bodyauditor 
"Live life without regret, while maintaining a positive perspective regardless of the situation!"
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Archive for December, 2007
Friday, December 21st, 2007
2007 Warped Recap: Thoughts, Theories, Rants, Insights and Whatever!
So, here we are at the end of another year. Is it just me, or do the years just absolutely fly by nowadays? I remember when I was a kid, year’s seemed like an eternity plus one day. Now, they fly by: it really seems like it was New Years day 2007 just a couple of months ago. Is time maybe really moving faster, or might I just be getting old. Hhhhmm, what could it be (Deep-ponder break).
I remember when I was seven, being allowed to stay up for the first time to bring in the New Year. My parents had a party complete with a myriad of assorted crackers, a plethora of cheeses either stuffed into a tube, formed into a ball with nuts caking the outside, or cut into many different geometrical shapes. There were nachos, little Smokies, all kinds of lunch meat, potato chips, pretzels, and my personal favorite, Pringles! And if that wasn’t enough, then there was the dessert table: cheesecake, cookies, Twinkies, snack cakes, puddings, mousse’s, canned-whipped-cream (fun for many things, even at seven), and because I was a strange child (I realize that this still holds true), all kinds of fruit. Yep, as a snack food junkie back then, I was in HEAVEN!!!! Well that seems like so long ago, but I so remember that night…one of my best memories ever…we had so much fun, and ya know, it was just so risky, staying up until midnight: ooohhh, law breaker or something right?
So then, I also remember my first New Years as a 21 year old. That was actually the last time I ever drank alcohol, believe it or not. I’ll blog about this night at some point, but to sum it up: It was a New Year’s in Juarez, Mexico filled with lots of drinking (Tequila and Corona’s), lots of dancing, lots of puking, lots of no good (including things with a donkey) and ultimately, me getting the crap beat out of me, my watch and wallet stolen, dumped alone in a back alley, and spending the next few days in the hospital. And better yet, trying to come up with a good story for the whole thing: Cops and family wanted to know. Sounds bad, huh? I know I wasn’t excited about the whole experience, but, and as sometimes things do, that incident, New Years 1991, turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me…It was the beginning of me understanding destructive behavior, and ultimately making the necessary changes in my life to actually make a positive difference: More on this, sometime in ’08.
Fast forward to New Year’s 2008 and my perspective on life is far different than it ever has been. I now strive everyday to make a positive difference, reject negative thinking, shun destructive behavior and look to inspire. I don’t beat people over the head with my thoughts and theories: However, I do not shy away from telling it like it is, if I’m queried. This New Years, I will spend it with my wife, two amazing kids and other members of my extended family: This is what life is all about. Now on to a few blurbs about the year 2007 gone by:
- The Dallas Cowboys are BACK baby!
- The New England Patriots are probably gonna go undefeated: this pains me to admit by the way….but just keeping it real.
- Barry Bonds should not only be inducted into the Hall of Fame at the appropriate time, he should be remembered as one of the greatest ball players, EVER! Whether or not he did steroids doesn’t matter, PERIOD! See my previous blogs if you want my reasons.
- To my fellow Military Peeps fighting for us overseas and all over the world: You ROCK, period!!
- Teachers in any school system are highly undervalued and deserve all of our support as well as quite a bit more of our money. People hear me now and listen to me later: Teachers are the ones ultimately responsible for our future…..
- Bodybuilders doing steroids have temporarily handicapped and stagnated the professional ranks. Natural bodybuilders ROCK and I predict that we will see a shift away from the drug freaks…. They were interesting to see initially, but you know what, I’m tired of looking at something that is just NOT natural, and ultimately, unobtainable without DRUGS….Parting shot for pro bodybuilders: JUST ADMIT IT!!
- Bloated HGH belly: Attractive? Didn’t think so…..
- All in all…..George W. is a real person, with faults just like you and I. Arguably, and I will entertain them if anyone is interested…he’s done a good job!
- America is still the GREATEST COUNTRY EVER!!
- Outside of creatine and whey protein, are there any supplements that actually make a real and sustained difference? Please let me know, if you are totally sold on any…..
- Is it just me, or is moving a tremendous load of weight during dead-lifts just about one of the best feelings EVER? Notice I said…”one of the best.” Yep, I love me some moving the heavy dead-lift weight….
- Splenda-sweetened yogurt with whey protein powder added is the best supplement combo EVER!!
- New prescription for the mentally insane: Move the heavy iron!
- New legal system for child molestors, rapists and murderers: Stick in a small cage suspended in a public forum, force to listen to Michael Bolton over and over and over through a brain implant, while any and all who wish to, can pelt the perpetrators with jagged sharp salt rocks from a BB gun. Or any variant close to something like this.
- Starbucks is one of the greatest accomplishments in history!
Guess that’s about it for now. Check in over the next few days for the final part of this grossly entertaining blog series….I leave you with some bonus material for the die-hard blog readers: A parting shot of wisdom and some praise for the bodyauditor’s blog.
Parting shot: Remember to live life to its fullest today, for decisions made and actions taken today are the building blocks for our house on the rock of tomorrow.
Praise for the bodyauditor blog:
Harry Faux - “I laughed, I cried, I stewed, I was filled with rage, I wanted to stand up and cheer.”
Lucinda Notreel – “Speechless I am: the tremendous amount of information contained therein, is well, without explanation.”
Manny Mountebank – “The word count is just tremendous: I found myself reading for extended periods of time….An absolute escape!”
Juan Mortime – “A healthy dose of realism combined with fantasy combined with a plethora of verbiage: the ultimate read for those who appreciate an endless book.”
Posted in Training, Other
Wednesday, December 19th, 2007
Look, enough about which baseball players may or may not have utiliized Steroids, HGH or other muscle building supplements in the past. The Mitchell report has single handedly become one of the greatest sweeping generalization vehicles ever (EVER)…in my humble, warped opinion and here’s why:
1. The report’s main intent should have been to point out that steroids and hgh are a problem in baseball, decisions need to be made, programs implemented, continuing analysis done and subsequent adjustments to said programs installed as needed. This is prototypical problem analysis and corrective action theory. However, the reports main intent, as more information comes out, is now seemingly to find and accuse many baseball players of steroid, hgh and supplement abuse. Keep in mind that most of this information is coming from two convicted felons, that now face lesser sentences because of their willingness to talk to Big George and his crony steroid chasing group. If a difference was really the objective, names would never have been included in this report. We now are left with a report that tells us who was involved, rather than what was happening and what a solution may be.
2. Let’s see, while steroids have been illegal for sometime, baseball didn’t have a policy of checking for steroids until what, last year? This being the case, why should I care what two convicted felons say about administering and selling steroids / hgh to ball players in 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005? If it wasn’t against the rules, why is this a legitimate article for debate. In my compliance driven world, don’t even think about bringing a final report to the table that has a mere mention of anything outside of rock solid REQUIREMENTS.
3. With a report that contains little to no objective evidence, why is it given so much credence? In a society that says, "you must provide me objective evidence for a decision to be made," how is it that the mainstream media is allowed to take a subjective, heresy laced report in order to make statements which mimic reality? Over the last week, I have watched several hours of television, read several articles in the papers and on the internet, and entertained many arguments from my co-workers regarding the Mitchell sham, and it just blows me away, that we as a society are so willing to throw someone’s good reputation away as a result of a mere accusation. The reports I see on TV speak as though the players mentioned in the report have actually been found guilty in a court of law for using banned substances. Excuse me, a small reminder here: there is NO fact in this report. It is all subjective testimony, and again, most of it from two convicted felons.
4. I can now safely say, I’m done! Don’t care, quite frankly. Give me some facts, show me test results done in a controlled envrionment, show me evidence, tell me the exact problem, then do something different and give me the solution. It’s real easy to identify a problem: any goofball can do that. Give me a solution….put some time in on coming up with a real answer, please. And for God’s sake, if you’re going to grandstand and say that you are here to make a real difference, come through for me. Don’t engage in taking names and making accusations: nothing good ever comes from that approach.
And that’s all I have to say on the matter……………..or is it? Potentially to be continued.
Posted in Training
Tuesday, December 18th, 2007
Read the paragraph and then watch the proceding video: I bet you will too.
—– This film was made by a 15 year old girl.
The following is the hottest thing on the internet and on Fox News today.
Lizzie Palmer who put this YouTube program together is 15 years old. There have been over 3,000,000 hits as of this morning. In case you missed it, here it is.
Watch all of it…….and, pass it on!!
http://www.youtube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1
Today: evaluate, adjust and make a positive difference!
Posted in Other
Friday, December 14th, 2007
Ode to Friday
Oh Friday, surely the best day of the week you are,
Many look to you as a perfect day for hittin’ the bar,
Others smile, try on their new panties and say, “time for a new avatar,”
Me? I just sit back, mozy the course and for just a few more hours look to shoot par!
Oh Friday, you do ROCK!
It’s now four PM, and father time slows as if to MOCK,
“Logically, most beneficial Friday is,” states Dr. SPOCK,
Take an office pool, shout it from on high: this is no Bull HOCK!
Oh Friday, Do I maybe love thee?
I’ll ponder all day, all night and deeply in thought while on one knee,
No charge, no dollars, no money up front: your amazing benefits are decidedly free,
I’m not gay, I’m not queer, I’m not a girl thank you…I just feel like a knight from Nee!!
Oh Friday, Scientificly and most likely sadly, I do love you!
The grind of the week, the pain of the commute, the societal zoo,
The boss is a jerk, the co-workers speak of ill, the fat security guard says, “boo,”
In one single day, yes Friday you, make most sane people say, “WHOO HOO!”
Pumping the PM iron, dancing ‘til midnight, working the bod,
Doing a movie, hitting the hot spots, acting goofy, potentially odd,
Racing on the strip, Co-mingling, flirting with the chicks: hhmm, fishing for Cod?
Either way, it’s FRIDAY…THANK GOD!!
Posted in Training, Other
Thursday, December 6th, 2007
In honor of being in Vegas all week for business, the following blog is from the warped mind of an overworked, underrested, poorly fed, getting sick, auditor…..And yes, it will be as scary as you are thinking it will be.
WARNING: The following blog or medium of written communication forth hither comes, by way of potentially a demented and warped human-in-nature delivery device, which has been stressed to the ultimate maximum beyond the pre-defined parameter, which may or may not utilize sound reasoning to deduce certain probability models regarding the right or wrong intentions of like beings, of like condition: only difference being that said parties most likely have established the process of participating in activities, which have been found to be hazardous by the state of Arkansas.
Assimilator’s of the proceeding message, may begin to experience dizziness, feelings of unsubstantiated feelings of self importance: in-line with the manufacturer of said garbled message. Any and or all ill and or semi-uncomfortable effects coincidentally found to be present after scanning the literature contained here within the BodyAuditor’s blog, will not and or cannot be assigned to the purveyor of such incomprehensible, katywampus, mis-lead and unrecognizable babble-speak.
Reader’s still reading: this is your last chance to save yourself…….Think about it: do you really want to read the following mush? C’mon, don’t you have better things to do? It’s Friday people….I’m an auditor, what’s your excuse?
Alright, this is it….no more chances….you can actually stop right here, and be forever thankful…..What do you think? Is it worth it?……I don’t know, I’m not sure I trust this BodyAuditor guy…..Sounds a bit off-kilter don’t you think?
Last chance……..Okay, don’t say you weren’t warned when you start quoting this odd line of reasoning to your fellow employee’s and dare it possible…your boss.
WHY?
1. Why do people continue to walk into the Monster Casino’s here in Vegas with the perception that they will win today? Do they really think winner’s built these palaces of gold and silver?
2. Why is it fun for some people to stare aimlessly at a slot machine and mindlessly drone away for thirty-seven hours straight, all the while pulling a large handle which triggers wheels to spin that bear miscellaneous symbols such as apples, oranges, and maybe even Pat Sajack?
3. Why do people walk into convenience stores, grocery stores, gas stations and fast food restaraunts here in Vegas and play the slots there?….Do they really think the BIG payoff will take place while they are trying to pick up a pack of Pampers for their underfed babies?
4. Why do many people in Vegas turn to Meth? Hasn’t the message pretty much gotten out, that it destroys not only your entire life, but contrary to what Meth users think, anyone and everyone notices the scratching, rotted teeth and violent tremors.
Side note BREAK: Doing Meth is S-T-U-P-I-D!!! That’s stupid for you out there who use meth and can’t spell anymore……
5. Why doesn’t this desert town have all kinds of water rationing going on yet? HELLO, this is the desert, why will we wait until there is a crisis situation to act?….Is there any way we can get some proactivity here? I mean we’re only talking about a resource that is vital to life….that’s V-I-T-A-L for you non-Meth users…..
6. Why do people still smoke not only in the casino’s, but anywhere for that matter? Excuse me, but can’t we now safely say that smoking kills people? I understand that if we illegalized cigarettes right now, many of our parts of the city complex would fold: Teachers pay, roadways, hospitals, etc. the things that tax from cigarette sales pays for. But shouldn’t we be putting together some sort of contingency plan?….Is it not ironic that tax monies from cigarette sales actually benefit Hospitals and disease research? Wow…..just don’t get it, I don’t.
7. Why do people take beater cars and put spoilers and spinners on them? I actually saw a mini-van with a spoiler today…A MINI-VAN!! I’m sorry, but if you have a beater, or drive a mini-van….it cannot be made to be cool! Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but well, there you go…..
8. Why is healthy food more expensive than processed, fat-laden nastiness in fast food restaraunts? Can’t we safely say now that eating fat, sodium, and cholesterol-laden foods are, YES, bad for you? Is this a surprise to anyone? Hello, if you are above the age of like ten, you most likely already know that eating junk, nasty type foods, is actually bad for your health.
Side note BREAK: A mini-van with a spoiler….serious!!
9. Why do men who are losing their hair resort to the comb over, or the more dreaded, toupee or rug? Look, if you are a man who is losing his hair, do anything you want with it (cut, shave, trim), except try to utilize what remaining hair you do have to attempt to convince the rest of the world that you are not losing your hair….Bottom line: most people don’t care anyway…..Say ‘no’ to the comb-over and rug!!
10. Bonus round random gee whiz..
A. How do bitter people keep on going?
B. Why be a penis?
C. Is our world really civilized?
D. How round is round?
E. Which is really faster: an African Sparrow, or a North American Sparrow? Does a head or tail wind matter in the determination?
F. Who decided to drink fermented plants the first time? And why?
G. Why are politicians so interested in telling us the negatives about their opponents? Is there any way you could just tell me what you stand for?
And with that I leave you, my now truly warped friends, with another original BodyAuditor Quality Improvement quote:
Be different today, stand out, be the one in the crowd that makes others reflect, change a life just by listening: choose to be the positive voice, regardless of the situation! Good night and Good Weekend!!
Posted in Training
Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
A REG TRIBUTE
Reg! Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow….Gone physically, but around in spirit, never to be forgotten!
Reg Park passed away on November 22nd, and with that, I dedicate tonight’s blog to one of the most complete physique’s ever to grace the stage, beach, boardwalk, movie screen, gym, etc. As many of you know, I am an old school traditionalist when it comes to bodybuilding. A proponent of the aesthetics and physical benefits of building muscle, over today’s un-satiable desire for size, size and more size, I have pursued a body from the theory of design Reg Park was one of the first to produce for the world to emulate.
In an age where symmetry, proportion and balance have become secondary requirements (I’ll entertain arguments on this by the way), Reg’s classic muscular prototype has stood the test of time as a testament to what a male’s physique most likely was meant to be, when the Big Man upstairs laid down the original blue-print way back on day one, Time minus Zero.
The following are just a few highlights from a truly iconic bodybuilder’s life:
- Born June 7, 1928
- Mr. Britain 1949
- NABBA (Amateur) Mr. Universe 1951
- NABBA (Pro) Mr. Universe 1958
- 1962 - First spotted in magazines by young Austrian kid named Arnold S, subsequently becoming a major source of inspiration for that future bodybuilding superstar
- 1958-1965 Multiple rolls as Hercules in Italian movies
- NABBA (Pro) Mr. Universe 1965
- 1960’s somewhere, wrote an article outlining the many benefits of the newly designed and controversial pulley systems that were initially shunned by mainstream bodybuilders.
- 1970 At the age of 42 was runner-up in the Mr. Universe competition with the overall winner: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Reg…………………Thanks, and goodnight!
Posted in Training
Monday, December 3rd, 2007
WARNING - A semi-personal experience inspired this poem. It may cause you to reflect, ponder, appreciate and react: proceed at your own risk…..
Click link, watch and listen, then read ahead…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IepGiupfguM
Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming
I hear the breeze a moving, in this cold part of town
The pain is defeaning as I remember the days we ran free
We flowed together like a lazy stream touring the hills
The ache is an inner burning, my compliment is now gone
Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming
Beauty of which there was no equal, humanity you blessed
The sorrow crushes, as euphoria from days past floods my soul
We experienced the world simultaneously, our bodies as one
The shear dismay, cuts at my inner being with indifferent precision
Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming
Alone we were, amongst the many: integral to each, we were
The tears I once held back, now freely flow
Alive and carefree, we conquered the impossible
My heart beats with purpose no more: my love, you have gone
Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming
The introverted masses ebb and flow without me, I am alone
The burden of despair I am forced to embrace, warps sound reason
Your passing, an unseen dagger within my heart has placed
The ever-present affliction, my life a quandry has made
Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming
Sound reason surely there was, your transcendence up above
With all of my inner-being, I grieve: Relief cannot be found
The angels sing of beauty and love and purity, amongst them you inspire
Torturous misery I will endure, until that day as one we return
Cold Winter Coming, Cold Winter Coming
Posted in Other
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