This was a funny blog witten by a guy on myspace called Superjabs.
There are few things in the world that baffle me. I am a reasonable guy and I find myself to be pretty accepting. But sometimes you have to call a spade a spade and just ask the simple question of, “What the f@#k?” This is the question I ask when it comes to homosexuality. While I accept it, and feel that anyone that wants to do it has every right to do so…I just don’t get it. Much like I don’t get why people put anchovies on their pizza. Here is why.
“You are not comfortable in your own sexuality.”
To start off light, one thing that gay people say that drives me nuts is, “It wouldn’t bother you if you were comfortable in your own sexuality.” The reason that homosexuality weirds me out has nothing to with what I know or don’t know about myself. The reason I don’t kiss guys or hold hands with a guy is not because I am scared that somewhere deep down I might be gay. It’s because I know it would make me gag and I feel no need to confirm it. I know that eating a bowl full of sh@t would gross me out, I don’t need to eat a spoonful to be comfortable with that.
Lesbians look like nerdy dudes:
Nothing in the world would be more fun to me that hanging out with a lesbian and checking out girls. The problem is I like girls who look like this:
But most lesbians look like this:
Now, fill in the gaps for me here. (No pun intended… OK, yeah it was) You say you like women, yet the ones you go out with look like Shasta versions of guys. Now listen, I completely understand why women think we men are gross…We are. But if you are going to fall in love with a short haired, polo shirt wearing, dude who doesn’t shave her legs: Reward yourself with some dick at the end of the day. Most lesbians are second rate versions of men without the vital part and if you truly are into women, you should like the same things about them that men do.
Queers act like chicks… Crazy chicks
With that said, I am baffled by gay men most. In like manner with the females, why is it when men like other men, half of them act like chicks? Not just chicks, but ditsy f#$king broads. Seeing a flamboyant male homosexual confuses me more than my quest to find a clitoris unassisted. The flamboyant ones have everything us guys hate about women. They are over emotional, over opinionated, and get jealous as hell. So let me get this strait. You guys like other guys yet you are going out with one that acts like a girl? What? What the holy **** is that about? That’s the shit most strait guys would try to change!!!
Help me to understand why if you choose to be with someone of the same sex why they would have so many similarities to the opposite sex? In speaking back to a lesbian I will say the following: I am an expert on what guys like about women. All the things you are getting from the girls you are going out with now…I got, and the 2 inch happy stick to boot. Guys, what you look for in other guys, girls have. Plus they smell better, have breasts, and have a hole you can put it in that doesn’t stink like sh!t. (well, most girls) I know it’s not about the d!#k fellas. I have one, I have used it, it’s not why girls hang with guys…It’s just not that pretty.
Equipment and buttholes:
Then there are equipment issues. How many people out there do you know that eat jelly sandwiches? It’s not because no one likes jelly, but what is jelly without peanut butter when it comes to making a sandwich? The same goes for sex. When I think about two women pleasing each other in bed, I often wonder if at some point each thinks, “Man, a dick would close things off nice here.” Because what women do in bed to each other, us heterosexuals refer to as foreplay. If you bring in a strap on it shows beyond the shadow of a doubt, that even in plastic form, dick is still what you need. Guys: Any sex life that revolves around a hole that produces waste must be second guessed. There is absolutely nothing a man can do for another man in bed that a woman can’t. And she can do it better. What are you thinking?
Before you get all full of piss and vinegar, let me tell you that I am not going to get into any religious or psychological debates over this subject. The actions of homosexuals do not offend me at all. If homosexuality is the life you choose, I will come to your wedding, have beers with you, and you can play shortstop on my softball team. You should have all the rights to lead a happy life like everyone else. Just give me my right to giggle at the thought of two women fumbling around in bed or be disgusted by the thought of two guys sticking it in the pooper…That’s my right.
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