bigjeff0065’s BodyBlog

Can’t wait for my beach trip with my son!  I am most looking forward to sitting on the deck at night after he’s gone to sleep and just listening to the waves roll in and watching the moonlight reflect off of the water.  I need it.  I always seem to be able to be my most introspective at the beach.  I have fixed my outside (not done by a long shot, but closer to goal each day), and my emotional side is steady and constant as always, and that is getting to the core of what I’ve been sidetracked with lately.  It seems as though I keep thinking about being different from what I am and have always been.  When I was younger this thought was almost daily.  I so desperately wanted to be something other than I was.  I didn’t want to be quiet and reserved, I wanted to be a ladies man, a player, etc.  Well, last year I had that opportunity to be that person, and I did it.  I thought it would be fantastic.  It sucked!  Hollow, empty, devoid of value.  

  Well, maybe I’m not looking to be something or someone else, but maybe adding some things to the old social skill set where I have been lacking.  It’s tough as an introvert living in an extrovert world.  So few people actually understand you.  Yet I’ve learned to accept that is who I am, adapt, and I’m cool with it.  What I need to develop is my social skills since I’ve ignored them quite a bit.  Much like working a lagging bodypart.  I’ve been told that I am intimidating when people first meet me because I do not smile much, even though I’m just a big teddy bear!  I’ve probably taken my introversion too far to the isolationist mode, so I’ll work on appearing friendlier by smiling more.    That’s my short term goal anyway.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 23rd, 2008 at 8:10 am and is filed under Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.