cawiau’s BodyBlog

I got new shoes yesterday (my old ones were no good) and I decided to put to motivate myself to actually use them, I needed a challenge! And here comes the 250 Miles Challenge…My goal is to put 250 Miles on my new shoes by New Year Eves. I have started other challenges in the past and gave up …but this one I intend to complete.

I started today!

I finally got tired of going 1 step front and 2 steps backword…at this rate, I will never loose this weight and I will be 38 and over 400 close to 500 lbs! And this is a prospect I really don’t like. It is hard enough as it is with my back problems!

 Anyway, I informed the wife today that starting tomorow I am going to start eating healthy, strictly healthy! Basically my plan was to have my oatmeal with toast in the morning, chicken with salad or brocoli for lunch and repeat for dinner. In between I will have fruits, peanut, cashews, etc. as snack.

She was insulted and said that if her cooking was not good enough for me? or did I feel she was making me fat? I said of course not, it is just I want to try this and see what is in it! And I would offer her, but I know she would not want too because that would require to eat the same thing everyday and knowing her she would not like that.

She agreed but not before telling me that once I get off this diet how much weight I would be gaining, etc. Anyway we left it at that and went to the gym, yep she went with me. So I thought we were cool…

As soon as I get back home, she informed me that she is going to cook Lasagna for someday and I was welcome to taste some of it since it would be healthy (turkey instead of ground beef)…and what she was going to cook for thanksgivinng (we are hosting it this year). I informed her not to worry about me on Sunday and that in thanksgiving just make sure to have salad with the turkey and I will be good!

 Anyway, I hope with time she will get over it…now more about my diet. I have been eating somewhat clean for a couple of weeks and ready to take the plunge. I read that the first step to making this a lifestyle instead of a diet is to start seeing food as gas for  the body and just that. You need it to feed your body from braking down.

 And for that they suggest to eat the same thing everyday because this way you have less chance to cheat, and you are more likely to give your body exactly what it needs and nothing else!

 So oatmeal, nuts, brocoli, salad, chicken breast…Here I come. Intend to stick with this for the next 2 months…that would be New Years Eve and revise if needed then!

Here is the thing, I have tried my best to stop talking to my wife about weight loss and have been doing a good job so far! Now I have a suspicion she is trying to sabotage my progress!

I am losing weight little by little each day while my wife is gaining. That makes her mad like crazy and I still say nothing. Yesterday she even started crying after weighing in and all I did is comfort her. She is her heaviest ever.

But last night she cooked pasta after I told her I was on strict diet from now on because I have a goal for a wedding on November 29, 2008. So, I told her to just give me the chicken of the pasta and I will eat it with salad. She was mad but I guess she will get over it!

 Today for dinner she did burgers! Since it is beef, I decided to eat it without the bread! Move forward…now she put candy out and decided that she is in the mood for a cake and baking one as I type! I seriously believe she is trying to sabotage my progress and I am here trying to be the bigger person and not say a thing!

 I am an emotional eater…and this is making me want to eat because I am so upset! So staying away from the kitchen…even if I had some m&m’s already and feeling bad about it!

This seriously sucks!

I know it and there is no denying it…I don’t have a nice size chest, no six pack, peak in my biceps, or that definitions on my legs. Instead, I have a nice big gut, chest that is bigger than some women breast, a fat ass and some fat legs! Put in simpler words I am a fat guy!

I know it, and the rest of the people looking at my pictures knows it! I take pictures in my underwear because I thought this way I would be able to see progress…you know, a few inches here and there, chest size going down, etc. I thought that was the way to do it…the guys and girls in top shape don’t mind, heck sometimes I see more than I care for. But it seems that when you are over a certain size it is "taboo".

I am not totally naked, my privates are covered, unless you consider my chest or "man boobs" to be privates. Why is it an issue? Why should anyone take offense to that?

I totally understand the self esteem issues that comes with being fat, but I do not suffer of these issues. I am a confident young man that has no problem taking pictures with my shirt off. I may not be proud of it, but I am not going to hide it. You can read my stats, I am over 300 lbs…it is easy to imagine what 300 lbs look like, I just save you the trouble.

And you know what get me: it is not the fit people that have an issue with it 8/10, but usually the other people like me that are somewhat overweight. Like there is a conduct that all overweight people should follow: pity themselves, have self esteem issues, be unseen.

I am fat, it is not new. Those are my pictures and I do not find them upsetting. They help me track my progress, how small they may be. If they do by any means upset you, please stop looking at them. But there is no way I will stop taking them by respect for me and my values.