blsmith’s BodyBlog

I took a break from the gym today. I am feeling DOMS on my entire upper body, chest, abs, arms, back, shoulders… man does it feel good… might do some light work at home tonight. Maybe do some yoga on the Wii.

I just wanted to talk a bit off topic for a second. I know there are some newcomers coming in here who may not know me as well as some of my long time friends on bb.com and I wanted to just take a second to talk about myself and why the trip I talked about earlier this week means more than some of you realize.

For the longest time, I have suffered from very low self-esteem. I was always the one bullied in school, as much as I loved to play sports, I was always the last one chosen to play, etc. Even in school, I was very smart in some subjects, but not so much in others, but no matter what class I was in, I was picked on, either for being too dumb, or too smart. Didn’t have a real relationship until I was 19, and even then for the most part it was long-distance. Even through marriage, I never felt I was good enough, and I felt like it was only because she felt sorry for me that she married me (That is a long sub-story in itself that I won’t get into right now). So, I feel that because of this low self-image that I always sabotaged myself when I tried to get into fitness in any way. I had tried many times to get back into it but with failure.

Until I started coming to bb.com, it was here where I met some genuine friends that didn’t want anything but to see me succeed. And it is because of them that I started going to the gym last February and haven’t looked back. However, despite this, I still had a very low self worth, and I would just blow for a week and break down in tears. I started going to therapy sessions and taking medication for this, and it got a little better, but I would still have occasional breakdowns.

Well last week, my wife and I went on that trip… and if wonders never cease, I could do no wrong. I did very well at the poker table, met a fellow bb.com person who made me feel good about myself, then going into the karaoke lounge at the hotel and getting genuine applause from total strangers, even going as far as them going to my wife and telling her how good I was. Those 4 days did more for me, than the months of therapy I have ben receiving. I guess all I needed was to actually feel like I am a winner, to actually believe it. But, I have to say, without the good people I have met on here, I would not have gotten to that point where I could relax enough to enjoy myself.

So to all of you who have stood by me through my worst times (and you know how bad they were at one point), and to those finding me for the first time, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you all!