bigjeff0065’s BodyBlog

Well, the weekend of misery is over, and every day I get a little stronger. I am no longer walking around in a fog, my focus is slowly coming back to me (at least during the day). I’ve got some weddings to go to in June, so I thought I’d get a new suit. Turns out that they are going to have to take it in at every seam. I have to get a larger size for the shoulders/chest area, but my midsection is smaller than what the suit makers expect from American males of that size, so that’s good. I looked very handsome and sophisticated by the way. It was nice to have compliments from the tailor and salesman, even if I did pay for them indirectly. As a side note, to everyone who has sent me a note whether private or a comment on my recent situation: THANK YOU!!! Your kind words remind me that there are good people in life and you guys have been wonderful. Unfortunately, the hurt ain’t over, but every second gets better. Besides, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and isn’t that everyone’s goal here?

This sucks.  I loved working out in the basement with my "torture kit".  Well, if you read my last blog, you know that I will be getting (receiving?) a divorce.  She hopes we can make it nice as possible and still be friends.  Funny, my real friends don’t treat me like that, they have some respect for me (and their marriage vows).  Anyway, in order to keep change from affecting my son too much, I guess she’ll get the house, unless I make it nasty, then I will get it for sure. I guess I’ll have to get an apartment somewhere and get a gym membership because unless apartment fitness centers have changed drastically in the last 11 years, there won’t be free weights.  I feel weak today and know I need to lift to at least feel better, but have been up since 3:30 AM and it’s been an emotional day.  What the hell, I’m going to lift.  Guess it’ll be easier to eat clean now since I’m the only one I’ll have to worry about.

I sit here trying to occupy my time and mind this morning.  Trying to get it off of my marriage, which ended about 5 hours ago.  It was over a long time before that I guess, but didn’t want to face it.  It’s not my choice, but there can be no reconciliation this time.  This is the third or fourth time it’s come to goodbye in the last two years, though the other times were almosts.  I feel worthless right now, but I’ve got to be strong because I have a 5 year old son, who won’t understand any of this at all.  This is going to be tough.  All my friends are married with kids, or were her friends previously, my best friend lives 650 miles away now, so I guess I feel alone.  Funny how I never had a problem with that before.  So, 8 years of marriage, 10 years of my life down the drain.  Well, I shouldn’t say that, I’m a better person for having known her.  She was my best friend and I thought we could get through anything together, but now I have to get through this alone.  Wish I could hate her, but that wouldn’t be productive and healthy for my son, even if that could make this easier.  I’m basically introverted, though I’ve made progress through the years, and am afraid that I’m gonna just crawl into my shell for the next long time and forget to live life like its meant to be lived with fun and companionship.  It’s 9 am and all I really want to do is get drunk.  Ain’t gonna do it though, as it would hinder my progress.  I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  All it will take is time I guess, unfortunately, time is dragging right now.  I’m going to make myself continue to workout, this won’t interfere with that too much I hope.  Heavy weight will be my therapy I guess.  I’ve got a lot of thinking to do this weekend about how to get on with my life so, I guess I’m going to do that right now.  I can get through this, I’ve got to minimize the impact on my son.  He is my world.  God, I don’t know how to have this discussion with him!  Any advice?

Wow.  I thought I was doing pretty good with diet until I started eating clean.  I was eating every 3 hours before, but I’ve really cleaned out the fast carbs lately and what a difference!  I’ve been on a 1-2 lb. per week loss cycle (which is ok by me), but over the last week it was more like 3-4 lbs.  I’m a little concerned with that because I’ve always heard that 1-2 lbs is safe loss, but I do want to lose it, so maybe it’s not so bad.  At this pace, I’ll shatter my next goal by more than a week (which I did last time).  Anyway, got out of schedule this week and hit shoulders last night instead of back.  I’ll probably move back to Friday and just do abs and cardio tonight with Thursday off. 

Took 2 days off of lifting just to change things up.  Had a crappy week of diet with 2 cheat meals instead of just one.  Making up for it this weekend by pushing it hard.  Did legs on Saturday with the new Bodysmith bench I got for free, at least now I can do lying leg curls (my other bench I had to improvise a standing curl).  Not bad for a free bench, huh?  Sunday I hit chest, but not feeling it now, so what I thought was a good workout may not have been.  Maybe need to lighten up and hit the focus on form.  Hit the treadmill for 30 mins. of run/walk/run.  Hoping to keep diet up this week with no slouching, probably punish myself by not having a cheat meal since I got it last week.

The family and I went shopping last night, so I decided to try on some pants.  I had been a size 40 waist for probably 12 years or so, but had gone down to 38s @ 2 months ago.  I noticed that my pants were pretty loose, so I decided to try on a pair of 36s.  Well, they fit quite nicely!  I haven’t worn a 36 since @ 9-10th grade.  I was thrilled.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t buy the pants because they didn’t have the correct length in stock.  Bummer.  I guess I’ll have to go shopping this weekend, but I won’t buy but a couple of pairs because I’m on my way to a 34.

Ok, my scale at home is off calibration, so I’m 223 lbs. My goal was 225# by June 1, so now I have to get out my calculator & slide rule & set a new goal.  These lbs. will be harder to kill, but I’m up for it.  Started to eat clean on Saturday, not much of an adjustment from what I was doing, but paying a lot more attention to portions.  My face is starting to slim up, and I’m getting more compliments, so that’s all good.  I was worried that I was burning muscle, but I haven’t lost strength and my back/shoulders are starting to look a lot better. 

Ok, went to the doctor this morning and weighed in at 224 with wallet,keys, and shoes/clothes on, so I figure I’m 223 lbs.  Problem here is my scale at home said I was 230 lbs. yesterday.  I did have an intense workout, but not 6 lb. intense.  Guess I gotta check my scale tonight for accuracy.  Hope it is out by 6 lbs.  If it is, then I have hit my short term weight goal about 16 days early!  Whoo HOO!  Guess I’ll celebrate with a protein shake!  Cheers!

Had a pretty good weekend, blasted the arms and shoulders, did my cardio, and stuck to my diet.  Hopefully will continue this trend.  Weighed in last week and can see some progress, so will try to kick it up a notch over the next month to hit my short goals with my main focus to be ab work.  I tend to procrastinate on working the abs (shows too!), but no more!  I have dedicated myself to hit abs first (Monday and Thurs.) before I allow myself to move on.  Started reading "The Eat Clean Diet".  Looks promising, but don’t know if I can make it work, too early to tell.

Well, looks like I’m on track to hit my weight goal, I’ll need to drop approx. 1.88lbs per week for the next four.  New goal after that.  New progress pics need to be taken and posted, however, I drank some (ok, too much) last night and I feel like crap.  That’s probably why I don’t drink very often.  Well, new progress pics tomorrow, hopefully some visual evidence of some progress.  I posted my current bi/tri workout in my workout section, but sadly, I’m about to change to a new one.  I go four weeks on a cycle then change.  After two weeks, I change some of the exercises to keep my body guessing, but stick to the basic program.  For instance, I might swap skull crushers for overhead rope pulls, etc.  I would recommend this arm workout for everyone, my tris and biceps are looking much bigger and pumped.