BlueDevilette’s Transformation Blog

I figured I might be a little lost following my first competition, but now starting in my 3rd week after ‘the big show’ I am feeling REALLY REALLY lost with my fitness because unlike the last 7 months, I don’t have a tangible goal.  And I am struggling to figure out what the next one will be…

I am hoping to do shows in October but I need something more immediate and I am just feeling SOOOO unmotivated in the gym etc. and can’t figure out how to break out of the rut!  I keep telling myself it will come to me but I’m waiting…and nothing’s coming.  I’m still just going through the motions.  I am eating clean for the most part but I am not excited like I was before the show…I want someone to tell me the secret!

I think part of the problem for me is I worked hard for 6 months dieting and lifting and got to a great place with my body but I want so much more, I want to get my bodyfat down, gain muscle mass and really take it up a notch.  The issue is I dont know HOW to do that properly still.  It was easy to eat clean and reduce my caloric intake to lose fat while lifting to gain initial muscle mass, but I don’t really understand the ins and outs of diet and workouts to take me to the next level and really make what I am doing effective.  Beyond that, I have this fear that I can’t get there–that my body won’t get there.  This is in part because I got to a point before the show where I was doing everything I was told–eating chicken and veggies and working out like crazy–and was completely plateauing–it made me feel like saying ‘Is this all I can do?  Is this as good as I can get?"  I would like to think it isn’t but I don’t know what to do!  The truth of the matter is that even though I went through what I felt like was a LOT in the last 6 months I am still a brand-new baby when it comes to this stuff.  Do I take supplements like creatine and L-arginine and things like fat burners or don’t I?  How do I gain muscle without gaining fat back and what is the difference between my caloric intake while building versus dieting?  Should I be ‘building’ when I still have some bodyfat to lose?  All the things I don’t understand and don’t know make me apprehensive and feel defeated before I’ve even taken on the next endeavor.

I’ll keep you posted if I have a miraculous breakthrough–in the meantime it is what it is.

Sooo very insane.  It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’ve spent the last half-hour looking over the pics from my show (they were just posted by the show site) and its such a weird feeling. Like I’m half proud of myself and half SOOOO critical–I still have SO far to go where I want to be and the truth is I am a little stuck on how to get there…more to come on that topic when I am more than 30% awake…but in the meantime I’ll be trying to get my ‘beauty’ sleep…right.

xoxo

So to give myself newfound motivation in the gym I scoured Itunes for a fresh new playlist…upbeat with a couple of rock-out tunes thrown in….

Red Blooded Woman- Kylie Minogue

Long Way 2 Go- Cassie

Sexy Can I- Ray J

Elevator- Flo Rida

Fake It- Seether

4 mintues- Madonna and JTimberlake

Flashing lights- Kanye

Bling- Jeannie Ortega

Like Me- Girlicious

Pocketful of Sunshine- Natasha Bedingfield

You Gotta Be- Des’ree

So Much Betta- Janet Jackson

Crowded- Jeannie Ortega

The Way You Do Me- JoJo

Salute Your Solution- Raconteurs

Love is Gone- David Guetta

Okay so I did it, my first ever figure show (well, bikini show to be more precise) this past weekend at Fitness Atlantic in CT.

What a great great experience!  It was a great reward to be up there on stage for all the work I’ve put in.  And it actually was really motivating to see everyone else–reinforced what I already knew which is that my training team is AMAZING at what they do (you should have SEEN some of the competitors they work with) and that I have a long long long way to go to get where I want to be.  Not surprisingly I didn’t place (there were over 40 girls in my height class alone–over 250 total compeitors) but I was just happy that I managed to get up there.  If you had told me when I was a stock soccer player in high school that I’d be pretty much naked on a stage in 5 inch heels I would have filed suit against you for defamation.

To be honest it was kind of funny because for all my worrying I kind of blacked out the first time I went out there in my suit…the second time for the sportswear I was a lot more comfortable and with it…I’m eager to get back the criticism from the judges eventually though…

Some of my friends came which was awesome, to have them see me made me both more nervous and more at ease…but what was great was going out to a pig out dinner that night AND a celebration dinner with a bunch of my friends who couldn’t make it the next night…although that food was so foreign to my body that I’ve been pretty stomach sick (stomach says "what the hell is ice cream and gnocci doing in me??  give me tuna!!) –but today I am back on track with the food I should be eating (Icelandic yogurt, salad with chicken and balsamic, Hearty morning cereal, ground chicken, hummus, the usual) and back at the gym so things should be back on track pretty soon…

Now into my first ever ‘off-season’–I want to BUILD!!!

I cannot BELIEVE I am in the final week before my show…it is INSANE.  I am currenly on my third day of my second 3-day protein binge…all protein all day long…which actuallly I dont mind SO much because its easy to figure out my meals at least haha. 

Yesterday was really frustrating because I was stuck at the office until 8:15, went to the gym until it closed at 10, then got on the subway and went to the grocery store.  The gym was really tough becuase I dont have any carbs in my body and I’m trying to sustain an hour plus in a sweatsuit….it was rough to say the least.  Then after hauling groceries home I put on self-tanner and cook a little for today/Thursday…so I didn’t end up getting to bed until 1:30AM….ouch.

Then tonight I fly out of town for business, return tomorrow night and wake up and drive to my show Friday afternoon!  Its all happening SO fast and I am feeling quite unprepared….I still haven’t had time to do my nails so I might have to wake up and get them done Friday morning…okay breathe Megan you’re just a little overwhelmed…

I’m not sure I’m totally ready but I really like my suit and I’m just excited to get out ther for the first time!

Will post pics after the show…happy hump day!

xoxo

Its AMAZING to me how spot-on my coaches are…WAY back when (AKA 4 months ago) when I was just a couple of months into my leaning out/building plan, that when I got down to a month before my show I would go insane.  

Wow, they have been right so far.  My energy levels, mood, confidence and ability ot think clearly are ALL OVER THE PLACE…I go from a high spirited, driven, happy excited almost-competitor to an exhausted heap of confusion and fright who can’t possibly imagine getting up on stage in a mini bikini and keeps asking herself, “why am I doing this?” “why can’t I just have a saltine or a bowl of cereal?” “why is my head spinning?” 

On top of this, my body itself is going NUTS.  My right pinky finger has fallen asleep for hours at a time twice in the last two weeks, which WebMd says could be because of low blood sugar (hypoglycemia) or, alternatively, multiple sclerosis, among other horrifying things (that symtom checker thing should be outlawed)  Today ends my 3 day only-protein cycle which has been pretty intense and I am SO excited to eat a grapefruit or some berries tomorrow I cannot even describe…and eating some sort of fruit/carbs should clear up the pinky problem I think but probably not the general mental craziness going on… 

I also still have to stone up my sportswear outfit, figure out if I can wear my suit or if I need a back up and get everything else together for the show, all while aiming to get down those last few pounds….eek! 

I’ve been so good so far at staying motivated but it sure is getting hard…counting down the days is only good if it doesn’t remind you how LITTLE time you have to get where you need to be…ugg, I need a cup of coffee BADLY. 

So I kind of flipped out last weekend because I had a suit fitting–which was 4 weeks PAST when my original fitting was supposed to be because my designer had to cancel the first time…and the competition suit just looks unflattering!  I mean weight-wise I am doing fine for the show and I’m feeling pretty confident and I’ve definately seen changes in my body that are making me happy, then I go and put on that suit and flip out! 

So I had a conversation (or maybe 6) with the Cathy Savage training team and while I’m going to try to make the suit work (tradiitonal higher cut criss cross back style) by rapidly brining down a few more pounds in the next few weeks, I am going to try to secure a back up suit that is cut straight along the hips plain so I can embellish it if I need to last minute and wear that instead.  Basically the coaches were like, listen, you look good for stage, but you happen to carry your bodyfat where a comp suit hits right now!  So maybe a traditional comp suit isn’t right for you! 

If that’s the case I should be able to turn my suit out to someone else who WILL look good in it and not lose any money since I wouldn’t have worn it at all…but the whole thing makes me pretty frustrated because my fitting was so late and I might not go on stage with a suit I REALLY love even though ultimately it will look better on my body shape…ugggggggg!

Probably the good thing about this whole minor disaster is that it is making me get on top of my s**t for the show, I mean more anal about everything than I was already…and that in all honesty is probably a good thing…so I am at 7 days a week cardio for an hour and starting to split next week until the show along with every other day full body circut lifting…considering my awful working schedule and traveling it might be quite difficult to do the splits but we’ll see….3 more weeks…

On the plus side things are coming together with my outfit for sportswear (Duke BBall, clearly) and I’m pretty psyched about that at least…one mountain at a time right? 

Here’s one of my favorite playlists right now, great for cardio (a little eclectic, I like rock as much as rap as much as techno…etc)

Britney Spears "Piece of Me"
Pitbull "Go Girl"

Pitbull "Fuego"

Flo Rida and T-Pain "Low"

Janet Jackson "Feedback"

INXS "Pretty Vegas"

Jimmy Wayne "The Rabbit"

Lady Sovereign "Love me Or Hate Me"

Michael Jackson "Shake Your Body Down"

Plies "I Am the club"

Safari Duo "Played-A-Live"

Irene Cara "What A Feeling"

Cold War Kids "Hang Me Up To Dry"

Ida Corr "Let Me Think About It"

Silverchair "Straight Lines"

Serj Tankin "Empty Walls"

The Gossip "Standing In The Way of Control"

Le Disko "Shiny Toy Guns"

Garbage "Push It"

Miranda Lambert "Gunpowder and Lead"

Mike Jones (with Paul Wall& Slim Thug) "Still Tippin"

I’ve been MIA for a bit, my apologies but I had a work retreat (exciting) for the last week that’s kept me pretty busy. Plan to upload a pic and update profile soon. I’d like to take a quick opportunity to rant about something that’s been bothering me lately. The men–correction–boys–around my age (23) tend to have some sort of phobia of girls who weightlift and (gasp!) temporarily give up drinking.

I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I’m at a bar, having a good conversation with a cute guy who seems interesting and seems to be interested in me, when all of the sudden they ask if they can buy me another drink. It’s pretty much a disaster from there. I explain that I’m preparing for a figure show (well, really, a bikini show, but saying that I think makes it sound even MORE like stripping or a Miss Massachusetts paegant) and that because of it I’m not drinking until after the show. Upon discovering that the possibility of me stumbling home with them in a drunken haze is approximately 0%, the conversation quickly changes affect. Instead of excited interest in my personality or charm it seems to shift to a sort of morbid fascination with the bizarre. "How could you give up drinking? Who would do that?" "How do you have any fun?" "You’re kidding me right? You’re seriously holding a diet coke in your hand right now?" "So wait, you’re a bodybuilder? You don’t look like you’re on steroids…"

I especially don’t get this because in college, no one ever gave crap to the football players or tennis kids who during their on-season not only didn’t drink but hardly stayed up past 9PM since they had practice or a game the next morning.  To me, I am preparing for the "big game" of my show–in my mind I’m an athelete too, only the points I am accumulating are with myself. 

I have recently observed that this sort of reaction doesn’t come from everyone–it seems to be a phenomenon of the males (and females for that matter) under the age of 26/27…  The reaction I get from older guys is a lot more normal for the most part. Insights on to that phenomenon escape me thus far, however…maybe the college memories of the security blanket and comfort that come out of a gin and tonic is still too fresh in the boys’ heads?

When I first started training and I encountered this reaction I was incredibly frustrated. The funny thing is, I have a pretty high alcohol tolerance, so even when I do drink my personality pretty much stays the same–I have never been one to temporarily lose my ability to walk or find myself slurring my words or hanging from a chandelier (okay, there was that one time….but hey….it happens to us all once in a blue moon…) Despite this, to be entirely honest, I found myself feeling how those people were making me out to feel–like a freak who couldn’t possibly be a good time to be around without a drink or two.  I became something I never was before when I went out–shy and a little more reserved–because I began to feel weird for making the choice I had and sticking to it. 

Lately, though, my attitude has started to change.  I’ve figured out that my choice to be temporarily "dry" is actually a pretty good screening mechanism.  If a 22-year-old-guy who thinks he’s in shape because he plays pick-up basketball on a Sunday after guzzling 2 12-packs the night before wants to have a negative reaction to the fact I’m not wasted on a Saturday night out and plan to wake up at 7 am the next day to lift that’s fine–its not like we’d be going anywhere if that’s the case anyway since training does take up a *significant* amount of my time to say the least…

Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to a night out with a fancy girly martini and watching the Sox game Corona Light in hand after this show in April.  And for the most part I have a really good time going out with my friends who know all about what I’m doing and could care less whether I take that extra tequila shot along with them.  But if I like my show experience there will likely be another at some point–meaning I’ll be sober sister once again for at least a short stretch of time…hopefully by that time I’ll have figured out how to navigate around the boys and over to the men

So about a month ago the scale stopped moving down, which for a while upset me until I realized that I wasn’t actually that far out from show weight and it probably wouldn’t change all that much leading up to April 26th anyway and I decided to put myself on censorship from the scale for a while. 

Well, last night I decided that was a GREAT move on my part.  Every month, I have to have bikini pics taken for my trainer to chart my progress etc. and so that when training/diet adjustments are being made there is something to have reference to (for example, I was told in mid-January that I needed to switch to only certain kinds of fats to really tighten up my midsection, which means basically more coconut, flax and fish oils and a depressing paucity of my favorite–nuts–from my current diet…sad but true) 

The pics I took last night were AWESOME.  I’ve been seeing a difference in the mirror, in how my clothes fit and how I feel since I started training in October, but I really saw it in the pictures yesterday which is really encouraging for me considering I am just 8 weeks out from show.  I really needed that boost…another post to come soon but now I have to run off…

Basta.  Caio!

"La vertigine non è paura di cadere ma voglia di volare"