bodyauditor 
"Live life without regret, while maintaining a positive perspective regardless of the situation!"
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Archive for November, 2007
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
Homeland Security Outpost (HSO) Incident Log
Event number: 00001
Date: 11/26/07
Time: 2200 hours
Centurian name and number: Survey, Steve: 110069
Officer name and number: Oversee, Ron: 000690
Outpost number: 17
Physical Address: 3388 N. Liftlarge Lane, Carson City, NV: 887755
Type of Incident: Rapid disassembly of multiple structures due to unknown source of intense energy burst
Responding Emergency Agencies: Fire, Police, Bomb, SWAT,
Other Agencies: News channels, 10, 9, 3
Description of incident:“I Steve Survey do attest that the proceding transcription from my Homeland Security internal recording system is recounted in an accurate capacity and is therefore certified true.”
<u />Internal recording system number 22854, clip download 775 for 11/26/07: 2145 – 2220 hours
Transmission begins:
“The air is brisk tonight, as I sit here in my HSO observing the city wind down from a busy Monday after Thanksgiving holiday weekend. My internal weather monitor states the temp is a crisp 37 degrees, wind out of the NW, Barometric pressure holding steady at 46%.”
Uploaded computer weather verification - Timestamp 2146: weather input rated accurate.
“The air is frigid enough: I feel a slight frost building over my blue eyes in-between blinks as I battle to keep them open. Breathing is emitted into large plumes of steam with authority, as I survey the city for any signs of foul play, mischief, mayhem, or chaos. My hands have frozen into an iron clad C-grip around my binoculars and my toes have long since lost sensation. My lungs burn, as the tundra-like air enters and egresses with each breath.”
“The day was busy as the Mayor and Governor met for their joint session with the President in Nevada’s capital regarding Global Warming, and its subsequent effect on the tourism industry here in the Reno / Tahoe basin. Postal Workers returned to work after a long four days off, to the now back log of mail that will most like continue until well into next year. Trash men surely worked double shifts, as they busily emptied all the refuse-laden trash bins stuffed to over capacity with aviary carcasses, boxes, and other miscellaneous Thanksgiving day trash. Kids returned to school, causing many operators of the larger yellow transportation vehicles to honk their horns and shake their fists in frustration at the multitude of fellow post-holiday commuters who were gladly returning to their respective workplaces.”
“Now, here it is 2151 hours and all is calm. An occasional vehicle roars by on the city bypass located approximately .25 miles from my HSO, and nary a sign of life or activity is present within my designated area of survey. What a peaceful shift!”
BBBBZZZZZPPPZZZZZFFFFFFHHHHEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ
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Break……….. System offline……..Main system alerted………………………………
…………………………….. Interrupted transmission: 2200 hours: system restore attempt one – FAILED………………………………………………………………………………. System restore attempt two – Attempting……Working……Connecting……..
System restore attempt two - Successful.
“Whoa, what the hell was that? This is Steve Survey continuing live surveillance in area 17 which has just been hit by some kind of energy burst. All was calm and the area, with exception of a few business lights, was dark, when all of sudden a flash of light emitted from the direction of the World Gym Carson City North. The burst of light was followed by a large thunderclap of power that appears to have damaged my HSO. I am now going to egress the HSO to further assess the situation.”
Internal recording system disconnected from HSO landline: 2205 hours
Internal recording system reconnected to wireless system: 2206 hours
“Surveying the HSO, it appears as though the burst of energy has bent the metal pillars which supported my outpost and has torn apart three of the six, .0069 gauge stabilizing cables: they are literally frayed apart and curled up all around the base of the outpost. As I assess the situation surrounding the area from which the energy burst came, it appears as though there are many structures damaged. The damage appears to be extensive, as all buildings surrounding the World Gym Carson City North have been completely demolished: rubble covers the street and a fog of dust hinders visibility. I will now reconnoiter as closely as possible to this World Gym in order to ascertain the full extent of damage as well as to potentially discover the cause of such unbridled destruction.”
Timestamp: 2210 hours
“I am now up at the West side of this World Gym Carson City North. There is a very bright light emitting from inside and there are approximately ten women in tight spandex outfits and twenty men in baggy workout attire meandering around aimlessly outside of the Gym itself, asking groggily over and over, “why, why, why?” I am now positioning myself right outside a very large observation window and will peer inside before I attempt to access the structure…I have dawned my nuclear strength goggles, as the light is very bright, and am now going to use my reverse mirror to assess the situation inside this World Gym Car……………………………
BBBZZZZPPPPPHHHHHHEEEEEEEEYYYFZZZZZZZZZZ
Break……….. System offline………Main system alerted………………………………
……………………….. Interrupted transmission: 2211 hours: system restore attempt one -FAILED………………………………………………….System restore attempt two – Attempting……Working……Connecting……..
System restore attempt two - Successful.
“Not sure what just happened, but I am now on the ground with cuts and blood on most of my appendages, have apparently lost all bodily control as my pants are wet, and my head really hurts. A large man is walking this way that appears to be cognizant. Maybe he can shed some light on the situation: I am now going to switch to live record……
Live recording: 2212 hours.
Hey man, you okay?
_
Yeah, I think I’ll be alright. I am Centurian 110069, can you tell me what’s going on here?
_
Well, the thing is, I am the manager here at the World Gym, and we’ve got the BodyAuditor in town this week. Not sure if you got the memo, but I tried to alert all of the Emergency agencies I could when he emailed me to let me know he was going to be in town. Normally, when he comes in for the week, I reinforce my free-weight pit with Titanium lined glass shielding: ya know to protect the general public from the power clap the BodyAuditor produces during his Heavy Duty drop sets. My bad for sure, but fortunately, his fifteen minute workout appears to be done, so there shouldn’t be any more disturbances. And don’t worry my, fatigue outfitted friend, I’ll get those blast shields installed tomorrow before he comes in for his back session.
- Live recording disengaged: 2215 hours
“Good God. I have never seen anything like this before. This BodyAuditor, man or beast, I cannot know, must generate intensity, the likes of which man is potentially not ready for. Thank God my shift is over….my pants are beginning to stink.”
Commanding Officer mitigating note: Emergency notification sent to all Carson City Emergency Agencies – “BodyAuditor in town. Break. Heavy Duty training taking place during bulking cycle. Break. Potential damage-causing energy-bursts may occur. Break.
MORAL: Heavy Duty Training - Short, Intense, Destructive, Painful = Effective.
Posted in Training
Tuesday, November 13th, 2007
PRESENT.
Here I sit, most likely resembling a very fat chap,
Bloated and full, I feel the need to crap!
In sad shape am I as over the belt, falls my lap,
Feeling drowsy, with all of those recently consumed fats, all I want to do is nap!
PAST.
Four months depleated did I, with few to nary a sugar card,
Ripped to shreds, indeed: My muscles were quite hard!
Proud, shirtless, potent, and virile felt I, surrounded by the masses sporting excessive lard,
Veins exploding, heart a pumping, sweat a pouring: training left my muscles all charred!
PRESENT.
Reached the goal of 10 % bodyfat, set a goal for competing: began a bulk,
Caution, weight gain in progress: will emulate the hulk!
Shoveling the food, gluttonous am I: Feel like Count Ajou, enjoying the plunder as King Fulk,
Now, fat, weight-laden, slothlike: I sit in the puddle-of-flubber known as I, and just sulk!
FUTURE.
Additional pounds number 10: not complete is the current goal, until obtained,
Holidays: the veritable plethora of excellent food, guarantees weight gain will be maintained!
Come late January, a strict diet like a ton of bricks, will instill the feeling of getting caned,
Bodybuilding show in April: shredded, sliced and diced, walking the stage, my prowess will not be contained!
Posted in Training
Friday, November 9th, 2007
So you’re questioning the mainstream message of “take this” or “take that” to accomplish your bodybuilding goals and you’re ready to take a step back, re-analyze, and do things with a much more ‘organic’ or dare I say, ‘old school’ flare? Well, my if-then friends, you have come to the right blog, at the right time! Many will sympathize with your plight: the fact that you are reading my blog, not the fact that you are frustrated with your lack of “MUSCLES OVER NIGHT,” which was the promise inherent within that incredibly allurnig glossy add displaying the 10-plus figure babe hanging all over the smiling Huge Muscle-Mass Monster. While many are in a similar state as yourself, few are willing to admit it. Why? Because we want things simple and complicated at the same time….
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“HUH? What are you talking about, you goof-ball?” Is what you are most likely asking right now…because how can something be simple and complicated all at the same time, right? And even if that scenario existed, who would long for it? My dear, dear, limited (such as myself) friends…allow me to enlighten you, before I answer a few questions that have been bunted out into my general area of the hazy side park via the bodybuilding.com personal messenger service. Think about it for just a moment and you will realize that what is simple in nature: building muscle (break muscle down, let muscle rebuild larger) is something that many companies have tried to make complicated by breaking the process down to a molecular level and then trying to explain it to you and me (remember, simple in nature, I am). So, for me, keep it simple and I can do it. The simple and feasible thing is completely necessary for me, when it comes to building and refining the muscle. Read on, if these two things are necessities in your life as well. If complication and muggy waters are your thing….Segway, my mind-of-brobdingnagean-size friend…..Segway and save yourself, while there is still time..
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But first a word of warning from our sponsor about the pen master…..
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WARNING TO THOSE WHO DO NOT POSSESS THE ABILITY TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES: IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THAT IS YOU, IT PROBABLY IS YOU….
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BODYBUILDING.COM AND BODYSPACE DO NOT NECESSARILY ADVOCATE THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE, AS IT HAS BEEN DETERMINED BY OUR STAFF THAT THE BODYAUDITOR MAY OR MAY NOT BE SUFFERING FROM SELF IMPOSED EMOTIONAL FLARE UPS OF UNSUBSTANTIATED SELF IMPORTANCE AND HAS BEEN PRONE TO ARTICULATE INSANE (DOWNRIGHT GOOFY AND FLAT OUT ODD AT TIMES) THOUGHTS TOWARDS THE ART OF BUILDING AND REFINING MUSCLES. CONTINUE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, A VERY STRONG SENSE OF SARCASM AND A REALITY BASED, FREE-WILL ORIENTED LINE OF MENTAL REASON AND YOU SHOULD BE FINE….HOWEVER, WE CLAIM NO RESPONSIBILITY, IF AFTER READING THE FOLLOWING BLOG, YOU BEGIN TO THINK WITH REASON, RATHER THAN JUST SIDING WITH THE MAINSTREAM FOR THE SAKE OF SIDING WITH THE MAJORITY.
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Hello again friends…it’s almost like you’ve read a novel so far, but really haven’t read anything, huh? I’m tricky like that….That’s how I roll over here….Alright, enough already, right? “Get on with the fodder, the rambling, the pontification,?…..I hear you, calm down and just take a deep breath, because here we go, with a few, mind bending, life altering, mood enhancing questions and subsequent answers….
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Quick praise for the following blog from Variety, Wall Street Journal and the NY Times: “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll most likely want to call your Mommy after reading this emotionally devestating and heart wrenching, love fest of a Q & A session.
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What’s that? Alright, you got me, Variety and the WSJ and the NYT didn’t actually write those things…but hey, I bet they would if they even knew I existed….So without further ado, here we go…Got your seatbelts on? Got your protein shake?……………..Doesn’t matter, we’re going on anyway!!
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Format: Actual questions from fellow bodyspacers I have received will be in bold, followed by my shallow attempts at answers in italics.
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1. “nice body bro! lookin good! how do you keep your abbs like that?”
Well, actually I do 30 slow crunches followed by 30 slow leg lifts every night before I go to bed. Generally this takes maybe five minutes and causes a great burn. At the end of the day, I am striving for abdominal refinement: not abdominal enlargement. I know that some people accomplish weighted sets and tons and tons of reps for long periods of time, but for me, that’s just counterproductive to what the mid-section should be. Personally, the big gnarly abdominals and guts that some of today’s pro bodybuilders display, is just flat out wrong. When I think of the ideal midsection, I think of Frank Zane, Robbie Robinson, Dexter Jackson, Marvelous Melvin, etc. I strive for not only a defined set of abs, but a small waist as well….And again, I understand that this is not the popular look these days….
NOTICE THE SMALL WAISTS?
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2. “Hey man i need triceps. What helps yours to grow?”
Well, in all honesty, my triceps were something that began to grow when I started to incorporate Heavy Duty (HD) training into my routine. HD training is a training principle that suggests one superset per day is the best way to break down a muscle group, which is, as we all know, the first step to building larger muscles. So, many years ago, when I started the HD training, I incorporated close grip bench presses into my arm day (supersets of one biceps and one triceps exercise). Once I started this type of training, while subsequently allowing a minimum of five days for recovery, my triceps exploded…not literally people..just keep on moving along..there’s nothing to see here. At any rate, to this day, during my bulking phases, I generally experience extra swellage (my word) in the triceps region, again due in large part to the HD training.
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3. ”Hey man, you look GREAT.. I see you replied to my whey protein shake question. I also see that is the only supplement you use, or at least that you listed on here…
Is that all you use? no creatine?”
Whey Protein mixed with Splenda sweetened yogurt three to four times a day, and two Detour high-protein bars are generally the only supplements I use year round. Occassionally, and typically during my bulking phases, I will include plain creatine two times a day on six week cycles. Creatine is the only supplement I have tried over the past twenty years of moving the heavy stuff, that I can honestly say, makes a difference with strength. Everytime and without fail, when I begin a cycle with creatine, I will boost all of my weights for about four weeks straight, before I level off…hence the cycling.
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Well, I suppose that’s it for this edition of the Hazy side chats….so hopefully, you found something useful within the preceding blog blabber, if not…well……you know what they say….What’s that? You don’t know what they say? I don’t either, it just looked right when I wrote it.
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My friends remember: The underworld works around the clock to stop you. It has many tools: boredom, satisfaction, lethargy, anger, gluttony, jealousy, pride, etc. Be the difference in your world today. Be the one, people say is different. Be the one, that has people wondering, “how does he/she do it?”
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BodyAuditor out. Peace and a RIGHTEOUS WEEKEND TO ALL!! Thank you and Good Night Fellow World Dwellers…..and all the lighter’s in the house lit up, followed by the chanting of, “ENCORE!”
Posted in Training
Thursday, November 1st, 2007
My friends and fellow bodybuilding enthusiasts, please do not be offended by my recent progress photo (yep that’s me on the right): Remember, I’m bulking!!
Thought I’d go ahead and post an update to my bulking phase since I am currently and exactly, two months into it. It actually started off rather fast, gaining 8 pounds almost overnight. Now I would suppose that most of that initial weight gain may be chalked off to water and the return of glycogen to my four-month-cut-depleted muscles. But in my own peaceful happy world, I would also like to think that some of the weight was actually new muscle. Now two months later, the gaining is much slower…Ever seen a snail crawl….ever actually watched one for an extended period of time?
Side note one: If so, you have some deep issues, and possibly, a limited life.
But anyway, if you have, then you can mentally envision how I feel my progress over the last month has been. As some of you may know, along with eating relatively cleanly, I am performing heavy duty movements everyday.
Side note two: My version of Heavy duty training is one complete muscle failure set per day, to include Bench press, Deadlifts, Military press, Leg press, Calf press, Dumbell supinated curls and Rope tricep extensions.
And with the heavy duty training, all of my weights have moved up and my drops sets are still causing serious muscle failure. However…..
Side note three: Ever noticed, that there is always a, "However," in every story? Just thinking outloud…sorry, back to the story.
However, it is somewhat frustrating that I’m am not as big as a house yet. At 202 pounds, I really felt as though I would be up to 215 by now. My starting goal, back in September was to be 230 by the end of December. Not sure that’s gonna happen, but we do still have the holidays to go through, and let me tell you folks, I can move some Turkey and stuffing….Sorry, just keeping it real. Now, can I move 28 pounds-worth over two months?….Well, that is the question, yes? Long and short of the matter, I may have to extend my bulking phase through January and that would give me roughly two and one half months to cut up for the contest in April.
Side note four: Two questions I am currently facing:
1. Will I be big enough to compete with the 35 -39 year old amateurs if I am 200 pounds and will I be cut enough, if I am at 10% bodyfat?
2. Will two and a half months give me enough time to shed about 8% bodyfat (As I will not go above 18 % bodyfat during this bulk)
Questions to ponder for sure…Anyone have any input….Any at all? Any thoughts on whether or not it would be nice to sign a 61 million dollar contract like Tony Romo of Dallas Cowboys fame just did? Tsuph, darn it, I digressed again…..Back on track we go…..
At any rate, my arms are back to 19 inches pumped up, my bench is back at the 300 # level, my dead weight, vertical leg presses are at 545 #, and my deads are up to 365 for reps, so I’m feeling some strength progress. My waist if fluctuating around the 31 inch mark (depending on how much salt I have consumed recently) and my large toe is back up to the one and a half inch mark, so feeling some progress there too!
Well, gonna keep on plugging away, and definitely gonna renew my focus on shoveling the clean food over the next, at least, two months.
Bodyauditor out: Peace to all! Happiness in all arena’s for the weekend, number seven for the ‘boys and remember: If you can’t imagine it, you can’t do it.
Bonus thought for the day: Enjoy this moment in life, make THIS moment count. You CAN control how the next moment of your life is spent: don’t waste it by spending it longing for another moment in time.
Posted in Training
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