Carson City Incident!!
Homeland Security Outpost (HSO) Incident Log
Event number: 00001
Date: 11/26/07
Time: 2200 hours
Centurian name and number: Survey, Steve: 110069
Officer name and number: Oversee, Ron: 000690
Outpost number: 17
Physical Address: 3388 N. Liftlarge Lane, Carson City, NV: 887755
Type of Incident: Rapid disassembly of multiple structures due to unknown source of intense energy burst
Responding Emergency Agencies: Fire, Police, Bomb, SWAT,
Other Agencies: News channels, 10, 9, 3
Description of incident:“I Steve Survey do attest that the proceding transcription from my Homeland Security internal recording system is recounted in an accurate capacity and is therefore certified true.”
<u />Internal recording system number 22854, clip download 775 for 11/26/07: 2145 – 2220 hours
Transmission begins:
“The air is brisk tonight, as I sit here in my HSO observing the city wind down from a busy Monday after Thanksgiving holiday weekend. My internal weather monitor states the temp is a crisp 37 degrees, wind out of the NW, Barometric pressure holding steady at 46%.”
Uploaded computer weather verification - Timestamp 2146: weather input rated accurate.
“The air is frigid enough: I feel a slight frost building over my blue eyes in-between blinks as I battle to keep them open. Breathing is emitted into large plumes of steam with authority, as I survey the city for any signs of foul play, mischief, mayhem, or chaos. My hands have frozen into an iron clad C-grip around my binoculars and my toes have long since lost sensation. My lungs burn, as the tundra-like air enters and egresses with each breath.”
“The day was busy as the Mayor and Governor met for their joint session with the President in Nevada’s capital regarding Global Warming, and its subsequent effect on the tourism industry here in the Reno / Tahoe basin. Postal Workers returned to work after a long four days off, to the now back log of mail that will most like continue until well into next year. Trash men surely worked double shifts, as they busily emptied all the refuse-laden trash bins stuffed to over capacity with aviary carcasses, boxes, and other miscellaneous Thanksgiving day trash. Kids returned to school, causing many operators of the larger yellow transportation vehicles to honk their horns and shake their fists in frustration at the multitude of fellow post-holiday commuters who were gladly returning to their respective workplaces.”
“Now, here it is 2151 hours and all is calm. An occasional vehicle roars by on the city bypass located approximately .25 miles from my HSO, and nary a sign of life or activity is present within my designated area of survey. What a peaceful shift!”
BBBBZZZZZPPPZZZZZFFFFFFHHHHEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ
.
Break……….. System offline……..Main system alerted………………………………
…………………………….. Interrupted transmission: 2200 hours: system restore attempt one – FAILED………………………………………………………………………………. System restore attempt two – Attempting……Working……Connecting……..
System restore attempt two - Successful.
“Whoa, what the hell was that? This is Steve Survey continuing live surveillance in area 17 which has just been hit by some kind of energy burst. All was calm and the area, with exception of a few business lights, was dark, when all of sudden a flash of light emitted from the direction of the World Gym Carson City North. The burst of light was followed by a large thunderclap of power that appears to have damaged my HSO. I am now going to egress the HSO to further assess the situation.”
Internal recording system disconnected from HSO landline: 2205 hours
Internal recording system reconnected to wireless system: 2206 hours
“Surveying the HSO, it appears as though the burst of energy has bent the metal pillars which supported my outpost and has torn apart three of the six, .0069 gauge stabilizing cables: they are literally frayed apart and curled up all around the base of the outpost. As I assess the situation surrounding the area from which the energy burst came, it appears as though there are many structures damaged. The damage appears to be extensive, as all buildings surrounding the World Gym Carson City North have been completely demolished: rubble covers the street and a fog of dust hinders visibility. I will now reconnoiter as closely as possible to this World Gym in order to ascertain the full extent of damage as well as to potentially discover the cause of such unbridled destruction.”
Timestamp: 2210 hours
“I am now up at the West side of this World Gym Carson City North. There is a very bright light emitting from inside and there are approximately ten women in tight spandex outfits and twenty men in baggy workout attire meandering around aimlessly outside of the Gym itself, asking groggily over and over, “why, why, why?” I am now positioning myself right outside a very large observation window and will peer inside before I attempt to access the structure…I have dawned my nuclear strength goggles, as the light is very bright, and am now going to use my reverse mirror to assess the situation inside this World Gym Car……………………………
BBBZZZZPPPPPHHHHHHEEEEEEEEYYYFZZZZZZZZZZ
Break……….. System offline………Main system alerted………………………………
……………………….. Interrupted transmission: 2211 hours: system restore attempt one -FAILED………………………………………………….System restore attempt two – Attempting……Working……Connecting……..
System restore attempt two - Successful.
“Not sure what just happened, but I am now on the ground with cuts and blood on most of my appendages, have apparently lost all bodily control as my pants are wet, and my head really hurts. A large man is walking this way that appears to be cognizant. Maybe he can shed some light on the situation: I am now going to switch to live record……
Live recording: 2212 hours.
Hey man, you okay?
_
Yeah, I think I’ll be alright. I am Centurian 110069, can you tell me what’s going on here?
_
Well, the thing is, I am the manager here at the World Gym, and we’ve got the BodyAuditor in town this week. Not sure if you got the memo, but I tried to alert all of the Emergency agencies I could when he emailed me to let me know he was going to be in town. Normally, when he comes in for the week, I reinforce my free-weight pit with Titanium lined glass shielding: ya know to protect the general public from the power clap the BodyAuditor produces during his Heavy Duty drop sets. My bad for sure, but fortunately, his fifteen minute workout appears to be done, so there shouldn’t be any more disturbances. And don’t worry my, fatigue outfitted friend, I’ll get those blast shields installed tomorrow before he comes in for his back session.
- Live recording disengaged: 2215 hours
“Good God. I have never seen anything like this before. This BodyAuditor, man or beast, I cannot know, must generate intensity, the likes of which man is potentially not ready for. Thank God my shift is over….my pants are beginning to stink.”
Commanding Officer mitigating note: Emergency notification sent to all Carson City Emergency Agencies – “BodyAuditor in town. Break. Heavy Duty training taking place during bulking cycle. Break. Potential damage-causing energy-bursts may occur. Break.
MORAL: Heavy Duty Training - Short, Intense, Destructive, Painful = Effective.
November 28, 2007 at 9:05 pm
You’re radical Scott, radical!!!
Love it!!!
Carla
November 29, 2007 at 6:20 am
lolol! This was very entertaining. You are so creative!
November 29, 2007 at 8:00 am
When the Europeans first arrived in America, the Indians had a legend about the BodyAuditor. They said he was around before the earth become solid and the pantheon of old gods took up residence in the minds of men. They said the various extinction events that took place in history were caused by the breadth and depth of his work outs. The colonists scoffed at these tales.
A cutting edge gym for it’s day was assembled in the colony of Roanoke. BodyAuditor appeared from the morphogenetic field to test out this gym’s capacity. None from Roanoke were heard from again.
Say goodbye to any of your loved ones in Carson City, my friends. For they shall vanish like the dinosaurs and BodyAuditor will disappear until the time is right for extinction again.
November 29, 2007 at 8:28 pm
OK you got me, I am hooked on your blogs. All I can say is you are inspiring and its a great way to keep myself intertained while the family is engrossed in the game. I can even let it go that you are a Dallas fan (I’ll keep to myself the comments my daughter made about the game tonight). Go Steelers!
November 29, 2007 at 8:37 pm
that’s awesome, you’re a great writer!
November 29, 2007 at 10:07 pm
They have to give you extra body points for that one. Very funny and very creative. Well done.
November 29, 2007 at 10:10 pm
And by the way, I saw you left a comment, I think to Risat’s blog, about the Dallas quarterback Romo. Do you think the 49ers could borrow him for a while? They decided to play this season without a quarterback and it hasn’t worked out very well.
November 30, 2007 at 6:40 am
i think you might have too much spare time on your hands! hehehe…
November 30, 2007 at 6:55 am
As the kids all say…THAT WAS OFF THE HOOK MAN!! You have an awesome imagination!!! You and KM should get together and write a graphic novel! The Adventures of Body Auditor and King Marmoset!!! That would kick ass!!!
November 30, 2007 at 7:00 am
It was "off the hook." LOL. Good sh*t man, good sh*t.
November 30, 2007 at 9:37 am
LMAO! Is this your way of saying your kickin ass?!
November 30, 2007 at 10:37 am
Great read! BTW, I would have seen right through your suggestion to Mr. Dead. *L* I know him too well!
December 1, 2007 at 10:30 am
You sure have a way of painting a picture! Great blog and keep blowin em away bro!
December 1, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Power on mighty brother!!!
December 1, 2007 at 8:11 pm
That was fantastic! Keep the power flowin, and you’re bulk will be truly phenomenal!
December 2, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Did you do a power lift….or was it a toxic takedown?….lol
December 5, 2007 at 7:15 pm
"I reinforce my free-weight pit with Titanium lined glass shielding: ya know to protect the general public from the power clap the BodyAuditor produces during his Heavy Duty drop sets."
Frank Miller needs to use this as the text for his next graphic novel. Tltled "BodyAuditor," of course. Then, like "300" before it, I can look forward to BODYAUDITOR, THE MOVIE!
"FOR TONIGHT WE DINE IN ARIZONA!!!!!"
Scott, kudos on another tremendous entry. BOOM! There go the blast shields again!