Memoirs of a reluctant Bulker

In honor of being in Vegas all week for business, the following blog is from the warped mind of an overworked, underrested, poorly fed, getting sick, auditor…..And yes, it will be as scary as you are thinking it will be.

WARNING: The following blog or medium of written communication forth hither comes, by way of potentially a demented and warped human-in-nature delivery device, which has been stressed to the ultimate maximum beyond the pre-defined parameter, which may or may not utilize sound reasoning to deduce certain probability models regarding the right or wrong intentions of like beings, of like condition: only difference being that said parties most likely have established the process of participating in activities, which have been found to be hazardous by the state of Arkansas.

Assimilator’s of the proceeding message, may begin to experience dizziness, feelings of unsubstantiated feelings of self importance: in-line with the manufacturer of said garbled message. Any and or all ill and or semi-uncomfortable effects coincidentally found to be present after scanning the literature contained here within the BodyAuditor’s blog, will not and or cannot be assigned to the purveyor of such incomprehensible, katywampus, mis-lead and unrecognizable babble-speak.

Reader’s still reading: this is your last chance to save yourself…….Think about it: do you really want to read the following mush? C’mon, don’t you have better things to do? It’s Friday people….I’m an auditor, what’s your excuse?

Alright, this is it….no more chances….you can actually stop right here, and be forever thankful…..What do you think? Is it worth it?……I don’t know, I’m not sure I trust this BodyAuditor guy…..Sounds a bit off-kilter don’t you think?

Last chance……..Okay, don’t say you weren’t warned when you start quoting this odd line of reasoning to your fellow employee’s and dare it possible…your boss.

WHY?

1. Why do people continue to walk into the Monster Casino’s here in Vegas with the perception that they will win today? Do they really think winner’s built these palaces of gold and silver?

2. Why is it fun for some people to stare aimlessly at a slot machine and mindlessly drone away for thirty-seven hours straight, all the while pulling a large handle which triggers wheels to spin that bear miscellaneous symbols such as apples, oranges, and maybe even Pat Sajack?

3. Why do people walk into convenience stores, grocery stores, gas stations and fast food restaraunts here in Vegas and play the slots there?….Do they really think the BIG payoff will take place while they are trying to pick up a pack of Pampers for their underfed babies?

4. Why do many people in Vegas turn to Meth? Hasn’t the message pretty much gotten out, that it destroys not only your entire life, but contrary to what Meth users think, anyone and everyone notices the scratching, rotted teeth and violent tremors.

Side note BREAK: Doing Meth is S-T-U-P-I-D!!! That’s stupid for you out there who use meth and can’t spell anymore……

5. Why doesn’t this desert town have all kinds of water rationing going on yet? HELLO, this is the desert, why will we wait until there is a crisis situation to act?….Is there any way we can get some proactivity here? I mean we’re only talking about a resource that is vital to life….that’s V-I-T-A-L for you non-Meth users…..

6. Why do people still smoke not only in the casino’s, but anywhere for that matter? Excuse me, but can’t we now safely say that smoking kills people? I understand that if we illegalized cigarettes right now, many of our parts of the city complex would fold: Teachers pay, roadways, hospitals, etc. the things that tax from cigarette sales pays for. But shouldn’t we be putting together some sort of contingency plan?….Is it not ironic that tax monies from cigarette sales actually benefit Hospitals and disease research? Wow…..just don’t get it, I don’t.

7. Why do people take beater cars and put spoilers and spinners on them? I actually saw a mini-van with a spoiler today…A MINI-VAN!! I’m sorry, but if you have a beater, or drive a mini-van….it cannot be made to be cool! Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but well, there you go…..

8. Why is healthy food more expensive than processed, fat-laden nastiness in fast food restaraunts? Can’t we safely say now that eating fat, sodium, and cholesterol-laden foods are, YES, bad for you? Is this a surprise to anyone? Hello, if you are above the age of like ten, you most likely already know that eating junk, nasty type foods, is actually bad for your health.

Side note BREAK: A mini-van with a spoiler….serious!!

9. Why do men who are losing their hair resort to the comb over, or the more dreaded, toupee or rug? Look, if you are a man who is losing his hair, do anything you want with it (cut, shave, trim), except try to utilize what remaining hair you do have to attempt to convince the rest of the world that you are not losing your hair….Bottom line: most people don’t care anyway…..Say ‘no’ to the comb-over and rug!!

10. Bonus round random gee whiz..

A. How do bitter people keep on going?

B. Why be a penis?

C. Is our world really civilized?

D. How round is round?

E. Which is really faster: an African Sparrow, or a North American Sparrow? Does a head or tail wind matter in the determination?

F. Who decided to drink fermented plants the first time? And why?

G. Why are politicians so interested in telling us the negatives about their opponents? Is there any way you could just tell me what you stand for?

And with that I leave you, my now truly warped friends, with another original BodyAuditor Quality Improvement quote:

Be different today, stand out, be the one in the crowd that makes others reflect, change a life just by listening: choose to be the positive voice, regardless of the situation! Good night and Good Weekend!!

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 6th, 2007 at 11:08 pm and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.