benjamminb6’s BodyBlog

Ok……..so despite the fact that I got REALLY sick…..AGAIN!!!!…..I have continued to get my ass into the gym every day, and have been working hard, and even finally started doing some ab work!  I have had some really great workouts, and feeling good about how hard I am working is always a continuing source of motivation and drive for me to get back in there the next day.  It’s Friday, and all I can think about is wanting to hit the gym again tonight and do my back rather than going out and doing something fun lol.  As for the ab work, I have all of these grand ideas about doing crazy ab workouts and everything, but then I always bail on them when push comes to shove, so I decided to start out slowly and build up to the crazy workouts that I have been planning.  Baby steps I guess, but if I am consistent with my baby steps, it should only take me a week or two before I am really into the swing of things and making a habit out of my ab workouts.  I need to start taking the same approach to my marathon training!!!  I have a friend, Teascha, who runs the ultra marathons, which are like 50 mile races or something ridiculous, and she said that I could train with her anytime, or she would help me to train, so I need to start taking the baby steps necessary to get that ball rolling as well, because I really do want to accomplish that goal before my next birthday in April.

Doing the marathon is something that will put somewhat of a cramp in my weightlifting workouts, but since it has been a goal of mine for a few years now, I really want to do it.  I am trying to learn to appreciate all of the blessings in my life, especially my health, and not take them for granted.  My neighbor and I had a really long talk, and he has soooo much regret in his life for all of the things that he always wanted to do, but never did because he just assumed he had his whole life to accomplish them.  But sometimes the best laid plans and dreams just aren’t so simple because at age 36 he got really bad osteo-arthritis and some other kind of arthritis, and now even going for a walk leaves him in terrible pain!  You never know when your health may take an unexpected turn for the worse, or something will happen to leave you incapable of things that you now just take for granted as normal activities, and you can’t just assume that you will still be running, exercising, or even alive in 10 years or whatever.  I guess the moral of the story is to always take care of yourself, but also appreciate and take advantage of the things that you have now because once they are gone you can’t always get them back.

So I’m not really sure what was wrong with me, I just know that all of a sudden I got VERY sick last week, and I overmedicated, which led to a CRAZY night that involved sleepwalking, waking up on the freeway driving 15 miles an hour and not knowing how I got there, and somehow having new shoes and donuts that I don’t ever remember buying.  Very weird night.  I won’t ever take that much medicine or mix medicines again!  Also this week, my friend Stacey drove over from Ball-Sacramento to visit me because I had convinced her that it was my birthday hahahaha!  She bought me lunch and ice cream and brought me 5 bday presents lol, I’m kind of a bastard, but it was very sweet of her.  Oh, and Stephanie was really nice to me this week too, especially when I was sick, so I owe her a big thank you!  And now, she somehow got strep throat, which is really lame cuz she should have crazy good karma working for her lol.  Last night I had a nice friendly chat at the gym with Carolyn, she was having a really rough day, but she wouldn’t say why.  But when she’s crying, I’m of course gonna be there to give her a hug and try to make her feel better.  Even though we don’t really hang out or talk very often anymore, she is still my friend.  And she may actually give me a job since the night time guy at the gym quit on her, so I told her I would just take the position if she needs someone.  I hope she took me seriously, cuz I’m usually awake and at the gym at that time anyway, might as well be getting paid to be there lol.

Missy got EXTREMELY angry with me this week!!!!!  I love Missy.  She is probably my favorite person in the whole world right now, but she lacks patience, and oftentimes jumps to conclusions and gets emotional before she takes the time to get all the facts or talk about what is bothering her.  I dunno, I prefer to talk first and then decide if getting upset or angry is even worth it, rather than just go through the drama of fighting and being upset, and then finding out later that it wasn’t really warranted.  She is young still, and I can’t even remember what it was like to be that age lol, but her presence in my life has been a huge blessing these past few months, and especially in the past few weeks, and I don’t think I do enough to show her how much I love and appreciate her.  She is a wonderful person, and an even better friend, and I’m lucky that she takes time out of her busy life to talk to me everyday.  Oh boy, my computer is about to die so I hafta cut this short.  Hopefully I will keep my enthusiasm and put in a great back workout tonight!!!  And I need to be more diligent about my legs dammit!!!  Even Jamie was making fun of me last night cuz I am a pansy and I don’t work hard enough on them. 

Well it’s been a very productive week in the gym and I am proud of myself for being diligent.  I have had some really great workouts all week, and have been feeling very good about the work I am doing and the progress I am making.  Because I have been losing more weight than I wanted, I have been cutting back on the cardio and eating pretty much whatever crap, junk food, sweets, etc that I wanted all week.  But I have decided that this isn’t the way to go about putting weight back on because I don’t just want to put on weight, I want to put on muscle, and continue to burn fat away from my midsection.  So I am going to clean up the junk food again, but try to add another meal or two every day, and add more good carbs into my diet, since I have been eating a fairly carb-free diet when I am eating clean.  I think this will give me extra calories, but also extra energy to work that much harder in the gym to pack on some of that weight again.  Also, I have been off creatine and any NO products for a few months now as I have cycled off of some supplements, but I think that adding some of these things back into my system should help me pack on a little more mass again.

On the personal front, I am not entirely sure where I want to live still!!!  I am actually feeling more comfortable and happy here in Reno than I had been for the first few weeks here, but I am still struggling on the job front.  I suppose its all going to equal out anyway, if I move home to Orange County I will have my friends and family close, but will miss Mayah TONS.  Plus, I may be able to get a good job much easier there, but the cost of living is also so much higher that I will hafta work harder just to survive.  It’s been a very weird time, and I’m not sure where I’m headed, but I am hoping that God will step in and give me a path to follow or lead me in the right direction somehow.  Anyway, life is all about choices, so I have to make good ones and hope that I get to the place I want to be, so we shall see what the future holds.

I had a really good back workout last night.  I was talking to this little buff asian guy about deadlifts.  He seems to keep his legs a lot straighter than I do, but he is also much more flexible than me.  The fact that I am not at all flexible hinders me in a multitude of ways, and has long been a concern of mine in regard to potential injury when training or doing cardio.  One of my new years resolutions this year was to become more flexible, but I still haven’t done anything to lead me in that direction.  My sister is a yoga instructor, so I think that back in January I thought I would just take her class occasionally and work on it, but I never did.  So now when I try to deadlift, I have to bend my knees just to get any kind of range of motion, and I’m not sure if it’s better to bend my knees to have a better range of motion, or keep my legs straighter and use the motion that I’m capable of.  In any event, becoming more flexible will be the best solution, but that isn’t going to happen overnight.  I have never touched my toes before, isn’t that sad?!  I’ve always claimed to be the least flexible person in the world, and there are some people who know me that would probably agree lol.  But my workout was good nonetheless, and I feel like my back is really getting thicker, wider, and more detailed.  My lats are really starting to come in and insert pretty low, and I’m happy with the progress I’m making, but still not satisfied with the finished product.

Barack Obama is here in Reno today, right across the street from my house actually!  I can look out my window and see him doing his speech in the quad on the UNR campus across the street, so it is packed here!  I was supposed to be working at the rally, helping to sell Obama towels and memorabilia, but it didn’t work out.  The guy told me he would call me at 10pm last night, and to plan on meeting him at 530 this morning to get it all set up, but he never called last night, and didn’t return my call at 1030 either.  Then I woke up this morning and tried again, but couldn’t get in touch with him, so finally I just went back to bed.  It seemed silly to be going over there at 530 if nobody was going to be there.  Of course, once I was asleep they FINALLY tried to reach me at about 715 this morning, but I was out!!!  So I missed the opportunity, which is a bummer.  It was just a one day gig, but they were going to pay me pretty well for working for a few hours, I would have gotten to be a part of history, and be on tv, and if I did a good job I may have been invited to go on the campaign trail for the last 5 weeks to help out at the rest of the rally’s leading up to the election.  So it would have been a great opportunity if I could have communicated better with the organizer, but I know he had a million things going on, so it was really my fault.

This week is very stressful, but working out is making me feel better, and my diet has been really clean since last Thursday.  I still need to do ab work, but maybe tonight I will do it when I go to do my shoulders.  Consistency and dedication are everything, and I need to be better about both.

I had a great arm workout today and I feel great!!!  I have been cutting back my cardio some and trying to work on lifting harder every time I go into the gym and really putting forth more effort.  I’m also eating more this week since my weight kept dropping, and I don’t want to drop below 200 pounds!!  I weighed 255 in January, and my goal was to get down to 215-220, but once I hit 220 the weight just kept coming off inexplicably.  I am now down to around 204, which is the lightest I have been in more than 3 years and I am not thrilled with it!  I would love to drop a few pounds from my abs and carve out a nice six pack, but add some serious weight to my back, arms, and legs.  My allergies have been HORRIBLE the past few days, and they seem to get worse at night, which has been keeping me out of the gym at night, but tonight I may try to go and do my back or shoulders, depending on how I’m feeling.

On the personal front, things have been a little difficult.  I need to start working, and I have applied and interviewed at a thousand places here in Reno, but the economy here is terrible, so the places that would hire me won’t pay me enough to live!!!  And the places that I would love to work seem to pass me over, or are taking way too loooooong to go through the hiring process!!!  I have been praying about it, and I know that I am greatly to blame for getting myself into this position, but it makes me feel like maybe Reno just isn’t the place for me.  I moved here to be closer to Mayah, but now that school has started, I never get to see her anyway!  It’s pretty ridiculous actually, and it’s very frustrating.  I could move to Sacramento and find a job and still drive over and see her on the weekends, and be spending the same amount of time with her.  I’m not sure if Sacramento is the place for me either, but if I did move over there, at least I have a good friend over there and wouldn’t be alone.  Who knows.  My mom thinks I should move down to San Diego, which would be very easy to do.  I love San Diego, my whole family is there, I could stay at Brandon’s new house for a few months until I find a place to live, and Brandon could get me a really great job working with the government.  I have friends down there, I’d be close to Orange County…..I dunno, there’s a lot to like about the idea of moving down there, but then I would be sooooo far away from Mayah again, which makes me sad and I don’t want her to feel like I abandoned her.  She’s only 8, and I don’t think she will understand.  I guess I have a lot to think about, but whether I stay here and find a job, or move somewhere and start over….AGAIN, I need to take things a lot more seriously or I’m gonna end up struggling forever!  Now is the time to really take control of my life, I just need to step up and do it, so God willing, I will find where I belong so that I can build a strong foundation for the rest of my life and take care of Mayah.  Plus, I want to find someone to spend my life with and fall in love again!!  And I want more kids!  I can’t do those things if my life is always in a state of fluctuation and change.

The past few days have been outstanding for me in the gym, and I feel really great!!  I had a pretty solid leg workout yesterday, and absolutely blasted my chest this morning!  I had tons of energy, and did a few exercises that I doubt I have ever done, like decline dumbell presses and some drop sets on the incline barbell press.  My chest looked HUGE after I was done haha, which is something that I always love about chest day.  I haven’t decided if I am going to go back tonight and do my back, or just wait and try to do it in the morning.  Either way, I need to start doing ab work!!!  I have been saying that for months now, and have only done my abs a few times, which is pathetic.  I am pretty damn sure that I could have some insane abs if I would put in the work, because you can already see them alright now, and I don’t do anything for them, plus have had a pretty sloppy diet!  At some point I need to stop talking about doing it, and just do it.

Alison came over and hung out with me all day on Thursday, which was a lot of fun.  She is a really sweet and REALLY funny girl, and I am glad that we have become friends.  She drove two hours just to hang out with me!!! How awesome is that lol?  I certainly wasn’t gonna drive two hours to hang out with her lol.  We had a blast all day, and did a bunch of fun stuff that she has never gotten to do before, so I know she enjoyed herself, plus we ate ice cream at Coldstone, and who doesn’t love that haha. 

There’s a REALLY cute girl who works at the casino that runs up and gives me a hug everytime she sees me…….and I can’t remember her name!!  How sad lol.  She is incredibly beautiful, her smile is insane, and she is very sweet too, so who knows what the heck is happening there, but she seems to like me, and she asked me to come hang out with her this week, so I might.  But I need to find a job!  I looked this week, but didn’t go out of my way to find something.  I am going to spend this weekend glued to my computer looking online, and then next week I will hopefully be interviewing all week!  Oh, and it’s my mom’s bday next week, so I can’t forget to call her!

I had a good shoulder workout this morning before I did my cardio, and I was virtually pain free!!!  I am planning on going back tonight to do my legs and abs, but it will depend on my nose since I am having crazy allergies! 

This should be a very good week for me, and I’m very optimistic about things to come .  I spent the whole day with Mayah on Sunday, and we had a really great time swimming, going to the movies, and eating junk food lol.  I have retooled some of my workouts and my diet, so I hafta go grocery shopping tomorrow, but I am trying to take positive steps this week and turn things around.  I have had a ton of job leads, so I am optimistic about finding a new job too, even tho I don’t really want to work lol.  Annnnd, I think that my friend Alison is going to come and visit me one day this week, which will be TONS of fun and I can’t wait!!!  Add to all of that, that I have been feeling a lot better, and that Carolyn and I are on speaking terms again, and it has been a very nice week.  I doubt that Carolyn and I will ever be great friends again, but it’s nice to be able to talk again and be friendly since I hafta see her pretty much every time I go to the gym.

So overall it’s been a good week, I just need my nose to stop running and to stop sneezing so that I can be a little more productive in the gym and go every night!  I still have a lot of work to do on my body, my life, my health, my relationship with Mayah, and pretty much every other area of myself, but taking the necessary steps to move forward is the most important thing I can do to get the ball rolling. 

So for the 1st time in nearly two weeks I am not feeling sick!!!!  This is very exciting, cuz I am already stressed out enough without having to worry about my health too!  So this morning, I decided to lift weights before I did my cardio in case I got sick again and couldn’t go tonight or this weekend.  I did my arms, and was happy not to have pain in my right shoulder.  Last time that I did biceps, my right shoulder was in agonizing pain!!!  So today was really nice, and I had a good conversation with a guy about some tricks to make my back wider, which I’m gonna use next time I do my back.

I have been eating HORRIBLY again!  I think it’s mostly cuz of stress, and cuz I can buy Little Debbie cookies and snacks for like a buck hahaha!  But I have some new things in store for the very near future regarding my diet and workout regimen, so I’m going to hafta clean that up if I want to make this new program worthwhile.

Other than that, not a ton going on.  I decided not to train for the marathons that are going on in December because I may have a new marathon training partner, and she and I are going to plan our training and everything together before hand, so we hafta decide which we are going to do, but it wont be until January or February at least.  So I still need to get on task about working and making some money so that I can be better equipped for the training, I need new shoes and clothes, etc.  Mayah’s bday party is tomorrow at Chuck E Cheese, and this is a horrible thing to say, but I don’t want to go!!!   I want to see Mayah of course, and I am spending the whole day with her on Sunday, but at this party I will be all alone with her whole family and they all hate me…..so it will be extremely awkward!  And I know that Laura doesn’t want me there, but since Mayah asked me to come, it is difficult for me to justify not going.  It isn’t about me at all tho, it’s about Mayah, so I just hafta suck it up and put up with her whole family being rude to me I guess.

So for the 1st time in nearly two weeks I am not feeling sick!!!!  This is very exciting, cuz I am already stressed out enough without having to worry about my health too!  So this morning, I decided to lift weights before I did my cardio in case I got sick again and couldn’t go tonight or this weekend.  I did my arms, and was happy not to have pain in my right shoulder.  Last time that I did biceps, my right shoulder was in agonizing pain!!!  So today was really nice, and I had a good conversation with a guy about some tricks to make my back wider, which I’m gonna use next time I do my back.

I have been eating HORRIBLY again!  I think it’s mostly cuz of stress, and cuz I can buy Little Debbie cookies and snacks for like a buck hahaha!  But I have some new things in store for the very near future regarding my diet and workout regimen, so I’m going to hafta clean that up if I want to make this new program worthwhile.

Other than that, not a ton going on.  I decided not to train for the marathons that are going on in December because I may have a new marathon training partner, and she and I are going to plan our training and everything together before hand, so we hafta decide which we are going to do, but it wont be until January or February at least.  So I still need to get on task about working and making some money so that I can be better equipped for the training, I need new shoes and clothes, etc.  Mayah’s bday party is tomorrow at Chuck E Cheese, and this is a horrible thing to say, but I don’t want to go!!!   I want to see Mayah of course, and I am spending the whole day with her on Sunday, but at this party I will be all alone with her whole family and they all hate me…..so it will be extremely awkward!  And I know that Laura doesn’t want me there, but since Mayah asked me to come, it is difficult for me to justify not going.  It isn’t about me at all tho, it’s about Mayah, so I just hafta suck it up and put up with her whole family being rude to me I guess.

So this whole week has been HORRIBLE!!!  I have been extremely sick every single day, and have had excruciating pain in my right shoulder.  As a result, I have not lifted in 5 days prior to today.  I have still gone and done my cardio every morning, but at night when it comes time to go lift, I have been tired and out of it and have just skipped it and rested instead.  I started feeling a little better today, so this morning when I went to do cardio I worked out my chest as well.  It felt really good to work out again after missing the past few days, and my shoulder didn’t have pain, so I was ecstatic about that as well.  If I still feel better tonight I am going to go back and do my back or my legs tonight.

Mayah’s bday is on Wednesday, but I still have no idea what to get her!!!  She will be 8, and I know she is excited.  I dunno what the plans are for her bday party, but I think we are going to Chuck E Cheese, which isn’t so bad.  Anyway, this will be brief today cuz football is on.

I have been sick for about 5 days now, and I don’t know what is wrong with me!!!  Some sort of cold or flu has been going around here in Reno, but I don’t feel like I have the flu, I just can’t stop sneezing!!  I have had major head congestion and have been sneezing about 20 bagillion times a day, and I feel dehydrated and tired.  So as a result, my workouts have suffered.  I have been doing my cardio every morning, and have been trying to lift at night, but I have been very weak, and can’t lift as much weight or do as many sets or reps.  Today is the 1st day that I haven’t sneezed yet, but I am still congested and groggy.  I am going to try and eat a lot more in the hopes that it will get my strength up so that I can put forth a better effort in the gym.  Also, my right shoulder has been KILLING me!!!!  I’m not sure what I did to aggravate it, but it has hurt a lot when I was lifting, so I have been taking it easy on the right side.  I think I sleep funny on that arm though, and I’m afraid that that is contributing to the problem.  I need to learn to sleep on my back, or see a physical therapist or something!!  If the pain persists, and is disrupting my workouts, then I will have to do something about it soon so that I’m not using it as an excuse.

The Rib Cook Off and the Reno Hot Air Balloon Races were this past week.  Wow, it was quite an experience to go see the balloons being lit up and lifted off before dawn.  I had a lot of fun going to both events, but wish that I had spent more time at each.  They were both 4 day events and I only went to each once, so next year, if I am still here, I will be going every single day probably.

I haven’t gotten to see Mayah at all this week, which really sucks.  I haven’t even been able to get ahold of them, I call every day and they don’t answer, so I am a little worried about her.  I was hoping to take her with me to the Balloon Races, and I want to see her and hug her.  I miss her a lot.  Carolyn and I decided to stop hanging out, so it’s pretty weird to see her at the gym.  I dunno if we are permanently ending our friendship, or if it is just temporary while she deals with her heartache over her ex, but I know that I will miss hanging out with her, she is a nice girl, and I hope she can find what she needs to be happy.  I did make a new friend, Vanessa, who is absolutely hilarious!!!  She cracks me up, and she is very nice, I think I am going to show her this site since she wants to lose 25 pounds, but needs motivation to work out and get herself into shape.

It’s less than 2 weeks till Mayah’s bday, and I have no idea what to get her!!!  I think I’m gonna get her a hermit crab, cuz she keeps begging me for one.  After her bday is over I am planning on driving over to visit Lindsay for a few days.  I really want to see her and spend time with her, she is a very special girl and I need a hug dammit lol!  Ok, time to go do something productive.