benjamminb6’s BodyBlog

I have been down all week, and very sad, missing Heather a lot.  She is dating some younger guy now, which is kind of sad, but at least he seems nice and he’s a marine.  They go bowling, and dancing, and drinking, which is dangerous because she lacks self control, and I am still convinced she is gonna end up dead, but I’m happy that she’s happy.  On a side note, his middle name is Wayne, and statistics show that guy’s with the middle name Wayne are like 90% more likely to kill someone.  Over 70% of the most famous murderers and serial killers in this country have had the middle name Wayne, John Wayne Gacy, etc.  My stepdad’s middle name was Wayne, and he killed himself, and threatened to kill others during his life.  So maybe my premonitions are true, and Heather will end up dead at the hands of an angry drunk underaged marine.  I hate to say I told ya so……. 

But anyway, it’s time for me to stop pouting and being sad about Heather.  If we are meant to be, then she will come back to me someday, and I will have to make the decision of whether or not to take her back.  In my heart, I’ve always known that I was way too good for her, and way out of her league, but I love her anyway.  I obviously didn’t choose her because of her looks, her sexyness, or her kindness lol.  I chose her for her sense of humor, and her heart.  Maybe someday I’ll find someone else, but I’m certainly not gonna be out looking.  I need to focus on me right now as much as I have been telling her to do the same.  So no more sad and pouty, and no more skipping gym days!!! 

I hadn’t worked out in 3 days till today!  I planned on skipping Friday, and Saturday I had golf as an excuse, but there was no good reason for me to skip the gym yesterday.  So I made sure to go get in 45 good hard minutes of cardio right now, and tonight I am going back to blast my shoulders and my abs.  I am feeling really good this week, and can’t wait to go play more golf.  I think that I am gonna try and play tomorrow before school, but we’ll see.  I have a lot to do, and I need to call back these people about jobs!!!!!!  I have been postponing it since I have money right now, but this money will dry up eventually, and I want to have myself set up before then.  I also have 2 essays and a group project due this week, and I haven’t started any of them!!!  I will probably do one essay tonight, the other tomorrow night, and try to get the group project done tomorrow afternoon on campus.  Our group is dysfunctional, non-communicative, and has no idea what the heck we are doing.  So I think I’m just gonna go to the computer lab, and try to do the whole damn project myself tomorrow, then email it to my groupmates so that they can give me input or make changes or whatever.  It’s due Saturday, but we all have varying schedules and can never get together, so if I do the bulk of the work tomorrow, they can all edit and add to it before we submit it on Saturday.  My spanish class is very frustrating, and I am regretting taking the class.  It is far too advanced for a level 3 course, the teacher acts as if we should all be 100% fluent already, and I don’t think that anyone understands what is going on.  Plus, since it’s online, I am getting some practice reading and writing, but zero practice actually speaking the language, and I’m really not learning anything.  I thought I would pick it up quickly since I took 5 years worth of spanish in high school, and should be beyond this level, but I was wrong.  I think that in Spanish and Reading, I am just gonna scrape by and do enough to pass and be glad that I’m done haha.  English I will do well, even though it sucks, Communications is an easy A, and I will struggle with piano, but ultimately enjoy it and attempt to continue taking more classes to further my skills. 

So it’s a new week, I have a new hobby in golf, a new positive attitude, and a lot to get done in a short amount of time!!  I hafta go do laundry and eat now, so I will write again after I lift weights.  I’m planning on really pushing myself to the limits in the gym starting this week.  More sets, more exercises, more reps, more weight, more cardio, better diet, better sleep, etc.  I realized that I’m only about 8 weeks out from my birthday, and I’d like to be able to look at myself on my birthday, and really start seeing some abs, and some real changes in my body.  This is going to be the year that I change my life, but it’s up to me to do it, and not just talk about it.

Sooooo, I worked out on Thursday night, then decided to take Friday off to rest, so that I would be fresh for Saturday night, to start my new week of one body part per day, instead of the usual 2 body part supersets.  However…..I had lunch with Dave and Khoi yesterday, and we talked about golf, and how it was one of my new year’s resolutions to play a few times a month, but I haven’t played yet at all this year!!  So Friday afternoon, Roger and I went to the driving range and hit balls.  It felt good to play, and it made me want to start playing more.  So we decided to hit balls again on Saturday, and after calling Khoi and Jon Strauss, we all decided to play a round at the Brea golf course.  So I spent all afternoon on the driving range, and then playing the course, which led me to be pretty tired, and have blisters all over my hands.  I played well though, and can’t wait to get out there again!!!  So I figured one more day off from the gym wouldn’t kill me, so I stayed in to do homework.

 I had gone with JR to the casino again on Friday night, and he had lost money, while I won 310 bucks.  So he wanted to go again tonight (Saturday night) to try and recoup his losses.  Long story short, he lost 400 more dollars!!  I felt bad for him, that’s a lot of losing this week, so I don’t think I will let him go next time.  But anyway……..  While we were there, he was gambling, and I was just standing behind him, watching, and talking to him.  So I look up, and notice this asian girl at the table across from us, and she was staring at me.  She continued watching me, and finally I said to JR, "Is there something in my teeth or on my face, cuz that girl won’t stop staring?!"  I looked again, and she waved at me and smiled, so JR said, "Nope, nothing on your face, she just wants you to put your balls on her face."  So we both laughed and went back to whatever we had been talking about before.  The next thing I know, this girl is standing next to me, with her hand on my back, trying to get my attention and introduce herself!!  She sat at our table, asked me to sit next to her, and proceeded to put her hand on my leg, and take my hand and put it on her leg.  JR was stunned!!  This girl was wearing major bling, tons of diamonds, and had about 5000 dollars worth of chips in front of her!  She introduced herself, asked my name, and said to me, "Today is my first day ever being in this country, would you like to be my husband?"  WHAT?!?!  Her English was not perfect, and the two statements were very oddly mixed into one sentence lol.  She could tell that I was confused, so she laughed, then explained that she came to America today from Kuala Lampur, wherever that is, because she had family here whom she hadn’t seen in years, and she wanted to find a white husband.  She said that she is not attracted to Asian men, but can’t find enough white guys in her country to choose from, so she is here seeking a man.  She said that her original plan is to find a white boy, marry him, and take him back to her country in the next 2 weeks!!!  But if she enjoys herself here, she may decide to stay with him in America instead.  Her family has tons of money, and whoever marries her will not have to work, but instead can just focus on making a family with her because that is what she wants.  So after telling her story, she tells me that I’m handsome, and she wants to know if I am interested in marrying her and moving to her country in 2 weeks.  Then she put about 300 dollars in front of me and demanded that I play with her because if I am her lucky charm, it will be a sign that I am the white boy she is looking for.  Of course she won money, and of course this just reaffirmed her crazy notions, so she kept asking if I was married, or if I would consider her proposal.  The whole thing was surreal, and very odd.  She kept trying to give me money, and was rubbing my leg….  I felt akward.  I couldn’t tell how old she might be, but JR just kept trying to point out her cleavage to me haha, and was telling me that I might as well go for it or get her number since she seemed to "want it" so bad.  That’s not my style though, so I made an excuse about needing to go get ice cream from the snack bar, and then we just left.  I felt kind of bad, cuz she is really nice, and now I know that if we go back, we will run into her and it will be very embarrasing.  So I think that that was my first marriage proposal!  I had talked about marriage, at various times, during various relationships, but the only person that I was ever seriously interested in marrying was, and still is, Heather.  Though, she has moved on, and I suppose I need to give that up, and let my feelings die.  But anyway, so although marriage has been on my mind, especially because of Heather, I have never legitimately asked, or been asked by anyone.  This was legit.  There was no ring, and I didn’t know the girl, but she was not joking.  If I had said yes, and been serious, she would have been more than happy to go get married right then and there, and that is so bizarre!!!  Rereading this post, it sounds like I am telling an elaborate story that is completely false  lol, but it’s true.  That’s what happened.  Some random foreign chick asked me to be her husband, and I’m pretty sure that since we left, she will ask someone else tomorrow.  She was very gung ho about what she wanted.  Interesting day.

 On a side note.  Golfing set off my allergies, so now I can’t stop sneezing.  We may go play again on Monday, but who knows.  Tomorrow is Sunday, well technically today since its 445am, and I still have an unbelievable amount of homework to do.  Missing Heather, and this whole Valentine’s week really screwed me up and destroyed my motivation to get anything done.  I should’ve found a job this week, I had tons of emails and fone calls about my resume, but I haven’t responded to anyone since I was so damn sad and busy and trying to be out doing other things to take my mind off of my heartache.  Maybe I should’ve just agreed to marry that rich asian, and moved to a foreign country, that would take my mind off things lol.  Just kidding.  Ok, bed time.

I just finished a great workout, though I didn’t do any cardio tonight.  I did do 45 minutes of cardio earlier today, so that was my excuse for not doing more, but now that I’m done, I wish I would’ve done 20 minutes or something at the end.  Anyway, I did my back and my triceps.  I superset, like always, and did 5 exercises for each, 3 sets per exercise.  I did pullups, still a work in progress, and added some different stuff to mix up the normal routine.  There were quite a few people at the gym, I was surprised since it’s Valentine’s Day.  I got into a conversation with some nice kid about why we were lame and at the gym instead of out with a hot girl lol.  It seems like every time I go to the gym at night, I meet a really nice person.  I guess it’s just less stressful in there since it’s so empty, and there’s no rush to get done, so people are more chatty and friendly.  I relaxed in the jacuzzi afterwards and read some of the new Muscular Development magazine.  So not a whole lot to discuss tonight, so I’m gonna keep this short and watch Hot Rod.  Tomorrow I need to work on homework, and take care of my car insurance bill, which is extremely important!!!  I am tempted to go to the horse races, since I have extra cash and haven’t been in a while, but I would only go if I could convince Roger to go with me, and he’s been a real downer lately, so it’s not likely.  Oh, and if I remember tomorrow, I’m gonna try to take measurements.  I suppose that would be much easier if I had someone to help me, so maybe I can convince Roger to come over and see my new place and get lunch or something, and he can help me out.  If not, I will try my best to do it alone.

So I have decided to not be a hater, and just make the best of the day, so I have been being productive, paid some bills, ran some errands, and did 45 minutes of cardio, plus my abs earlier.  I am gonna go back to the gym tonight and do my back and triceps too.  I was feeling really negative about Valentine’s Day, especially considering my broken heart, and the fact that Heather has a new guy so quickly and doesn’t seem to care at all that she has crushed me and spent 2 years lying to my face every day about how important I was, how much she loved me, and how she wanted to be with me forever.  My single friends, especially the female friends, have been texting me saying "Happy Thursday" and "Valentines Day sux" and stuff like that, which makes me laugh.  But I have decided no to be a hater just cuz I don’t have a Valentine.  This is a very important day for some people, and so I am happy for them.  For me, it is a reminder of how much work I need to do on a personal level, if I am ever going to either win Heather back, or find someone better who deserves me, and will treat me the way that  I deserve to be treated.  I will be working hard in the gym tonight, and every night this year, so that maybe next year, I can celebrate Valentine’s Day too, and truly appreciate it for what it means, hopefully with Heather.  A bunch of people that I know from Vegas all texted me and wanted me to come hang out, but I never told anyone that I left town lol, so I just told them I’m busy.  I am going to play catch up with all of them when I go back in a few weeks. 

So this past two weeks, I have been going to Hawaiian Garden’s casino with JR every couple of days.  The funny thing is, I only played poker there once, and only for about 15 minutes while we were eating, because JR wanted me to try and teach him, and I ended up winning about 100 bucks in that 15 minutes.  He didn’t understand, but he has been itching to gamble alot lately, so we have been going so that he can play blackjack, 3 card poker, etc.  I’m trying to teach him pai gow, but he struggles with it.  He prefers 3 card poker, cuz its so simple, and its pure gambling.  The nice thing is that I haven’t been bringing money, because I don’t have money to gamble with, but I have been going so that I can help him, get out of the house, and just have fun for a bit.  Anyway, at some point, he’s always up a little bit, then gives me a few chips to play a hand, and every time, I end up winning money.  So I’m getting free money to go help him gamble lol.  A few days ago, I won 40 bucks, and last night, I won 450 bucks!!!  He gave me 3 chips, so I could play one hand of 3 card poker, I told the dealer that if I got trips or better I would split the payout with him, and on my one hand, I got trips!!!  It was amazing!!  Everyone was stunned when I kept my word and gave the dealer half of my 30 to 1 payout, but I’m a man of my word.  So after that, I had some money to play with, and I ended up winning a bunch more till I quit up 450.  It was nice, and fun.  The money will come in handy till I get my grant money for school and my tax return.  I need new sandals, I bought some vitamins and supplements, and my Vegas trip is now paid for whenever I decide to go.  The bad thing about playing at Hawaiian Gardens is the fact that you have to pay the house .50 cents for every single hand that you play!!  They already have a statistical advantage in every game, and this swings it hugely in their favor.  For example, last night, we were there 3 hours, and I played about 80 hands, which means that I gave them 40 bucks just to play!!!  That can usually mean the difference between winning and losing during a session.  Imagine if you quit, and you were down 20 bucks from what you started with after 80 hands.  In reality, you have played well, gotten lucky, and managed to win 20 bucks, yet because of the extra rake, you go home down 20 bucks!!!!  Real casinos in Vegas, or even at Pechanga and Morongo don’t do this sort of crap.  I don’t know if its because they have slot machines and don’t need to, or if Hawaiian Gardens does it because people are dumb enough to play there and pay the extra money.  So I have been trying to convince JR that we should drive out to Pechanga one time when he wants to play.  Yes its farther, will take 30 minutes longer to get there, and thats probably why we don’t go, but at Pechanga, he won’t have to pay the extra rake, will have a larger selection of games to choose from and play, he can play slots, and the drinks are free just like Vegas, which is also not true at Hawaiian Gardens.  So playing at HG cost JR an extra 40 bucks in rake, plus 20 bucks in alcohol, that he wouldn’t have to pay elsewhere.  Save the 60 bucks I say.  20 of it pays the gas to Pechanga, 40 stays in your pocket.

So it’s Valentines night, and I’m in till I hit the gym.  I should do homework, but I’m just not in the mood to even look at it.  I’m leaving myself a lot of work to do this weekend, but I suppose it’s fine, it’s not like I had better things planned.  Maybe tomorrow I will go see a movie, I think Roger is free.  I really want him to work out with me, but his self esteem is really down right now.  If I can convince him to come over tomorrow, I think I can cheer him up.  Aside from that, not much going on at all, just need to stay focused.  Oh, and since I posted my resume online, I have been getting a bunch of emails and phone calls about jobs.  I have no desire to work, but I need to, so tomorrow I am going to be calling people back about interviews and such.  Bally’s called me, so at least if I work there, I will be in a fitness environment.  I won’t tell them I’m a member at 24 hour fitness though haha.

So tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, poor me, no date and heartbroken.  A really cute girl struck up a conversation with me in Target today, she had huge boobs too lol, and was really pretty.  If any of my buddies had been with me, I would have been chastised for not asking her out, especially given that I have no Valentine.  I’m not really looking right now though, and I wonder if and when I ever will again.  I can tell that I’m looking better, and getting in better shape, cuz girls have been hitting on me a lot lately, especially when I go out with JR and Art.  They always yell at me for not taking advantage or getting girls numbers, but whatever, I’m still healing. 

So I finally bought a fat burner today.  I haven’t used one in a long time, and I dunno how well they even work anymore.  Back when ephedra products were legal and readily available, I used them a lot.  Ephedra seemed to work really well for me, and I had a shredded mid section.  These new products just don’t seem to have the same kick, but I keep reading reviews that say that Lipo6 works pretty well.  So that’s what I got.  It was on sale, and I figured, what the heck.  So I will see how it works, and I’m sure I will be talking about it in my blog.  I really need to do some major supplement shopping, but I am short on cash right now.  I have creatine, glutamine, fish oil, and a multivitamin, but I need amino acids, and some other things.  I was also reading about the multitude of health benefits associated with wheatgrass juice that they sell shots of at the smoothie places, so I may start getting a shot every day, or every other day.

Lastly, progress pictures.  I was looking at my pictures on this site, they are all nearly a year old now!!!  I haven’t had that stupid beard in months lol!  So I really need to post new pics.  I think I’m a little afraid of how sloppy I look, but I also think that it’s important, I need a starting point, and taking the pics now, will make the after pics that much more dramatic, and really show me how much progress I have been making.  I need to pick a day, maybe this Friday or something, and just say that measurements and progress pics will be taken from that point on, every other Friday, or every 1st and 15th of the month, or something, so that I do it regularly.

So I had my nice day off, and I am finally feeling better.  I would say that last week I was at about 15-20%, today I feel about 90%, so I’m feeling tremendously better, still a little sore throat, and tons of sinus congestion, but otherwise good.  School was good today.  I am doing better than I thought in piano, although it is still extremely challenging, but it’s challenging for everyone else apparently, because I’m ahead of everyone in class except for one girl.  There’s a really nice girl who sits next to me, she flirts with me and always tries to walk with me after class, shes cute I guess, but not my type.  I should introduce her to Art, shes definitely his type.  I wonder if she would try so hard to flirt with me if she knew how old I am haha.  And of course, I’m still hung up on Heather anyway.  After that is my boring, but easy class.  It’s my intro to tv, radio, and film broadcasting class.  The class started 3 weeks later than the rest of my classes, and gets out 3 weeks sooner, so its a 3.5 hour class.  All we do is watch documentaries and movies, there’s nothing to it.  Today we had a new student walk in about 10 minutes after class and tell the professor that she just added.  It was about 82 degrees out today, and this girl dressed for the weather lol.  She had on the shortest, cut off daisy duke jean shorts that you have ever seen, and she was a pretty hot chick.  She kinda reminded me of the lead singer from the PussyCat Dolls, or someone exotic looking like that.  So every guy in class had their jaw on the floor, and they were all eyeballing her legs and her ass while she talked to the teacher in the front of the class, it was funny to look around and see everyone staring, and then kind of giving the thumbs up sign to each other lol.  So, the warm weather, the skimpy clothes, happy couples holding hands, and of course, Valentine’s day.  It all means that springtime is here, and I am a lonely loser.  But I’m not gonna dwell on that now, since I’m feeling good and it will bum me out. 

 Yesterday, I did cardio in the afternoon, and had planned on working out at night, but ended up hanging out with JR instead.  We had fun, and we talked about the prospect of the Vegas trip.  So it looks like that will be a reality very soon.  I would like to do it either the last Wednesday and Thursday of this month, or the first Wednesday and Thursday of March. 

So tonight, I did my chest and biceps, and I worked really hard.  I did 5 superset exercises for each bodypart, 4 sets per exercise, including one dropset.  I also did 30 minutes of good cardio, and I had done 40 minutes of cardio earlier today around noon, so I was proud of myself today.  I saw "Buff Guy" at the gym tonight, which was funny, I haven’t seen him in over a year.  I never have known his real name, I have always just called him "Buff Guy" since the first time that I met him when I was a senior in high school.  He’s a real crazy guy, with lots of stories to tell, but he’s insanely strong, lifts some intense weights, and is thick and wide for such a short guy.  He was using the 110 pound dumbells to do his dumbell shoulder presses tonight, and getting 8-10 good reps.  I don’t know, maybe its just me, but that’s a ton of weight to use for dumbell presses!!!  He’s the only guy in this gym that I have ever seen pick up the 100’s or higher.

So that’s about it.  Tomorrow, I am planning on morning cardio, and then cardio and abs again in the evening, but no weights.  I’m giving my lats one more day to rest before I hit my back again and make my second attempt at pullups.  I am anxious to see how I handle them this time tho, I’m hoping that I can get in a few more reps.  Other than that, not too much going on.  I still really need to find a job, but I have a few good leads from posting my resume online.  I got a grant for like 3000 bucks, and got 500 bucks back from my tax return, so I don’t need money per say right now, but I do need to start paying my child support again, and I want to have a job before all the money runs out, so it will last longer, and I don’t hafta worry about it.  Anyway, I’m gonna play one sit n go, and maybe watch an episode of Lost, and then it’s sleepy time.  Whatever your doing out there, I love you and I miss you Heather.  I’m praying for you.  Hope you’re being safe with your new boyfriend or whoever that ugly kid is. 

So I had my nice day off, and I am finally feeling better.  I would say that last week I was at about 15-20%, today I feel about 90%, so I’m feeling tremendously better, still a little sore throat, and tons of sinus congestion, but otherwise good.  School was good today.  I am doing better than I thought in piano, although it is still extremely challenging, but it’s challenging for everyone else apparently, because I’m ahead of everyone in class except for one girl.  There’s a really nice girl who sits next to me, she flirts with me and always tries to walk with me after class, shes cute I guess, but not my type.  I should introduce her to Art, shes definitely his type.  I wonder if she would try so hard to flirt with me if she knew how old I am haha.  And of course, I’m still hung up on Heather anyway.  After that is my boring, but easy class.  It’s my intro to tv, radio, and film broadcasting class.  The class started 3 weeks later than the rest of my classes, and gets out 3 weeks sooner, so its a 3.5 hour class.  All we do is watch documentaries and movies, there’s nothing to it.  Today we had a new student walk in about 10 minutes after class and tell the professor that she just added.  It was about 82 degrees out today, and this girl dressed for the weather lol.  She had on the shortest, cut off daisy duke jean shorts that you have ever seen, and she was a pretty hot chick.  She kinda reminded me of the lead singer from the PussyCat Dolls, or someone exotic looking like that.  So every guy in class had their jaw on the floor, and they were all eyeballing her legs and her ass while she talked to the teacher in the front of the class, it was funny to look around and see everyone staring, and then kind of giving the thumbs up sign to each other lol.  So, the warm weather, the skimpy clothes, happy couples holding hands, and of course, Valentine’s day.  It all means that springtime is here, and I am a lonely loser.  But I’m not gonna dwell on that now, since I’m feeling good and it will bum me out. 

 Yesterday, I did cardio in the afternoon, and had planned on working out at night, but ended up hanging out with JR instead.  We had fun, and we talked about the prospect of the Vegas trip.  So it looks like that will be a reality very soon.  I would like to do it either the last Wednesday and Thursday of this month, or the first Wednesday and Thursday of March. 

So tonight, I did my chest and biceps, and I worked really hard.  I did 5 superset exercises for each bodypart, 4 sets per exercise, including one dropset.  I also did 30 minutes of good cardio, and I had done 40 minutes of cardio earlier today around noon, so I was proud of myself today.  I saw "Buff Guy" at the gym tonight, which was funny, I haven’t seen him in over a year.  I never have known his real name, I have always just called him "Buff Guy" since the first time that I met him when I was a senior in high school.  He’s a real crazy guy, with lots of stories to tell, but he’s insanely strong, lifts some intense weights, and is thick and wide for such a short guy.  He was using the 110 pound dumbells to do his dumbell shoulder presses tonight, and getting 8-10 good reps.  I don’t know, maybe its just me, but that’s a ton of weight to use for dumbell presses!!!  He’s the only guy in this gym that I have ever seen pick up the 100’s or higher.

So that’s about it.  Tomorrow, I am planning on morning cardio, and then cardio and abs again in the evening, but no weights.  I’m giving my lats one more day to rest before I hit my back again and make my second attempt at pullups.  I am anxious to see how I handle them this time tho, I’m hoping that I can get in a few more reps.  Other than that, not too much going on.  I still really need to find a job, but I have a few good leads from posting my resume online.  I got a grant for like 3000 bucks, and got 500 bucks back from my tax return, so I don’t need money per say right now, but I do need to start paying my child support again, and I want to have a job before all the money runs out, so it will last longer, and I don’t hafta worry about it.  Anyway, I’m gonna play one sit n go, and maybe watch an episode of Lost, and then it’s sleepy time.  Whatever your doing out there, I love you and I miss you Heather.  I’m praying for you.  Hope you’re being safe with your new boyfriend or whoever that ugly kid is. 

So I took the day off to rest yesterday, since it was Sunday, since I am still very very sick and exhausted, and since I had a ton of homework to do and an essay to write before class on Monday.  So even though I didn’t work out, it was still a very productive day, and I think that I did well on my essay.  It’s Monday now, and I wasn’t sure if I was gonna work out tonight, or take another day off to rest up a little more since I’m starting to feel a tiny bit better.  I’m leaning towards waiting till tomorrow night to go to the gym, and hopefully by then I will be feeling much better.  I kind of need to get to bed early tonight so that I can wake up early tomorrow.  I have to go to school in the morning to meet with my professor and ask her some questions, and then I need to practice piano!!!  I can’t play anything, and it is extremely frustrating to me that I am struggling so much with it, but I also haven’t been practicing at all, so it’s my own fault that I suck.  I hafta learn "When the Saints Go Marching In" by tomorrow nights class, and I have not even begun to practice, so I need to be fresh, awake, and ready to put in at least two hours of practice tomorrow afternoon before I go to class.  I’m also still pretty sore from my back workout the other day!!  My lats are killing me, and I’m sure that it’s because I haven’t done pullups in forever!  So I take that as a good thing, and hopefully if I wait till tomorrow to go to the gym, that gives me an extra day of rest before I would be doing my back again on Wednesday.  I also ate junk food last night for the first time in quite a while.  I mean, I’m not eating perfectly right now, but my diet has mostly consisted of oatmeal, protein shakes, protein bars, steak, chicken breast, and juice, with the occasional all meat carne asada burrito from a mexican place.  So eating Burger King was sort of a treat, and the soda was so delicious!!  I always crave soda, I don’t know why, but I have been being really good about not drinking any.  Although I felt a little guilty about eating french fries and bacon cheeseburgers, it was a nice treat, and a good reminder of how well I have been doing about eating cleaner.  I still need more veggies and fruits, and need to be supplementing better, but all of that will come when I have money.

 There’s something else that I was gonna talk about in the blog today, but I cannot remember for some reason, so I will end by mentioning Vegas.  I am thinking about going to Vegas for a couple days just for fun, if I can find someone to go with me.  I know that Art and JR would both be up for it, but Art is still working in Santa Barbara, and JR has work….. wait a minute, JR was just talking about needing to take a few days off of work, because his sick days were going to expire!  He might wanna go!  I would love to invite Roger, he has never really been, and he is always impressed and amazed at the gambling world, and at things that are big and flashy, so Vegas would mesmerize him, and he would have fun just going sight seeing and hanging out in the casino, whereas JR would want to hit up strip clubs and be really crazy.  I’m not a crazy guy anymore, and the stripclubs just aren’t excessively appealing to me right now.  But anyway, SouthPoint, which is my favorite casino, the one that was by my house that I went to every day while living in Vegas, sent me a postcard in the mail today.  I can come and stay for free for 2 nights anytime between now and the end of April.  I’d rather go sooner than later I guess.  They are also offering me 25 bucks in free food at the restaurant and 25 free bucks to gamble with if I come, which is nice.  I still have enough comps to eat free there for a while anyway, so if I go, all our meals will be free for the two days, our room will be free, we get free entry to the gym/spa, and I get a little gambling money that could become a lot of gambling money if I were to get lucky.  I would just need to split the cost of gas with whoever I go with, which would be like 40 bucks each, and then any other money that I want to gamble or go see a show or something.  I could get away with bringing 100 bucks for 2 days in Vegas, and still have a really good time, which is extremely cheap for a Vegas trip!!  So I’m gonna try to put it together soon.  This weekend will be bad since it’s Valentines, but maybe the following week, or the week after.  Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m kind of excited!!  Of course, I’d rather be going with Heather than anyone else, but that’s life I suppose.  Ok, gotta go. 

Well, I decided to go work out again last night, despite still being extremely sick.  I wasn’t going to go, since I was so exhaused, and my head is just pounding and congested.  But I needed to get some water, and some gatorade, and I figured that sitting in the jacuzzi would help clear up my head a little, so I went.  I did do my abs, which was good.  I had no strength or energy left, but I forced myself to do them, and I’m glad that I did.  As far as my legs and shoulders went, I just did a really quick and fairly easy superset workout.  Leg extensions superset with hammer shoulder press, rear delt fly with hamstring curls, lateral raises with leg press, and shrugs with calf raises.  Same as the day before, I certainly wasn’t at 100%, but it affected my stamina more than my strength, and although I would’ve liked to do one or two more exercises per bodypart, and 4 sets per exercise instead of 3, I just didn’t have it in me, my body wouldn’t allow it.  However, I do feel that some workout, is better than no workout.  And it keeps me in the rhythm of going.  If I just stayed in bed all week cuz I’m sick, then next week when I’m feeling better, I will have some other excuse to be lazy and not go since I’m out of rhythm, so I’m glad that I went.  I hope that I start to feel better soon.  The sooner the better really, because I feel like a zombie, I’m a real mess.

 I need to be working harder on my new years resolutions list.  I wrote down 13 resolutions, and my goal is to work on one every month, and try to accomplish as many as possible before the end of the year.  I have already done a few, and am working on others, but there are some that I should be doing now that I am not.  I need to read the list every morning when I wake up, to help remind myself of the things that I am trying to accomplish in order to better myself.

Valentine’s Day is this coming weekend, which makes me sad.  As much as I am trying to be a tough guy, and just forget about Heather, I can’t.  My heart is broken, and I miss her every minute of every day.  I have been ignoring her phone calls and texts, hoping to just get over it, but I’m not sure if I ever will.  I’m pretty certain that she already has a date planned for Valentine’s, and that just makes it worse for me.  I’ll always wonder what the heck happened between us, because it wasn’t supposed to be this way.  It all turned out very strangely, and I think more than anything, her mom just sort of convinced her of things that weren’t true or real.  Someday she’ll regret it, and try to call me and fix it, but by then it will be too late.  Not because I will have moved on, I probably won’t ever date again, but because she will be damaged goods.  I can’t take her back once she’s been with other people, it grosses me out.  And as much as I hate to say it, she’s kind of a whore, or at least always tried to be, because of her dad issues, which means that I’m pretty sure she has already or is already having sex with random whoever out there.  It all tears me up inside a lot.  She’s better than that, but she doesn’t seem to know it.  She has real self esteem issues, though she would never admit it.  She has tons of potential, but I get the feeling that she’s gonna end up a lot like her mom, or worse, like her dad, and just be unhappy, fat, and white trash.  I wish her the best though, because she deserves it.

Oh, I did sit in the jacuzzi again last night, and it did help my sinuses some.  When I got to the gym and started lifting, there was a guy already sitting in the jacuzzi.  I lifted for about 45 minutes to an hour, and then when I went to go get in the jacuzzi myself, he was still there!!!  I guess he said that he sat in there for like 2 hours or something, he was really pruney.  When he got out, he was too dehydrated and tired from sitting in there so long, so he couldn’t work out haha.  Anyway, he was really funny, and nice, his name is Jeff Stone, I’m sure he will be there again.  He was from Henderson, Kentucky, which is where my mom is from.  He was a little odd, he claimed to have done way too many drugs when he was younger, and was telling me crazy stories about ghosts and spaceships and other bizarre stuff.  I always think that I would rather be alone when I go to the jacuzzi, but in reality, sitting there alone is boring, and I end up getting out after 5 minutes.  So its nice to have someone to talk to in there, it makes me stay longer and relax a little.  Though theres always that weird stigma in the gym for guys.  You don’t wanna be too nice or talkative, in case the other guy is gay lol, or you don’t want him to think that you are gay.  I don’t know why it matters, I’m not gay, and I’m comfortable with myself, but I always just get that vibe at the gym.  Even if I offer to help someone by spotting them if they are bench pressing alone or something, its a little akward as if they are wondering why you would offer to help or something.  The homophobia in the gym is a crack up.  Personally, gay people don’t bother me one bit, and I would work out with anybody, gay, straight, male, female, whatever.  Just don’t bother me when I’m in the shower afterwards and we are cool haha.

So anyway, I have a 3.5 page paper to type before class tomorrow, though I currently have zero motivation to get started.  I will probably relax today, and not go to the gym, since I took some medicine for my head, and I’m sure that it will make me drowsy.  I have a very busy week coming up, but hopefully I can get everything done and have some time to go see a movie or do something fun.

So I did what I said, and went to work out last night, despite being terribly sick.  I’m glad that I did, I proved to myself that I could do it.  I definitely wasn’t at 100%, but I also don’t feel like it affected my strength on individual exercises, just on the total volume of work that  I was capable of.  For example, I still lifted the same amount of weight that I always do on lat pulldowns and everything else that I did, but after 4 exercises for each bodypart, I was physically spent, and had no energy left to do more exercises, or even my abs.  I was kind of bummed about that, since I have been trying to be good about doing my abs, but I will make sure to hit them tonight.  As far as the workout went, I warmed up on the treadmill for 10 minutes, then did back and triceps and superset everything.  I did pullups!!  Pullups are a lot like abs, I always talk about incorporating them into my workouts, but I never actually do them.  Well that’s all gonna change now, and they will be a staple of my back workouts until I master them.  I had to use the assisted pullup machine that takes away some of your weight, but I am gonna keep working at them until I no longer need that assistance and can do them alone.  So I picked 4 exercises for each, I did 3 hard sets for each, the supersets were: pullups/rope pressdown, lat pulldown/one arm dumbell overhead press, t-bar row/skullcrushers, and seated cable rows/one arm cable reverse grip pressdown.  I went through all quickly and worked really hard, afterwards I felt like I could barely walk since my body was so exhausted.  So I spent about 30-40 minutes relaxing in the jacuzzi after, which was really nice.  An older guy got in with me and told me crazy stories about all the rich and famous Orange County people that he was related to or family friends with, like the Yorba’s, Verdugo’s, Irvine’s, Tommy Lasorda, etc.  He was a really nice guy, you could tell he was fairly rich, and he owned his own business, he tried to explain it to me, but it sounded bizarre.  The nice thing for him is that his job keeps him in Hawaii one week out of the month, so he has a home in Hawaii.  Maybe I can be nice to him if I see him again lol, and he will let me use his place in Hawaii when he’s not there.  I actually feel even sicker today, I’m not sure what the heck is wrong with me, but my head and sinuses are terribly congested, and I am extremely dehydrated.  I’m gonna go get some gatorade soon. 

So I have been playing a lot of poker lately, and have been very introspective about it.  Pokerstars emailed me a few weeks ago and told me that since I haven’t been online in more than a year on their site, that they were putting 5 free dollars in my account to try and entice me to come back and play.  So I played with their 5 bucks, managed to get a little lucky, and play well, and ended up turning that 5 bucks into 700 bucks in 2 days.  I played 2 dollars in a little satellite tournament to win my way into a bigger Sunday tournament with a $200,000 prize pool.  I managed to get into that Sunday tourney, and out of 20,000 people who entered, I somehow managed to finish 14th!  Wow, that’s pretty good.  And I actually had a great shot at winning 1st and the $20,000 that goes with it, but I got unlucky when I busted.  So that’s how I ran the money up so quick.  After that, I managed to blow almost all of my 700 dollar winnings from that tournament playing in cash games.  So now, I’m back down to about 40 bucks.  It seems that I have been playing very well in tournaments, and having a lot of patience, and playing the game right, but cash games, I don’t know where I went wrong.  Probably over agressiveness, and a little recklessness.  I have been analyzing my own play a lot, and I think it is helping me to play better.  But I still seem to get a little reckless if I am playing tired, or after we are in the money in a tournament.  Last night I battled to cash in a very tough tournament, after losing nearly all of my chips in the very first 5 minutes of play.  I battled back, made the money, and then with a very healthy stack, and plenty of time to move up the ladder and increase my payouts, or even possibly win the tournament, I decided to bluff my way out of the tournament at a ridiculous spot.  There was absolutely no need to attempt a bluff at that juncture, or put my tournament on the line with nothing.  I actually thought that the guy had a really big hand, so I went against my instincts and tried to steal the pot anyways.  He didn’t have a big hand, and he actually made a horrible call in relation to the pot odds that he was given, since all he had was an ace high flush draw, but none the less, he did have me beat anyway and I was out.  So I need to bluff less, a lot less actually, especially against bigger stacks who are capable of busting me.  A small stack is more likely to let me bluff them, since they are afraid of me busting them.  I’m a work in progress, but I am getting better.  I used to think that poker was my passion.  Then when we moved to Vegas, I never played, and I thought that horse racing and gambling in general were my passion.  Now that I’m back in California, and playing poker again, I think it’s a little of both.  I look at them differently.  I love to gamble, and I absolutely love the horse races, tho I’m sad that it’s a dying industry, but I don’t really look at poker as gambling.  Poker gives you the opportunity to gamble, but it also gives you a choice not to gamble, and only put your chips in the pot when you have a huge hand as a huge favorite. 

Ok, well I have tons of homework to do, well not tons, but I have to write two papers today, and then tonight, hopefully we can muster the energy and courage to hit the gym again, and do my abs this time!