Updating :)
Ok, over Thanksgiving I gained back up to 352, but then last thursday I was back at 338, so I guess I was ok. But this past weekend was terrible. I had a binge like I haven’t had in a very very very long time. Serious binge. I lost control. Entirely. I *baked* and ate cookies, brownies, JUNK, I did McDonald’s, etc. It wasn’t so much that anything happened to trigger it, I just completely lost all control. Terrible. Sunday night when I came back to Summerville (I’d been at my parents) I was so upset and felt so bad I just took the longest bath of my life and cried, then slept. I hate being this size, I hate losing control that way, I hate that I can’t be a normal person, I hate that I have to fight this every moment of every day for the rest of my friggin life, and I hate that I’m not slim and pretty and normal with a raging great natural metabolism and I really really really hate that I can’t control this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 10, 2007 at 8:09 am
why cant you control it? You are the only person that can control it. I have been the heavy kid all my life and its my fault. Sure parents have a role when kids are younger but when I became the age to make my own decisions I made the wrong ones. I can only blame myself for being in the shape I am right now. So what do I do now? Do I start whining and blame everything else? Nope I shut up stop whining and take control.
December 10, 2007 at 8:24 am
Honey, you just slipped a little bit. We all have days the we regret. As long as we get up and shake ourselves off, we can jump back on the wagon. This is something that you will doing for the rest of your life but it will get easier. Look at how far you have come. There is no sense in making a u-turn and undoing all your progress. I know you have what it takes to reach your dreams. You just need the time to get there. I am here for you. You know I am cheering for you every step of the way or helping to dust you off when you stumble. I got your back as Ninjabill says. We have habits and a lifestyle to change so know that you are not alone in this struggle. PM, email or call me as often as you need to.
December 10, 2007 at 8:27 am
I just read your blog!Don’t get discouraged! Just keep moving forward don’t look back with regret at the weekend! Everybody backslides sometimes! Hang in there!! Have you talk to a therapist? Maybe that will help you with controling the problem! I understand what you are saying about not being able to control it! I was Bulimic for many years and someone once told me to make up my mind and just STOP doing it!! I said, No, you don;t understand, Im sick and Can’t stop! Well, one day I decided to Stop! Its a constant struggle but, I stopped! I fall back ocassionally….but, I Realize that my mind is a Vey Very strong thing and if you keep telling your self you "can’t" you won’t! Try talking to someone, or getting some help for yourself!! Be strong Mentally and you will see Major changes in your life!! ~Beth
December 10, 2007 at 8:40 am
Yikes….. I understand that it can all be overwhelming, and I’m sorry for using a cliche but this is a marathon and not a sprint. Changes don’t happen overnight and setbacks happen. The only thing I can suggest is to get up this morning and get back at it. Attitude has a lot to do with it as well. If you approach it like "well sh!t I have to go to the gym" or "chicken & broccoli again" you’ll never succeed. Try and keep a positive outlook on your training and dieting - You say you hate being this size, but 338 is quite a drop from your starting rate and you should be proud of what you’ve already accomplished - how many people do you know that can say they’ve lost 62lbs? And every now and again it helps to have a good rant, that’s what this place is for…….
December 10, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Hey girl guess what??? You are as normal as anybody on this site. Everyone struggles with eating and if they say they don’t they are lying. Everyone also has binges…it happens!! Don’t kill yourself over it….just jump right back on the proverbial horse and get back on track. Put it behind you dear on move on. You’ll stumble a whole lot of times so don’t worry about it. You’re doing fantastic!! And who says you’re not pretty??? You are very pretty and from what I’ve seen you are also a very nice person. So you’re not a Barbie Doll…who cares!!! You;re not a Troll either so don’t sweat it!!
December 10, 2007 at 3:29 pm
I just did the same thing. 1 week ago was family cookie day. cookies, pizza, wine and verious other naughty things all day long. Then there were cookies in my house. for 3 days I had cookies replaceing many many of my meals. I have stopped and am totally back on the wagon. How did I stop? I got so very very sick. My body freaked out on all the sugar and fat and I was beyond ill. So now each time I watch someone eating a naughty tidbit I think back to how horrible i felt and how much it hurt. If that does not work. I grab one, take a bite and throw the rest away before i start to chew. Amazing enough I am then ok for the rest of the day with one bite.