, time restraints, and anything else that gets in the way. How to obligate myself to take time for myself. How do I help me? 

Don’t know really what to say? Halloween came and went. The Holiday’s came and went. Now what? I am 10 lbs heavier then when I first started on Bodyspace. I am feeling horrible, exhausted, and don’t know what to do or go from this exact moment in time!?