Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

I was chatting with a friend here and I realized I haven’t posted HERE in …well… forever. This morning I weighed in at 305 lbs. That’s 94 pounds lost thus far. Last week I went on vacation and walked 1.5 hours up the beach, at a sub, then walked another 1.5 hrs back down the beach. The year before I could barely walk from my car TO the beach - and even then I had to just sit and watch my kids play in the surf cause I couldnt breathe well enough to play with them. This year I flew kites, looked for seashells, laid out to get some sun, played in the pool with my 2 year old. I’m almost halfway to my goal of 200 lbs gone. So - now ya know.

Ok, on a sorry note - I lost my job last Tuesday, but Im not depressed yet - I didnt lose it because of anything I did, the company was ‘right sizing’ and my agency is working very hard to place me somewhere else and things look promising, so I’m not gonna swing to depression just yet.

I’ll get an updated pic up soon too.

Danielle

I ate crap for a couple of days - and now I’m sick. Sick as in, chest cold, head cold, gross, junkie, sick. I haven’t had a cold in AGES. (I used to keep bronchitis for months at a time). So now I need to figure out how to clean this stuff out of my bod. Back to drinking vinegar shots or something, I don’t know. (Don’t laugh, it was advice from a professional!!)

I just wanted to post and give a huge thanks for all of the encouragement, kind words, and friend requests I received after my last blog. You guys are simply amazing and I can’t thank you enough for being there for me when I needed it the most. Special thanks to Eric, my friend who led me to this site.

 Also, I went on my facebook acct and hey - this was my horoscope:

Leo: Don’t be so hard on yourself if you have a little slip-up this week in working towards a goal. No one can be perfect all the time, you know.

How dead on is THAT???

I just wanted to post and give a huge thanks for all of the encouragement, kind words, and friend requests I received after my last blog. You guys are simply amazing and I can’t thank you enough for being there for me when I needed it the most. Special thanks to Eric, my friend who led me to this site.

 Also, I went on my facebook acct and hey - this was my horoscope:

Leo: Don’t be so hard on yourself if you have a little slip-up this week in working towards a goal. No one can be perfect all the time, you know.

How dead on is THAT???

Ok, over Thanksgiving I gained back up to 352, but then last thursday I was back at 338, so I guess I was ok. But this past weekend was terrible. I had a binge like I haven’t had in a very very very long time. Serious binge. I lost control. Entirely. I *baked* and ate cookies, brownies, JUNK, I did McDonald’s, etc. It wasn’t so much that anything happened to trigger it, I just completely lost all control. Terrible. Sunday night when I came back to Summerville (I’d been at my parents) I was so upset and felt so bad I just took the longest bath of my life and cried, then slept. I hate being this size, I hate losing control that way, I hate that I can’t be a normal person, I hate that I have to fight this every moment of every day for the rest of my friggin life, and I hate that I’m not slim and pretty and normal with a raging great natural metabolism and I really really really hate that I can’t control this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok guys, I haven’t died - Im actually here I’ve just been crazy busy! So, here’s the good news and bad news -

 I’m still losing - yeah! Or, at least, I *was* until Thanksgiving. I got down to 338. I haven’t seen 33 anything 5 years. So yes, I was thrilled to pieces. It’s slow going, but it’s going. But when I came back from my mom’s house for Thanksgiving, I saw 358 on my scale again!!! How does 4 days kill you so much!!! So I had a bannana and coffee for breakfast and I’ll be going back to the gym again tonight and hopefully it’s mostly water weight - we’ll see!!

 No, I still haven’t hired the personal trainer - to be honest, he scares the heck out of me. Not because I’m scared of most people but because I can see myself not liking him and then avoiding the gym to avoid him. UGH.

*hugs* I haven’t quit. I won’t quit. But its SLOW!!!

I joined Pivotal Fitness here in Summerville and I go tonight at 6 for orientation. They’ll do weight, bf, etc and show me how to use their machines. Its a little different, little smaller (though not much) and a little different vibe from Gold’s, but it’s close to home AND work and it’s open 24 hours a day - which is good for my weird schedule. I didnt hire a trainer yet, and the guy who would be my trainer asked me about a million times why I was on a bodybuilder’s diet, but I think I’ll be ok. I wanted to smack him and say ‘Cause it works dammit!!’ but he was way bigger than me and so I let him live He did freely admit to being an ass so I freely admitted to not needing his services for the moment. Maybe later, but not yet. I met another guy, sortof, who said he’d train me, and he’s sexy as all get out so, hey, if Im gonna do it, I may as well be motivated

 But, either way, I joined a gym

Hi all Well, as someone mentioned - my move is over. I guess. I still don’t feel ‘home’ yet - but Im no longer moving. I am still going back to Camden every weekend to plan the Flip Flop Festival. It’s next weekend and I’m so nervous I could throw up. If you guys are from the Columbia, SC area, please come out and support us next Saturday, Oct 27th, in Camden, SC for the festival. More info at http://www.flipflopfest.com

More good news - this morning I weighed and I saw 346.6 - how cool So Im back down some more Its probably all the stair climbing at work and home (I have stairs at home now!). Or, it could be all this walking we’re doing when we go to the beach every Sunday. Its a joy to live so close to the beach

 I’m resolving this week to do more than walk - I want to get back into the core strength training that I can do at home. I can already tell that I’ve lost some strength in my back and I think the loss of muscle may be more of the weight loss than loss of actual fat. Without Tina to tell me my bf %, I just don’t know.

I found out that between my work and my home there’s a YMCA that is supposed to be awesome. Next time I get paid and have a lil extra for reg fees, Im going to go check it out!

 Huge special thanks to everyone that’s keeping up with me and making sure I never quit!!

I ate out a lot, and didnt work out (except moving furniture) so during my move, I put back on 8 pounds. UGH. So last week I went back on my diet and started walking around my neighborhood, and this morning I weighed in at 349 - so woohoo, Im back down! Im going to be searching for some hand weights to keep at home and I think my neighbor offered my hubby the use of his home gym, so while it might be a big surprise for him, *I* may be the one taking him up on his offer!!