caendo’s BodyBlog

Well it’s been a good week so far.  I am fittness mobile again and it’s going well…I have gone on two 5.5 km runs now and am actually surpised at how well my body handled them after little or no working out since July or there abouts.

I have a great friend who has hopped on the wagon with me now and we are running together and have set up a training schedule to work out together starting next week….things are looking up…oh and I lost a pound…the first of many, well 15 lol. What a difference having a training partner is making to me already, I just know she will be there and it helps me focus on something other than just my own frustrations and difficulties as I listen to hers now.

I hope my muscles remember what they were good at when I hit the weights again next week!

Ok so I haven’t written in a while…probably because I am avoiding the fact that I have made NO progress what so ever…ahhh frustrating.  I am finding it so hard right now…I have the time to work out but just No enerygy…like zero.  I know I suffer from low iron levels and am supposed to get tested again soon to see if they have come back up at all.

The way I feel right now I just almost feel like resigning myself to being chubby and out of shape….no of course thats not what I want…I want to look and feel like I did in my photos when I was in or almost in competition shape.  I actually almost have to wonder if I am not a bit depressed, having been off due to severe anemia and seeing body change into this thing that I don’t recognize…it is depressing. 

I can’t seem to even get motivated to stay on a clean diet because I feel so far gone…i know I’m not but it such a psychological game. I would like to lose 15 to 20 pounds and get my body fat back to around 12% for maintenance. 

Maybe I should go see my doctor again and get my re-testing done for my iron levels and talk about mild depression…I know that one can suffer from circumstantial depression and well honestly my circumstances have been depressing me.

Arg!

So I was doing pretty well eating clean most of the time, even ventured back into the gym and have sore hamstrings to prove it! 

Then today I was riding my horse and he started mis-behaving and suddenly brought his neck up in front of me really fast, when i went to brace against him it jammed my thumb and sprained it.  I am actually quite surprised at how much a sprained thumb hurts and how much one needs a thumb in everything we do…don’t realize it till it’s not available….kinda like my other hand right now asI type this one handed while the other is ‘on ice’.

I hope it doesn’t hinder my weight training for too long…I am sitting here trying to think of excercises I can do without both hands being involved…hmmm.

Guess this means the diet gets a little more strict and the cardio more attention till I can lift again.

Yay; got on the scale this morning and am down three pounds…that definitly picks up my spirits!  That was achieved strictly through eating clean and reducing calories as I have not yet gotten back to training.  Today I am going to the gym with my friend, she knows I am self concious about going back and not being super fit and way more cut like I was in the spring so it will be nice to have her suppor

I have decided that next week I am going to get back into my weight training routine of three days a week of lifting and hopefully get in two to three days of cardio.  It will be tough at first but I will persevere.

Yesterday I took some current photos but am not prepared to post them ust yet; too self concsious.  Once I have a bit more progress I will put up the start pics along with some progress pics.

Well I’m heading into my third day of clean eating after being off track for the better part of two months.  I’d forgotten how this feels, definitly motivation to keep it up.  I’m not weighing and measuring everything yet, no need to burn out and go crazy…I have enough experience under my belt now that I can guesstimate close enough.

I think today I may actually venture back into the gym, very nervous about that thought.  Still struggling with the fact that I am 15lbs heavier now than I was before I got sick.  I feel like people there who knew me before will be like ‘oh look at her she got chubby’ and think that I fell right into the statisic of how many ladies regain all their weight and often more after their first competition.   Ahhh why do I have to be so mentally hard on myself.

Tomorrow I will weigh again to see if I’ve made any progress…no doubt I will be back on the scale everyday very soon to monitor things…that in itself can be like an adiction….but I have also read that those who do keep closer tabs (like weighing at least twice a week) generally have more and longer term success than those who do not…we shall see.

Well it’s day two of being back on my ‘diet’.  Goal; to loe 15 pounds by January so that I can start my competition diet and drop an additional 12 lbs.

The hardest part is having been off for the better part of the last two months suffering from severe anemia.  It made me so tired and unable to function at my normal level. I became a bit blue and definitly ‘gave up’ to some degree.  I ate whatever I wanted when ever I wanted and thus gained about 15 pounds…not so good.

So now I am feeling a bit better with some iron therapy under my belt and it will I think; be an ongoing issue but one that I can manage. 

This is my second day of eating clean, I have dropped three pounds already since the weekend but I know most if not all of that is water.  **note to self: Increase water consumption**.

I am feeling good about the diet part now but need to get back in the gym, I must admit that I feel very self concious about going back to the gym with this extra weight on.  After getting so fit and shredded this past spring I feel like people expect me to look a certain way and I am embarrased to go into the gym after the summer off, chubby and out of shape.  I keep telling myself that maybe I should just run for a coupke weeks outside before I go there and try to get a few more pounds off….but really that is why the gym is there.  I must get over this mental thing…ha!

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