Memoirs of a reluctant Bulker

What happened to the time when America preferred to be strong?

What happened to the time when America didn’t care if another country felt a bit uneasy with what we chose to do?

What happened to my Country that I fought for?

What happened to my Country that used to say, "mess with us, and all hell breaks loose!"?

What happened to my Country that used to say proudly, "God Bless the USA!!" and didn’t care if someone may feel a bit uneasy as a result?

What happened to the America that said screw everyone else, we are the leaders, and that’s a fact Jack!!?

Know what I want?

I want my Country back!

The one where we would unload a can of "whoop ass" on any terrorist who chose to kidnap, maim or kill any one of our citizens: Regardless if they were black, white, muslim, christian, jew, and so on. Mess with us, it’s pretty much the last thing you do! And oh yeah, by the way, we may choose to pour a little water on you if you’re an enemy in order to get some useful information.

Look folks, I want my Country back: The one that chose to never be a victim. The one that said, "lose your job, get another one!" The one that proudly stood by its decisions, all of them: Even the one where we unloaded two small tactical nuke’s, in a victorious effort, effectively ending WWII in the Pacific (for those of you who had forgotten).

I want the Country back that said, "We’ll kick your ass if you mess with us" and "God Bless" all in the same sentence! Remember that one? The one terrorists used to be afraid of?

So, listen to me now, hear me later…..ACLU, go blow yourself, because I want God on my side and I want to go kick me some terrorist ass. I want my Country back!! 

2007 Warped Recap: Thoughts, Theories, Rants, Insights and Whatever!

So, here we are at the end of another year. Is it just me, or do the years just absolutely fly by nowadays? I remember when I was a kid, year’s seemed like an eternity plus one day. Now, they fly by: it really seems like it was New Years day 2007 just a couple of months ago. Is time maybe really moving faster, or might I just be getting old. Hhhhmm, what could it be (Deep-ponder break).

Read the paragraph and then watch the proceding video: I bet you will too.

—– This film was made by a 15 year old girl.

The following is the hottest thing on the internet and on Fox News today.

Lizzie Palmer who put this YouTube program together is 15 years old. There have been over 3,000,000 hits as of this morning. In case you missed it, here it is.

Watch all of it…….and, pass it on!!
http://www.youtube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1

Today: evaluate, adjust and make a positive difference!

Ode to Friday

WARNING - A semi-personal experience inspired this poem. It may cause you to reflect, ponder, appreciate and react: proceed at your own risk….. 

Click link, watch and listen, then read ahead…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IepGiupfguM

Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming 

I hear the breeze a moving, in this cold part of town

The pain is defeaning as I remember the days we ran free

We flowed together like a lazy stream touring the hills

The ache is an inner burning, my compliment is now gone

Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming

Beauty of which there was no equal, humanity you blessed

The sorrow crushes, as euphoria from days past floods my soul

We experienced the world simultaneously, our bodies as one

The shear dismay, cuts at my inner being with indifferent precision

Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming

Alone we were, amongst the many: integral to each, we were

The tears I once held back, now freely flow

Alive and carefree, we conquered the impossible 

My heart beats with purpose no more: my love, you have gone

Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming

The introverted masses ebb and flow without me, I am alone

The burden of despair I am forced to embrace, warps sound reason

Your passing, an unseen dagger within my heart has placed

The ever-present affliction, my life a quandry has made

Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming

Sound reason surely there was, your transcendence up above

With all of my inner-being, I grieve: Relief cannot be found

The angels sing of beauty and love and purity, amongst them you inspire

Torturous misery I will endure, until that day as one we return

Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming

Recently I recieved a PM from a fellow bodyspacer, and it sparked an idea for a recurring blog. I actually get many questions regarding what it is I do in regards to working out, diet and supplementation….And I do try the best I can to address these questions via comments. But sometimes, there’s just too much to say, and let’s just face it, 19 comments from my ugly butt, is not something anyone really wants on their page, correct? So, with that and the fact that some of these questions may be swirling around in other bodyspacers heads, I offer the first in an open blog Q & A forum!! This is where I will post some of the questions I randomly get along with my seriously slanted and most likely offensive answers from the side that I roll on….The hazy side!!

 BLANKET WARNING: The views posted forth by the originating typemaster can and most likely will be offensive, unnerving, off-kilter, haywire, hair-brained, borderline repelling and rage-inducing. However, all of the information found within this lunacy, is certified true, by the aforementioned typemaster, and therefore may offer some semblance of assistance to like-minded, fellow mentally-troubled souls….Happy reading……or NOT.

PM questions in Italics and my answers are in bold:

The following PM questions were recieved on 10-18-07 

"I saw that in your photos you bulked up, then cut weight.

I’m still learning on what to do. An when to do it.

Here’s my questions:
-When you bulk up. What do you do for sets and reps?"I do one set per body part per day….Each set taken to full muscle failure…Typically, I do drop sets and partials to accomplish this. My exercise selections are the basics: Bench, Deads, Leg Press, Calf press, Military press, Dumbell curls and close grip bench.

"Is it the same for every bodypart?"Yes, one set each per day and my workouts typically during a bulk take no more than ten minutes.

"Do you take any suppliments when bulking up?"The only supplements I am taking are Whey protein powder and Protein bars (Detour and MetRX exclusively). At times, I will take creatine (plain with grape juice) as this is one supplement that I have experienced success with.

"How long do you go for bulking up, before you start to cut?" Roughly, about four to six months depending now, on when I have a competition. In the past, I have bulked during the winter months and cut up for the summer months.

"What are some specific things you eat to help with bulking?"The basics for my Clean bulking diet are: Chicken Breast, Lean Pork, Lean beef, Turkey breast, Whole grain pasta’s and cereals, yogurt, Nuts (Almonds, filberts, pistacio’s, brazil nuts and pepita’s), assorted vegetables and fruits. I am also not very stringent about cheat foods: Pizza especially. I may have five to six cheat meals a week: I don’t cognizantly look to avoid them, nor do I cognizantly search them out.

"An basicly the same questions, but for when cutting weight.
Sets, reps?"With my emphasis solely on muscle refinement (shaping) at this point, I look to push as much blood as possible into the target muscle. Typically I’ll do anywhere from 15 - 20 sets with anywhere from 15 - 20 reps per set per body part and I rest no more than 30 seconds between sets.

"Do you use these set and rep numbers for everybody part you work out?"Yes. My workouts typically range from 45 minutes to an hour and I work out five days a week with two days off during this time.

"What do you take when cutting weight?" I do not take any supplements to assist with the fat loss. I do however drop most if not all carbs and replace them with healthy fats….Olive oils, Salmon, and lots of nuts…..

"How long do you cut weight before you start to bulk up again?" Again, before competing was a goal, I would bulk during the winter and cut for the summer.

"Do you eat anything special to help stay trimmed up?" I guarantee, if you follow a low to no carb diet while replacing carbs with healthy fats and increase your protein intake, you will not only get lean, you will stay lean.

"Please help me bro. I feel like i’m at a stand still and it’s frusterating me. I love working out, want to get bigger, and more tone." 

Hopefully these nuggets help you my friend and anyone else who may be contemplating the same scenarios. BodyAuditor out, peace to all…..And remember: If you’re not keeping it real, chances are, no one is taking you for real! 

Over my twenty years of bodybuilding, I have learned many things. Transversely, I have experimented with many different routines and diet configurations that just flat out, do not work. Throughout those years I have also noticed that many people want for someone to just give them the secret:

"Please kind sir, give me the magic potion that makes you look the way you do."

"Oh dear man, can you tell me the secret to a healthy muscular body?"

It has always amazed me at how much our society tries to make things, of which are really simple in nature, complicated. Why do things have to be similar to rocket science before they are bought into? Everyday in my job, and many times in my personal life, seemingly simple solutions are never listened to, until they are made complicated and bogged down with large numbers, scales, graphs and powerpoint presentations. Unfortunately, the path to a lean, shapely muscled, aesthetically pleasing body has also been bogged down by our society’s quest to complicate.

Folks, today, in an uncharacteristically short blog (in support of simplicity) I give you the very easy "secret" formula to how a more muscular body is obtained. I present it in diagram form for ease of assimilation:

He lived a life of abuse for many years. Dad was no dad at all and Mom? Since she was living a life filled with abuse and negativity, she probably never even noticed the torture being levied upon her son and two daughters. Each night when Dad came home from the bar, he would take turns letting out his pent up frustration, in a unique fashion, on each of his internal family members. On the outside, Dad was a business man, a respected memeber of the community, and unfortunately as is the case many a times, a leader of the church. Folks from the neighborhood, would always tell the boy, "Boy, you’re one lucky fellow! Your Daddy is a great man! Count your blessings!" Confused, Scared, Alone: For many years the boy endured the type of life that has been systematically labled as the cause of many of today’s unrepairable psychological disorders.

Call it inner drive, call it a proactive and inherent nature, call it divine intervention, this boy was not to be categorized by a situational demand beyond his control. No, he would not fall into the category of criminal, patient, and / or inmate: His most rightful and understandable destiny. He would make a positive difference regardless of the torturous onslaught his Dad / mentor continuously assailed against him and his family. 

When the boy was thirteen and for all intents and purposes, by the grace of God, Daddy met a violent end to the tyrannical lifestyle he secretly lived. One rainy night during the Monsoon season in Central Arizona, Daddy was driving home from his favorite bar, angry, upset, and bent on relieving his anger. After the accident, the police men investigating the scene were hard pressed to identify the logical reason for the man’s death. Official cause of death in the end, read like a newly created hypothesis deep within the Extraterrestrial Life Forms lab at Area 51. This unfoundational cause was accepted, in lieu of a reaonsable explanation. For how does one explain with reason, the scenario where a single car appears as though it has hit a brick wall, in the middle of the road, crumpling itself in such a manner, that the driver is crushed to death? No brick wall, no other vehicle.

The boy, his sisters and his Mom, were unmoved by the news of the accident. Many in the community struck out verbally at this reaction, as immoral, callous and uncarring! How could this family not feel remorse by the death of such a "Great Man?" Out of pure grace and pure spirit, did this family not once, speak of the evil and hideous behaviour’s of this man. The horrific lives they were forced to endure for many years, were buried that day along with the instigator.

Today, the boy serves as an inspiration to many: His peers in school, his brother’s and sister’s in church, his neighbors, and the one’s who share his secret. He proactively is at the top of his class as a Senior in High School, is involved with and leader of the High School program that has enabled him to enter Yale upon graduating as a Junior. He interns as a trainer both on the High School football team, and at the municipality ambulance center for thirty hours each week: This in addition to his full-time job he works after school and on weekends. His aspirations of becoming the finest neurologist in the world, seemingly and fittingly, have all but been granted. All of this he gladly accomplishes in a positive way, never speaking in a negative tone and always embracing new challenges in a flexible and confident way.

Mom is diagnosed with Cancer and subsequently prognosed with imminent death: Untreatable they determine. Depression runs amuck from those who are familiar with the boys situation. "What will become of him," they say in whispers…The boy, with so much weight on his shoulders, again proves that inspiration typically comes from the most unlikely of places, when he announces one bleak afternoon, "Mom died today, but before she did, she told me that our story must be told, that she was proud of me, that she loved me, and that I was an inspiration to her." The boy breaks down, as he speaks the story to of all people, his High School English teacher, who ironically and as is the case with many unsung heroes, had served as an inspiration to the boy.

The preceding story, was………..TRUE. The boy will be entering Yale as a Junior pre-med student in August of 2008. As I was told this story by someone who is quite close to me, I welled up inside, I smiled, and felt extreme euphoria, fullly from the realization, that awesome people do still exist: Many times, in the most unlikely of places…..

"I will live to be a positive inspiration today!" This is my decree……What’s yours?

The following is an intellectually stimulating articulation by the pen-master of frivolous fodder: The Body Auditor.

1. If we put our jeans, boxers and panties on, why don’t we put on our underwears and bras?

2. Why does road rage still exist? How many people will have to get shot before we as an "intelligent" species realize that road rage is short for imminent peril?

3. Why do some people on bodyspace have a billion people in their stalking category, and then subsequently request others as their friend without so much as a comment or note? On a side note here, these people from here and forever more shall be known as, "Trollers."

4. Why worry about something negative someone else says about you, either to you in person, written, or when you are not around? Worrying about the personal opinions someone else holds towards you accomplishes??????? Anything? Didn’t think so. Blow it off man!

5. Why do dogs love to stick their heads outside the window of a car blowing down the highway at 90 miles per hour, but will not put up with a human blowing on their nose?

6. If human’s could clean themselves like dogs and cats…..would they? And if so, would it be legal to do so in public?

7. Why do some people with large SUV’s also have sticker’s stating, "Save the environment: think green," on the back bumper?

8. Why do fans at sporting events yell four letter epithats at the athletes and then throw beer bottles on the field or court? Why do they feel they have that right?

8a. Why aren’t professional athletes allowed to go into the stands and or bleachers and beat the crap out of the unruly fans mentioned in number 8? Personally, I’d pay to see that!

9. How is it that some people can propagate and never want to be a part of the subsequent childs life? I really don’t understand how this happens….I love my kids and can’t even imagine a scenario where I wasn’t allowed or didn’t want to be a part of their lives.

10. Why do Brown Nosers at work continue to brown nose? Do they actually get somewhere at your workplace? They are mocked by co-workers and abused by the brown nosee where I work.

11. Why do some people live the Gothic or Emo lifestyle? Let’s review: You get yourself as pail or dark as possible, wear only black, create an atmosphere of depression and speak of hate at all times. What is the allure to this lifestyle? What is their recruitment decree?

12. Why don’t we just go and drop small tactical nukes on countries who harbor terrorist activities at all? Don’t we most likely know which countries are involved with terrorism? Why don’t we just give out a blanket statement such as: "Attention Terrorist supporting countries! America will no longer attmept negotiations with countries supporting terror in any way. From this moment forward, if your country is found to be involved with terrorism in any way, one verbal warning will be given for the cessation of those activities. If said activities continue, your country will be delivered a small tactical nuke, large enough in size to ensure that your country will no longer have the capability of sustaining any form of activity: terrorist in nature or not. Thanks for your cooperation in advance!" I’d vote for this…..

13. Uni-brows. Why do we still see these?

14. Any female with a mustache? Check the definition of a mustache in the dictionary if you are unsure if you should have one.

15. Larger humans and tight biker shorts? Why? Just why?

Bonus thought:

Remember the past, learn from the past, don’t live in the past. Look at the future, dream, be proactive, but do not long for tomorrow….REMEMBER TODAY!! For today is where the seeds for tomorrow’s harvested crops are sewn. Live for today, without regret!

Bodyauditor out: An awesome weekend, I wish to you all!

Remember