Losing my mind :o
I am slipping away, I can feel it! Or better yet, I know it!
It is that time in my life were I get so busy and I start making priorities, and in the mist of all those priorities, something start slipping away…start with being too tired to head out to the gym or reading those two chapters during that time will be better than hitting the gym!Or geesh, let me just grab something on the way there, quicker!
Or geesh, this will be quicker than the healthier choice! I am too tired to cook!It started, and I have nobody or nothing to blame but myself! School started, 6 classes, 18 credits! I need them, I have to ace all of them! My future depends on it, my ego depends on it! Yet, I want to be fit, I want to hit the gym!But adding work to the program makes it harder! I can’t quick, because I have a plan for that cash!
But fitness is important, and what a career or money may do for me if I am diabetic? Or die of a heart attack before I am 30?Here I am, sitting here 3 AM, with 2 books open in front of me, ready for another night of studying!
My computer on the other side, a few website open! And I start thinking about my upcoming week….6 classes, about 15 chapters to read, 2 papers due, 2 group studies to attend, work, and I want to hit the gym!How do I tackle it? What do I do? And how do I do it? Am I going crazy? Am I losing it? I need all of them, some more than others!
Education is important to me and my family, yet so is my health! Work? I can go without it for awhile and my wife agrees, but I feel like less of a man when she is the only one bringing home the bacon! I am used to providing for her, coming up with the cash…and that is not about to change!
Geesh, not again! I have missed two weeks, basically since school open! I was too tired after work, or had too much to do, have not slept in more than 24 hours, why hit the gym?
I make logic out of my insanity! I convince myself that the choice is right for now! But why do I feel like shit? Here I am 3:30 AM, wanting to hit the gym at 7:00 AM when they open!
But also, I am in chapter 2 of my English reading, wanted to get to chapter 4 by 7AM!
-> Have 3 chapters to read for my Industrial Organizational Psychology class…what do I do?
->Macroeconomics is waiting…
->Financial planning, that is easy, just need to read Chapter 6 for this week and review the past chapters and problems!
->Business Law, my favorite…but geesh, so many things to remember!
->Urban planning, darn I still haven’t started that paper!
*And I need to hit the gym….what do I do! Take the two hours brake as necessary "me" time or hit the books?
How about the wife? She has been complaining about me not paying attention to her? What to do, a quickie or a full hour of love? But I could have hit the gym? Do we cuddle or I just hit the books right after?
She wants to go out to eat tomorow, good, but that takes so long!
Friends are texting that they have not heard from me! Damn, social life is slipping, what to do? family are calling to make sure I am not dead…my mom is mad because unless she calls me I don’t call her! Father thinks I have issues!
I have yet to ski since winter started….should we go?The wife want to go away, okay, but when?I have 6 classes, and I need to ace all of them, what do I do?But I need to study for the LSAT and GMAT….and if lucky will be able to do a joint JD/MBA program!
The wife gave me the list of school she is applying to for her Phd next year, I have yet to review it to see what are good law and business school that are around them that I could apply too!And time is passing!
And I am 280 lbs, that can’t be healthy! Need to lose that weight!How is our finances? Took 25K out of our ROTH IRA to cover some expenses, wise or not! What was I thinking?
But back to the weight, 280 or more, heck might be more! I don’t know but hope not…it was 280 two days ago! But what do I know?The wife said she can’t go to the gym in the morning has two tests this upcoming week! And for the amount of money we are paying for her Masters in Public Health, she need to pass them!
Heck, below a 3.0 she is kicked out of her program! But why do I worry?She is smart, that is what attracted me to her! But I worry, too much money for a masters and she have one year too go than her PhD!
At least it is cheaper than med school, but than after all, she is still undecided about med school! She did well on the MCAT, she is just not sure if she really wants to be a Doctor anymore! Also, she hates loans!
She feels she was going toward it to please her mother, explains the bachelor in Biology! Talking of mother in law, she feels I told her daughter to forget about med school, she is disappointed! But why would I do that?
Geesh, In laws! If I ever get divorced, not getting married again!
Had to attend that boring party for her cousin that is running for office again! such a show off, dropping names!Had to post pictures of him at the inauguration last week! Pictures with him with hilary, gov Patterson, mayor of Louisiana, etc! I am happy for you but don’t need you to ask the Senator Smith for a job for me! Yes, got me pissed when he asked me for my resume for that purpose!
I have never accepted hand outs and not about to start! Did I say I could not stand the guy? I don’t know, rubs me the wrong way!Yes, In laws, not doing again!
Seriously!Here I am 3:57 AM, half of a chapter done, debating if I should post this or not! Still have it open…not sure anyone wants to read about my rambling!The gym, will I go?
Or should I just go? I think my English teacher is crazy, but what do I know! As long as he helps me with my writting and grammar so I can write my essays for Law school, I am a happy camper!
Financial Manager teacher, she is hot! Always found smart woman hot! Yeah, my wife proves that! Sorry but the hottest chick in the world can walk up to me and if her conversation cannot be intellectual, I am turned off!I would bang her, but not marry her!
Something about intellectual foreplay that just turns me on! A educated discussion always leads to great sex with the wife, and if we disagree, even better sex!
But about sex…I need to get laid as soon as the wife gets up! Brother needs to relax, stressing too much!
Back to the gym, will I go or not! Mmmm, 4:01 AM now, gym opens in 3 hours! How about my diet? Should I eat before I go? What?
English, need to finish reading that thing! And a paper to write, about what? What subject of Grammar merits a 4-6 pages paper….thank god it is not due till April!Might have to pick my wife brains for that one!
At the end of the day this is my life:
–> A never ending discussion with myself….due to the fact I was an only child for 17 years! Yes, parents waited 17 freaking years before giving me a brother followed by a sister less than a year later! WTF?
–> Priorities, always priorities! What can be done now and what can wait till later!
–> Always on the go! I love and hate it!
–> Will I hit the gym or not?
–> Enter calories on fitday….
February 1, 2009 at 3:06 am
You can’t deny you’re body and well being those 45 minute’s.You can be such an inspiration to many people.Your comment’s inspired me.You have come along way and you should be proud of that.What i found out is i may not alway’s have time to make it to the gym.But I got the same satisfaction doing 45 min at home in my room. There is all sort’s of body weight exercise’s you can do.So don’t limit you’re self to thinking you have to go to the gym to work out.Stay strong my friend.
February 1, 2009 at 3:32 am
I hope for your sake you do not lose your motivation for a fit lifestyle.The weight loss you have acheived so far is very apparent in your most recent comparison photos.I have been around a long time and I have seen examples time after time that if you do not have your health,all the money in the world is useless.If I were you,I would shut the dam books,turn on some good rock music,and follow Mlsimmons’s advice and do some exercises right then and there.A mind is a terrible thing to waste,but it is much more terrible to wast a life.Good luck.
February 1, 2009 at 2:48 pm
When we get busy it’s easy to lose focus on our fitness goals. Now is the time that matters the most. It’s the day when we want to be in the gym/working out that matter the most because we know in the end we will reap the benefits of our hard labor. Focus on the goals, keep your intensity and good luck balancing life out. It’s hard, no question about that.
February 2, 2009 at 12:24 am
HI! hmmm just checking up on you and I find you spinning your wheels! yikes! worry will not take you anywhere… so stop that worrying and channel that into action. To create a habit you will need to repeat it 50 times, so working out will be 50 times, organizing your schedule 50 times, scheduling time for buying healthy food , cooking all of it a minimum of 50 times. right? this is what works for me every morning I will send my husband (you can also send it to yourself) a task list of TODAY’S activities ok?
1. work on "x" class assignment [1:00] hour
2. go to the gy [ 1:00 hour]
3. Buy groceries [ 1: 00 hour]
and try to follow them, you will feel better about accomplishing your daily goals and you will find that you have more time thank you think. ALSO very important is your FOOD! I heard the word tired a lot on this post, that means you are not feeding your body properly …you need to plan what you will snack at 2am you need brain food not junk food. I sound like a nag but I really want you to pull through this list of worries. peace,s
February 2, 2009 at 4:29 am
Thanks everyone, I received some great suggestion there and I appreciate all of them!
Will try my best to implement some of the ideas!
February 9, 2009 at 10:58 am
Fitness was the last thing on my mind during the high school/college years. Now I know that it should have at the top! You may have to really do some serious time management, but you’ve got to take care of yourself for yourself and the family. It will work out! Be encouraged, brother!