becky80’s BodyBlog

I don’t know what is wrong with me……  I’m so miserable….  I just never think I’m good enough, feel fat, unhappy, lonely, depressed.  I don’t even like to do things cause i’m so unhappy with my body.  I want to lose this body fat!!!  I HATE IT!!!  Its so hard being alone, far away from your family and friends, my life that is.  But then I think to myself, why am I unhappy…..???   I have it made down here, making good money, saving tons, have a awesome schedule, love the Texas Weather, kidless, and a boyfriend that really loves me back home!!   Most everyone my age have kids and can’t do the things I want to do.   Then again, I never want to do anything…….  cause I’m not happy with myself.  Does anyone else feel this way, or am I strange or what…?  It sucks, wish I would change, really, its a problem, I hate it.  I’m so alone all the time, I find myself eatting.  Does anyone know of any good appitite controller…..???  HELP!!!

ERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!   Thats how I feel!  Yesterday I was invited to a BBQ again at a friends house and of course ate alot.  I’m so mad and feel like complete crap!  I don’t know why I do this, I think its OK at the time, but afterwards I regret it big time.  The scale does too!  I have a real hard time resisting the food!  I need to just not go next time.   

But that was yesterday, I’m back on track today.  Time to get serious again with working out and watching my Diet!!  Just wish I didn’t feel so fat today!! YUCK!!!

Well, I weighed myself this morning when i woke up and its the exactly the same as my weight was a couple weeks ago.  154.6.  I’ve been working my butt off at the gym even doing Cardio alot, and watching my diet pretty closely.  What the Heck…..?  Why Ain’t I losing the wieght??  How discouraging!!  I almost feel like working out is pointless.  Well, Arms today and Leg day tomorrow.  Sunday I gotta take a break, I’m getting burnt out!!

Well its 4 weeks today that I have started my new routine and watching my diet.  I’m very excited to continue to do this. I’m really going to need help from my boyfriend and family when I go home next weekend.  I go home May 22 for the weekend, and we eat out alot and sometimes I eat to much or not the right food.  Its also my birthday May 23, I’m going to be 29!!  I can not believe it!!  Where does time go?? 

Well yesterday was Leg day, I got through my workout, but just wasn’t motivated, cause I hate doing legs.  But I got through it and was happy that I accomplished it even though I didn’t want to.  I’m watching my diet closer today, yesterday I cheated a little and wasn’t happy with myself.  I can’t wait to get my new measurements, I hope there is a change from the last ones takin Easter weekend.  I also promise to get some new pictures of too.  lol   Well Im looking forward to the next few days cause today is Shoulders and tomorrow is Arm day.  A couple of my favorite workouts.  I’m really trying to push myself to do more Cardio after my workouts, that what I need to burn the fat, so I can lean out.  I have confidence in myself, I can do it!!!  Thank you for reading.  Ya’ll Take Care Now!! 

Well, Tomorrow is the 4 week point that I have started my routine.  I’ve been doing good with my workouts, it really helps keeping track of them, just seeing them on paper helps TONS, seeing what I have accomplished and knowing what weight I used the last week.  My Diet however, hasn’t been the greatest, still working on that, its getting better though.  I’m eatting something like every 2 -3 hours, and am doing good on taking my vitamins and protein shakes.  I just have a major sweet tooth, I crave sweets everyday!!  It sucks!!  Does anybody have any advice about this……..  Its my only real bad weakness.  I’ve also been doing good on gettting 30 mintues of Cardio in after I lift at least 3 - 4 days a week.  I have been doing the stair stepper, it really kicks my butt!!  Friday May 22, I go home to visit. I’m currently in Fort Hood, Texas (I’m a Reservist on Active Duty), I’m from Plainfield, Illinois, its about a hour south of Chicago.  Anyways, so Friday I plan on having my boyfriend tape me and maybe even some pictures to post.  We will see, I would really like some progress pictures to put on my page!  Well, I’m just hoping to keep motivated and not give up!!  I really want this for myself, it makes me feel real good and healthy too.  Well I hope everyone has a Good Day!  Hopefully my leg routine goes well today!!!!    : )

I’m not sure where to begin…..  I’m not any good at this, but I thought I would give it a shot.  I’m bored at work and thought it would do me good to write how I’m feeling about my diet and fittness goals.  I’ve been A little more serious the last few weeks, I started a workout routine and been watching my diet a little more.  I would like to be more serious about the diet part though.  They say your looks is 80% diet and I do beleive that is true!  If you eat like crap, your going to look like crap.  When I eat like crap I also feel like crap too, I feel like my workouts are useless, why go to the gym if all your going to do is eat unhealthy, its pointless really. So, today I begin watching my diet again.  Eating small portions 6 times a day, even when there is a party/doings.  I totally screwed up yesterday, I did good all week and yesterday a friend had me over for lasagna, I ate alot of it and also had 2 desserts, what the heck is wrong with me???  I hate it when I break my goals, and I know this, and still do it.  I get sooooo freaking mad at myself.  But what is a person to do when your invited over to a party or someones house for dinner?  I would feel rude and ignorant if I didn’t eat or even just ate a tiny bit.  Would they understand….?  IDK……..I should of just ate a very small portion, but of course thats the hardest thing for me to do.  Its just sooooo good and hard to resist.  I NEED TO GET OVER THIS!!!   NOW!!  MY CRAVINGS NEED TO STOP!!!  NOW!!!  Another problem I have is I’m a stressfull eatter too, when I’m stressed I tend to eat, alot.   I’m not the most laid back person, I stress a lot over stupid stuff.  I Currently been down here going on 11 months now, being away from my family and friends and now my boyfriend, its really hard.  I get bored and just want to eat.   I’m not going to see results if my diet continues to be like this.  So again, today is the day, it all begins, I will try and post weekly my progress.  My boyfriend is going to tape me here in a few weeks, and might even take some progress pictures (prolly not much of a progress though)  lol!! 

On the other hand, I have been enjoying my workout routine that I have made myself.  Its great, I use the workout logs from bb.com and I Love them.  I keep track everyday my workout, sets, reps and pounds used.  I’ve been doing a Awesome job at that, and am proud.  I just have to keep in mind that your body does need a day break every now and again.  I just hate breaks, I feel fat and lazy when I take breaks.  Making a life change a year ago when I came down here to Texas Active Duty, from being a civilian, constantly active, working, and doing house hold chores…….to being stuck in a room and not doing anything at work but sitting on my butt, really does not help me either.  My activity level has dropped ALOT since I have came down here!!  I hate it, I used to walk a lot and climb up and down rail cars, now nothing, nothing at all.  Just those daily activities you can burn a lot of calories and I don’t have that anymore.  So this is where my diet has to be even more stricter than usual.  I’m looking forward to being as healthy as I can and feeling good about myself.  No more of this insecurity and not feeling comfortable in a swim suit.  It’s freakin Summer, I WANT TO LOOK GOOD AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF AND OVER ALL FEEL GREAT!!!!