Quote of the Day
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.”
Archive for July, 2008
SELF REFLECTION
Monday, July 28th, 2008I gave myself a really strong tongue lashing this morning, I deserved it, and I needed it. Let me tell you what got me to this point.
When I said yesterday that posting those pictures was one of the hardest things that I’ve done, it wasn’t an understatement. You have to know me and where I’ve come from to understand how vulnerable I feel posting those pictures. You see I’m a perfectionist, and what I see in those pictures reveals to me what a failure I am. How disappointed I am in myself, how I’ve let myself down.
I’ve been competitive all of my life. At my weight training best, I was 135 pounds of muscle. I mean I was stopping traffic, that’s just how well toned and muscular my body was. Then I got married, had a kid, quit smoking, settled into this married life, and gained 50 pounds. I kept telling myself that as soon as my son became an adult that I would get back into competition mode. There was no question, that’s who I am. That’s what I live to do. It helped that my son played football when he was in school. He’s like a baby Mike Tyson – he was also my training partner. He motivated me, I motivated him. Then he outgrew me and is now folowing his own path. So there went my training buddy, .
My husband (bless his heart) feigns support, but really wishes that I would just give it up and be happy the way that I am. When he met me I was competing, so he knows how passionate I am about it. I guess it was his hope that I’d let it go. But that’s another issue in itself. I guess what I’m saying is I feel very alone in this journey, really no one to share it with. That is except for my Mom. She is my biggest fan, and believe it or not she still teaches aerobics 4 days a week at 72 years old! She is my role model for never giving up.
So for me to be at the place where I am now and in the current shape that I’m in is really, really difficult for me. Seeing women on this site who are where I used to be is a tough pill to swallow. It’s gotten to the point where I’m pushing myself beyond my comfort zone. I mean, I’m a trainer for God’s sake, I know that this weight will not come off overnight. But I’m also a perfectionist, and I believe that the rules don’t apply to me when it comes to getting my body back where it was. But when it gets to the point that I’d even let the words come out of my mouth that I would consider starving myself to get myself back, I know it’s time to take a step back and put things in perspective.
To take a note from one of Jul’s blogs, while I’m fretting about my fat, people are worrying about feeding their kids, keeping their homes out of foreclosure, putting gas in their cars, you name it. I think that God gives all of us an opportunity to redirect ourselves in this maze of life, if we just listen and follow his lead.
So as I was gagging on my egg whites this morning, preparing myself for another day at work filled with the same questions day in and day out (Why do you want to lose weight, why do you want to look “like that”, etc, never an ounce of support) I had to ask myself “WHY”? And my obvious answer is because I can and this is what I was blessed to do. I believe that God cut me from a unique cloth, and put me on this path for a reason. When I’m in the gym or at a client’s house training them, and they are actually seeing results because they believe in themselves and their potential because of me, I understand. I accept that responsibility gladly, and have made a promise to myself that from this day forth, I will take one day at a time (so easy for me to tell other people yet so hard for me to follow). I will put no undue pressure on myself, I will follow my diet as planned, I will burn my 500 calories a day as planned, and I will reclaim myself. I will put into action a tenet that my mother has preached to me all of my life “Let Go And Let God”. I am blessed beyond belief and I’d better start acting like it. In no way do I want God to feel that I’m complaining, but I know that he doesn’t think that. He knows my heart and my struggles. Turning all of this over to him will lift a burden off my shoulders, and I know that’s what he’d want me to do. So God, here it is……
So thanks fellow bb family for reading and supporting. Jul, make no mistake, I’m still in it and I will be the Last Man Standing!
Blog Entry
Sunday, July 27th, 2008I so hate to do this, but I’m uploading a "beginning" butt and calf shot. Lots of work to be done…….. Nope, took em down. Gotta load some pictures that I can at least look at and not feel depressed.
DAY THREE - WHEW!!!
Sunday, July 27th, 2008Well, I have to admit that I’m amazed at myself. I hit the cardio two days in a row (sorry I could not get my a@@ in gear for the first day)! What a bummer, but hey, I’m human. I must say that the cardio challenge might actually be a blessing in disguise!! I track my time and calories expended. My goal, you know, is to burn 500 calories a day, so right out of the gate, I have a 500 calorie deficit. Anyhoo, met my goal of 500 yesterday and today, and I knocked 5 minutes off my time to boot! Woo, I’m scared of me!!! It’s my plan to recoup the 500 calories by adding 100 to the rest of my workouts through Friday. I’m going to make the effort, but I don’t know if it’s gonna happen. Just have to wait and see. Diet wise, clean as a whistle. As we speak I’m using my Popeil rotisserie to sear my chicken breasts, while I’m steaming veggies and microwaving brown rice. Good luck you guys!
READY, SET - LET’S GO!!!!!!!!!
Friday, July 25th, 2008Before I post any details, I’d like to thank julofthenile and lovejones for coming up with this idea and allowing me to be a part of it. Thanks, ladies!
Now, back to business. I intend to complete both challenges, in the following manner:
Challenge 1 - Last Man Standing
I intend to eat really clean, no cheat days for me. I’ll eat 5-6 meals a day, 2 of those being a protein shake. I’m going to do 40/30/30, at times 50/25/25 (I need the protein for the muscle I’m attempting to build). My carbs will consist of brown rice, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, ya da ya da ya da. My protein will come from either a farm or from the sea (chicken, egg whites, any type fish that I can get my hands on. I’m going to supplement with Ultra 40’s in place of any lean red meat. My fat will come from flax seed oil or heavy creams and almonds. I’ll eat a ton of broccoli, cauliflower, salads with olive oil/vinegar. The usual. No bread or pasta is allowed (per Mr. Trainer). I’ll consume a minimum of 80 ounces of water a day - no sodas.
HERE COMES THE HARD PART:
Challenge 2 - BABY GOT BACK!
Boy, do I!!!!!!! This is going to be really, really difficult for me because my goal is to lean out as much as possible while maintaining muscle. I’d like to lose 1-2 inches from my waist, hips and thighs. How am I going to do that you ask? The dreaded (and often hated by weight lifters) "C" word - CARDIO!!!!!! I absolutely HATE cardio, but my goal starting today is to burn 3,000-3,500 calories PER WEEK doing cardio, be it treadmill or eliptical. I’d like to burn 500 calories a day, but if I get a chance and time allows, I’m going to cut that down to 5 days a week, with sessions on Saturday/Sunday, twice a day. This is really going to be tough for me, because I’ll find whatever excuse I can to avoid it. I avoid cardio like the plague, hence the body fat. My stats today: Hips 42", waist 34.5", thighs 26".
I’ll be perfectly honest, the diet is going to be easier for me than Challenge #2, but hey the only way that I’m going to get lean and mean for my show is to do it. SO BRING IT ON!!!
I will be totally truthful with my progress; no cheating. If I miss a day, I’ll post that I did. If I try to hide it, the only person I’m hurting is myself.
So, my engine has been started, and I’m raring to continue! The best of luck to each and every one of us. I’ll be watching you as I know you will me. We can do this; we WILL do this.
Good luck everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE JOURNEY TO THE STAGE HAS BEEN EXTENDED
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008Well BB family, I was humbled last night beyond belief. Read along and I will explain.
As my blog states (or stated until a few minutes ago when I changed it), I am in training for a competition in November of this year. Or at least I thought that I was. Since I’ve never trained for a “REAL” show before, I decided the best thing for me would be the hiring of a professional bodybuilding coach, since I have no idea what the proper techniques are for posing, etc. I’ve got the diet part down as well as the training, but I wanted someone to critique my starting point and let me know if I’m on the right track.
Well, I was introduced to and retained the services of a bodybuilding coach by the name of “Tiger”. He and his wife were competing professionally in the 90’s, and were both named Mr. & Mrs. Illinois. He no longer competes, but instead trains and prepares competitors, many whom have turned pro. So I get critiqued by him yesterday, and he determines: “You’ve got the mass. Now if you continue to stick with your diet and training schedule, you should be tight and lean and ready to take the stage by “APRIL”. I’m like April? I planned to do a show this November! Needless to say, I was beyond disappointed. Being a type “A” personality, I like to think that I’m in control of everything. I mean everything, when it comes to me. So for someone to tell me that I have too much weight and body fat to lose to be ready for a November showing was very humbling. It really forced me to step back and reassess myself. I also had to take a look at the fact that if I’m going to represent him and his hard work on stage, then I owe it as much to him as to myself to make sure that I represent well. And getting on stage with too much weight and body fat is not the way to do it.
To say that I’m depressed and disappointed is putting it mildly. I’ve been following a 16 week out program from Beverly International, and when I talked with one of the reps they told me at the time that I was being very optimistic (based on my stats) and that maybe I needed to focus on a show further in the future. But being me, I just knew that I could get the job done. Well, now I know that’s not going to happen.
Disappointed - yes. Discouraged - no doubt. Ready to give it up - yes. Am I going to? Absolutely not. I get too much inspiration from the people on these boards that have been where I am, and have accomplished what I’m trying to accomplish. BBDiesel, MoJoFit, KatNap and many more women on these boards greatly inspire me. I greatly respect the sacrifices they make and I know that if I’m committed and put in the work, it’ll happen. I can accomplish whatever it is that I put my mind to, because I’m made like that.
So thanks for allowing me to share. You’ll be hearing from me in the future. No doubt. And you know what? Maybe I’ll set my sights on Bev International’s show next Spring. Why not? I’ll be ready won’t I?
Everyone have a blessed day and keep me in your prayers. Now excuse me while I find somewhere to sit and eat this piece of humble pie.
Peace : )
Latest Comment: I just had the SAME discussion with my trainer....
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The Journey: One Day At A Time
Thursday, July 17th, 2008Well, this is only my second week, but I wanted to upload some photos so you can see where my starting point is and how much farther I have to go in 14 weeks. Pray that I can get where I need to be (15% body fat) in order to do well in this show. I’m on the right track, but that devil stays on my shoulder trying to derail me (that devil can be in the form of significant other, co-worker, etc) but I refuse to be swayed or lose my way.
D
Blog Entry
Thursday, July 3rd, 2008I started loading myCreatine a day ago, and it is making me sick as hell. Anybody else have a problem when they started loading? I don’t remember ever being sick like this before. If any one has had this problem let me know if it passes - and if so, when.
Thanks
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