The workings of a bipolar mind.

Another year has come and gone. This started as one of my worst years ever and seems to be ending maybe one of the best. I’ve definately changed alot as a person. Hopefully as a better human being. I’m learning to forgive (myself and others). To live life to the fullest and to enjoy just being me. I’ve accepted myself with all my flaws and I’m learning to love myself. I’m strong, independent, stubborn, beautiful, smart……the list goes on and on. You will never meet anyone like me. I can guarantee it. You ever have a song that could just describe exactly how your feeling at that present moment? Well here’s mine. I hope everyone has a great and safe New Years!

RASCAL FLATTS

“I’m Moving On”

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I’m movin’ onI’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demonsFinally content with a past I regretI’ve found you find strength in your moments of weaknessFor once I’m at peace with myselfI’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too longI’m movin’ onI’ve lived in this place and I know all the facesEach one is different but they’re always the sameThey mean me no harm but it’s time that I face itThey’ll never allow me to changeBut I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belongI’m movin’ onI’m movin’ onAt last I can see life has been patiently waiting for meAnd I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not aloneThere comes a time in everyone’s lifeWhen all you can see are the years passing byAnd I have made up my mind that those days are goneI sold what I could and packed what I couldn’tStopped to fill up on my way out of townI’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’tI had to lose everything to find outMaybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this roadI’m movin’ on

I really hate the holidays. Yes, I’m known as the grinch to all my friends. I won’t have my son this year, so I’m really not looking forward to Christmas but I will be with some close friends getting drunk. I guess that helps ease the pain alittle. I’ve been stress eating and of course it’s not like we have veggies laying around here at work. It’s been a see’s box of candy a day. Now there’s cupcakes in the kitchen and doughnuts out in the warehouse. My poor jeans are ready to bust at the seams. Still hitting the gym though. Not looking forward to the New Year’s resolution crowd either. You all know the crowd, they show up for the first month (maybe) and give up because they didn’t loose that 15lbs in the first week. Well I hope you guys have a safe and happy holiday. I can’t wait til things are back to normal.

Hey guys, know I haven’t been blogging much. Been lazy and not much to say. Still hitting the gym on the regular. Strength has been increasing but so’s my ass. lol Ok, not really but it feels like it. I have put on a couple of pounds. Not much else going on other than training, partying and work. Hope everyone is doing great!

So my dear sweet pal that’s been making me brownies and chocolate chip cookies said to me tonight while we were training…."you looked thinner before Thanksgiving". Gee thanks!

Oh, it’s official. I am back up to fat ass status. I am now back to the same weight I was when I first started on bb.com. It’s so hard to resist all these holiday goodies. My jeans are so snug in the legs and booty. Crap!

Dear Santa,

 I’ve been on my best behavior this year. I’ve only been in one fight, which I didn’t start. I’ve been kind and compassionate to everyone I’ve meet. I’ve done my best to be positive and supportive to those around me. So this is what I want for Christmas:

 Hot guy to keep my me warm (He could be an early Christmas present)

Ferrari - All white

4 Bedroom 2.5 Bath house w/pool

Unlimited membership to all fitness clubs (I like variety)

English Bulldog and French Bulldog (Ok, they are for Roxy)

Winning Lottery numbers (I promise to share)

If I could have everything on my list I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks Santa!!

Love,

Laurie

Ok, I’m in a better mood. I’ve been going heavier with the weights, doing ascendings. I was going lighter the last couple of weeks because I was sick but now it’s time to kick things into gear. Especially since I seem to be in a bulking stage. Not much else going on other than my exboyfriend seems to be losing it. He’s shown up at my gym and sent me messages every week now. Dumbass! Did I mention he’s engaged. I know it bugged him that I was seeing hot guy but I didn’t know this much. Oh well not my problem. Oh and just so you know I don’t respond to his messages. When he’s at the gym I ignore him. Ok, the last time I stared at him til he looked away. May as well make him uncomfortable if he’s going to be there. Not seeing hot guy anymore if you didn’t noticed. That just kinda fizzled. Maybe Santa will bring me a new hot guy to play with for Christmas! Lol

I’m in a mood again. I’ve gained 5 lbs in the last 2 weeks. How, I’m not sure….well maybe the chocolate. Or maybe the carbs. I’m still hitting the gym so I don’t get it. I’m anti everything right now. Thinking of changing gyms. Sick of looking at the same people. Supposed to go to a Warriors game tonight but I want to blow that off and do the same thing I did yesterday. Ride the couch with my baby tucked behind my legs keeping me warm. I’m sick of work, I’m sick of people. I hate my gym…did I mention I hate Christmas too. Wake me in the spring.