Warped Fireside Chats

Because I love fiction and I love to write, I give you:

Captain Ich Noo and Wanda Wee!

A self-created fictional series about one of the greatest superheroes ever, it will challenge you,  it will make you cry, it will make you laugh, it will leave you inspired.

Read on and check back every few days for this amazingly fresh and newly penned saga…..

It had been an incredible workout if the Captain had to say so himself. Maybe not so much for Wanda, but for his part, “WOW,” was all he could keep thinking as he moved his self proclaimed, zillion tons of weight.

“A zillion? That’s not even a number you goofball,” Wanda continually suggested every time the Captain stated it; which was way too often.

“That’s not technically correct, my dear woman who brings me pleasure, both physically and mentally. If you want to break it down, one would consider a zillion most likely must follow a trillion. I mean C’mon, what consonant is left to put in front of the phrase, ‘illion,’ for numerical purposes and still have it sound like a number? A willion or a villion? Those just sound stupid, obviously not numbers. But a zillion? Phhffaww, obviously a real huge number.”

He looked at her with all seriousness, as she looked at him with her usual disbelief and sincere hope that he was kidding. Sadly, he was more than likely serious and because of some head accident he surely suffered as a small child, truly believed some of the nonsensical statements he so boldly pontificated. She accepted his child like goofyness only because dang it, he was seriously hot. She liked to tell people that her boyfriend was not just H-O-T, but H-A-W-T, as in, “oh yeah, give me some of that!” And hello, let’s not forget the fact that he’s a super hero!!! Nonetheless she was still in the mode of trying to refine him. She looked at the Captain and thought, while there may not be a whole lot going on upstairs at this point, maybe I can change that.

“A project, made just for me,” she inadvertently said out loud instead of thinking it.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What are you talking about, who’s the project? Who is he, I’ll waste him in deadlifts. It’s Danny Doomsday isn’t it? I could so take that loser. You know he likes to smell his own farts, right? He’s not even a real superhero. I mean he’s only stopped a few purse snatchers and school yard bully’s: Well besides that time he stopped the meteor from hitting the base. That was alright, but I could’ve done that with one hand tied behind my back and my cape stuffed in my undershorts!”

Again Wanda just stared at the Captain, and his ramblings. Where did he come up with such a wild imagination. Why would she have any feelings for Danny? Not only did he have a sick thing for his farts, that he gladly told anyone who would listen about, he had begun to braid his underarm hair many years ago, and as a result always appeared to have ponytails hanging out of his pits.

“Yeah, uh, no thanks,” she thought.

She reached over and grabbed Ich Noo’s arm before snickering, “Cap! Danny has a thing for his own farts and he braids his underarm hair. Why would I have any interest in that? There are wild boars in this world who would take their own life if they were forced to be with him for just one minute.”

The Captain could not contain the smile before he let out his deep wailing laugh, that most folks found contagious, including Wanda. She had to begin laughing too. They laughed uncontralably as they raced home from the gym in the Captain’s Pantera.

The Pantera had been a gift from Ich’s, Uncle Spa Noo, who had amassed a fortune by creating a synthetic protein which turned out to not only be more complete than egg albumin, it inadvertently turned out to be the cure for Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). Shortly after becoming filthy rich, Uncle Spa for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, filled out a legal document leaving everything he had earned to various members of his family and was legally frozen for scientific purposes at a cryogenic lab in Phoenix, Arizona.

Beyond the Pantera and because he was the local gym trainer at Franky’s Hardcore house in Sierra Vista, Arizona, Captain Ich Noo really had nothing. He lived in a small custom rental house out in the hills on a couple of acres of property. As unassuming as the house was, it was where the magic generally took place, however…..

To be continued…….

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 17th, 2008 at 11:11 pm and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.