My shoulder felt normal, so what do I do, I decide to sweep and mop the floors and by the time I finished, which was about 20 minutes later…****!!! The pain!!! In my right shoulder!!! I f**cked up whatever progress I might have made in terms of healing!! ARGH Stupid woman! Stupid! Stupid Stupid! I was in pain ALLLL Night! The pulling and pushing motion in my shoulder is not 100% infact I think I just put it back to 10% by pulling that stunt! So I can’t raise my arm up this morning! I can’t raise my arm sideways! I can’t do anything!!!

This may take longer than I thought! The shoulder joint is messed up more than I thought!!!

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! I am so angry at myself! 

That was the highlight of my day after having my physio session yesterday!

The physiomed office is connected to the gym, L told me to come and see him before I left, he was in to do his workout!

After my physio session, I went in to the gym and there he is…”SWEATING”….not just sweating but sweating!!!….like me…when he kicks my arse in the gym! I LOVED IT!!!

Nothing like watching the torturer…erm….torture himself? That doesn’t sound right, but it was there!! Sweat!! Pouring down his face! That made me feel so good to see him sweat!! I don’t know why but I always think bodybuilders got that way from pressing some kind of air compressor button in there bodies and they just blow up like that…that and steriods…lol…i just have this image of this thin stick cartoon pulling a cord and BAM muscles!!

*sigh*…I don’t know why but I felt relieved to see him sweat, is that strange? I guess I can say I feel like I am not the only one that feels like I am killing myself to get to where I am going.

Anyway, we shot the sh*t a bit then he asked me when I was coming back for my next appointment, I told him monday, he said he would come in Monday and then we can go and grab a bite to eat after my physio session…WHAT? he wants to feed me? What a nice guy, well, knowing him he’ll probably forget by Sunday, so I won’t hold my breath for a free meal on Monday. But we’ll see…

  ]]> http://blog.bodybuilding.com/brownbikerbabe/2009/11/21/8332771/feed/ http://blog.bodybuilding.com/brownbikerbabe/2009/11/18/off-work-for-2-weeks/ http://blog.bodybuilding.com/brownbikerbabe/2009/11/18/off-work-for-2-weeks/#comments Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:59:24 +0000 brownbikerbabe Training http://blog.bodybuilding.com/brownbikerbabe/1969/12/31// I did a double take too when the doc wrote return to work November 30th! Okay! No problem! I can rest my shoulder, and get back into it sooner by "not" working! Teehee…bonus!!!

Well, actually I hate staying home too cause then I gotta do laundry and sh**! I hate laundry! That’s why I don’t shop anymore! I just look at clothes as if I am buying MORE laundry!

Its a good thing I went on Monday because my shoulder was getting stuck! It hurt to drive! The chiropractor even said so.

I am on anti-inflammatories…I have started physiotherapy at the physiomed office next to my gym. L came to see me on Monday while I was having physio…cutting up my "figure 8’s" an exercise I had to do for my shoulder… he said "I should have a spray paint can in my hands so that I can see my figure 8’s properly" 

"Stop personal training my physiotherapy!…Go away!"

So now he has scheduled his "shoulder injury" session with the chiropractor the same time as mine! Great!!! He can hound me even when he is not training me!

I told him he gave me his shoulder injury disease! He’s contagious!

Well, other than that…not much to write.

Life sucks!

I am not sleeping on my favourite side…the right anymore, as instructed by the physio chick, ok I didn’t stick a pillow under my arm as instructed…but hell why is it more painful at night? Is it because I am not moving around and using my arm? Damn! I think I’ll pop an advil before bed tonight…DAMN! OUCH!

 Gonna ask the chiro tomorrow…and then ask for an anti-inflammatory script as well!

So last night…for inspiration… I stuck in the movie 300 and GI Jane (I love Demi in that one…but that is about it)

 Yup so no lifting because of my shoulder "injury"! Need physio for 4 weeks, but L thinks I may recover sooner…bring on that protein in those Reese Chocolates baby! HAHAHA….ok, ok…I need to control my eating ALOT! and do cardio! cardio! cardio!

L came by my work yesterday…all the girls at work were all googly eyed and of course I got the looks…hmmmm….."is that your husband?" questions and boy nurses are farkin NOSEY, its what we do for a living! I am sure the rumours are a flyin’ away now….Anyway, he came by to drop off his resume, looks like he can’t make a living off what I pay him…pffft…which is peanuts! So he going to try to get a job at my hospital…and of course…he is major eye candy! I just love watching the mesmerised…"hello big boy" look all the ladies get when they see him…LOL! I am an observer of people! I just love to watch the women ooogle at him! I just treat him like one of the guys…don’t get me wrong…I perv at him too…but only in a have fun kind of way…make jokes and stuff…I would never….er….well…if I was really drunk and we were alone….did I just write that out loud?

 Kulzor! Don’t you dare ESPN that to him!!!!

I shoulda just told him to drop off the resume at the human resources but I also had to give the poor boy his pay from last week…i told him he just wants my money!….LOL!…smart ass told me if he was training me just for my money he would charge me full price!! He’s a good guy and I can say and do whatever I want with him, we have a good report! We argue, we bikker…we joke, we laugh…he is a good trainer, and he likes training me because I am like "one of the guys"…the reason why I am his ONLY female client! He told me he hates training women and some men….who WHIIIINE! I don’t whine…and when I do…he tells me! "STOP WHINING! and lift" and I just do it…like Nike! 

Anyway, I am making a new goal for myself….use this non-lifitng moment to ZEN! Get into a new frame of mind! A new outlook, a new purpose, a new goal!

 Ok, on my way…

ZEN out!

So apparently, the chiro at the gym, whom L introduced me to, took one look at me and said…"you have pronated shoulders, its your posture, you need to walk with your chest up and shoulders back."..Me picturing my boobs pointing to the ceiling, when all my life I have done everything possible to take attention away from my not welcome endowment…damn those genes!!! Always wearing baggy tops, walking with a slight hunch so that they don’t stick out…I guess I have been doing it so long, that my posture has permanently stuck that way…"don’t make that face, it’ll get stuck that way…!!!" the millions of momisms resounding in my ears…."DON’T make that posture….It’ll get stuck that way…!!!"

Funny that, you always want the opposite of what you got!

 Working out with a slight pain in the shoulder has turned into a handicap now! I can’t sleep, I smell like an old lady covered in Rub A535 Antiphlogestine! There is not a movement that doesn’t hurt, even resting position it hurts!!! When I point my shoulders forward, it hurts, when I try to point them back it hurts, I can’t lift my right arm above a certain point without the aide of the left arm.  Heat only helps to a point, I think I need professional help. Will go see the chiro at the gym I think, but I am afraid  he may make it worse. L said the guy at the gym is good, he uses him. so will give him a try.

And to top off my "Woe is me…" phase that i am going through, I went to see a friend I met on line, compete yesterday and we met, she is friggin tiny compared to giantess me…The first thought that came to my mind.."I will never get that small!!!" I will never step on that competition stage…I will never be able to get  muscular! I don’t think I have muscles at all…Waaaaaahhhhh!!!!

 She did  great by the way and I felt proud of her! I was so glad I could go out and show my support for her!

 Eating wise…ermmmm….lets not go there too! I have been eating everything in sight, I am on a binge! And I can’t stop!!!

Everything looks like s%&* right now to me!

P.S. I dress up every year for halloween and it kills me everytime laughing at what people guess is your costume…At work, I got everything from "Pocohontas to midget..WHAT the F!!!, Midget?….LOL! I’m 5′4"…yes, I am trying to be a midget!!! LOL!!!

I know I do it! I am fully aware of it when it starts…the chocolate dreams and they start around about a week before my period, I can usually hold out a few days and mentally YELL at myself, like the time I went to Walmart and there it was…staring at me…no SCREAMING at me…look..yoohooo, it’s me…Reese’s chocolate peanut butter cups…yoohooo!!! Damn!!! There I am…trying not to look, but I can see them outta the corner of my eye…damn that peripheral vision, the one time I really wish I didn’t have it! ****! They have  Reese’s Crunchy now!!! Ok, don’t look…look straight ahead, look at your shoes…hell look at he lady in front of you! Wow, that is a huge butt, does my butt look like that if I was standing behind myself?…Grab the Reese Crunch bar!! Pay for it and don’t even wait for the girl to put it in the bag, just open it and shove it down my throat, oops didn’t even chew that one, better get another one this time and chew it so that I can taste it…

There it is…how it all begins!! Every 4 weeks or so…So needless to say, I have not mentioned this to my trainer…but I think he knows because he hasn’t mentioned anything about my body changing…if it changes he notices it and tells me right away…and plus I can feel it..I have gained weight!

 I am self sabotaging myself…I don’t know why I do it! Do I want to fail?!

UGH! I dunno…I don’t want to be fat that is all I know for now! That FAME stage seems soooooo out of reach at this moment!! I love food! I love the taste of sweet things…Halloween is around the bend!! OMG! I am freaking out! Chocolate everywhere!!! AAAAahhhhh…

Ok, Ok…calm down, tomorrow, you are starting OVER! Day 1! Everyday will be Day 1! I always do well on Day 1…so why not make every day….Day 1…

Will give it a try and see what happens by next Sunday…I really want to make L proud of me…but I am such a powerless weakling in terms of Will power!!

Then the temporary bank card my new bank gave me stopped working!! And I haven’t received my new permanent bank card yet!! WTF…I think by now I should be blowing my head off…or at least someones head off…!!!

In the end I just ended up laughing…because how much more bad news can I get…wait the week is not over yet…this morning I stubbed my toe I was in such a rush that I said "ow"…after I got in the car to drive to work…that’s me slow reaction time. FARK!!!! Talk about black clouds in my life! But I know once you hit rock bottom…the only place to go is up!

The one sun shiney moment I get in my days lately is my one hour training session with L. I look forward to it!

L has threatened me! He asked me if i have been doing my morning cardio since he asked me last week …

…Er…no!

He got upset!  He had a strange look on his face that was scary actually It was this strange glitter in his eye, like a “you have no clue what I can make you do to torture the hell outta you” ….I knew I was in major horse pucky with him…

L: “Fine!!!! if you don’t do it…I will make it my mission to make sure you make up for it when you train with me even if I have to spend two hours of my own time with you!!!…and you don’t wanna know what I’m gonna do to you!! I’ll just phone up the girlfriend and tell her to go to her mothers and wait for me because Eva’s gonna get trained hard!!!”

Oh crap!

L: ” I wanna get the weight off of you!!! You’re like me” he said, “your body holds on to fat!!”

Me: Did he just call me FAT?

Then he told me he was a fat kid all his life and people used to make fun of him when he told them he wanted to compete….but he showed them all.

Me: “Ya right, show me, do you have proof?”

Actually he did!!! He had taken a pic of himself when he was 20, it was a chunky guy in the pic with a few chins…and his shirt off…and a belly! I couldn’t believe it!!! He had taken a pic of a pic with his iphone to show me!

WOW! Ok! That put things into greater perspective! He did it!!!…he turned himself from a fat 20 year old into this EYE CANDY greek god looking thing!  A new respect for my trainer…wow! He made me laugh…he told me when he saw how his body had changed and he had abs he used to wake up in the middle of the night and check in the mirrors to make sure it was really his body and it hadn’t vanished into thin air…LOL!!! I know I will be the same way…if I ever get there…he said I will get there, but I have to do what he says!

We did just arms yesterday and today was back day…

He told me “please don’t tell me any excuses that you gotta leave or whatever, just go and do the stairs for 30 minutes, then abs”

So I have been doing the stairs..without complaint about my knees or anything, he told me he has friends in the gym and he will make sure someone is watching me…then he left…I told him, I do everything he says he doesn’t need to plant spies aroung the gym…except the waking up early part! I don’t know how to do it!! I have never been a morning person!!! …well, I could tell him if he wants me out of bed that early he better come and sleep with me…LOL…pervy girl…but I didn’t say that.

Oooooohh…..Loookie here!!!

I felt like the Robot in Lost in Space after L sends me a text yesterday

"I am not happy with your progress, lets get greedy! I want you to start doing cardio in the morning before breakfast, whether you are working or not"

OH OH!! SENSING TROUBLE!! ALARMS GOING OFF…

“Let’s get greedy”…??? Er…but… I am not greedy, I just want to share…my…er…ermmmm….nice warm bed with my nice warm fat body?

So like a good client…ok maybe not so good, I was awake until 1:30 AM and then set my alarm for 5:30 so that I could get in 30 minutes of cardio or something…well….ummm…the alarm went off….about 6 or 7 times…LOL…needless to say I didn’t workout this morning…AM…and that bugger L checked up on me too.

I couldn’t lie. I told him I would do it tomorrow AM. I could sense the disappointment in the return text….just an “Ok.” back. I always feel like a child disappointing her parent or something with him…. i want to make him proud! Yesterday I met his girlfriend. She’s cute.

It was just cardio day today. So went to GL and did 40 minutes on the elliptical.

 MY latest Progress Pic here

I am paying for my sins …I know I am retaining H2O like a mad cow! And to top it off…sore boobs…means TOM is lurking about…and will show up with in the next week or so. I stopped keeping track of my periods, they are always 28 days!! And never late! Now I just get the symptoms that warn me to the dreaded arrival. Well, I want all holidays and celebrations to be put on HOLD until I reach goal! …er….what? It’s a no can do? A No go?! Hmmm….Ok, I’ll have to work on the will power part instead!  

I’m gonna have to write Santa about that whole Christmas thing….