Memoirs of a reluctant Bulker

In honor of the new video clip which references the movie 300 (posted on my sight), I dedicate tonights blog to those 300 men, women, children, infants, newborn babies, pet dogs and cats, lizards, lama’s, cattle, horses, iguana’s, fish and hamsters who valiantly fought off the impossible, in order to say at the end-o-the day, "Sir, the goats are safe!"

Our story begins at the War room, also known as the Holiday Inn express, with our hero’s preparing for battle……

The army of one ensured the sustanence levels were adequate (baked potato, turkey breast, spinach and carrots) before donning their battle gear: One pair of raspy twelve year old, dark Navy blue basketball shorts, a slightly newer, somewhat tight fitting Addidas running t-shirt, low-cut Nike black crew socks and a pair of disrepaired three year and four thousand walking miles old black slip-on Vans (yeah, the ones that irritate most people)….Lastly, the helmet of pride, the source of power on many levels: A very old and tattered Addidas San Antonio (yep, the newly crowned NBA champions of the world) SSSPPPPUUUURRRSSSS!!!!!! baseball hat.

Ready for battle, the batallion loaded up in the recently acquired 2007 Hertz Rental Toyota Forerunner (Thanks Gold Club) with six speaker / woofer stereo set-up. They punched up some Reno based ALICE, which was cranking STP (Stone Temple Pilots), and stormed towards the enemies known location: World Gym Carson City (WGCC)!

Mighty in presence, lowly in number, the motivated and focused force burst through the double glass doors of the WGCC and was suddenly slowed by the mystical female beauty which was peering at the disheveled back-slayer-brigade from above her computer. Motivation and determination was brought immediately to a halt, as the iron-maiden hand-gestured a commonly accepted universal symbol for "HELLO," which was reciprocated by the mighty authoritative force. The subsequent ten minute flirting session that proceeded was not only stimulating, but mentally enhancing as well. (whoops, what really happened was a serious verbal exchange, between two professionals, of vital information pertaining to the enemies location and their strengths…..that’s my story and I’m sticking with it!)

Refocused and newly energized, the group of men numbering in the just above zero and just below two number, stormed out onto the battle ground where it quickly assessed the threatening mechanical and iron nemisis’ that smuggly dared for the war to begin, one battle at a time. The enemy looked around, calculating it’s best defense and offered the following recruits for battle: The wide grip pull-down machine, the dumbell row, the close-grip smith machine shrug, the Hammer-strength seated lateral row machine, T-bar rows and the closer…..the Olympic DEADLIFT!

The war was bloody……extremely sweaty, and most probably smelly! One by one the battles were waged and fought. Only with extreme courage and a "never say die" attitude was the WAR actually won. The following is a first hand eye-witness account of the batttles that ensued.

"Hi, I’m Delbert P. Walthrop, and I just wanted to walk y’all through what I saw first hand tonight because it was unlike anything I have ever seen in my twenty year life span. This mighty force of surely thousands of soldiers just plowed through those doors right there…..see the ones with the glass in them, yep and they all crowded around that poor little girl up there working and actually spoke to her, before steamrolling through the section of the gym that houses the part-time wannabe athletes fancy machines and into, what we commoners refer to as, THE BATTLE ZONE. What’s that you ask?…….No, I don’t usually go in there as I might get hurt, but tonight I just had to see with my own eyes, what was gonna take place…I mean you should’ve seen it, tonight I saw raw fury and here’s the step-by-step rundown of what I witnessed…..see I wrote the details down in my pocket diary that I carry everywhere with me…..

The first battle started with the wide-grip pull-down machine: 6 x 30, 25, 20, 10, 8, 5 (pounds: 130 - 245) It was an impressive display, if I do say so myself….. I got tired and scared just watching….

The enemy then proceeded to launch dumbell rows at the poor group of mighty warriors, who responded with 4 X 15, 12, 10, 8 (pounds: 45 - 95) that was a clear win in my book…but the battle continued…..

I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing to be quite frank, because not only was the clearly overmatched group of men seemingly winning the battles, they were doing it in less than thirty seconds between sets….I know, I know, psycho huh? At any rate the next battle took place over there with close grip Smith machine shrugs: 8 X 20, 15, 12, 10, 8, 4… (pounds: 135 - 295) this was a really impressively won battle because there was some serious grunting and major clanking going on here.

Next the two foes battled it out at the Hammer strength seated lateral row machine: 4 X 15, 10, 8, 6 (pounds 90 - 170) I could tell that the war was nearing a close here, because both sides just looked like they were getting tired or something…..

The war however, continued superset (Yeah, SUPERSET) style with T-bar rows and the grand daddy funk master of all the exercises….DEADLIFTS: 6 X reps to failure with various pounds for both exercises. The last and final set was 135 pounds on the Olympic bar for deadlifts and as a burn-out, thirty (THIRTY) reps were completed! Full reps…..

And that’s all there really was to it, both sides just kind of petered out after that. I’m guessing they both just considered it a draw because it ended with the same abruptness as when it began. The battalion stopped at the front desk on his way out and exchanged about ten minutes of pleasantry’s with that HOT GIRL, I mean with the kind girl that works at the front desk and then they was gone….That’s it, end-o-story."

On the road workout rating: 9+

Emergency Carbohydrate diet post: I have decided to add a few complex carbs to my diet this week as I have been feeling flat……updates will be posted along with my nightly muscle smackdowns!

Good night and thank you Carson City…..T minus three days till mission complete. Stay tuned for the next episode of the World Gym workout: " A World Gym leg tale."

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 26th, 2007 at 6:01 pm and is filed under Training, Nutrition, Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.