bigjeff0065’s BodyBlog

Okay, had a cheat meal the other day, but the first in a month, so I don’t feel bad about it at all.  It wasn’t even that bad of a cheat, but enough to make me redouble my diet efforts.  The people at work say I’m losing too much weight, but i’m not satisfied yet.  Maybe another 10-15 lbs, we’ll see what it is.  I’ll know when I see what I want in the mirror.  Anyway, my schedule has become more clear right now, so I’ve devised a new schedule which will allow me to take advantage of my days with my son being off days, or after he goes to bed days.  I’ll be working multiple body parts instead of just focusing on one group per day.  I had great results with the old way, but things have to change now.  So after feeling a pity party for a couple of weeks, it’s time to use my time wisely and get off my duff and get back going.  Sitting around and only doing sporadic halfhearted workouts isn’t getting it done.  I’ve set myself back though still lost weight, though the results aren’t as good as they should have been.  The emotional setback is the hardest part of all this, but working on getting to be a stronger person inside also.  So, I hit legs and abs today with a little cardio, with swimming and cardio later tonight.  Shoulders tomorrow, chest monday, arms and abs tuesday.  Wed is an off day for the fourth, thursday will start over with legs.  Thinking of joining a gym once the single life budget gets settled to just get out of the house for a while.  My plan is to be a monk for a year to heal and work on me.  Then it’s out and about for fun and games.  Well, that’s the plan anyway.

ok, diets been good only one cheat meal and that wasn’t that bad, just high carb.  Getting back on track with the workouts, forgot all the stuff I missed.  Guess taking it easy for a couple of weeks is ok, but don’t really want to do that again as it’s hard to get back in the groove.  Hit the chest and abs today with 15 mins. of HIIT cardio on the trusty treadmill.  My hamstrings are growing back to where they were 10 years ago or was it 12 years…hmmm.  Legs look good again, calves have always been ripped, my quads aren’t as big as they were, the groove is back, but not as deep as it was.  Getting lots of compliments even from my separated wife when I went swimming at her mom’s she said, "My God, you are getting ripped!".  Yeah, living well is the best revenge.  Hit the booze a little too much lately, nothing major, but a couple of john Daniel’s each night.  Yeah, I know, but he’s not Jack when you’ve known him as long as I have. .  So, off the communion whiskey and onto getting back into it.  My lower abs look worse than they did 5 lbs ago, I think the booze has had a part in that.  Going to take the dog on a long walk tonight just to keep my head clear and enjoy nature.  My shoulders are my weak point, due to previous injuries that I didn’t see the need to get treated, but, young and stupid hurts when you get older.  So, going to push my shoulders hard, try to pump the delts and bust through some fear of going too heavy and re-injuring something.  Finally slept some last night and I feel like a new man today.  Going to hit the bed early instead of the bar looking for some late night affection.  Guess the terminal case of Lackanookie will go untreated for a while, but I guess it should.  Still got a long way to go to fix my shattered heart, but making progress every day.  Once I viewed it as a body problem, much like being obese, I know it takes time and effort and discipline to fix it.  Just get impatient sometimes.  Oh well, sorry girls… I’m closed for alterations right now.  But when I do get fixed, watch your hearts…

Anybody read the book "Thinner" by Stephen King.  I saw the movie the other day, not worth the time, but to make it short, a man kills a gypsy kings mother in a car wreck.  The gypsy curses the fat lawyer to keep losing weight no matter what he does.  I kind of feel that somebody cursed me because I keep losing.  No that’s good, but I worry because my workouts have been good when I’ve done them, but only 4 in the last two and a half weeks, skipping the 3x a week cardio alltogether.  I’ve been strict on my diet and getting plenty of protein.  I just passed my weight goal of 205, and hit 204.8, so not by much, but there.  New goal is 200 I guess.  I’m lighter than when I graduated high school, and I believe I look better, as I was trying to gain weight in hs and college.  I guess eating clean really melts the weight off.  I’m in about week 5 or 6 of eating clean, but have cut out cheats completely.  I may need to adjust my calories up a little to slow down the weight loss, just a bit.  I’m not sure if it’s true, but i’ve always heard 1-2 lbs per week is safe, but if it’s an average over a longer period of time, then I’m probably okay.  I just don’t want to lose more weight quicker than my skin can shrink.

Well, went to the lake with my son and dad and his wife today.  Things have been tough with my focus broken by circumstances beyond my control, taking my neat, tidy, planned out future and turning it upside down to be swept off into the wind.  I’m getting through it okay, at least sticking to my diet.  Combining workouts now, so i’m not training 4-5 days, but more like 3 until other issues come to resolution.  Anyway, all we had to eat for lunch was hot dogs, chips and guacamole.  I ate the damn hot dog, though I really didn’t want it, but was surprised at how many chips I ate.  Sure, fat free hot dogs and baked chips, cause the folks are scared of dying and such, but felt lousy about eating it.  Oh, well, back on track with dinner and a good workout tonight.  Going to finish with cardio, which I haven’t done in 2 weeks!  Motivation has been poor, but going to go gung ho tonight & get back in the swing.  Getting compliments lately, so that will help fuel the fire, cause I want more!  Having never really gotten compliments since college on how looking good, I’m hungry for more.  Whatever it takes to stay on fire, right?  Tonight will be back, hit legs on Thursday, went out Friday, and had too many phone calls Saturday nite, though it did me good to know my friends care that much.  Well, nuff said except that I challenge everyone who reads this to send me a motivational comment.  What pushes you?  Got a good quote?  Give me your fuel, I need to push mine up a notch.

Okay, been feeling sorry for myself and thinking too much lately, so I actually stopped working our for a week and a half.  Yesterday I got antsy and got back to it with legs and abs.  Despite not having worked out, eating clean has caused me to lose another 5 lbs. in the last 2 weeks.  That’s good.  Don’t know when I’ll stop losing, I guess when I look in the mirror and see a six pack.  I am now thinking that this cannot be as far off as I’d thought as I’m beginning to see my upper abs a little when I don’t slouch of course.  But all that is good, and I’m happy with my progress.  Training is important, but I used to train like crazy when I was playing college football, but the diet was not there.  Now it is, and I can see plentiful results.  I’m the same weight I was when I graduated high school 16 years ago!  And I think I look better!  Going to stay on the diet and get back to the regular training, though may tweak it to work fewer days, but more bodyparts on those days.  Gotta do some research to come up with a good program. 

I’ve got to try to get a new schedule going.  Right now everything is up in the air as I have my son about half the week and don’t want to lose one second with him as I miss him when he’s with my baby’s mama (the soon to be ex-wife).  I’ve been wanting to work out, but then on the way home, she’ll call and want to talk and the hurt and depression just well up and ruin my plans.  So I go home and have a drink and try to mellow out.  this sucks.  I hope to get past all this soon, but know that there’s still a lot to work out with her in terms of how to dissolve our marriage and who gets what.  But the good news is that I get the house and keep all my money since I’m the only one who saved any anyway.  Well, tomorrow is another day, and I’m gonna turn off my cell when I leave work so I don’t have to worry about that shit for a day anyway.  Then I’m gonna work the crap out of my legs. 

My soon to be ex-wife had laproscopic gastro-intestinal bypass almost 2 years ago.  I told her she needed to address the reasons she had become obese in the first place.  She has lost a lot of weight and looks fantastic.  Unfortunately, this surgery screws with your head.  She resented the people she knew before she lost the weight because they wanted to hang out with her now that she was thinner.  It was really that she was happier and more confident.  She became depressed and she never got the proper nutrition as supplements are required because you can no longer digest enough nutrients.  She got a lot of attention from the opposite sex.   Unfortunately, studies show that 75% of the people who get the surgery wind up divorced.  Well, I have become part of that statistic.  I don’t know if she resented me because I lost weight the hard way with diet, discipline, and dumbells, but she changed a lot.  If you or a loved one is considering the surgery, please educate yourself.  Please begin by making a commitment to lifetime health and nutrition.  Join one of the post-surgery support groups and talk to someone who has had it before you do this to yourself.  Your body may change, but your self-esteem takes time to adjust to that change.  If you don’t change your habits prior to surgery, you will still think and feel like a fat person.  Apparently, the effects of this are psychologically devastating.  I consider this surgery to be necessary for some, but I definitely recommend against it. 

Ok, getting better every day.  I still have my moments, but coming to accept the fact that life and all my plans are upside down.  The good news is that I’ll be keeping my house thus also my home gym.  In a few months I’ll probably join a gym anyway just to change the scenery and meet new friends, not that I’ll go there to be a social butterfly, but when I get a chance I’ll ask for tips or technique, whatever.  The diet hasn’t been the greatest lately, not so much that I’m eating crap, but that I’m eating irregularly and not enough to feed my muscles, so that’s changing today.  I’m on meal 4 now.  I drank a couple of nights over the last week, nothing major, but since I’ve stopped drinking for my diet, it was too much and I feel like my body has quit burning fat and returned to storing it.  So, we’ll consider last week a body shock week.  Haven’t been keeping up with the weights either, though managed to fit in legs, back, abs, and shoulders.  Today I’ll hit chest and tomorrow arms.  Going to change programs soon and get back on track with my focus and goals.  I’m ahead of the game, and will continue to make progress.  I am currently on a self imposed exile from the bad in life and will focus on the positive.  In the words of the immortal LL "Don’t call it a comeback".  Just had a mental health week off.  It’s all sunshine and roses from here.

Well, due to recent events, my diet has gone poorly.  I’m still trying, but I just can’t seem to eat.  My stomach is all twisted up and not wanting any food.  I force down some, but not enough to feed the machine.  Haven’t felt like lifting lately, mostly due to the fact that I can’t sleep more than 2-3 hours a night.  It got bad.  So, I went to my doctor and she gave me some Ambient to help me sleep.  I got around 10 hours last night and feel much better today, though still weak in my core.  I’m going to catch some extra sleep over the next 2 nights and hope that by Sunday I’ll be ready to throw some plates around.  Hopefully soon the major depression involved here will go away and let me focus on something other than my misery.  In time, it will, but I don’t want to wait.  Gotta stay positive and get my focus back.  ‘Til next time…