Memoirs of a reluctant Bulker

On this Starbucks black coffee I sip,

Careful to not miss a drip!

It’s Friday, jeans day and payday,

I’d have it no other way!

Will I matter, tilt the positive scales,

For post retirement, some good tales?

Whoops, fourteen mph above the limit,

Looks like I’ve stepped in deep sh_t.

Back to the basics I quest,

So, it’s Starbucks and Friday, throughout the rest….

Just because I make more than $250k a year, why should I have to pay the healthcare bill for those who are illegal, choose not pay for coverage or cannot afford coverage? Just because I have worked very hard over the past twenty years to get where I am today, that makes it okay for our politicians to say, "the rich shall pay for it, don’t worry about it."

What would happen right now to our Country, if all of the so called "rich" folks making over $250k a year decided to move to Mexico, everyone stopped smoking and did not fill their gas tanks up for one week?

Total chaos, a total governmental collapse.

So I wonder, are we getting it right up in Washington?

-I remember the days when fascination with that beautiful girl and potential love ruled my every thought and dictated my every action…..to include enrolling in a typing class and wearing parachute pants…. 

-I remember the days when my friends, brothers, sisters and I would hop in the back of Dad’s Pickup truck for the ride to wherever it was we were going….. 

-I remember the days when it was a real treat to eat out: Now it seems to be the norm…. 

-I remember the days when US Presidents spoke of being world leaders, not of compromise and shame…. 

-I remember a time when our leaders asked, “What can you do for your Country?” Not continually speak on about what a country should do for it’s citizens….. 

-I remember a time when most US folks felt a desire to make a positive difference….now it seems, many wonder “what’s the point?” 

-I remember a time when we (the US) were working and striving to invent/create the latest and most amazing thing (think computer, think space ships)….now we just contract those things out to other countries…. 

-I remember welling up, upon watching the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster, back when I was in high school and had just arrived home for lunch…. 

-I remember getting goose bumps all over upon hearing Ronnie Reagan tell the Russians to, “tear down this wall!” 

-I remember not too long ago welling up a bit, upon hearing that “Sweetness” had passed away (Walter Payton). 

-I remember the days when we used to get together with our friends on the block during summer, early in the morning, then proceed to spend the entire day outside playing whatever….. 

-I remember watching Pumping Iron for the first time and thinking, I want muscles!! 

-I remember the very first time I experienced true success (10 year old Punt Pass and Kick, second place finisher)!! 

-I remember the first time I truly realized, life is all about choices, so I’d better choose wisely (Hit and run accident back in my twenties). 

-I remember my past frequently: However, I do not dwell on choices I could have made. Rather, I utilize the past to ensure success for today and beyond! 

1.             Fear not.
2.             Make a decision.
3.             Listen, then be listened to.
4.             Don’t ever say, “if only.”
5.             Enjoy every minute, of each day.
6.             Live life today, as if it were the last.
7.             Go ahead, make a difference.
8.             Love is a verb.
9.             Reject the mainstream
10.      Embrace awesomeness!

The following are quotes from the folks in our world who not only maintain a stranglehold on realism, they would rule the world right now if the government hadn’t forced subsidization on all of them back in the late 70’s and early 80’s.

Parting shot in advance:

Remember, "to control money and weapons is to have power. To control food, is to rule the world!" 

It appears as though I have been selected as the Bodyspace Member of the Month! So, quick, before Bodybuilding.com realizes they made a mistake and if you embrace the odd and unusual, check it out:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/bodyspacejune2009.htm

I want to thank Bodybuilding.com, Mom, Dad, Jesus, MetRX, Detour bars and the large beefy homeless guy who lives in the cardboard box down by the river. Without them, this never would have been possible.

Parting shot:

Live today without regret. Don’t be so willing to continually ask the question, "what if?" On the contrary, be ready to answer it!

Have you lived? 

Have you chosen to make a positive difference? 

Have you considered that your days are numbered? 

Have you wondered what your co-workers will say when you’re gone? 

Have you contemplated the higher meaning? 

Have you considered that we live on a floating rock? 

Have you ever wondered why? 

Have you lived on the edge just once? 

Have you taken a chance lately? 

Have you wasted time worrying? 

Consider the following tips for living: 

Take an ice cold shower! 

Just flat out run as fast as you can as far as you can, next chance! 

Lift as much weight as you can for each of your exercises the next time you go in the gym! 

Say “hi there” to everyone you see for an entire day (yes, even the Circle K clerk)! 

Spend 30 minutes staring at the stars tonight while pondering how it is, we are….. 

Remember your first best friend and consider the reasons why they were your best friend…. 

Do something dangerous, like drive to the store and back in just your underwear and sandals….. 

Rather than going into work on Monday with a “just here to do my job and go home” attitude, strive to do everything you do as well as possible….. 

Waive at, possibly say, “thanks and nice job” to, either the first military member or police officer you see…. 

If possible, randomly call your parents or children and question, “What do you think happened to the dinosaurs?” 

Seriously contemplate how it felt to actually live without cars, computers or cell phones…. 

Wonder what it would be like to actually live in a war torn country, where there is military fire and buildings blowing up on your block, each day….. 

Fast for a day. 

Stay up for 24 hours straight. 

And last but certainly not least, 

Get up one morning before sunrise, drive to the coolest place you know with your Starbucks of course and just watch the Sun rise, while contemplating, how it is, we are….. 

Bodyauditor out! 

Parting shot: 

What does it mean: Life? Toiling away in mediocrity? Being a number? 

Or, making a difference, each day. Striving to do the best with what we have, while remembering to be happy wherever we are. 

If I’m not happy where I’m at, what are my chances of being happy where I want to go? 

Is there really an “unfixable” situation? 

Is being happy regardless of the circumstances really a choice….. 

I have systemically read many times over the past few days the question:

-Can I build muscle and lean out, all at the same time?

Folks, for many reasons, the answer is a resounding, No! Save for the following situational exceptions:

1. You have decided that taking steroids/GH is an acceptable (all be it non natural) mechanism for assisting you with your appearance or short term physical goals.

NOTE: I mention appearance and short term physical goals, as for the most part, steroids and even GH have (at this point anyway) been determined to produce several unwanted side effects (sometimes, years later) in addition to the one or two desired effects you most likely are seeking as a result of their usage.

2. You are that genetic freak that all of us has either known, or we currently do know. The type of individual who does the following:

-Eats doughnuts, candy, pizza and generally crap all day, all the time.

-May work out once in awhile, and when they do, they can lift twice as much as you can even though you workout all the time.

All that and they still carry that shredded muscular appearance, all the time….

NOTE: These people are really aliens…don’t be fooled!
 

3. You are a retired person with really nothing else to do in your life, except for eat, workout and collect your stool and blood samples in order to meticulously analyze the contents and subsequently apply your findings back into your diet and workout routine, then re-analyze, re-apply, re-analyze, etc. etc. etc. (terminal loop, with diminishing gains)

NOTE: This analysis is necessary in order to determine your uniquely perfect anabolic scenario (the ever changing and allusive state at which your body has the perfect amount of nutrients, stimulation and rest in order to achieve muscle hypertrophy).

So in conclusion…

If you are looking to build muscle:

-Bulk during the winter months when you’re showing off all of those new sweaters you spent your entire life savings on, anyway.

If you are looking to lean out:

-Cut out the carbs and processed foods all while increasing your protein and healthy fat(s) intake leading up to Summer.

NOTE: I’ve followed this type of cycling for the last twenty years of my life and it has resulted in an additional fifty pounds of lean muscle. Additionally, I’ve watched many folks toil away in mediocrity year-after-year, trying to build lean muscle only without gaining an ounce of fat, all while losing muscle and ultimately burning out completely.

Parting shot: Lift big, eat big, stretch the shirtsleeves……then eat small, lift a lot and take the shirt off!! Rinse, repeat, and enjoy the extra muscle. Great things, take time…enjoy the ride.

Remember: If you’re not helping, you’re part of the problem!

Bodyauditor out………

Dear Mr. Bodyauditor,
My current situation is quite stressful, and possibly more than anyone person should have to handle:

-My boss is arrogant and flippant

-I work like 10 hours a day, five days a week

-Traffic stinks

-My car is old and only has a CD player (I really would appreciate Satellite radio)

-And I’m having a hard time sticking to my diet

Signed,

Stressed out

RESPONSE:
 

Good Afternoon Stressed Out,

Three facts for your consideration:

-Today, there are two astronauts performing maintenance on the Hubble telescope (a multi-billion dollar project) up in space, 350 miles above sea level, with massive suits and gloves on that will protect them from the negative 455 degree temperatures, all while hoping they are not instantaneously obliterated by space debris travelling at speeds in excess of 17,500 miles per hour.
 

-Yesterday, three people lost their lives during a freak tornado/thunderstorm that blew through Missouri. Along with the loss of life, dozens of homes/structures were totaled and thousands of structures lost power for several hours. Today, the subsequent homeless are picking up the pieces and rebuilding by any means necessary….

-There are over 3.2 million refugees in Somalia right now, living in the desert, fending off diseases you and I have long since forgotten about, struggling to survive on grains of rice each day who still appreciate the opportunity to wake up each morning….

Hope this helps put things into perspective.

Signed,

The thankful Bodyauditor

Pondering deeply my Valentines Day state,

Chocolate, of the dark variety, I receive from my mate!

Sexual vibes permeate the breadth of my body,

Excitement derived from pink colored cotton adorning my Woman-Hottie!

Hhmm, all so tempting and alluring,

No sense in denying!

The decision is this:

Passion and lust for sweetness, both physical and emotional are my crux!

Might the correct course instead be, oh well…just a Starbucks!?

Happy Valentines Day!