Warped Fireside Chats

He lived a life of abuse for many years. Dad was no dad at all and Mom? Since she was living a life filled with abuse and negativity, she probably never even noticed the torture being levied upon her son and two daughters. Each night when Dad came home from the bar, he would take turns letting out his pent up frustration, in a unique fashion, on each of his internal family members. On the outside, Dad was a business man, a respected memeber of the community, and unfortunately as is the case many a times, a leader of the church. Folks from the neighborhood, would always tell the boy, "Boy, you’re one lucky fellow! Your Daddy is a great man! Count your blessings!" Confused, Scared, Alone: For many years the boy endured the type of life that has been systematically labled as the cause of many of today’s unrepairable psychological disorders.

Call it inner drive, call it a proactive and inherent nature, call it divine intervention, this boy was not to be categorized by a situational demand beyond his control. No, he would not fall into the category of criminal, patient, and / or inmate: His most rightful and understandable destiny. He would make a positive difference regardless of the torturous onslaught his Dad / mentor continuously assailed against him and his family. 

When the boy was thirteen and for all intents and purposes, by the grace of God, Daddy met a violent end to the tyrannical lifestyle he secretly lived. One rainy night during the Monsoon season in Central Arizona, Daddy was driving home from his favorite bar, angry, upset, and bent on relieving his anger. After the accident, the police men investigating the scene were hard pressed to identify the logical reason for the man’s death. Official cause of death in the end, read like a newly created hypothesis deep within the Extraterrestrial Life Forms lab at Area 51. This unfoundational cause was accepted, in lieu of a reaonsable explanation. For how does one explain with reason, the scenario where a single car appears as though it has hit a brick wall, in the middle of the road, crumpling itself in such a manner, that the driver is crushed to death? No brick wall, no other vehicle.

The boy, his sisters and his Mom, were unmoved by the news of the accident. Many in the community struck out verbally at this reaction, as immoral, callous and uncarring! How could this family not feel remorse by the death of such a "Great Man?" Out of pure grace and pure spirit, did this family not once, speak of the evil and hideous behaviour’s of this man. The horrific lives they were forced to endure for many years, were buried that day along with the instigator.

Today, the boy serves as an inspiration to many: His peers in school, his brother’s and sister’s in church, his neighbors, and the one’s who share his secret. He proactively is at the top of his class as a Senior in High School, is involved with and leader of the High School program that has enabled him to enter Yale upon graduating as a Junior. He interns as a trainer both on the High School football team, and at the municipality ambulance center for thirty hours each week: This in addition to his full-time job he works after school and on weekends. His aspirations of becoming the finest neurologist in the world, seemingly and fittingly, have all but been granted. All of this he gladly accomplishes in a positive way, never speaking in a negative tone and always embracing new challenges in a flexible and confident way.

Mom is diagnosed with Cancer and subsequently prognosed with imminent death: Untreatable they determine. Depression runs amuck from those who are familiar with the boys situation. "What will become of him," they say in whispers…The boy, with so much weight on his shoulders, again proves that inspiration typically comes from the most unlikely of places, when he announces one bleak afternoon, "Mom died today, but before she did, she told me that our story must be told, that she was proud of me, that she loved me, and that I was an inspiration to her." The boy breaks down, as he speaks the story to of all people, his High School English teacher, who ironically and as is the case with many unsung heroes, had served as an inspiration to the boy.

The preceding story, was………..TRUE. The boy will be entering Yale as a Junior pre-med student in August of 2008. As I was told this story by someone who is quite close to me, I welled up inside, I smiled, and felt extreme euphoria, fullly from the realization, that awesome people do still exist: Many times, in the most unlikely of places…..

"I will live to be a positive inspiration today!" This is my decree……What’s yours?

The following is an intellectually stimulating articulation by the pen-master of frivolous fodder: The Body Auditor.

1. If we put our jeans, boxers and panties on, why don’t we put on our underwears and bras?

2. Why does road rage still exist? How many people will have to get shot before we as an "intelligent" species realize that road rage is short for imminent peril?

3. Why do some people on bodyspace have a billion people in their stalking category, and then subsequently request others as their friend without so much as a comment or note? On a side note here, these people from here and forever more shall be known as, "Trollers."

4. Why worry about something negative someone else says about you, either to you in person, written, or when you are not around? Worrying about the personal opinions someone else holds towards you accomplishes??????? Anything? Didn’t think so. Blow it off man!

5. Why do dogs love to stick their heads outside the window of a car blowing down the highway at 90 miles per hour, but will not put up with a human blowing on their nose?

6. If human’s could clean themselves like dogs and cats…..would they? And if so, would it be legal to do so in public?

7. Why do some people with large SUV’s also have sticker’s stating, "Save the environment: think green," on the back bumper?

8. Why do fans at sporting events yell four letter epithats at the athletes and then throw beer bottles on the field or court? Why do they feel they have that right?

8a. Why aren’t professional athletes allowed to go into the stands and or bleachers and beat the crap out of the unruly fans mentioned in number 8? Personally, I’d pay to see that!

9. How is it that some people can propagate and never want to be a part of the subsequent childs life? I really don’t understand how this happens….I love my kids and can’t even imagine a scenario where I wasn’t allowed or didn’t want to be a part of their lives.

10. Why do Brown Nosers at work continue to brown nose? Do they actually get somewhere at your workplace? They are mocked by co-workers and abused by the brown nosee where I work.

11. Why do some people live the Gothic or Emo lifestyle? Let’s review: You get yourself as pail or dark as possible, wear only black, create an atmosphere of depression and speak of hate at all times. What is the allure to this lifestyle? What is their recruitment decree?

12. Why don’t we just go and drop small tactical nukes on countries who harbor terrorist activities at all? Don’t we most likely know which countries are involved with terrorism? Why don’t we just give out a blanket statement such as: "Attention Terrorist supporting countries! America will no longer attmept negotiations with countries supporting terror in any way. From this moment forward, if your country is found to be involved with terrorism in any way, one verbal warning will be given for the cessation of those activities. If said activities continue, your country will be delivered a small tactical nuke, large enough in size to ensure that your country will no longer have the capability of sustaining any form of activity: terrorist in nature or not. Thanks for your cooperation in advance!" I’d vote for this…..

13. Uni-brows. Why do we still see these?

14. Any female with a mustache? Check the definition of a mustache in the dictionary if you are unsure if you should have one.

15. Larger humans and tight biker shorts? Why? Just why?

Bonus thought:

Remember the past, learn from the past, don’t live in the past. Look at the future, dream, be proactive, but do not long for tomorrow….REMEMBER TODAY!! For today is where the seeds for tomorrow’s harvested crops are sewn. Live for today, without regret!

Bodyauditor out: An awesome weekend, I wish to you all!

Remember 

"If Mother’s ruled the world there would never be any g** d*** war’s in the first place!"

Really? Are you sure Sally Fields? Because that seems like a pretty big statement to make: you know, having only lived during one lifetime and all. War has been going on since the beginning of time, and it just seems hard to believe that you have the knowledge and empathy to understand what mother’s from two-thousand years ago and two-thousand years from now may believe and/ or will stand for. Yes my friends, in case you haven’t heard, Ms. Fields spouted this from an awards platform the other night in front of a national audience, with much glory and self-annointed wisdom.

This of course is not a new and unique mannerism from our Nation’s celebrity folk. As a matter of fact, it seemingly is a rare event to watch an entire broadcast of network news without hearing about one celebrity or another spouting off about one cause or another. Now, I will admit that some of these folks not only know what they are talking about, they understand the ramifications of any statements they may or may not make in regards to specific cause. With all of that taken into consideration, the following blog will express a few subjective values the penmaster holds and will pose a few pointed and sarcasm-tinted questions towards these so-called, actor-experts.

Over the last few years there have been a few subjects receiving serious attention that have stirred many an actor / celebrity out of their cave to make statements on, as if they are the be-all and end all source of information. With the inclusion of this blogs beginning statement, I offer the following hyper-large statements that have been pontificated from the heights of ignorance and my proverbial less-than two-cents worth of mental rebuttal:

 "How could such a destuctive man (George W. Bush) be so popular with the American people? Not only is he poisoning our air and water - he’s poisoning our political system as well." -Barbara Streisand

–Really? That seems like pretty lofty accomplishments for one person and let’s see, last time I checked we were still being governed by a democracy, not ruled by a monarch! 

“I find bringing the country to the brink of war unilaterally five weeks before an election questionable - and very, very frightening.” - Barbara Streisand

–As opposed to six weeks before an election?

“It’d be different if he was staring somebody down with a loaded gun in his hand. But there doesn’t seem to be any indications whatsoever that this man (Hussein) poses an immediate threat to anybody.” -Richard Gere

–Sadaam Hussein? A threat? No way!!…His people loved getting beaten and murdered, forced to live in shanties and drink outhouse water for survival…right? Who wouldn’t? And C’mon, those women and children that his army beat, raped, and murdered over in Kuwait deserved it, right?

“America has never paid any attention to other people, so it’s absurd for Bush to say that it’s all in the best interests of the Iraqi people.” -Richard Gere

–Let’s see, help me out here my friends…I just can’t remember which country it is that is always (ALWAYS) the first to respond with assistance for earthquakes, typhoons, tsunami’s, drought, forced migration, warlord murdering spree’s, post-war rebuilding, etc. etc. …America? Naw, couldn’t be! We never paid no attention to no body…we just care about ourselves…right?

“I don’t want to go all over the map here, but where is the protest against this war when almost on a daily basis, someone is dying over there?” -Alec Baldwin

–What about in my city? Many people die here on a daily basis due to violence of some sort, and ya know, I haven’t seen the protestor’s nor have I seen the actor’s coming here to speak on my behalf. What about the hundred’s of thousands of people who have seen you smoking in the movies and as such, began to consume cancer sticks? Or the teenagers who see your portrayal of violence as cool in the movies, and as such head down a path in life that is filled with violence because they think it’s cool? Shall we begin those protests now or later, Mr. Baldwin?

“I think my exact comment was that if Bush won, it would be a good time to leave the United States. I’m not necessarily going to leave the United States.” -Alec Baldwin

–He thinks that was his comment? What does that tell you right there? Well, I tell you this…Listen to me now, and hear me later…Mark it down my memory-challenged actor-friend: LEAVE, you ungreatful, ignorant, pompous, know-it-all, if you can’t choose to support or agree to disagree. I’m sure that Iran would be happy to grant you free-will if you move there!

In closing, I ask the following questions to anyone, celebrity or peon who chooses to speak ill towards any actions the US is currently involved with”

1. How do you know exactly what is going on in the world, that gives you the right to so vehemently spit fire on our president, or any US leader for that matter?

2. Where do you pick up the gift of governmental insight that you so obviously tenure? (actor’s guild, maybe?)

3. What would you propose we do when a dictator refuses to stop murdering people regardless of the sanctions we implement? (Remember Hitler?)

4. What type of nomenclature will stop a group of people or a country whose decree is, “death to all people who do not believe what we do?”

In closing, I do not have a problem with people vocalizing their opinion: However, please make it an informed one. If you are looking to voice your opinion in a non-productive way: DON’T! There is no hope for change that way, and if you are not looking to change something you do not believe in, hold that opinion. Negativitiy breads negativity!! Establish an informed rhetoric, and positve change can happen….It’s what made this country great!!

Last thought: Not one of us in the general public, truly can understand and know the exact circumstances for our presence in Iraq, PERIOD! It may be becuase of oil, it may be because Sadaam was a murderous henchman, it may have been because of global terrorism: Heck, it may be a conglomeration of all things put together. Doesn’t matter at this point. Our troops, our friends, our family, our neighbors, our co-workers: They’re over there fighting for our country….LET’S SUPPORT THEM!!!

And to all you blow-hard, ill-informed celebrity’s who choose to spout off just to spout off: SHUT YOUR PIE HOLES!!!

PRESSURE. 

You fly out of bed without a moment to spare, jump in the shower for a flash of hot water on the hair, toss some mouthwash for the benefit of your fellow employees, then throw down a high-fiber muffin as you run out the front door on your way towards the 8 to 5. Hundreds of thousands of cars, buses, trucks, and motorcycles: Beaters and Trophies to Speed Machines and Lessons in Practicality, you sit amongst them on the twelve-lane freeway, going nowhere fast.

Living: Are you?…

You realize the air is thin and refreshing as you take it in, along with the pure God-created beauty of the Grand Canyon. There is no noise: peaceful wind blowing and distant aviary noises are the exception. All other thoughts are gone, as you slowly absorb into one with nature. Your body and mind: finely tuned, precise instruments. Predetermined to enjoy all experiences, an epiphany is unexpicably forced upon you: "LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST, WITHOUT REGRET!"

PRESSURE.

The boss storms into the cubicle, the corner secluded office, or the glass-walled, thirtieth-floor lake-view office to scream negative epithats in your general direction, regarding your latest report: The one that took two weeks of research, two weeks of multiple drafts, and two weeks of finalization-steps to produce. Your patience wears thin, you want to lash back, you want to give the beligerant ignoramous a peace of your mind. Common sense, or so it seems, kicks in, and you bury your true feelings deep back into that "hell with it" file, as you shake your head in agreement at your boss in regards to his pleasant request for a "start over!"

Living: Are you?

You stare at the cow, as it stares back at you. It’s chewing a tremendous pile of grass from the neatly bailed block of hay, that had been carefully broken apart by your brother the farmer earlier that morning as part of his morning routine. You watch as your sister-in-law gathers fresh eggs from the hen-house, in preperation for an inviting breakfast of aforementioned eggs, fresh skimmed milk, freshly baked, whole-grain toast, and griddled waffles with real sap-based syrup. Thoughts of the rat-race you seemingly forever-ago ran on a daily basis haven’t crept into your mind for days. No agenda’s, no deadlines, no pressure, no stress: At one with life you have become!

PRESSURE.  

The lines at the pump have never been longer and it doesn’t seem possible that this many people could want gas at one time: Certainly not at one station. You curse the spouse as you wait in a tremendous line waiting to pay for the one thing that she/he had forgotten during last nights excursion to the supermarket: Milk! A highly trained stunt-man wannabe performs the outrageously dangerous stunt of pulling right out in front of you as you are traveling down Main street. Instinctively, you slam on the brakes, ultimately not allowing enough reaction time for the large four-wheel drive worktruck traveling behind you, the ability to perform any evasive maneuvering: CRASH!

Living: Are you?

At eight years old the wind trailing past your face as you run with reckless abandon produces the necessary euphoria to raise what little hair there is on your arm. Tingles run up and down your spine, as your older sibling races after you, in an attempt to tackle you. Your friends are all there, and rightfully so…..Birthdays are made for celebrating! Just like Mom always said, "you are a miracle, and a celebration must take place at least once a year." You blow the candles out on the cake, as you wish for…hhhmmm….yeah, a new bike! As you eat a piece of the chocolate Angel food cake Mom baked special just for you, Dad rolls out a new bike amongst the cheers and chants from all your friends who are there in celebration of YOU!! Life is grand, you realize.

Are you living life today? REALLY LIVING?!! Do you take a step back from reality every so often, as that song which produces feelings of euphoria comes on the radio, and just think, Life is GRAND! Do you take time for yourself? Do you remember that life is for living? Do you remember to enjoy living?

Don’t just go through the motions today. Don’t live, just waiting for the weekend, or for the Summer….Live each day without regret! Experience TODAY!! Look at everything in a positive light for one day….Disregard silently the pessimists amongst you and take the positive approach in all things.  

Living? You owe it to yourself!! ENJOY LIFE……..WHY NOT?

So, the time has finally arrived for the Summer heat to head on back down into simmer status here in the Arizona desert. And with that, it’s time to stop walking around in speedo-cognito, playing the bongo drums and humming out the theme song to "Monday night Football" wherever I go….

What’s that? I have some deep issues you say? Well my friend, I have already admitted that. However, and unfortunately, Science has yet to develop the cure for what I have….so I will continue to self-treat….At any rate, I digress…..

Along with the end-o-Summer, comes the end of my four month long cutting phase that I started back in April. Before I unveil my current four month plan / goal for bulking, here are the final starting and finishing stats:

CUTTING PHASE

Started: April 20

Weight: 220 pounds

Bodyfat: 26%

Arms: 19 inches

Waist: 34 inches

Finished: August 31

Weight: 192 pounds

Bodyfat: 10%

Arms: 18 inches

Waist: 29 inches

And here are some interesting nuggets I learned along the way:

1. Cardio after two months of dieting only served to flatten me out. I dumped the cardio two months in and continued to lose bodyfat and waist size, but felt as though my muscles were keeping their fullness.

2. Added healthy fats kept me from experiencing too many carb-depleted rages, as well as kept my energy and mood levels up in the decent zone. (There weren’t as many bodies to find hiding places for this time around) (Look, I’m kidding, calm down) 

3. Living lean really does allow you to feel healthier overall. Was able to go up and down stairs without getting winded….

4. As per usual, during the initial weight-loss, I did experience size-depletion-depression-syndrome (SDDS). When the shirts started fitting looser, it was somewhat depressing..

5. When you are lean, people you work with really only want to talk about fitness and will actually change their diet if you just so happen to be eating lunch with them. Some of them will actually morph into fitness experts for some reason. I actually had an individual I work with (who is not in shape at all) try to give me some tips on working out properly. Gotta love it, yes?

Okay, so on with the plan for bulking…………..here in just a moment, but first a bit of information regarding my long term goal:

-On the 21st of April 2008, in Tucson, AZ, I plan to step on stage at 200 pounds and 8% bodyfat to compete in the Jr. Masters division of the INBA’s Southwestern USA. Not sure how I’ll stack up against the competition, but hey, I’ll never know until I try right? So barring any unforeseen events of nature, gastrointestinal disorders of the debilitating kind, and / or the Rapture occuring, I will be there on stage, in shape, ready to do some Speedo-clad, muscle-pumping, house-rocking, mind-blowing, head-turning muscle-exhibitioning.

Nuff said about the long term goal, on with the short term, gonna be a FAT-MAN for awhile, stuff.

Diet: Eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in site in the hopes of gaining 8 pounds of pure muscle, along with who knows how much fat….roughly I anticipate gaining a minimum of 30-35 pounds overall.

Workouts: As many of you know, during my cutting phase, I subscribe to Blood Volume training. This type of training is really intended to refine and pump muscles, and really works well to bring out shape and assist with fat loss. During my bulk phases, I subscribe to Heavy Duty training principles made famous by Mike Mentzer and Dorian Yates. I attribute much if not all of my size to this type of training, as I have performed Heavy duty sets on and off for the past fifteen years or so.

What the heck is Heavy Duty training you ask, my most inquisitive friend? Allow me to sum up the principles in Cliff Note fashion:

1. Each muscle group worked only once per week.

2. Each muscle group worked at the highest possible intensity for only one working set per exercise until targe muscle group is fully exhausted.

Hold the phone…..HOLD THE PHONE….Did I just say ONE working set per exercise once per week?

Yep, that’s what I said and I know that many of you have already stopped reading, but for those who are still here, beit the absence of any other form of life, or because you have an insatiable thirst for continued knowledge here is the basic tenet behind this type of training. I believe this will help with any skepticism you may be feeling:

-When faced with an exercise, human nature dictates that more effort and thus a higher intensity will be put forth if there pre-exists the knowledge that only ONE set is to be accomplished. Make sense? No, still don’t get it?…..Let me see if I can spell it out in simpler terms via personal question format:

-If you are faced with three sets of an exercise, will you be inclined to exert maximum intensity for all three sets? If not, will you exert maximum intensity for the first set knowing you are to complete two more afterwards? And if not, when do you exert maximum intensity? The second set….the third, if you have any energy left? There may be the possibility that you don’t exert maximum intensity at all if you are faced with more than one set, yes? I say….

YES, THAT POSSIBILITY DEFINITELY EXISTS!!!!!!!

So, with the knowledge of knowing that I only have one set to accomplish for each exercise, I am able to way blast out……

-MONSTER SINGLE SET’S OF FULL-BLOWN, MIND-NUMBING, MAXIMUM-MUSCLE-DAMAGING EXERCISES!!

Now I know that this sounds simple in many aspects, yes? Let me tell you folks, it’s not that easy. If you are truly (TRULY) expelling all of your energies into one set, that one set can and most likely will be BRUTAL…..But as you know, that’s how I like it!!

BONUS ROUND!!!!

Congratulations: you are the only person to have made it this far in my blog today!! And for your toil, I now will lay out for you a bonus example workout utilizing the Heavy Duty principle. For our purposes here, I choose chest:

1 - set of Flat bench press for 20 reps (warm-up)

(Warm-ups are intended to not only get blood into the muscle group, but to also grease the mind-muscle connections, for assurance of proper form during the working set)

1 - working set of Flat bench (highest possible weight for maximum intensity. I try for a minimum of 6-8 reps and then will do partials to instill failure as much as possible…decending sets if necessary, until I know the chest has failed totally). Remember to feel the lactic acid and for best results…..

FEEL THE BURN IN THE TARGET MUSCLE!

1 - warm-up set on incline bench

1 - working set of incline bench…again, until total failure

1 - warm-up set of wide grip bench

1 - working set of wide grip bench….again, until total failure 

1 - warm-up set of close grip bench

1 - working set of close grip bench…again, until total failure

1 - warm-up set of dumbell flye’s

1 - working set of dumbell flye’s…again, until total failure

1 - warm-up set of decline bench

1 - working set of decline bench..again, until total failure

That’s it folks…pretty simple, yes? One last reminder in regards to Heavy Duty training….Go into each working set with the mindset that it is your last set for that exercise and be determined to absolutely just obliterate the muscle….If you do this, you WILL see growth!

Alrighty then, last word regarding the bulk: Stay tuned to my site here on BS as I plan to post progress pics documenting my appearance as it goes from lean to BEEFY…or FAT (depending on your perspective) over the next four months….

Thanks to all, Goodnight World and remember: If a woodchuck can’t chuck wood, then how would a woodchuck make any decent muscle gains?

WARNING: The following blog may produce feelings of discomfort in some, produce coughing and spitting spasms in others, and still in others, it may produce violent, tourettes-syndrome-like facial-ticks. Proceed… my quick to take offense friends, at your own risk……To Everyone else…..ENJOY!!

The Scenario:

A few weeks ago, we were enjoying my oldest sons birthday party, which he chose to spend at a local water park / resort. We only spent two days at this establishment but it provided a nice get away from the everyday hustle and bustle of traveling and work. As for my kids, well, let’s just face it, there really isn’t a better place to go than a water park when you’re young and have boundless energy, yes?

SIDE QUESTION TO THE LADIES: Do defined abs really do it for you, when it comes to men? I ask, because this was one of the first opportunities I have had this summer to really get out and strut my newly defined abs. With that I must confess, I seemingly caught many-o-the woman-folk giving me the HHHHMMMM look….You know the one I’m talking about? Just curious: I’m sure it was my overactive imagination.

Anyway, on to the main reason for this blog: I’m laying out on day two and low and behold a famous Rapper (I will not divulge the name as to protect myself from potential harm), his family, and his posse come strolling into the lounge area directly in front of where we had set up base-camp. As you can imagine, this proved to be a very entertaining afternoon, as well as left me pondering a question regarding women and their choice to further endow their upper chest section, their bosoms, their bazoomba’s, their bodacious ta-ta’s, their….well you get the point. I will further expound on my observation and contemplation of this matter in just a moment. But first, I must set the stage…

The rapper (who trust me, is very famous) turned out to be just your average ordinary father of two, looking to hang out and enjoy the outdoors. He didn’t arrive in a HUGE way with loud thunderous music thumping all around, dancing monkeys playing tamborines or photographer’s flashing GQ shots left and right.

Nope, he walked in, didn’t make eye-contact with anyone, sat down on a lounger, caught some rays, read a book, went down a few waterslides, floated in the lazy river and for all intents and purposes, just hung out in a very normal fashion. Occassionally, an overweight Dad and daughter, teenage groupy and / or all-out goofball would walk by and say generically:

 "YO, insert rapper’s name, Whadup Big Dawg? What’s going on the downlow freak?" 

To which he graciously and generically responded with a fist bump and a "not much."

So, I thought all of this was very cool. A major star, hanging out with the plebian peeps of the world just keeping it real. All of this was great except for one of his posse members. Yep, you know the one…….the one with the SO OVERLY HUGE BREASTS, that they were obviously fake. To make matter’s worse, she was the prototypical goof-ball-ditzy-chick, who giggled that annoying and fake giggle everytime anyone said anything that might in any way be interpreted as funny…..the one that kind of goes like this…..WWOOOO-HHHOOOO-TTTOOO-TTTTOOOOO, or something like that.

Trust me, it was annoying. I can’t imagine that this famous rapper was all that impressed with this member of his posse, unless he is really into, you know, women’s breasts…..REALLY INTO!!!

Because I’m telling you, these things had to have been Triple Z cups….Yeah, now you’re getting the picture…Circus clown HUGE. She also was very proud of these most-obviously fake things, as she constantly played with her bikini-top (what you could see of it) and re-adjusted her bikini-bottom like she was in dire need of some flossing down there……

All right, enough of the setting right…onto the point!!! Look, I can understand why a woman would elect to have her breasts enhanced. I have stated that before. In todays society, it is such a defining part of a woman, I can understand if you just didn’t have anything there at all, or you were interested in firming them up. I completely understand many of the reasons for the surgery.

Now, what I can’t understand is making them so big, they are OBVIOUSLY FAKE. And for that I have the following questions in regards to implants of brobdingnagean proportions:

1. What gratification can a woman possibly garner out of having breasts that are OBVIOUSLY fake?

2. Shouldn’t part of the equation be that they still leave people wondering if they are fake or not?

3. For attraction purposes, doesn’t a woman limit her attractee’s if she looks like she’s part female rhino?

4. Isn’t a woman just getting silly when her breasts are so big that kids accidentally grab one as she is laying down, because they think she’s the water slide employee who checks out sports equipment?

5. If she must wear a back brace, not for preventative purposes, but for support purposes! Haven’t things gone a bit too far?

6. When people that are paying respects to the famous rapper that she’s at a water park with, actually stop long enough to stare at those tremendously HUGE breasts, point and subsequently begin to laugh at, hasn’t some regulation somewhere been broken?

In conlcusion, I was just surprised to see such goofiness. I mean "stop the presses, the circus has come to town freaky." If ever there was a movement against breast augmentation, this woman would surely and most likely proudly, be the poster woman for it.

That’s it folks, was just curious….Another random thought from an obviously warped and confused mind!