Memoirs of a reluctant Bulker

What happened to the time when America preferred to be strong?

What happened to the time when America didn’t care if another country felt a bit uneasy with what we chose to do?

What happened to my Country that I fought for?

What happened to my Country that used to say, "mess with us, and all hell breaks loose!"?

What happened to my Country that used to say proudly, "God Bless the USA!!" and didn’t care if someone may feel a bit uneasy as a result?

What happened to the America that said screw everyone else, we are the leaders, and that’s a fact Jack!!?

Know what I want?

I want my Country back!

The one where we would unload a can of "whoop ass" on any terrorist who chose to kidnap, maim or kill any one of our citizens: Regardless if they were black, white, muslim, christian, jew, and so on. Mess with us, it’s pretty much the last thing you do! And oh yeah, by the way, we may choose to pour a little water on you if you’re an enemy in order to get some useful information.

Look folks, I want my Country back: The one that chose to never be a victim. The one that said, "lose your job, get another one!" The one that proudly stood by its decisions, all of them: Even the one where we unloaded two small tactical nuke’s, in a victorious effort, effectively ending WWII in the Pacific (for those of you who had forgotten).

I want the Country back that said, "We’ll kick your ass if you mess with us" and "God Bless" all in the same sentence! Remember that one? The one terrorists used to be afraid of?

So, listen to me now, hear me later…..ACLU, go blow yourself, because I want God on my side and I want to go kick me some terrorist ass. I want my Country back!! 

I have systemically read many times over the past few days the question:

-Can I build muscle and lean out, all at the same time?

Folks, for many reasons, the answer is a resounding, No! Save for the following situational exceptions:

1. You have decided that taking steroids/GH is an acceptable (all be it non natural) mechanism for assisting you with your appearance or short term physical goals.

NOTE: I mention appearance and short term physical goals, as for the most part, steroids and even GH have (at this point anyway) been determined to produce several unwanted side effects (sometimes, years later) in addition to the one or two desired effects you most likely are seeking as a result of their usage.

2. You are that genetic freak that all of us has either known, or we currently do know. The type of individual who does the following:

-Eats doughnuts, candy, pizza and generally crap all day, all the time.

-May work out once in awhile, and when they do, they can lift twice as much as you can even though you workout all the time.

All that and they still carry that shredded muscular appearance, all the time….

NOTE: These people are really aliens…don’t be fooled!
 

3. You are a retired person with really nothing else to do in your life, except for eat, workout and collect your stool and blood samples in order to meticulously analyze the contents and subsequently apply your findings back into your diet and workout routine, then re-analyze, re-apply, re-analyze, etc. etc. etc. (terminal loop, with diminishing gains)

NOTE: This analysis is necessary in order to determine your uniquely perfect anabolic scenario (the ever changing and allusive state at which your body has the perfect amount of nutrients, stimulation and rest in order to achieve muscle hypertrophy).

So in conclusion…

If you are looking to build muscle:

-Bulk during the winter months when you’re showing off all of those new sweaters you spent your entire life savings on, anyway.

If you are looking to lean out:

-Cut out the carbs and processed foods all while increasing your protein and healthy fat(s) intake leading up to Summer.

NOTE: I’ve followed this type of cycling for the last twenty years of my life and it has resulted in an additional fifty pounds of lean muscle. Additionally, I’ve watched many folks toil away in mediocrity year-after-year, trying to build lean muscle only without gaining an ounce of fat, all while losing muscle and ultimately burning out completely.

Parting shot: Lift big, eat big, stretch the shirtsleeves……then eat small, lift a lot and take the shirt off!! Rinse, repeat, and enjoy the extra muscle. Great things, take time…enjoy the ride.

Remember: If you’re not helping, you’re part of the problem!

Bodyauditor out………

Dear Mr. Bodyauditor,
My current situation is quite stressful, and possibly more than anyone person should have to handle:

-My boss is arrogant and flippant

-I work like 10 hours a day, five days a week

-Traffic stinks

-My car is old and only has a CD player (I really would appreciate Satellite radio)

-And I’m having a hard time sticking to my diet

Signed,

Stressed out

RESPONSE:
 

Good Afternoon Stressed Out,

Three facts for your consideration:

-Today, there are two astronauts performing maintenance on the Hubble telescope (a multi-billion dollar project) up in space, 350 miles above sea level, with massive suits and gloves on that will protect them from the negative 455 degree temperatures, all while hoping they are not instantaneously obliterated by space debris travelling at speeds in excess of 17,500 miles per hour.
 

-Yesterday, three people lost their lives during a freak tornado/thunderstorm that blew through Missouri. Along with the loss of life, dozens of homes/structures were totaled and thousands of structures lost power for several hours. Today, the subsequent homeless are picking up the pieces and rebuilding by any means necessary….

-There are over 3.2 million refugees in Somalia right now, living in the desert, fending off diseases you and I have long since forgotten about, struggling to survive on grains of rice each day who still appreciate the opportunity to wake up each morning….

Hope this helps put things into perspective.

Signed,

The thankful Bodyauditor