benjamminb6’s BodyBlog

Ah, well, what a stressful week!!!!  I have to figure out where I’m going to live…..AGAIN!!!!!  Too much crap going on, and it stresses me out, but at least my workouts have gone well, and I got two really nice compliments this week on my physique.  Someone who hasn’t seen me in a few months gushed over how much better I look and how nice my body is, which was nice…..

So working out has been great, I have been working hard on the weights and have been doing a lot less cardio than I was, but still doing cardio on a daily basis.  I had been doing 2 hours a day before, in two 1 hour sessions, but am now just doing 30 minutes a day, and occasionally an hour or only 20 minutes depending on how I feel and what my schedule is like.  I did my back today, and I feel really good.  Back workouts are something that I think only real fans of bodybuilding and weightlifting can appreciate.  Everyone wants nice arms and a nice chest, and there are soooo many guys in the gym who only do curls and bench presses, but real bodybuilders know that a complete physique is the ultimate goal, and improving your back, legs, and shoulders can only help to further make your arms and chest even more impressive.  I want the total package.  So when I see improvements in the thickness of my back, or the lengthening of my lats, I am thrilled!!!  Most guys flex their biceps in the mirror, I try to turn to the side and spread my lats or see the developing width and thickness to my back.  Back day has definitely become my favorite day.  I need to get some wrist straps so that I can pull more weight and not worry about my grip on deadlifts.

So Jennjamin is mad at me apparently!  Jenn is a very special friend whom I care about very much, and I guess we had a major misunderstanding this week because we went from talking every day to her disappearing and not wanting to speak to me anymore.  She won’t even explain to me what I did wrong, and the situation has made me very sad.  I’m hoping that we will get to chat and sort it all out because I don’t want to lose her as a friend.  We have a unique connection, and are very different in a lot of ways, but she is the sort of friend who I can imagine having in my life forever.  Some people come into your life for a short time for whatever reason, and then fade away, but there are other people who just belong in your life and I think that Jenn is one of those people for me, along with Dave, Roger, Rachel, JR, Art, and a few others.

So this week, I am going to continue trying to figure out where I’m going to be living in 2 weeks, it would be awesome to move in with Dave, but we will see what happens.  I also have to have a job!!!!!!!!  I have a few possibilities, and may get back into the book business, which I would love, but we will see what happens. 

So the past ten days have been pretty good, but at the same time stressful.  As far as working out goes, I have been doing cardio every single day, usually Megan goes with me, and I have been lifting weights about every other day, so I have still been lifting, but have also been resting more.  My diet is still inconsistent, which really bothers me.  I think that because I am looking so much better than I did in January, and I am getting so much attention and compliments, it’s easy to become happy with the way that I look and feel like I dont need to work so hard.  But I don’t want to fall into that poor attitude, I need to keep working hard and keep making improvements!!!  The moment I feel content with my body is the moment I relax and get sloppy and start losing everything that I have been working for.

So today I did my back.  I have been working my back pretty hard lately, which I love.  I have been doing very heavy t-bar rows, and deadlifts, and I feel like I can see and feel a difference, but my back is still the area that I feel can really improve.  I did some different things tonight, just to switch it up a bit, and did a lot of pullups, which I never do, I used the cables to do one arm rows, I did reverse grip lat pulldowns, and I did some heavy machine rows and regular lat pulldowns.  The workout felt really good, and it was a nice change, but I will enjoy the heavy deadlifts and t-bar rows again next week.

The past few days have been VERY hectic with Megan!!!  But I am trying not to focus on the negative, so I’m not going to talk about it.  At this rate, she won’t be around come September, that’s all I’m saying.  On a more positive note, Kellee has forgiven me!!!  So we have been talking a lot more, and I’m glad.  I really do value her as a friend, so I’m glad that we are ok again.  I have a lot of other things going on too, but I must get off here, so I will have to update more soon.  Gnite. 

So the past week I have been very diligent about working out every day and am enjoying the results.  I still need to eat cleaner, but have been eating pretty clean…..but I tend to cheat a tiny bit every day and eat a couple cookies, or a piece of chocolate.  I have also been trying to be more diligent with my ab work which is something that I have been trying to do for a while.

I had a few really good workouts this week, especially my chest workout, I felt extremely pumped up and could really feel every fiber in my chest on fire and working hard.  I did my shoulders this morning and fried them pretty good too.  I did something that I have never really done before and used mostly cables and a machine press, but I was supersetting everything and my shoulders felt like they were on fire!  Tomorrow I plan on really attacking my back and trying to go pretty heavy.  I think back day has actually become my favorite day of the week when I work out, but I still have a LOOOONG way to go till my back looks as good as I want it to.

So I have had two interviews with 24 Hour Fitness in the past week.  I think that I am more than qualified, but it has been a long time since I had a job interview, and I was nervous and definitely sweating!!  I think that looked bad, but oh well.  I hope they will hire me, but if they don’t, I have other options.  I just need to find something soon.

It has been an odd week or two with Megan.  She has been extremely stressed out because she has a lot going on at school and is stage managing a big dance production at school, and I have been stressed out about money and needing a job!  So theres has been some tension between us.  Plus she is on her period, and has been exhausted, which makes her cranky and rude, so its just a pretty rough combination of things going on.  Sometimes I feel like she really takes me for granted and lacks respect and appreciation for me, but a lot of that is her youth, and some of it is just her immaturity and selfishness.  I know that she cares about me, but I’m not sure what the heck she is thinking sometimes and how she can act the way that she does.  Hopefully she will learn to respect me more and not be so self absorbed.  She says that she wants to be a team, but she certainly does not act like a team player most of the time.  I’m learning a lot from this whole experience tho and we do have a lot of fun when she isn’t grumpy, cranky, tired, or PMSing. 

So I am switching things up this week to get myself back in the flow of things.  I am finally not sick or sunburned, so I am back in the gym every day.  My diet has been really inconsistent and its driving me crazy!  I have been eating clean for 2 days and then eating complete crap for a day, and I need to just stick to eating clean for the next week or two and try to get back into good habits.  As for my workouts, I am gonna do two bodyparts per day for the next week so I get in a little extra work, and I am going to switch up the bodyparts that I am supersetting to do something new and different.  I’m not lacking motivation or a desire to work out, I just have been sleeping so much more and had more going on since I have been with Megan so much, so it has changed my day to day schedule some.

I did my biceps and triceps yesterday, and my triceps are actually sore today, so that is exciting!  I am planning on doing my chest and shoulders later today, and I need to do MORE CARDIO!!!!!  Megan has felt like she is "nesting" since she is so comfortable with me, so I think I am going to make her do cardio with me every day.  I was discussing my plans on training for a marathon again, and she said that she would love to train and do the marathon with me, but I’m not so sure that she will really be up for that.  It sounds like a good idea in her head haha, but she is not someone who works out, and she dances all day at school already, so I just don’t see her really being up for it, especially when we get to 10 or more miles in one session.  If she really wants to try, I won’t hold her back, and I would love to have a training partner, but I’m not going to keep my fingers crossed.

I have a second interview this week with 24 Hour Fitness.  I don’t really want to work, but I am at the point where I really need to work.  I need to make money so that I can spend more time with Mayah, and I am almost broke!  I don’t like to feel broke, and these days money doesn’t stretch as far because of the increased cost of gas and food.  The cool thing about working for 24 Hour is that I could become a trainer once I start working there, and I think that I would enjoy being a personal trainer and would probably be good at it.

So Kellee now hates me because I am dating Megan.  This makes me really sad and I wish that I could fix the situation.  I have known her for about 3 years, and we had gotten to be pretty close this year, so it makes me feel like I am losing someone who has been important to me.  I feel like she isn’t being fair to me at all, and she has lied to me and been very angry, rude, and hurtful, which saddens me because it makes me feel like maybe she isn’t the person that I thought she was.  I really care about her and hope that she eventually decides to still be my friend even though I have a girlfriend now, but if she doesn’t, then I hope that she is happy and has an amazing life and finds love.

Megan and I had our first "fight" yesterday.  It wasn’t really a fight, but she said some things that she should have never said, and my feelings got hurt which made me shut down and not want to talk to her, and then it was just weird between us for a few hours.  So last night she cried because she said she could tell that I was just pretending like everything was ok, and she was worried about me leaving her, and me having hurt feelings.  She is interesting.  She clearly cares about me, but I think that at the end of the day, she cares about herself most, and is interested in taking care of number 1 first, which is how most people think, but isnt necessarily the way you can think if you want to have a successful relationship.  She is extremely selfish emotionally, and holds on to things from her past way too much, and she can be very immature at times and really show her age.  Shes only 21, and I know that when I was 21 I had a different mindset than I do now, so I can’t be upset with her about that, but if she wants success in a relationship with me, or anyone else, she will need to learn how to compromise and need to realize that everything doesn’t revolve around her all of the time.  Relationships require both sides to be happy, both sides to be equals, and both sides to be important.  It’s a team, and there is no I in team.  I’m not sure what will happen with us, but for now I am just going to enjoy her time and company and try not to be hurt by her shenanigans.  I really enjoy hanging out with her, and so I am just going to appreciate her and the fun that we have, and avoid the conflict and chaos that comes with her being a drama queen.  Whatever happens, I wont regret the time that I spent with her, and if it doesn’t work out in a few months, then I will have just enjoyed her company and made new memories and learned from the experience.