cawiau’s BodyBlog

it was easy as taking a pill and I would wake up with a 6 packs! But yet I wonder, would I appreciate the process as much!

I wish I did not have man boobs, but wouldn’t I be missing the planning, hard work, stress, depression, happiness mixture!

I wish I was not obese to start with… but I wouldn’t not know what rock bottom was and disdain in the eyes of friends, family and strangers!

I wish for so much… but yet, at the end of the day, I appreciate my struggles, they may weight me down at times, but I grow stronger!

I might be depressed, but I learned how to go thru the darkness!

I wish, I wish, and I wish… but nothing can beat hard work, sweat and tears!

The road is not easy to travel, at every turn you just want to stop and take a brake, it seems that you will never reach your final destination! You ask yourself why, how, maybe, if! The questions, the doubts, the failures: they are unwanted guests that keeps your company!

Along the way, you meet brothers and sisters that have given up and accept their current situation as their faith, you will find others that keep on hoping for that magical solution, some are still trying…. And far ahead of you, you see those that have succeed and telling you that you can do it!

This is the journey that I travel every day and with millions of other members of the FAT NATION! We strive to reach that goal, we cry ourselves to sleep at night, stepping out of the door we feel that the world is looking at us. We get used to the looks, the disgusting smiles, the little jokes… they eat away at our self esteem and yet push us to want to change!

The journey is not easy, the temptations are at every corner… yet some of us keep pushing. Will we reach the promise land someday? Or will this be another attempt that leads to failure?

Until then we try to ignore the nasty comments, the dirty looks, go home and cry ourselves to sleep…. And dream of a better future where we are no longer an outcast!

I find it a bit funny that I am writing about Portion Control on the Eve of the 4th of July! But seriously, if you planed to just pig out like there was no tomorrow, I say go for it!

First I will be honest… WHAT THE **** IS PORTION CONTROL?  Because here I am writing about portion control when seriously I don’t have a clue what exactly what it is suppose to mean… But I will take a lucky guess, might be wrong, so feel free to correct me: It is eating enough to survive but not enough to be considered a pig! Am I close?

My mother in law love this french saying that goes : Il faut manger pour vivre, pas vivre pour manger. It was in a famous play and translate into English it state : You have to eat to live, not live to eat. And until last year I can honestly tell you I was doing the exact opposite, I was living to eat, not eat to live!

I believe I am not the only one that did this or still doing this… if I am, **** that is sad! Till one year ago when I hit my high of 335 lbs, and saw my wedding  and honeymoon pictures, I was eating till I felt my stomach is full… You know that point where you know if you were stupid enough to put just another bite in your mouth you are going to live to regret it. Or basically, you feel that you are fool: either by being sick, sleepy, etc.

That was my trigger to know I have eaten enough, but then I realize, maybe I am going at this the wrong way! I am sure by now you realize that I am not going at this like a scientific and using bunch of crazy words to say something right?

Good because this is from the point of view of ME, you know the FAT GUY, and what I thought was a great way to control MY PLATE and so far it freaking works! Might not work for you, so remember to find you own thing… I am only a fat ass talking!

Now back on the subject… oh yeah, me eating till I had to puke was my trigger to know that it was enough! Ok, I heard of chewing slowly, never tried it. To me, seating down and eating for an hour gets on my nerves. I am usually the first one done eating, but hey give it a try, might work for you. Drink water, tried that in the past… I just end up puking more water then food! Calorie counting… great stuff and I swear by it, but since I can’t be walking around with a scale all the time, it was kinda getting in the way! Sorry but those websites have no idea what Haitian food usually contains as calorie:rolleyes:

Now what works for me: I just freaking dealt with it. Meaning, I started slowly but surely cutting bike. I did not like it at first, heck I hated it… but you know what, I also started to need less and less food to feel me up! Also snacking work great! Hey before you go and be eating candy like they are going out of style for snack and say I told you so… I mean HEALTHY SNACK!

You know, apple, banana, tomatoes, carrot sticks… yes, those things that your mama had to force you to it! Now you got to force yourself to eat it!  You might hate it, I know you will, but believe me, it does your body some good! I am not sure it does, but alot of doctors say it does and I am sure their MD is better reference then my fat ass!

So yeah, portion control is quite simple, I don’t get the big issue! You just eat less then what you usually eat and try not to eat like food is running out (even if the media wants you to believe that).

So again here are a few things:
-> Drinking plenty of water (I drink water but not to make me less hungry, but hey might work for you) because they say that sometimes you are just thirsty not hungry! I disagree with that one because I know when I am hungry and when I am thirsty…and there is no way in hell I can confuse them!

-> Take a first plate smaller then usual instead of adding enough food to feed a family of 5. That is for people going to eat at those all you can eat buffet’s. You know you can always go back right, no need to fill up your first plate so much that 2 people need to carry it!

-> People talk about making 1/3 of the plate salad, 1/3 protein, 1/3 carb or something like that. I say eat the boring stuff first, boring meaning salad, veggies, etc… you know the stuff that us FAT NATION tend to stay away from. Fill you stomach up with that first, then go back for the good stuff, you know the greasy fatty heart attack worthy stuff, later on, most likely to eat less of it and not as tempted to eat to much.

-> Calorie counting, good stuff if you have the patience and time for it. And use a scale, not the measurements cups!

-> And remember… unless you are at a house/party where there is only enough food for 5 when there is 15 of us there, there is no reason to be eating like the food is about to run out.

P.S: FAT guy personal opinion expressed! You got issue with it, I got issue with my ass… so beat it!

* the idea expressed here are those of a fat man in a journey to understand himself and changes his habits. If they offend you, so be it*

Oh mom, dad, uncles and aunties…. I love you all so much but you have to take some blame in this. Sorry, but I am fat enough that I can share the blame, enough lbs in me to go around. So, instead of naming names, I will make this a general "you had a hand in this" award to every person in my family that every utter those words to me. And also, for every other person that was victim of that in the FAT NATION.

A little background, I was born in Haiti which is a third world country some of you may have heard of. So let’s say a great amount of the population is living below poverty level. I have met a few of those in that general population, and while I never had to go without food a day in my life, I felt their pain.

Now imagine that and your parents or family not understanding proper "portion" for a child, keep on telling you that you need to clean up your plate because allot of people in the country are going without. Wasting food was like a sin in my house growing, just unacceptable. In a way I understood, we were grateful that our parents/families were blessed to be able to afford a certain lifestyle for us, because we knew of family members that would go days without eating, so wasting food…. NO!

And I realize some of my FAT NATION brothers and sisters have gone thru the same thing growing up. They may have not lived in Haiti, but Africa, China or other third world country was used as a reference as to why you should not waste food. And after you hear that over and over, clean up your plate, clean up your plate, it sticks with you.

You don’t believe me? I am a grown ass man, that is married and pay my own freaking bills, so I can waste food like I want! WRONG. Till this day I cannot throw away food, seriously. My plate is always clean, even if I have to force myself to eat the last few bites to the point I felt sick!

If I am the one putting food in my plate, I usually put less then what I think I will need then if I am still hungry I will add some more. Or even better when I am counting calories, so I do not go overboard. This issue usually arrive when I go to someone else house or party and they fix me a plate, or my wife decide that my ass is running late and she needs to clean up "her" kitchen, so she fix me a plate so she can clean up…. Then I end up with a plate that is too much, and I cannot get ride of it.

Might sound like an excuse, so be it.  But for me, it is my reality. I am mentally incapable of throwing out food. My wife will even go, you don’t have to eat, I will put it away or throw it out. I won’t let her. My wife hate eating sleep over food (reason why she cooks every day) or maybe not hate but get sick from it. So she used to throw out food often before we moved in together.

She admitted that only happened once since  we have been living together and that because my black ass was not home. I will eat every left over in the fridge before I cook up new food because I am not throwing away good food.  But the funny thing is, I am only like this with food. Every thing else, I throw away as soon as I don’t need it anymore. This is why my wife have three times the amount of things I have, I am not a pack rat or sentimental about "things".

So how can I get over this block? My brothers and sisters, I don’t know how you did it, but for me… it was portion control. And that will be the next subject….

And note if you have kids, be careful about the "Cleaning up your plate" statement, or they might end up like me… full after eating 1/4 of the plate and forcing themselves to finish the remaining 3/4 at freaking 24!

*this is another post from a fat guy point of view*

First I have to say this, and some other fat people might not agree or still be in denial : but unless you have some serious medical issues (like a ****ed up thyroid system)  or on some crazy medication (My cousin gained 60 on a medication, took 8 months to lose it) you did not get fat by not eating anything.

Sorry my sisters and brothers of the FAT NATION, we need to stop lying to ourselves. Took me about 2 years to admit it and since then it is has been a struggle to find the right balance. I still meet people that say: I don’t eat that much… Yeah, let me guess: you skipped breakfast? and for lunch you grabbed something at the fast food joint? And of course you have been so busy all day that you are not eating dinner till like 8-9 PM? And of course it is a nice portion to make up for the lack of food throughout the day?

Look I get it… and even till this day I find myself skipping meals and when I finally get to eat, I just go crazy! Yesterday was a prime example: I had breakfast at 7 AM before leaving for work, eggs and toast.  At about 10:45 I had a protein bar, and that is when hell broke loose. I was running up and down all day and by the time 5:00 PM came around, I was hungry!

Honestly, I could have eaten a cow! And I told my wife: Honey, I am way too hungry to wait for you to cook dinner, I am picking up something on my way home (My wife was leaving work at 5:30)…so picked up cheese pizza (wife is vegetarian) and dozen hot wings!  And I got myself a party!

Also, another thing about when you are hungry…. you eat quick! So only know you are past the point full when that pizza and chicken wings are gone and you feel that you are about to get ride of that food the same way it came in! I always fall for that every time and my wife complains about it each time. Sorry, but when I am hungry, chewing is the last of my worries, getting that food in is primary! So before I knew it, my wife came over and said, you know you just eat close to 1680 calories in one sitting… I may have not notice but my stomach definitely did, just a bit too late.

Anyway back to the story: We do overeat, we just don’t pay attention to how much we eat! That is when food journal, diaries come into question. Seriously, pay attention to how much you eat and before you know it, you will be so conscious of it that you will slowly but surely start cutting back, eliminating a few things.

But please unless you have some serious medical issues or on some serious medication, the : I don’t eat that much line does not work. And the people you are saying it too might be polite and nod, smile, be sympathetic, but in the back of their mind they are thinking: Yeah right, who are you fooling