chrischap01’s BodyBlog

I think I am going to become a bike guy. I have been wanting to give riding a shot for a while, but I had just not made it a priority. This last week, while on vacation in Austin, I was able to get in several hours on a bike and I loved it! I am planning to go out and get a bike in the next few days and get this show on the road.

Strangely enough, my favorite aspect was climbing. Every hill I passed, I turned around and went up it. Sometimes I raced up the hills, sometimes I just rode to see if I could make it. I found one looooonnng hill Saturday and finished my workout by just riding to the top, turning around and flying back down. Then I did it again, 4 times. I felt like a little kid at a roller coaster, running back to the line to ride it again and again. Who am I kidding, I still do that too…

I am still feeling very motivated! This has been one of the best weeks ever for me in terms of diet and exercise. I recently had a job where I had no time to waste, so I only ate when I could/had to. They had a lot of crappy food laid out for us free, cookies, cakes, sodas, lasagna, fried foods, etc. I worked with someone there who did not even seem bothered/tempted by all that stuff, as I know I normally would have been. Watching her inspired me to do the same, and I don’t think I would have succeeded without her. That three week experience allowed me to totally re-train myself in terms of my diet. No more cheating (I previously allowed myself 1-2 cheat meals per week), and I ate lots more salads/vegetables. I even cut way down on coffee, which I know is not necessary in order to continue losing fat but I felt before that I was drinking way too much of it. I feel better now, and I sleep better.
After just one week of eating like that, I was seeing visible results. My waist size went down. My stomach started shrinking. My shirts became looser. Obviously, I have been at this a while and had seen very good results before, but nothing as sudden and as noticeable as this. That inspired me to step it up in terms of exercise as well. I kept lifting, although had to drop down to once/twice per week instead of my usual 4. With less time to lift, I worked in more short cardio sessions wherever I could. Once I finished the job and got back into my routine, I did not reduce my cardio back down to what I was doing before. I can literally feel the pounds flying off now and see visible differences in the mirror almost every day. I am so excited for what I think I will be able to do over the next few months. I hope to have reached all of my fitness/weight/body fat goals by the end of the year now, and I think I have a real shot at doing it!

Many of you know that this past year saw the end of my 12+year marriage. After deciding with my wife that I needed to make a career change, with her full support I left home in August 06 to complete a 9 month LL.M. program in Washington, DC. I made several trips home during the fall semester, and things seemed to be OK - not great but better than they had been in years. After finals, I drove through the night to get home early and surprise her, but instead she surprised me within minutes of my arrival with the news that she wanted a divorce.

We spent much of the first few months of 2007 with me trying to pry the reasons this was happening out of her, and then trying to convince her that we could overcome those problems if we just worked together. She listened and thought it over, but was unwilling to budge from her decision. In May, she finally told me that she was not going to change her mind and we stopped talking about it. Months continued to roll by and it became clear that we were still in limbo and she was not going to do anything to change that.

Morally, I am strongly against divorce except in abusive situations, so I felt that it was not an option for us. However, after many long converstions and some great support and advice from family and friends, I decided that if I wanted to move forward with my life I needed to get this process over with, and that God would forgive me and I could forgive myself for doing so. I am still conflicted about it and I generally do not believe in moral relativism, but I decided that I had done what I could to try and save the marriage and that accepting her decision and getting a divorce was best for both of us.

Tonight, I called Mary and asked her if she still wanted a divorce. She said that she did. I told her that we should go ahead and file and get it done, and that I would take care of everything. She insisted that since this was her decision and she knew I was against it, that she be the one to file. So, I am now going to prepare the paperwork and let her take care of it.

Surprisingly, although the conversation was very hard and admittedly I did not make it through with dry eyes, I feel like a 10,000 lb. weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Over the past year, even before we separated, I feel like I have really gotten back to being me. For the last 4 years, I was consumed with trying to save that relationship and I think I lost who I was. I was depressed, unhealthy, overweight, and generally lost. As sad as I am to see that relationship end, I am excited to move forward and continue to grow and learn more about who I am. I am a very passionate person, and I am finally able to apply that to something other than fixing a broken relationship. I have never been more excited about my future than I am tonight. I feel renewed, cleansed, and ready to tackle anything!