cawiau’s BodyBlog

Seriously, I believe it is obvious…I am fat! DUH! But some people thanks that somehow that passed by me and I never realised. Thank you for being so nice, but believ eme I got the memo a long time ago, and that is the reason I am here, it is to change that.

 HansSteiner…a member of this site, went thru all the trouble of adding me on MSN just to send me messages about how fat I was! And ad if this was not enough…he sent me a private message.

http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/HansSteiner/

“adcvice: delete that pics it looks super disgusting. In germany we don?t want see fat blobs. And its on the main page of the side at moment and its just bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
“No comrade. Just at school and we surfed here and then saw you fat ****** blob and had good laugh. My comrades and me can?t stop lauging.
If you would jump down a building, you would form like a drop of water ha ha”

Thanks but seriously, you spent way too much energy on me. I know that thank you and yes I got the memo. By the way, I couldn’t care less about how they do think in Germany.  Unless it is against bb.com policy, I believe I will keep posting my pictures. If you have an issue with that, please don’t look at them. I don’t want to insult your sense of what is right or your way of doing things in Germany.

 Now, let me get back to my life…

I seriously believe there was a convention somewhere between all the top notches in spinning and they decided to find a way to keep fat people out of that class. And no better way than to make it seriously uncomfortable for us…I mean my ass just can’t take those seats! Screw you people! I mean seriously, what would be wrong with better searts and padded ones at that

 But you know what, screw it! I have been to my fourth class so far and I am staying! Make the seat skinny, it is okay! I have a fat ass, it surely can take it! And what are those things to put your feet in….so not feasible! But I manage, I just turn them upside down and ride them like that…

 Try to keep me out, but I am going to keep on coming back! I am going to melt this fat "in your keep fat people out" spinning class and I going to hate/love every minute of it!

So far, so good! I have managed to eat well most of the time, let’s say about 70%!

 The weight is down, so hoping it will keep going down. I see some folks at my gym working out and all and at times I am envious…but I know that with due time and putting in the time/effort, I will get to where I want to be.

I make sure to eat clean on a regular basis, cardio at least 3-4 times a week and yes eat clean! Lifting is good, and finding time to go to the gym more often.

 1 day at a time, and hopefully I will keep at it 1 lb at a time till I drop the remaining 100 lbs!

I need to get out, seriously! I have been feeling like a total failure, what else can I say, and it has been getting to me. Feeling down, eating crap and not making it to the gym, after all what is the point….I am going to turn right back and put it back on!

I still want this, need this…just feel like it is an uphill battle with no end in sight! It’s like every day I keep on pushing and pushing and get nothing back in return. Yes, I lost 50 lbs, but it took me 8 months to do it…that is about 5 lbs on a monthly basis. And I am thinking about everything, it just get me a bit depressed.

 I guess all I can do or have to do now is take it one day at a time, 1 lb at a time and 1 meal at a time. Slowly I have been trying to get out of this funk….threw away food that my mom cooked for us(great food but bad for you), been making ti to the gym now and have done cardio! I figured out that when I look at the future and see the energy and work it will require, it depressed me because I am thinking: How the hell did I get myself in this situation? And it is not something I can fix in 12 weeks, or 15 or 30. This is a lifelong battle.

 The best way to attack it is to take it one step at a time, one battle at a time and day at a time. The future will come regardless, maybe my best bet is to focus on the present.