The Hazy Chronicles: Chapter Three
So you’re questioning the mainstream message of “take this” or “take that” to accomplish your bodybuilding goals and you’re ready to take a step back, re-analyze, and do things with a much more ‘organic’ or dare I say, ‘old school’ flare? Well, my if-then friends, you have come to the right blog, at the right time! Many will sympathize with your plight: the fact that you are reading my blog, not the fact that you are frustrated with your lack of “MUSCLES OVER NIGHT,” which was the promise inherent within that incredibly allurnig glossy add displaying the 10-plus figure babe hanging all over the smiling Huge Muscle-Mass Monster. While many are in a similar state as yourself, few are willing to admit it. Why? Because we want things simple and complicated at the same time….
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“HUH? What are you talking about, you goof-ball?” Is what you are most likely asking right now…because how can something be simple and complicated all at the same time, right? And even if that scenario existed, who would long for it? My dear, dear, limited (such as myself) friends…allow me to enlighten you, before I answer a few questions that have been bunted out into my general area of the hazy side park via the bodybuilding.com personal messenger service. Think about it for just a moment and you will realize that what is simple in nature: building muscle (break muscle down, let muscle rebuild larger) is something that many companies have tried to make complicated by breaking the process down to a molecular level and then trying to explain it to you and me (remember, simple in nature, I am). So, for me, keep it simple and I can do it. The simple and feasible thing is completely necessary for me, when it comes to building and refining the muscle. Read on, if these two things are necessities in your life as well. If complication and muggy waters are your thing….Segway, my mind-of-brobdingnagean-size friend…..Segway and save yourself, while there is still time..
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But first a word of warning from our sponsor about the pen master…..
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WARNING TO THOSE WHO DO NOT POSSESS THE ABILITY TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES: IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THAT IS YOU, IT PROBABLY IS YOU….
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BODYBUILDING.COM AND BODYSPACE DO NOT NECESSARILY ADVOCATE THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE, AS IT HAS BEEN DETERMINED BY OUR STAFF THAT THE BODYAUDITOR MAY OR MAY NOT BE SUFFERING FROM SELF IMPOSED EMOTIONAL FLARE UPS OF UNSUBSTANTIATED SELF IMPORTANCE AND HAS BEEN PRONE TO ARTICULATE INSANE (DOWNRIGHT GOOFY AND FLAT OUT ODD AT TIMES) THOUGHTS TOWARDS THE ART OF BUILDING AND REFINING MUSCLES. CONTINUE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, A VERY STRONG SENSE OF SARCASM AND A REALITY BASED, FREE-WILL ORIENTED LINE OF MENTAL REASON AND YOU SHOULD BE FINE….HOWEVER, WE CLAIM NO RESPONSIBILITY, IF AFTER READING THE FOLLOWING BLOG, YOU BEGIN TO THINK WITH REASON, RATHER THAN JUST SIDING WITH THE MAINSTREAM FOR THE SAKE OF SIDING WITH THE MAJORITY.
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Hello again friends…it’s almost like you’ve read a novel so far, but really haven’t read anything, huh? I’m tricky like that….That’s how I roll over here….Alright, enough already, right? “Get on with the fodder, the rambling, the pontification,?…..I hear you, calm down and just take a deep breath, because here we go, with a few, mind bending, life altering, mood enhancing questions and subsequent answers….
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Quick praise for the following blog from Variety, Wall Street Journal and the NY Times: “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll most likely want to call your Mommy after reading this emotionally devestating and heart wrenching, love fest of a Q & A session.
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What’s that? Alright, you got me, Variety and the WSJ and the NYT didn’t actually write those things…but hey, I bet they would if they even knew I existed….So without further ado, here we go…Got your seatbelts on? Got your protein shake?……………..Doesn’t matter, we’re going on anyway!!
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Format: Actual questions from fellow bodyspacers I have received will be in bold, followed by my shallow attempts at answers in italics.
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1. “nice body bro! lookin good! how do you keep your abbs like that?”
Well, actually I do 30 slow crunches followed by 30 slow leg lifts every night before I go to bed. Generally this takes maybe five minutes and causes a great burn. At the end of the day, I am striving for abdominal refinement: not abdominal enlargement. I know that some people accomplish weighted sets and tons and tons of reps for long periods of time, but for me, that’s just counterproductive to what the mid-section should be. Personally, the big gnarly abdominals and guts that some of today’s pro bodybuilders display, is just flat out wrong. When I think of the ideal midsection, I think of Frank Zane, Robbie Robinson, Dexter Jackson, Marvelous Melvin, etc. I strive for not only a defined set of abs, but a small waist as well….And again, I understand that this is not the popular look these days….
NOTICE THE SMALL WAISTS?
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2. “Hey man i need triceps. What helps yours to grow?”
Well, in all honesty, my triceps were something that began to grow when I started to incorporate Heavy Duty (HD) training into my routine. HD training is a training principle that suggests one superset per day is the best way to break down a muscle group, which is, as we all know, the first step to building larger muscles. So, many years ago, when I started the HD training, I incorporated close grip bench presses into my arm day (supersets of one biceps and one triceps exercise). Once I started this type of training, while subsequently allowing a minimum of five days for recovery, my triceps exploded…not literally people..just keep on moving along..there’s nothing to see here. At any rate, to this day, during my bulking phases, I generally experience extra swellage (my word) in the triceps region, again due in large part to the HD training.
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3. ”Hey man, you look GREAT.. I see you replied to my whey protein shake question. I also see that is the only supplement you use, or at least that you listed on here…
Is that all you use? no creatine?”
Is that all you use? no creatine?”
Whey Protein mixed with Splenda sweetened yogurt three to four times a day, and two Detour high-protein bars are generally the only supplements I use year round. Occassionally, and typically during my bulking phases, I will include plain creatine two times a day on six week cycles. Creatine is the only supplement I have tried over the past twenty years of moving the heavy stuff, that I can honestly say, makes a difference with strength. Everytime and without fail, when I begin a cycle with creatine, I will boost all of my weights for about four weeks straight, before I level off…hence the cycling.
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Well, I suppose that’s it for this edition of the Hazy side chats….so hopefully, you found something useful within the preceding blog blabber, if not…well……you know what they say….What’s that? You don’t know what they say? I don’t either, it just looked right when I wrote it.
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My friends remember: The underworld works around the clock to stop you. It has many tools: boredom, satisfaction, lethargy, anger, gluttony, jealousy, pride, etc. Be the difference in your world today. Be the one, people say is different. Be the one, that has people wondering, “how does he/she do it?”
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BodyAuditor out. Peace and a RIGHTEOUS WEEKEND TO ALL!! Thank you and Good Night Fellow World Dwellers…..and all the lighter’s in the house lit up, followed by the chanting of, “ENCORE!”
November 9, 2007 at 2:21 pm
amen to the deadlift. and may it bring with it the glorious squat and righteous power clean.
November 9, 2007 at 8:37 pm
NOTICE THE SMALL WAISTS…..exactly!!! ala Vince Gironda…one of my favorites
November 10, 2007 at 6:07 am
Awesome blog. I’m taking notes.
Unrelated to the words above, but I thought I’d offer this following link for entertainment value if nothing else:
http://www.gotoquiz.com/who_s_your_pick_for_president_in_08
November 10, 2007 at 7:59 am
Any blog with a legal department is freakin’ awesome!!
The Underworld strikes at me with sleep loss and disease. I am not having it. Must lift now!
November 10, 2007 at 1:15 pm
awesome blogs. My triceps also grow to similar stimulus! Keep doin what you are doin.
November 10, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Great blog, it only took me 3 trips to read the whole thing this time.
November 12, 2007 at 5:49 am
well Scott… you have done it again! Another great blog with some great insight! I’m somewhat a supplement whore and try about anything I can… this is getting costly so I better focus on what really works. Seems good old food helps…lol
November 12, 2007 at 7:33 am
Lots of great advice…as always. I particularly like the disclaimer.
November 12, 2007 at 7:45 am
I like the blog………Nice waist small too;-) i love the abs.
November 12, 2007 at 8:08 am
Ah crap, I forgot to read anything before I decided to comment… oh well.
AWESOME WRITE UP MAN!!! Usually is. I’ll have to look up now and read a few sentences.
November 12, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Sorry to be a buzzkill, but people use the lights on their cell phones during concerts now, rather than lighters… however, I definitely agree with the small waist idea - give me a V-shaped man over a cylindrical tree trunk any day!
November 13, 2007 at 8:44 am
Thanks for this one! Was enjoyed and i laughed…alot.