brownskinlady’s BodyBlog

It’s been such a struggle. I have desk job now, thankfully. I was struggling without work. Now that I am working, I have desk job and all I do is eat. I come home from work stressed out and at my wits end. The things I do to relax is melt into the couch and watch some tv. Or I pop a video game in and I play until I feel accomplished.

My boyfriend and I recently acquired an elliptical machine and it is collecting dust. I have been so unmotivated lately. My co-workers and I decided to do a motivating challenge to get all of us to lose weight together. Some of us have changed our diets and some of us have begun to work out. As for myself, I changed my diet a bit. It’s only been a few days.

It’s only been a week since I’ve been tracking my food on Livestrong.com. The last time I tracked my calories was on July 16th of this year. I think I was in the 122 range at that time. The whole situation is sad. I’m at the heaviest I’ve been since starting my diet. The lowest I was at was 118lbs. And that’s how much I weighed when I began to work out again, before all this whole mess.

My current goal is 115lbs. That is 10lbs. They say 10lbs is the hardest. I know I need to do some cardio, but my motivation is not there. I figure I should begin with the easiest part, eating healthy. I think I can build up my energy with the healthy foods and hope I’ll feel more motivated after that. I give myself another week of healthy eating before I begin a full on workout regiment. Going back on P90X is a great solution since I can do it at home.

I will see, I need the motivation. I am hoping to look great in a bikini by January, I’m going island hopping by then. Oh boy!

Just completed my first 7 days of P90X, my goodness many more weeks ahead of me! I actually enjoy the workouts. I thought that I would hate it, but it’s actually lots of fun and very motivating. But you must commit in order for it to work for you. I  had some family members who said they were interested, when they were told what it consisted, they seemed hesitant. Not sure if they’ll end up doing it though.

I try my best to count my calories and watch what I eat. So far, I’ve been doing alright. I know I’m suppose to take a progress picture after 30 days, but I’m so excited! I feel great already, I wonder if it shows. My SO says he sees a differenct, but I think he’s just fluffing my feathers.

I weighed myself this morning and I seem lighter, but I’m not quite sure. I want to wait til after I get off work to see my true weight. Usually in the morning when I’m starving and I’ve used the restroom, I’m lighter. So, we’ll see how things are after work. If I’m the same weight I’m going to record it on my BodySpace profile.

I didn’t record my measurements, although i should have at least measured my waist and the circumference of my thighs. Those are my major concentrations at this time.

So far, I’m really enjoying the P90X workouts. My last workout was Kenpo and even though I felt stupid doing it, I felt good afterwards. I figure I can perfect my movements as I go on and not feel as stupid as I did.

I’m really excited to see my results, I really hope I get the results I want. Keep you all posted!

Hello I started on this site back in October. Failed miserably. I tried working out after isolating myself from the rest of the world. I was going through serious self-image issues at the time and found it difficult to go to the gym. So many things were going on in my life that made things difficult for me to function as a normal adult. I was out of work and very down about my situation. My SO was very hard on me about my situation and found it even more difficult to function. The last thing on my mind was working out.

I caught a break and my friend’s mother helped me out by letting me work for their family’s liquor store. It was nice to have some money in my pocket. Then, from there my employment agency got me a temp job for 30 days. With high anxiety of going back to a life of no work, I was determined to find work and I was very lucky. I found a permanent job and that’s what’s been going on with me. My confidence level is up, I feel I have some sort of value because I’m contributing to society.

With that, my new job is very close to a brand new 24hr Fitness SuperSport and I go to the gym during lunchtime and take classes. I love their Pilates, Yoga & Spin classes. Then this past week my SO and I started doing P90X. We have before and after pics.

During all that time, I was maintaining my weight and slightly going up a pound or two.

So far, I feel great. My body feels tighter and slimmer. I feel a lot more confident with my image. But as far as self-worth, not so good. Now I just have to improve emotionally.

When you’re sad and down, how can you get up and go to the gym? When you don’t think you’re good enough, how do you get up and go?

I have been down and in the dumps lately, probably the reason for the weight gain, I just stopped caring. I just didn’t feel that I was good enough and that I didn’t have any reason to continue.

How do you fight these battles inside of you to stay fit and looking good?

I try to think, well, you will be beautiful one day and then you won’t be so down.

That’s what I did when I shrank down to 105 two summers ago. Even when I was that skinny, I was so unhappy. That’s why I figure, who will say that if I do work hard to get to my goal, that I’ll end up happy?

I used to run on the treadmill, stride on the eliptical, and step on the stairmaster…every single day. All I could think of was getting skinny to be happy, to be noticed, to be recognized for my accomplishments. But the person who mattered to me most didn’t even care until I was gone.

I feel that if I do the same now, it’ll end up the same…

I don’t have much to be proud about these days, maybe a nicer body would be easier to obtain than be the perfect person for someone else.

I’m back at 122lbs. And I’m taking the advice of one of the bb members who commented on one of my blogs - I’m incorporating weights as oppose to just doing cardio.

Jason and I picked up a Muscle & Fitness for Her mag today and we decided that I’ll follow the workouts. I’m really excited about it. Today was day 1 of the workout routine. I just came back from the gym and I feel great! I took my first progress picture and they are hideous!

I’m so scared, I don’t want to fall off the wagon any more. This is the largest I’ve been in awhile and I feel very uncomfortable.

Let’s see how I feel after the first week…especially since this week is Thanksgiving! We’ll see how it will all work out.

Such a bad weekend, lots of junk food. Ah but oh so yummy. I used to live my life having a very strict diet, I got very thin and I think I was very weak and sick. When I met Jason, I started incorporating a lot more other foods - junk food even. Now I have a rather strict diet during the week, but as soon as the weekend hits - it’s carbs, carbs, carbs.

I love my cheat foods, I have worked hard on keeping them for the weekend and as well as minimizing my intake. Like instead of a whole burrito, I share it with Jason.

It’s Sunday now and I want a cheeseburger with curly fries. But I think I’m going to have a Boca burger instead and that should hold me down. Just wondering if I should indulge and get the curly fries. Jason and I vowed to go to the gym today, so I am looking forward to that.

Mmm…fries. What should I eat in replace of that and still have the same taste satisfaction?

This is my second week of trying to get back on the ball. Jason and I are planning on posting our first progress pictures on Monday. Last week Monday my weight started at 122lbs and last I checked I was about 30% body fat.

I began a food journal, counted my calories and tracked the number of calories burned in cardio.

So far I don’t have a basic plan set out. I’m not really good at creating workout plans. I’m currently at week 2 of my plan This is what I have so far:

Week 1-4: Cardio 5x a week

Week 4-8: Cardio w/full body calisthenics

Week 9-12: Cardio w/calisthenics & weights

After that I’m not quite sure what to do, I just might start all over again. If I by chance I reach my goal weight after this, I plan to continue with my combination of cardio, calisthenics and weights. So that I could lean up by gaining more muscle and bringing my body fat lower.

So far that’s my plan. If I don’t see any results after month one, I might just do P90X…