Memoirs of a reluctant Bulker

The question was: "Do I love me some triceps?"

The time was: Right after a brutal Arms workout.

The answer was: "Yes, Ma’am, I do love me some triceps!"

The workout was simple: Biceps and Triceps supersets (I have always done arms superset style)

NEWSFLASH: Tonight on the 10 o’clock news……Breaking news report out of Sierra Vista! Follow the BodyAuditor as he literally brutalizes his arms!

Point of Duh!!!! That’s D-U-H for you people who are just joining us. It’s not difficult, it just requires heavy work and a bit of time….Read on….If you dare!

We interrupt this blog to bring you this special message from BodyAuditing systems:

"Hi, folks! I am the BodyAuditor and today I will reveal the true secret to building monster Triceps!"….Pause for flexing of triceps…And very big smile…You’ll also notice that we’ve added a somewhat corny, bushy 80’s style, feathered back, hair-do….

-Behind the back Triceps, Popeye style.

-Most muscular into a straight rear wrist Tricep shot, with a snap.

-and concluding with the "old-school" side Tricep shot….complete with huge smile….

"My friends, do you get teased at work and at the gym because you have tennis balls for biceps but then when standing relaxed and from the side; friends, family and from-afar admirerer’s are left to wonder, where is the beef?"

Camera break to show very large biceps, all freaky and complete with monster veinage. Camera pans out to the side while our arm model relaxes and subsequently allows the huge smile to fade into a frustrated look in addition to nodding his head in a knowing way.

"Wonder no more my triceps challenged friends because the solution is simple and easy: You have to work them HEAVY!"

Again, for those just joining us, that’s H-E-A-V-Y!

Arnold, no last name necessary (and no, not that Arnold), walks into camera view and with an excellent Austrian accent, states: "Hallo my fwiends! You must listen to my vedy guud fwiend, da BodyAudita! He vill pump you up!"

Paid impersonator leaves the stage and the BodyAuditor re-enters….

"That’s right, giant slabs of hanging arm beef can be yours, if you subscribe to my four part system for building triceps. It’s simple, it’s effective and it will bring on a full arrange of emotions. You’ll laugh, but not before crying: You’ll jump with glee, but not before cursing the BodyAuditor."

WARNINIG: The following four part system will be so shocking, many who experience and assimilate this information for the first time feel unexplained desires to immediately head to the gym or for an isolated few, a strange and to this point untreatable fascination for wearing Speedo’s and Teva’s to many of the places they once frequented like Malls, public parks, the golf course and / or laundro-mats. The BodyAuditor claims no repsonsibility for any subsequent acitons, but does add if the sudden and uncontrolled desire for visiting a laundro-mat is experienced, to please call him, as he would like to join you.

Step one: Focus mentally on the triceps (imagine they are a piston and your elbow is the joint: corny, yes. Effective: yes)

Step two: Blitz your triceps in the following manner during your arms workout (Bi’s and Tri’s always worked together)

-Week one: Supersets of Heavy skullcrushers followed immediately by heavy close-grip bench press. Do all sets to failure: Don’t quit until all three heads are feeling the acid and / or your shirt sleeves are ripping.

SIDENOTE: Just when you think your triceps have handled all that they can…..you still have two or three more sets left: You can’t work your triceps too hard…there really is just no such thing….The BodyAuditor himself has single handedly completed 20 or more of these sets during one session….Honest!

-Week two: Supersets of Heavy close-grip bench press followed immediately by behind the back (in-between two benches) triceps dips (have a friend put as many plates on your lap as possible and then strip off the plates during each sets). Do all sets to failure!!

SIDENOTE: DO ALL SETS TO FAILURE!!

SIDENOTE II: DO ALL SETS TO FAILURE!

BodyAuditor personal statement: "Friends, do all sets to failure!"

Step three: Eat like a beast….That is, eat like a beast who likes to eat clean foods (Chicken Breast, Spinach, etc.) And again, just when you think you’ve eaten enough….Eat some more! People, it’s clean eating…Get it while you can! When trying to rebuild biltzed, beaten and broken down triceps, I’d rather have too much nutrition than not enough.

Step four: Rest ‘em! Give those torched triceps at least three days of rest, and yes that means no presses!

BodyAuditor meanders back onto stage with a huge smile and overly styled coif, flexing first his left, then his right triceps….

"Folks in conclusion, it’s not hard, and at the same time, it’s not easy. It’ll be fun and horrible, all at the same time. You’ll want to beat me down, and shake my hand. You’ll want to puke and eat. It’ll be breathtaking and annoying. It’ll be the best and worst of times….It’s triceps or bust. Say it outloud with me:

"I want me some triceps, BodyAuditor!"

The audience screams with delight, especially the elderly (70’s and above) ladies as they grab up their four pronged walkers and slowly rush the stage.

"Goodnight my good people and besides remembering to control the pet population, remember to make a positive difference today, anyway you can!"