September 29th. Arms.
I had a great arm workout today and I feel great!!! I have been cutting back my cardio some and trying to work on lifting harder every time I go into the gym and really putting forth more effort. I’m also eating more this week since my weight kept dropping, and I don’t want to drop below 200 pounds!! I weighed 255 in January, and my goal was to get down to 215-220, but once I hit 220 the weight just kept coming off inexplicably. I am now down to around 204, which is the lightest I have been in more than 3 years and I am not thrilled with it! I would love to drop a few pounds from my abs and carve out a nice six pack, but add some serious weight to my back, arms, and legs. My allergies have been HORRIBLE the past few days, and they seem to get worse at night, which has been keeping me out of the gym at night, but tonight I may try to go and do my back or shoulders, depending on how I’m feeling.
On the personal front, things have been a little difficult. I need to start working, and I have applied and interviewed at a thousand places here in Reno, but the economy here is terrible, so the places that would hire me won’t pay me enough to live!!! And the places that I would love to work seem to pass me over, or are taking way too loooooong to go through the hiring process!!! I have been praying about it, and I know that I am greatly to blame for getting myself into this position, but it makes me feel like maybe Reno just isn’t the place for me. I moved here to be closer to Mayah, but now that school has started, I never get to see her anyway! It’s pretty ridiculous actually, and it’s very frustrating. I could move to Sacramento and find a job and still drive over and see her on the weekends, and be spending the same amount of time with her. I’m not sure if Sacramento is the place for me either, but if I did move over there, at least I have a good friend over there and wouldn’t be alone. Who knows. My mom thinks I should move down to San Diego, which would be very easy to do. I love San Diego, my whole family is there, I could stay at Brandon’s new house for a few months until I find a place to live, and Brandon could get me a really great job working with the government. I have friends down there, I’d be close to Orange County…..I dunno, there’s a lot to like about the idea of moving down there, but then I would be sooooo far away from Mayah again, which makes me sad and I don’t want her to feel like I abandoned her. She’s only 8, and I don’t think she will understand. I guess I have a lot to think about, but whether I stay here and find a job, or move somewhere and start over….AGAIN, I need to take things a lot more seriously or I’m gonna end up struggling forever! Now is the time to really take control of my life, I just need to step up and do it, so God willing, I will find where I belong so that I can build a strong foundation for the rest of my life and take care of Mayah. Plus, I want to find someone to spend my life with and fall in love again!! And I want more kids! I can’t do those things if my life is always in a state of fluctuation and change.
