cawiau’s BodyBlog

They tell you all the time: Don’t mistake the trees for the forest…yet in weight loss you have to change your mentality just to go through the motion. You have to stay focus on the trees just before you can see the whole forest!

Why? Simple….at the beginning of this I was 335 lbs, and as of this morning I am 273 lbs. Great you say? Maybe not so! If I go by the trees, I would be happy! 62 lbs is awesome…and I should be excited and proud….

Yet, as soon as the excitement of the weight loss comes over me, it is followed by the realization that I have about 100 lbs to lose before I can say I am there! Talk about killing the mood!

At times, it is so easy to get lost in the difficulties of the weight loss and the challenge ahead of you that you get depressed! I mean come on, after what I have been thru to lose 62 lbs, and to think that I have 100 more to lose. Geeh, I might ass well give up now and eat some ice cream while watching LAW and ORDER!

So I cam up with this little thing where I just take it one month at a time! I set little goals and try to reach them each month! Let me plant my trees  and weight for the forest to to come into full view!

Sometimes it is upsetting, confusing, frustrating… but I have to remember: Not the forest…just the trees!

I did not workout yesterday or do cardio this morning because I was in Jersey! My mom called me at about 1 to tell me one of my cousin was in the hospital and he was dead! They don’t know what killed him, he just died!

Out of nowhere…He was in his mid thirties, healthy and seemed okay! The day before yesterday he was at my aunt house and my mom said he looked just fine and was joking with my other cousins! They even got into a discussion about politics and Obama!

He left and went home to his wife. She said he was okay and got up in the morning to go to work like every morning! That is where it got weird! While he was at work he told his boss he was not feeling well and was going outside to get some fresh air and going to take his lunch brake early.

He went and got his lunch and was standing outside about to re-enter the building and just fell! His co-worker said they were talking one moment, the next he was on the floor, passed out. People tried to revive him but by the time the ambulance got there, he was already dead!

The doctors could not give us an answer because it was a strange to them too. He got his annual physical like 2 months ago and he was perfectly fine, no blood pressure, diabetes, etc. He is like my mom a Seven Day adventist, so no drinking, smoking and drugs…and now we are waiting on the autopsy! Might take a couple of days!

This man was 36, married and looked healthy to everyone that knew him. Left his wife to go to work in the morning and was perfectly okay! Before lunch, he dropped dead! She did not get a chance to say goodbye, none of us did. We are all just in shocked and still doesn’t seem real.

Remember to tell your loved ones that you love them, because you never know when will be the last time you see them!

My wife and I are both trying to lose weight, but it seems without trying it turns into this competition! And yes, while it has some pro’s, the con’s are not working for us. Meaning the criticizing of each other diet, the rubbing of one’s weight loss in the other person face, some hurtful things might be said, etc. It’s like without even paying attention, we went from wanting to do this together, to doing this and rubbing it in the other person’s face.

I admit I am to blame for some of the things and my lack of tack in bringing up some of her short comings. She also have her faults. And now with summer around the corner and both of us determined to lose weight, I have a feeling it is only going to get ugly from then on out.

How to keep the peace and lose weight at the same time?

My wife and I are both trying to lose weight, but it seems without trying it turns into this competition! And yes, while it has some pro’s, the con’s are not working for us. Meaning the criticizing of each other diet, the rubbing of one’s weight loss in the other person face, some hurtful things might be said, etc. It’s like without even paying attention, we went from wanting to do this together, to doing this and rubbing it in the other person’s face.

I admit I am to blame for some of the things and my lack of tack in bringing up some of her short comings. She also have her faults. And now with summer around the corner and both of us determined to lose weight, I have a feeling it is only going to get ugly from then on out.

How to keep the peace and lose weight at the same time?

And then get back with my daily life. For some reason last week was the day and I just had to bitch slap myself mentally since I had no body to do it for me physically!

I have been in this rut, feeling all depressed and shitty. Basically saying screw you to the diet and everything, when I realized that 5 months into this since beginning of 2009, I only lost a grand total of 0 lbs! But after my bitch slap, I am down 5 lbs, so you see bitch slap are affective!

I am not getting into the details of me being depressed and all, but to sum it all up: I felt like a failure. I felt it took me like forever to lose the first 50 lbs and to think that I have to lose another 100…and thinking of the battle and sacrifices coming up did not make it easy. Also other events helped along, feeling like a fat ass, etc.

Anyway, a good Bitch Slap is looking at yourself and being disgusted with what you see enough to seriously want to take it Pimp Style and Bitch Slap yourself if you could physically do it. Not disgusted and resolved to live like this for the rest of your life, but disgusted and wanting to get off your ass and do something about it!

Disgusted enough to hate what you have become with such a passion that you are ready to move mountains to make it happen and reach that goal that you have set for yourself. Disgusted enough that you say : Damn it, enough is enough, I may not look like I want too today but by GOD I will someday and the only thing that will get in my way is GOD himself.

And People, I had a serious come to Jesus moment… I have been going at this long enough, the self pity parties are so ineffective that taking the time in your day to go thru the motion is a serious waist of personal time, not to mention the person that is helping you throw that pity party to begin with.

So, the bitch slap was quite effective and next time I need one, I am going to look around for a Serious Pimp and pay him to BITCH slap me for good this time. I am tired of this old dance: one step forward, two steps back…and when you look back, you are way behind then where you actually started. My case, went on my first diet at 17-18, went from 255 to 225….a couple of years later, I was at 335! Yes, effective diet wasn’t it, I went one step forward to 225 and before I knew it, I was two steps back at 335.

The Dance of the short term goals, why? Because once you achieve that goal you get lazy and seat on your ass, and little by little, you add the weight that you have been killing yourself to lose in half if not less time it took you to lose it. Yes, only a few minutes to destroy a house (explosive) that it may have taken years to built!

Who else need a bitch slap? If you are too chicken for the real thing (like me), a good mental bitch slap is as effective!

Ok, seriously this is turning into an addiction…seriously, I am addicted to the scale, how stupid is that? But it is so true!

I weight myself when I just wake up, after using the bathroom, after taking a shower, after lunch, before and after the gym, before and after going to the bathroom, just passing by the bathroom…seriously in a day I can weight myself up to 10 times and it got to stop! And there is no better way then cold turkey.

I understand my addiction: I tend to give myself some room to cheat when I don’t have to worry about the scale, which reads weight increase. And the times that I gained the most weight were when I never used a scale or made sure to stay away fromt hem. It’s like every time I weight myself it is a re-assurance that I have to keep doing what I am doing, motivate me to go to the gym, work harder, eat healthy, etc. But that obsession cannot be to healthy!

So starting today, I am not touching that scale till the beginning of next month. There is no better way to brake an addictiont then cold turkey! And maybe I will see a big number that will make me jump, because with my obsession, my losses have beenv between 0.5 and 1 lbs! After all, how much can you lose every day or half day when you are always on the scale checking. Bye Bye for now dear scale, I will miss you!