Memoirs of a reluctant Bulker

"If Mother’s ruled the world there would never be any g** d*** war’s in the first place!"

Really? Are you sure Sally Fields? Because that seems like a pretty big statement to make: you know, having only lived during one lifetime and all. War has been going on since the beginning of time, and it just seems hard to believe that you have the knowledge and empathy to understand what mother’s from two-thousand years ago and two-thousand years from now may believe and/ or will stand for. Yes my friends, in case you haven’t heard, Ms. Fields spouted this from an awards platform the other night in front of a national audience, with much glory and self-annointed wisdom.

This of course is not a new and unique mannerism from our Nation’s celebrity folk. As a matter of fact, it seemingly is a rare event to watch an entire broadcast of network news without hearing about one celebrity or another spouting off about one cause or another. Now, I will admit that some of these folks not only know what they are talking about, they understand the ramifications of any statements they may or may not make in regards to specific cause. With all of that taken into consideration, the following blog will express a few subjective values the penmaster holds and will pose a few pointed and sarcasm-tinted questions towards these so-called, actor-experts.

Over the last few years there have been a few subjects receiving serious attention that have stirred many an actor / celebrity out of their cave to make statements on, as if they are the be-all and end all source of information. With the inclusion of this blogs beginning statement, I offer the following hyper-large statements that have been pontificated from the heights of ignorance and my proverbial less-than two-cents worth of mental rebuttal:

 "How could such a destuctive man (George W. Bush) be so popular with the American people? Not only is he poisoning our air and water - he’s poisoning our political system as well." -Barbara Streisand

–Really? That seems like pretty lofty accomplishments for one person and let’s see, last time I checked we were still being governed by a democracy, not ruled by a monarch! 

“I find bringing the country to the brink of war unilaterally five weeks before an election questionable - and very, very frightening.” - Barbara Streisand

–As opposed to six weeks before an election?

“It’d be different if he was staring somebody down with a loaded gun in his hand. But there doesn’t seem to be any indications whatsoever that this man (Hussein) poses an immediate threat to anybody.” -Richard Gere

–Sadaam Hussein? A threat? No way!!…His people loved getting beaten and murdered, forced to live in shanties and drink outhouse water for survival…right? Who wouldn’t? And C’mon, those women and children that his army beat, raped, and murdered over in Kuwait deserved it, right?

“America has never paid any attention to other people, so it’s absurd for Bush to say that it’s all in the best interests of the Iraqi people.” -Richard Gere

–Let’s see, help me out here my friends…I just can’t remember which country it is that is always (ALWAYS) the first to respond with assistance for earthquakes, typhoons, tsunami’s, drought, forced migration, warlord murdering spree’s, post-war rebuilding, etc. etc. …America? Naw, couldn’t be! We never paid no attention to no body…we just care about ourselves…right?

“I don’t want to go all over the map here, but where is the protest against this war when almost on a daily basis, someone is dying over there?” -Alec Baldwin

–What about in my city? Many people die here on a daily basis due to violence of some sort, and ya know, I haven’t seen the protestor’s nor have I seen the actor’s coming here to speak on my behalf. What about the hundred’s of thousands of people who have seen you smoking in the movies and as such, began to consume cancer sticks? Or the teenagers who see your portrayal of violence as cool in the movies, and as such head down a path in life that is filled with violence because they think it’s cool? Shall we begin those protests now or later, Mr. Baldwin?

“I think my exact comment was that if Bush won, it would be a good time to leave the United States. I’m not necessarily going to leave the United States.” -Alec Baldwin

–He thinks that was his comment? What does that tell you right there? Well, I tell you this…Listen to me now, and hear me later…Mark it down my memory-challenged actor-friend: LEAVE, you ungreatful, ignorant, pompous, know-it-all, if you can’t choose to support or agree to disagree. I’m sure that Iran would be happy to grant you free-will if you move there!

In closing, I ask the following questions to anyone, celebrity or peon who chooses to speak ill towards any actions the US is currently involved with”

1. How do you know exactly what is going on in the world, that gives you the right to so vehemently spit fire on our president, or any US leader for that matter?

2. Where do you pick up the gift of governmental insight that you so obviously tenure? (actor’s guild, maybe?)

3. What would you propose we do when a dictator refuses to stop murdering people regardless of the sanctions we implement? (Remember Hitler?)

4. What type of nomenclature will stop a group of people or a country whose decree is, “death to all people who do not believe what we do?”

In closing, I do not have a problem with people vocalizing their opinion: However, please make it an informed one. If you are looking to voice your opinion in a non-productive way: DON’T! There is no hope for change that way, and if you are not looking to change something you do not believe in, hold that opinion. Negativitiy breads negativity!! Establish an informed rhetoric, and positve change can happen….It’s what made this country great!!

Last thought: Not one of us in the general public, truly can understand and know the exact circumstances for our presence in Iraq, PERIOD! It may be becuase of oil, it may be because Sadaam was a murderous henchman, it may have been because of global terrorism: Heck, it may be a conglomeration of all things put together. Doesn’t matter at this point. Our troops, our friends, our family, our neighbors, our co-workers: They’re over there fighting for our country….LET’S SUPPORT THEM!!!

And to all you blow-hard, ill-informed celebrity’s who choose to spout off just to spout off: SHUT YOUR PIE HOLES!!!

Ya know, this blog is long overdue my friends, and I gotta tell you, it’s one I’ve told myself time and time again must be written for the advancement of peoplekind (my word by the way). LOL or Laugh out Loud, as well as LMAO or Laugh my a** off, OMG or Oh My God, are just a few examples of phrases that unfortunately, have come to the point in their usefullness, that they are more tired than cute, catchy and creative. How many times have you read these phrases here on bodyspace, in email, a text or even a blog? Too many, right? I have read some messages that can’t go more than two sentences without using LOL repeatedly…..Honestly, how many times can you really Laugh Out Loud in response to one idea? The following is an example of not only how overused these phrases can be, but how annoying they can get after the first million times they are used:

"OMG You! Your pictures look great LOL. I am gonna have to burn a copy for my refrigerator LOL. Yep, you’re right, OMG I’m such a goober LMAO. OMG I think that you should just eat the Twinkie anyway LOL. Better write back soon OMG and LOL, because I am gonna go to the store and buy that Twinkie for you if you don’t LMAO!"

I suppose you get the picture. So, I propose some new acronyms that are witty, edgy and potentially awe inspiring. The following will be the spelled out new-phrase with its acronym in parenthesis, and then a short example sentence (and potentially warning note) demonstarting the acronyms proper usage:

1. Spanked Em Good (SEG) - "Had a brutally rough workout tonight (SEG)."

2. Holy Schnikes (HS) - "(HS) Your new pics are smoking hot." -This one typically will be used at the beginning of a sentence so it might require a little practice at home before a successful application might be logged.

3. Extreme Doofus (ED) - "I couldn’t help myself: the cheesecake just looked so good, and she was so hot, I had to have a bite….what an (ED) I am." -Now, this acronym is also used to indicate a male sexual disorder, so an appropriate usage and audience check might be necessary before utilization.

4.  Sweet Mother of All that is Holy (SMATH) - "(SMATH), I was so on-fire after reading the BodyAuditor’s blog about his World Gym workouts that I had to go and blast my arms too (SMATH)!" - Note: this was an example of an advanced double-usage-acronym and therefore is most likely not appropriate for utilization by certified ED’s.

5. Peed My Pants (PMP) -  "Remember that one guy who forgot to put the collars on the curl bar and then proceeded to let the twenty-fives slip off the end?….Remember how funny his expression was when he realized the one plate fell right onto Ronnie’s big toe? (PMP)"

6. Like a Giant Turd (LGT) - "Dude, my workout stunk tonight (LGT)!"

7. What a Righteous Babe (WRB) - Did you see ChickenTuna’s new avi? (WRB)!!!!!

8. Dude’s A Monster (DAM) - "Yeah, I saw Ronnie at the show (DAM)!"

9. Obviously Photo Shopped (OPS) - "Did you see that one girl’s avi with the school dress on (OPS)?"

10. Not An Expert (NAE) - "Well, your conundrum sounds quite serious. Now, I’m (NAE) but I have found that if you soak ‘em in baby oil and then give ‘em a good rub down, they’ll begin to feel much better immediately. Would you like for me to try?"

 Alright, well that does it for now. Remember, you are NAE at this, so tread lightly as you begin to throw these things around, some folks might become uncomfortable upon seeing new phrases.

So I read this story by one of the fine female citizens here on Bspace and unfortunately, the scenario it spoke of rang eerily similar to the stories, two of my cousins, many of my current female acquintances and one of my past girlfriends have spoken of. The scenario is generalized as follows:

One day, a very nice, intelligent and good looking woman meets a man of seemingly similar qualities: chemistry is born! The two date for any given amount of time and mutually agree to either: Marry, live together and / or commit to each other. Well this arrangement, whichever it is, generally carries on for either a short or long period before a dormant demon rears its ugly head from within the man. One thing leads to another and a disagreement forms, which subsequently leads to the man physically, verbally and / or mentally abusing the woman. At this point, two things typically happen:

1.  The woman sees this evil demonistic behavior as inherent and is somehow able to break free from this generally iron chained situation forever (This is a perfect scenario and generally is not the norm).

2.  The woman is surprised by this behavior, but feels it was not intentional and certainly not a characteristic of the man she loves and will then confront the man with it. This scenario will then typically result in one of the following scenarios:

A. The man, upon confrontation, will apologize to his "baby," will insist that it was a mistake and by all means not something he will ever repeat….by golly, even he’s shocked at his behavior (at least he says this).

B. The man, upon confrontation, becomes upset again, and refuses to talk about it….will typically leave for an extended amount of time and will eventually return to the woman who now feels bad about bringing up the original situation: ultimately convincing herself it was probably her fault.

C. The man, upon confrontation, becomes violent and either physically or mentally abuses the woman again and insists (in his violence laced way) that she never bring it up again.

NEWSFLASH!!!!!….. The results for A through C are all the same!!!! Chances are, if you are a woman and you get abused in one way or another, guess what? If you stick around, there will be more of the same, increasingly until "the point of no return" is hit. What is "the point of no return" you ask? Well that leads me full circle to the main point of this blog.

"The point of no return" is different for physically versus mentally abused woman:

1. A Physically abused woman is convinced by her abuser that if she ever decides to leave he will hunt her down and either beat her to within an inch of her life or he’ll just take her life altogether….She feels trapped and cannot see any winning scenario. So she just accepts and continues to suffer.

2. A mentally abused woman is convinced by her abuser that she is NO GOOD whatsoever. He generally has implemented a type of brainwashing that leaves the abused woman feeling that she cannot possibly leave this wonderful man (even though he continually beats her down in one form or another), because she would ultimately just die or cause other people grief. Again, acceptance and adaptation is the norm.

Folks, I have heard this story too many times and you know what?

It breaks my heart every time………          

I was raised in a home that taught respect for women……regardless!

For me, it is quite painful to hear these stories and in many cases, it enrages me!! Why do these men feel the need to enforce dominance over women? Do they feel tough, does it get them off, does it make them REALLY feel like a MAN!! What part of abusing a woman could possibly make a man feel more like a man? Let me set it straight for you men who participate in the abuse of women:

1. You are not more of man because of it: On the contrary, you are WAY less!

2. You more than likely have some deep seated psychological issues….that’s right you turd’s!

3. In all likelihood, you do not go to work the next day and brag that you beat up on your wife or girlfriend because YOU KNOW IT’S WRONG!

4. You are really just a huge Wanker, that most of main stream society would love to take out back and beat with a claw hammer repeatedly over days and days…..let you heal up slightly and then do it again….repeat….repeat…..repeat!

Here’s a couple of parting shots on the matter and I’m anxious to hear everyone else’s thoughts and / or RANTS:

1. If you are a woman and you are ever abused in anyway, (verbally, physically, mentally) by the dude-friend you are currently seeing…..take a long hard look in the mirror, and ask yourself: "Is this relationship worth possibly getting to the point of no return?" I would suggest that the answer to this question should always be NO!!

2. If you are a dude currently partaking in the abuse of your girl, do us all a favor, and STOP!!!! You’re not toughsh*t, you’re not a BIG MAN, you’re not even a human in my book! At the end of the day, all you are when you abuse a woman in any way is a pondscum-sucking tallywhacker…..and a pile of dogsh*t too! Change your ways today you penis!

Bodyauditor out!!  

In honor of the new video clip which references the movie 300 (posted on my sight), I dedicate tonights blog to those 300 men, women, children, infants, newborn babies, pet dogs and cats, lizards, lama’s, cattle, horses, iguana’s, fish and hamsters who valiantly fought off the impossible, in order to say at the end-o-the day, "Sir, the goats are safe!"

Our story begins at the War room, also known as the Holiday Inn express, with our hero’s preparing for battle……

The army of one ensured the sustanence levels were adequate (baked potato, turkey breast, spinach and carrots) before donning their battle gear: One pair of raspy twelve year old, dark Navy blue basketball shorts, a slightly newer, somewhat tight fitting Addidas running t-shirt, low-cut Nike black crew socks and a pair of disrepaired three year and four thousand walking miles old black slip-on Vans (yeah, the ones that irritate most people)….Lastly, the helmet of pride, the source of power on many levels: A very old and tattered Addidas San Antonio (yep, the newly crowned NBA champions of the world) SSSPPPPUUUURRRSSSS!!!!!! baseball hat.

Ready for battle, the batallion loaded up in the recently acquired 2007 Hertz Rental Toyota Forerunner (Thanks Gold Club) with six speaker / woofer stereo set-up. They punched up some Reno based ALICE, which was cranking STP (Stone Temple Pilots), and stormed towards the enemies known location: World Gym Carson City (WGCC)!

Mighty in presence, lowly in number, the motivated and focused force burst through the double glass doors of the WGCC and was suddenly slowed by the mystical female beauty which was peering at the disheveled back-slayer-brigade from above her computer. Motivation and determination was brought immediately to a halt, as the iron-maiden hand-gestured a commonly accepted universal symbol for "HELLO," which was reciprocated by the mighty authoritative force. The subsequent ten minute flirting session that proceeded was not only stimulating, but mentally enhancing as well. (whoops, what really happened was a serious verbal exchange, between two professionals, of vital information pertaining to the enemies location and their strengths…..that’s my story and I’m sticking with it!)

Refocused and newly energized, the group of men numbering in the just above zero and just below two number, stormed out onto the battle ground where it quickly assessed the threatening mechanical and iron nemisis’ that smuggly dared for the war to begin, one battle at a time. The enemy looked around, calculating it’s best defense and offered the following recruits for battle: The wide grip pull-down machine, the dumbell row, the close-grip smith machine shrug, the Hammer-strength seated lateral row machine, T-bar rows and the closer…..the Olympic DEADLIFT!

The war was bloody……extremely sweaty, and most probably smelly! One by one the battles were waged and fought. Only with extreme courage and a "never say die" attitude was the WAR actually won. The following is a first hand eye-witness account of the batttles that ensued.

"Hi, I’m Delbert P. Walthrop, and I just wanted to walk y’all through what I saw first hand tonight because it was unlike anything I have ever seen in my twenty year life span. This mighty force of surely thousands of soldiers just plowed through those doors right there…..see the ones with the glass in them, yep and they all crowded around that poor little girl up there working and actually spoke to her, before steamrolling through the section of the gym that houses the part-time wannabe athletes fancy machines and into, what we commoners refer to as, THE BATTLE ZONE. What’s that you ask?…….No, I don’t usually go in there as I might get hurt, but tonight I just had to see with my own eyes, what was gonna take place…I mean you should’ve seen it, tonight I saw raw fury and here’s the step-by-step rundown of what I witnessed…..see I wrote the details down in my pocket diary that I carry everywhere with me…..

The first battle started with the wide-grip pull-down machine: 6 x 30, 25, 20, 10, 8, 5 (pounds: 130 - 245) It was an impressive display, if I do say so myself….. I got tired and scared just watching….

The enemy then proceeded to launch dumbell rows at the poor group of mighty warriors, who responded with 4 X 15, 12, 10, 8 (pounds: 45 - 95) that was a clear win in my book…but the battle continued…..

I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing to be quite frank, because not only was the clearly overmatched group of men seemingly winning the battles, they were doing it in less than thirty seconds between sets….I know, I know, psycho huh? At any rate the next battle took place over there with close grip Smith machine shrugs: 8 X 20, 15, 12, 10, 8, 4… (pounds: 135 - 295) this was a really impressively won battle because there was some serious grunting and major clanking going on here.

Next the two foes battled it out at the Hammer strength seated lateral row machine: 4 X 15, 10, 8, 6 (pounds 90 - 170) I could tell that the war was nearing a close here, because both sides just looked like they were getting tired or something…..

The war however, continued superset (Yeah, SUPERSET) style with T-bar rows and the grand daddy funk master of all the exercises….DEADLIFTS: 6 X reps to failure with various pounds for both exercises. The last and final set was 135 pounds on the Olympic bar for deadlifts and as a burn-out, thirty (THIRTY) reps were completed! Full reps…..

And that’s all there really was to it, both sides just kind of petered out after that. I’m guessing they both just considered it a draw because it ended with the same abruptness as when it began. The battalion stopped at the front desk on his way out and exchanged about ten minutes of pleasantry’s with that HOT GIRL, I mean with the kind girl that works at the front desk and then they was gone….That’s it, end-o-story."

On the road workout rating: 9+

Emergency Carbohydrate diet post: I have decided to add a few complex carbs to my diet this week as I have been feeling flat……updates will be posted along with my nightly muscle smackdowns!

Good night and thank you Carson City…..T minus three days till mission complete. Stay tuned for the next episode of the World Gym workout: " A World Gym leg tale."

Continuing my two week World Gym workout post from Carson City, Nevada: tonight was…..oh Sweet precious delicate Mother of the Muscle building world….ARMS!!! Yes folks, my second favorite body part to work just slightly behind chest. Listen to me now, and hear me later….when I work arms, I leave nothing in ‘em.

BREAK: Cliche’ time — When I work arms I:

blast ‘em

waist ‘em

keeeellllll ‘em

slice, dice and puree’ the sucka’s

put a cap in ‘em

blow ‘em up

and my personal favorite……….Thaw, boil, bake at 375, lightly broil for a few, let cool, slice equally and serve ‘em! (Long and goofy I know. But, it’s who I am…at least I’ve taken the first step: admit the problem)

Again for those of you just joining my World Gym hiatus, I like to blood volume train nowadays. More important to me than moving seriously heavy iron for a few, is to ensure I am overloading the designated muscle group with plenty of volume: lactic acid build-up is my cue that I am getting the job done……"If it’s not burning, it’s not working," is my mantra! So, without further ado, let’s get busy shall we?

All supersets done with less than 30 seconds of rest in-between:

**Standing, supinating, dumbell curls supersetted with two-hand dumbell overhead tricep extensions

4 X 15 - 20 Curl weights: 20 - 45….Extension weights: 45 - 70

**Seated machine curls supersetted with seated overhead tricep extensions

6 X 10 - 15 Curl weights: 40 - 70…..Extension weights: 45 - 95

**Standing wide grip barbell pulley curls supersetted with Rope tricep press downs

6 X 15 - 20 Curl weights: 50 - 80….Extension weights: 90 - 150

**Hammer dumbell curls supersetted with Close grip Bench press

5 X 15 - 30 Hammer weights: 20 -30…..Bench weights: 135 - 185

**High pulley Vertical curls supersetted with Machine behind the back dips

6 X 10 - 15 Curl weights: 125 - 175…..Dip weights: 120 - 175

**Seated machine preacher curls supersetted with machine tricep extensions (burnout sets)

8 X 20 - 30 Curl weights: 35 - 65…..Extension weights: 80 -120

On the road Workout rating - 10

I’m not really sure I could’ve done anything else tonight. I loved this workout because right out of the shute, during my supinating curls and dumbell extensions, I developed a serious pump. And while I’m just not really sure why, I am sure it got me all hot and bothered for a fry session. Have you ever noticed that a good pump almost always guarantee’s a fantastic workout?

On a little side note, I do not take any volumizers, but I have been experimenting with liquid Amino’s before my workouts, and I gotta tell you, my vascularity has been superb as of late. What is it about vascularity?…….Don’t know, don’t care, just know that I love it and yep, I’m addicted!! (B-Man)

At any rate, rest assured my easily worried friends, there was nothing on the table when I drudged my butt out-o-the World Gym tonight. My arms felt like Gorilla arms: and just because I couldn’t move ‘em, that means nothing: All that mattered to me, was the fact that my short shirt sleeves were stretched to the max, there were veins a poppin’ everywhere, and I know that I left some scarred people looking on in fear tonight. 

If it’s not real, then what’s the point!!
 

It arrives late at night, when the sane humans of this world are safely locked inside of their homes watching television shows representative of the life they only dream of living: perpetual inaction is their motto. The beast, -an outcast, a monster, a hideous sight- complete with gargantuan muscles, tattered and torn World Gym shirt, rugged cargo shorts and ten-year-old slip-on VAN topsiders, pushes its way through the entirely too tiny double door opening: much to the fright of the unlucky patrons still lingering through their safe and weak treadmill routines.

The monster from depths of the unmentionable forgets its purpose for a moment as it peers at an individual of the female variety who has chosen to dawn form fitting sweat pants with the moniker of "Juicy," on the hind quarter and a light-pink tight fitting tank top barely controlling a nicely shaped upper chest. The beast is tamed as a rush of euphoria and slight arousal temporarily overtakes him….

Realizing its true intent and subesquetnly regaining focus, the unimaginable being begins to move iron components rapidly and smoothly in rythym with the melodic noise that is resounding from non-visible points located throughout this modern day torture facility. Loudly proclaiming its dominance over a mighty load, which most humans would consider unmovable without mechanical assistance, he pushes and pulls the weight-laden bar-type contraptions repeatedly and with hydraulic-type ease.

The tremendous load slams on the stop and a nightmare-inducing roar is suddenly emmitted by the creature: one that might resemble what the combination of a thunder-clap and a Gorilla’s scream would sound like, were they to ever occur at the exact same time. A fearful few attempt a very timid peripheral sneak peek at the source of the commotion: "no sight has surely ever been seen by the human eye," one slender male onlooker, wearing a t-shirt with the phrase "Ain’t Skeered" on it, offers as he rapidly egresses the suddenly dangerous building.

Now alone as is usually the case, the beast, with animalistic instinct proceeds to load, unload, move, push, pull, and rotate the myriad of metal machines in a controlled yet chaotic manner. Sweat covers its entire being as the punishing ritual of brobdingnagian proportion comes to an end. The mammoth creature, whose skin can barely contain the overinflated and vascularized muscles, removes itself from this den of inequity on a laser like path towards a mechanical transportation unit. Looking for relief from the nuclear-like bodyheat recently generated, the beast downs a generous amount of an unidentifiable citrus based beverage. The cool-down begins as the lactic acid buildup slowly disiminates back to where’st it came. A sigh of relief formulates deep from within the vocal mechanisms of the body that has just propelled itself to a new apex of muscular breakdown.

The road back to its temporary living quarters is a satisfactory one for this temporarily misplaced beast / auditor.

To be continued……

Return back soon for another edition of the World Gym Monster. Tomorrow nights episode, "Beast and the Military Press!" 

Continuing with my quest for the ulitmate two weeks of, mind-blowing, muscle-blasting, euphoric-inducing, iron-moving, I drove to the World Gym Carson City at 930 PM (Yep, I’m a non-sleeper….averaging anywhere from 4 to 5 hours on a good night). Sometimes my own personal sleep deprevation thing can be a curse (for obvious reasons, I would suppose) but at other times, such as being the only one in the gym, it can be a blessing. At any rate, I very much looked forward to blasting my back tonight, as the World Gym is a large believer in Hammer Strength machines….and I do love me some Hammer Strength machine (let’s face it, you’ve got to love a machine that, if you know how to sit down, will blast the intended muscle to no end). So without further ado, here’s the routine I followed tonight. As a bonus for drudging all the way through my blog, I will include my hotel diet at the end.

As is typical, I started the night with wide-grip pull-downs as a warm-up 4 X 30 with 130 pounds.

The rest of my workout was completed with only thirty seconds of rest between sets and is done in an attempt to recreate the famous blood volume training sessions of Craig Titus.

Footnote: you will never find a better way to get a fantastic pump, burn the intended muscle, and force new growth if you are stagnant, than blood volume training.

Supersetted T-bar Rows (6 X 15 with 90 pounds) and Close grip barbell shrugs (6 X 15 with 225)

Hammer strength Iso-lateral pull-downs (8 X 20-10 with 275 - 140)

Dumbell shrugs (4 X 20 with 65 pounders)

Hammer strength Iso-lateral low pulls ( 6 X 15 - 10 with 180 - 90)

Super Tri-set: Wide grip pull downs, Low pulleys, and Matrix horizontal Iso pulls (6 X 15 with 160 - 80)

Workout time: 40 minutes

Workout rating: 8 plus.

While I had a pretty brutal workout, and don’t get me wrong as I was a frying when I left…I felt as though I could’ve put up a rating of ten, if I would’ve put on a little more weight and a pushed a few less reps during my beginning exercises. Oh well, whatcha gonna do, right? I can still feel the blood a pumping for sure. And at the end-o-the day, that’s what it is all about, yes?

 BONUS ROUND: for you folks still pluggin’ away….here’s my hotel based diet for the day.

10 oz. Turkey Breast fillet (microwaved, with one egg) It’s good, give it a try sometime.

3 oz. Leafy Spinach (a super food btw)

4 oz. FLAX PLUS pumpkin raisin crunch cereal

3 cups of non-fat yogurt with three scoops of weigh protein

4 oz. of Orange Juice taken directly after workout (for anabolic boost)

4 egg-white omelette with 2 oz. of leafy spinach and chopped almonds, filberts and virgin peanuts

2 Low-sugar DETOUR energy protein bars

Happy almost Tuesday to everyone, come back tomorrow for a recap of my leg-day…typically, I end up making myself sick on leg day due to the load I push and pull, so if you’re into reading about that sort of thing…first off, there may be no help for you, but secondly, maybe there will be some good reading just for you. Carson City……Good night and I love you……….

So, as you may have read from my last blog, I will be pushing and pulling the Iron stuff at World Gym for the next two weeks, and as such, will dedicate a blog to each of my anticipated punishing brutality sessions. The following represents a total mind and muscle gel: a state that produces a perfect unity between the worker and the controller…..Read on, but only if you dare….I know: Goober!! Had to say it though…

 Tonight was chest night, and I do love me some chest blasting. The fact that World Gym was the venue, had me as amped up as a 9 year old boy who has just unwrapped a Red Rider BB gun for Christmas: Unbridled my friends…Unbridled excitement, I tell ya!! I started with all the Hammer presses and then and then and then….

Workout total time: 45 minutes and blood volume training is what I’m all about (IE: Craig Titus)

* 30 second rest intervals between sets

Incline Hammer Strength (*):

1 X 30 with 135

6 X 15, 12, 10, 8, 6, 4 with 275

Decline Hammer Strength (*):

6 X 20, 15, 12, 9, 7, 4 with 245

Wide Grip Hammer Strength(*):

5 X 15, 12, 10, 8, 6 with 235

Flat bench Dumbell Flyes (*) Slow and easy, felt the stretch:

3 X 20, 16, 10 with 45’s

Standing Cable Chest Flye’s(*):

5 X 30, 25, 20, 15, 13, 10 with 70

Smith Machine close grip Bench (*):

4 X 15, 12, 10, 7 with 145

Burnout circuit sets with, Pec Deck, machine incline, machine straight press (*):

3 X 30, 20, 10….weight stack pin-placement in order…. 115, 135, 165

Was I burning, was I pumped, was I on fire about World Gym tonight? Does Ronnie Coleman like peanuts? To best put my burn and pump into perspective, let me just say, that my chest was pumped for at least an hour after my workout concluded: I came back to the hotel room and posed it for another thirty minutes…..sick and twisted I know, but for those of you who are as addicted to the pump as I am, you know how awesome it is to just sit and pose a body part after achieving a Nirvana pump!!

Stay tuned for World Gym workout part two: Back…..tomorrow. I’m already plotting…..

So I’m back on the road up in Carson City, Nevada as of today….which is somewhat perturbing as it is Father’s day and all…..I already miss my family (And yes I know I’m pathetic, but whatcha gonna do, right). Anywho, I will be up here for the next two weeks working with another division of the Company I work for. I must say that it totally stinks having to travel for my job, and must admit that it is getting old. However and with all of that, the bills are still getting paid, so therefore I will continue. On we go……. if you dare…..ooohhh scary huh?

 As I am on the road alot, and as some of you might know, whenever I am on audit, I typically will either morph a standard workout into a mind blowing muscle frying expedition in the hotel I stay at, or (if the hotel’s facilities are less than just okay) I will scout out a neighborhood gym for the very same muscle torturing intent. I have been here (Carson City) numerous times before and know that they have a World Gym right around the corner from the Holiday Inn Express I stay in. Let me tell ya folks, that is an extremely exciting thing for me. I’m gonna go on record here to say that World Gym’s in my humble, but experienced opinion are as good if not better than, any other gym out there. I have been in probably two hundred different gyms, workout facilities, muscle morphing museum’s and health clubs over my twenty years of moving the iron, and can say with authority, that World Gym rock’s!!

I’m gonna take a moment to give a shout out to the World Gym Assistant General Manager Josh, here in Carson, because the guy is just flat out way cool and very understanding. I e-mailed him after my last stay here (knowing I’d be back) to find out if he’d offer me a good deal for my imminent two week hiatus I had coming up. On that very day (YES, the same day!), he called me and said, "My friend come on in when you get here and we’ll see what we can do."

"Customer Service is dead," you say….I say it is not…and not only is it not dead…it is alive and well at the World Gym here in Carson City Nevada. Face the facts: when was the last time you emailed someone at a different company (let alone your own company) to ask a favor and they actually called you that very same day? Know how many times that’s happened to me…..NONE…ZERO….BIG GIANT "O", NADA, SQUAT, NEVER….Sorry, I guess you get the point…..On we go with the story.

Flash forward to today: I walk into the World Gym and ask for Josh. Within seconds, this big tatooed guy comes up and asks, " What can I do for you Sir…..Sir? Who says Sir anymore? People who care about customer service, that’s who!!

I took a second to explain who I was and what I was doing there in the World Gym Carson City. It took Big Josh all of about three point one seven four eight seconds to figure out who I was and another two point one eight three five one seconds to offer me a great one month deal, and on top of that……five free tans!!

Holy Schnikes, right? What in the name of Sweet potato pancakes just happened? I mean, like twenty seconds ago, I was faced with the serious threat of having to work out in the Holiday Inn Express for two weeks straight (trust me…..it’s a very scary thought….I get the chills just thinking about it) and now I will be able to push and pull some serious muscle burning and bending iron!!! In the words of Al Pacino from the movie "Scent of a Woman," (which I love that scent btw) HHHooooowwwaaaahhhh!!!!

Okay, if you’re still with me (you’re a die-hard for sure, if you are), in honor of Big Josh of World Gym in Carson City, Nevada, I plan to dedicate my next two weeks worth of blogs solely to my misadverntures that will pleasantly play out at said World Gym and yep you guessed it…..starting tonight….

Stay tuned for some mind blowing workouts, as I plan to get my money’s worth moving some serious iron and then tell the world all about ‘em….Can you feel it? 

WARNING: The following is a rant of epic proportion, which might contain irritating language and embarrassing situational matter. The writer of this rant, offers self serving suggestions and irrational realistic thoughts regarding the most troublesome dining situations he experiences while on the road (OTR) auditing. Any convulsions or revulsions that might be experienced while reading the following cannot and will not cause any sympathetic feelings to emerge from the obviously irrational situational illustrator of this banter-driven literary device. Continue at your own risk, and remember, he / she who farts in church, sits in his / her own pew!

Without further ado, I start what I envision as an on-going blog-series of diet tips along with real life story-references to accompany my already on-going thought provoking, anger inducing Hotel workout blog-series which can be viewed in my blog archives.

A plug from a very well-known blog critic……

"They’ll leave you crying, laughing, screaming, angry, happy, stimulated then ecstatic: A real emotional roller-coaster," writes New York Times editor and chief, I. P. Frequently.

Situational occurrence: A real life event and epiphony, experienced while OTR recently….

 I watched the congealed mass of fat, salt-based spice and dinner salad meld into a slime-marsh right in front of my eyes: all the while becoming increasingly convinced that the artery clogging, spare tire inflating, and definition inhibiting, supposedly healthy alternative chicken platter I had ordered at TGIF’s, was probably not going to allow me progress towards my 8% BF goal. I vowed then an there that there had to be a better way as I, with surgeon-like precision, picked out the few un-fat-tainted slivers of lettuce and tomato that were potentially decent for consumption. Yes, a way that would not only allow me to maintain this hard-worked-for definition, muscu / vascu…. larity, but might even allow me the opportunity to get closer to my ultimate BF goal (Sweet Mother of paper-thin skin, do you know what I mean?). So, I set out to do the impossible: Find the answer to a society that is increasingly bent on ensuring that individuals who are forced to travel for a living will be fat, out-o-shape slob-like beings that send most women and children (some men) running in fear of being eaten or slobbered on. A system that dictates exorbitant levels of sodium, fat, cholestorol, and simple sugar in the foods we, because of the traveling situation, are forced to consume!

BREAK: A typical night at a typical restaraunt. (Pretty darn typical, huh?)

 "Let’s see might I have the Chicken Breast dinner (not to be confused with Chicken-Tuna) without the gravy or sauce: and the salad without the dressing?"

As I surmised the confused and scared look on the waitress, I realized that it would have been safer and easier to have stated the following instead:

"Hi, my name is The Rain-Man, and I recently opened up my skull and took my brain out, as well as any ounce of common sense I might or might not have had to begin with. I slur my speech, am generally un-articulate, bathe in my swimming suit and flip-flops, should probably never be left unsupervised and feel the need to wear a safety helmet and cup most of the time. Please forgive my lack of mental ability, but might I have a small cup of green tea that has been heated to four-hundred and one-half degrees, so that I may lap at it like a big wooly British Mastiff, swirl it around in my mouth like mouth-wash, swallow loudly, then complete the process with an obnoxious belch and most odiferous flatulant?"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch……

My answer to shear frustration came in the realization that yes, there are convenient and healthy dining alternatives while traveling. All I needed to do, was to just commit. So, I did!

To make the most of the opportunity, all I need is a refrigerator and microwave (Both items typically found in most hotel rooms nowadays….sweet). Now, don’t be fooled into thinking that this type of cooking and dining will ever be mistaken for authentic french cuisine: however, it is an answer for a healthy dining experience that really taste’s just on the other side of not bad. I have been following this type of diet on the last three road trips and am really enjoying the health benefits, as well as the low costs ivolved….who knew, right?

The following is a portion of my latest diet and dining experience I single-handedly pulled off while in Las Vegas this week:

A SAMPLING OF THE AUTHENTIC, "BODY AUDITOR OTR DIET"

Items for purchase at the local Supermarket:

20 oz. Turkey breast tenderloin - $ 4.99

12 oz. Fresh Broccoli and Carrots - $1.99

12 oz. chopped Almonds and Filberts - $3.99 (multiple applications)

2.5 oz. bottle of Mrs. Dash, Southwest Chipoltle (no sodium) seasoning (multiple applications)

Preperation:

Cook turkey breast, pasted with seasoning, in microwave for 6 minutes, stopping every 1.5 minutes for rotation.

Cook vegetables mixed with, seasoning, Almonds and Filberts in microwave for 2 minutes (this amount of cooking time will produce a crisp texture: cook longer and with added water is a softer texture is preferred.

Production results:

Three meals, each containing:

50 grams of protein

8 grams of carbohydrate

10 grams of mono / poly unsaturated fat (healthy)

20 mgs of Sodium

An extreme amount of Vitamin A and C

Diet benefit rating: AWESOME

Stay tuned for more AUTHENTIC BODY AUDITOR OTR diet blogs and be sure to check out the previous AUTHENTIC BODYAUDITOR OTR hotel workouts….

Next week, Portable grill creations and the hotel smoke detector!