brownskinlady’s BodyBlog

When you’re sad and down, how can you get up and go to the gym? When you don’t think you’re good enough, how do you get up and go?

I have been down and in the dumps lately, probably the reason for the weight gain, I just stopped caring. I just didn’t feel that I was good enough and that I didn’t have any reason to continue.

How do you fight these battles inside of you to stay fit and looking good?

I try to think, well, you will be beautiful one day and then you won’t be so down.

That’s what I did when I shrank down to 105 two summers ago. Even when I was that skinny, I was so unhappy. That’s why I figure, who will say that if I do work hard to get to my goal, that I’ll end up happy?

I used to run on the treadmill, stride on the eliptical, and step on the stairmaster…every single day. All I could think of was getting skinny to be happy, to be noticed, to be recognized for my accomplishments. But the person who mattered to me most didn’t even care until I was gone.

I feel that if I do the same now, it’ll end up the same…

I don’t have much to be proud about these days, maybe a nicer body would be easier to obtain than be the perfect person for someone else.

I’m back at 122lbs. And I’m taking the advice of one of the bb members who commented on one of my blogs - I’m incorporating weights as oppose to just doing cardio.

Jason and I picked up a Muscle & Fitness for Her mag today and we decided that I’ll follow the workouts. I’m really excited about it. Today was day 1 of the workout routine. I just came back from the gym and I feel great! I took my first progress picture and they are hideous!

I’m so scared, I don’t want to fall off the wagon any more. This is the largest I’ve been in awhile and I feel very uncomfortable.

Let’s see how I feel after the first week…especially since this week is Thanksgiving! We’ll see how it will all work out.

Such a bad weekend, lots of junk food. Ah but oh so yummy. I used to live my life having a very strict diet, I got very thin and I think I was very weak and sick. When I met Jason, I started incorporating a lot more other foods - junk food even. Now I have a rather strict diet during the week, but as soon as the weekend hits - it’s carbs, carbs, carbs.

I love my cheat foods, I have worked hard on keeping them for the weekend and as well as minimizing my intake. Like instead of a whole burrito, I share it with Jason.

It’s Sunday now and I want a cheeseburger with curly fries. But I think I’m going to have a Boca burger instead and that should hold me down. Just wondering if I should indulge and get the curly fries. Jason and I vowed to go to the gym today, so I am looking forward to that.

Mmm…fries. What should I eat in replace of that and still have the same taste satisfaction?