It’s over…
I sit here trying to occupy my time and mind this morning. Trying to get it off of my marriage, which ended about 5 hours ago. It was over a long time before that I guess, but didn’t want to face it. It’s not my choice, but there can be no reconciliation this time. This is the third or fourth time it’s come to goodbye in the last two years, though the other times were almosts. I feel worthless right now, but I’ve got to be strong because I have a 5 year old son, who won’t understand any of this at all. This is going to be tough. All my friends are married with kids, or were her friends previously, my best friend lives 650 miles away now, so I guess I feel alone. Funny how I never had a problem with that before. So, 8 years of marriage, 10 years of my life down the drain. Well, I shouldn’t say that, I’m a better person for having known her. She was my best friend and I thought we could get through anything together, but now I have to get through this alone. Wish I could hate her, but that wouldn’t be productive and healthy for my son, even if that could make this easier. I’m basically introverted, though I’ve made progress through the years, and am afraid that I’m gonna just crawl into my shell for the next long time and forget to live life like its meant to be lived with fun and companionship. It’s 9 am and all I really want to do is get drunk. Ain’t gonna do it though, as it would hinder my progress. I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. All it will take is time I guess, unfortunately, time is dragging right now. I’m going to make myself continue to workout, this won’t interfere with that too much I hope. Heavy weight will be my therapy I guess. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do this weekend about how to get on with my life so, I guess I’m going to do that right now. I can get through this, I’ve got to minimize the impact on my son. He is my world. God, I don’t know how to have this discussion with him! Any advice?
