I have a little brother (5) and a little sister (4) [yep, my mom remarried, obvious by the age difference right] and they are the love of my life. I mean seriously, I would give my life for those kids in a hearbit…they mean so much too me. I woulnd’t care if I don’t have any kids because they are like my kids.
Anyway, I spend alot of time with them which is the reason why we are so close. I don’t need no entertainement with these two around and I already spend a small fortune on them…no joke. My schedule is usually like kiss them goodbye to school, go to work or school come home and spend time with them till they have to go to sleep.
Now with my workout schedule for the past three weeks, I had to leave home before they woke up and came back after they were asleep. So only saw them on weekends and sometime not alot since I run around alot on weekends. Today I came home after work before I head to the gym. Had to give them their giftcards for their teacher since tomorow is their last day of school (another small fortune) and they were so happy to see me.
Here comes the hard part. I had to live for the gym and my sister wrap her arms around me and start crying. She doesn’t want me to leave. My brother wraps his arm around my leg and does the same thing. They are now both crying. My heart is just braking. I stay five minutes more to calm them down and promise them to come home before they head to bed and I will put them to bed. I looked at their tearry eyes before I leave, my sister hugs me one more time and it is so sweet and so gentle that it just tears my hear apart (funnie, tears are coming to my eyes) . I finnally leave but all the time wondering, maybe I could skip this workout and just stay home with them. But still I go.
By the time I get home they all already in bed. I feel bad, really bad. It’s like I left them down. I know by tomorow they will forget about it and they will just be happy to see me. I know they will hug me and kiss and tell me they love me. I know my brother will want to play with me and fight and go ride his bycicle. I know my sister will just want us to lay on the sofa together and watch Dora for the million and ten times. But still, I cannot shake that feeling.
Me not spending as much time with them is killing me. It is yet another sacrifice that I have to make. Yet, I know that by spending less time with them now, I will guarantee that I spend more time with them in the future. I want to hear about my brother first girlfriend, i want to be hear and warn my sister about bad guys and kick their asses. After all, they told my mom the other day that once I move to my own place they are moving with me
This is so hard but I got to do it. I have to choose between spending more time with them now and not being there when they go to middle school, high school, college, get married and make me an uncle. I have been promising them to take them to ride their bikes for weeks now at the park but yet have the time…It is so hard.
I can deal with the food, I can deal with the exercise…those are easy. It is missing those times with your loved ones that are hard. Knowing I could be home wrestling with my little brother or hearing about my sister feud with her best friend at shcool, instead I was at the gym squatting. In a way, I am doing this for them as much as I am doing it for me. They depend on me, they trust me, I am their cool older brother
, they cherish the ground I walk on (You do not know how it feels for someone to look at you and you can see in their eyes how much they love you and cherish you), they are my life and I don’t want to let them down. I don’t want them being sad because I died of a heart attack or diabetes and I don’t want to miss out on their life.
This isn’t easy but God it is hard. They need me…but I need to do this to be there for them. I am doing this as much for me as I am doing it for them. Hope they understand!
View all comments | Leave Comment