Self Sabotage!
Let me take a minute here to reflect on WHY I am not 125 lbs when I should have achieved that Oh let me see ….about a year ago!! Hmm…I know what I do…I self sabotage myself EVERY time! Its called binging! I do it all the time! Every 4 weeks or so! Its my one step forward two steps back dance I have been doing all my life in terms of weight loss and gain…hence…the yo-yo!
I know I do it! I am fully aware of it when it starts…the chocolate dreams and they start around about a week before my period, I can usually hold out a few days and mentally YELL at myself, like the time I went to Walmart and there it was…staring at me…no SCREAMING at me…look..yoohooo, it’s me…Reese’s chocolate peanut butter cups…yoohooo!!! Damn!!! There I am…trying not to look, but I can see them outta the corner of my eye…damn that peripheral vision, the one time I really wish I didn’t have it! ****! They have Reese’s Crunchy now!!! Ok, don’t look…look straight ahead, look at your shoes…hell look at he lady in front of you! Wow, that is a huge butt, does my butt look like that if I was standing behind myself?…Grab the Reese Crunch bar!! Pay for it and don’t even wait for the girl to put it in the bag, just open it and shove it down my throat, oops didn’t even chew that one, better get another one this time and chew it so that I can taste it…
There it is…how it all begins!! Every 4 weeks or so…So needless to say, I have not mentioned this to my trainer…but I think he knows because he hasn’t mentioned anything about my body changing…if it changes he notices it and tells me right away…and plus I can feel it..I have gained weight!
I am self sabotaging myself…I don’t know why I do it! Do I want to fail?!
UGH! I dunno…I don’t want to be fat that is all I know for now! That FAME stage seems soooooo out of reach at this moment!! I love food! I love the taste of sweet things…Halloween is around the bend!! OMG! I am freaking out! Chocolate everywhere!!! AAAAahhhhh…
Ok, Ok…calm down, tomorrow, you are starting OVER! Day 1! Everyday will be Day 1! I always do well on Day 1…so why not make every day….Day 1…
Will give it a try and see what happens by next Sunday…I really want to make L proud of me…but I am such a powerless weakling in terms of Will power!!
October 25, 2009 at 6:14 pm
I know how you feel girl…but, there is a reason deep down, that you are doing this. Take things one day at a time, it isnt easy…stay strong and you can do it
October 26, 2009 at 10:16 am
Thanks darlin’! I am trying!!
October 28, 2009 at 9:49 am
Did the clock visualizing work?
Next up is to learn a mental technique from Tony Robbins. When you look at food, any food, you have to mentally YELL that you’ll control your damn appetite. You’re in control, not the fat monster that hangs on you!
And yes, it’s easier said than done. At times it works great for me, but then I do have times where I stop thinking and just mow down too.
November 8, 2009 at 5:19 am
know exactly where you are coming from with this. I have the same issue, keep sabotaging myself, if only we could figure out why, things would go so much better.
I thing this is the hardest part og the battle. Best of luck figuring it out. Hope it all goes well for you