Mourning the death of my best friend.. Rest in Peace Dawn 1/17/09
Its been a while since I have written anything here but I feel myself falling apart in every sense of the word..so I figured maybe if I wrote it I could get some positive direction and get it back together. I was on track..loving life even after personally beating cancer in Nov of 08 via surgery… then 2 weeks ago I got a phone call. My best friend Dawn was diagnosed with colon cancer in March of 08.. by Oct 08 (right when mine showed up..) she was announced in remission. We all thought she beat it.. she threw a party.. took a long road trip with her daughter.. then the day before xmas she went back to the doctors.. she wasn’t feeling well. They ran some tests and discovered the cancer had spread into her ovaries. The docs scheduled her in for surgery and she was in the hospital the first week of January.
On the 10th of January I got a phone call that threw my world.. her family called me (she lived in Alaska) and said the docs were giving her weeks to live… I cant even begin to tell you what a night of hell I endured.. the next morning I got another phone call .. they said now she only had days to live and they weren’t sure how many. I dropped my life and flew out the next day to be by her side. I camped out on the hospital floor- leaving only to shower then returning quickly. I barely ate, barely slept, I sure didnt work out but I was there with her. She wasn’t my Dawn.. her left lung collapsed, she couldnt hardley breath, and was on a steadily increasing dosage of morphine to kill the pain. She couldnt talk to me.. but she did aknowledge I was there- I got a little smile and some tears at 3am when I rushed straight from the airport to her bedside. I watched her suffer for 4 days and 3 nights. On Saturday 1/17/09 at 9:53 she took her last breath. Her last breath at 31, as a single mother, with her daughter holding one hand, her boyfriend the other and a group of us girls in there with her.
The quickness in which I lost her has been the hardest to accept. I am on this complete emotional rollarcoaster.. up and down. I have essentially stopped sleeping and although I am trying to still train I just dont have the energy. I cant eat and when I do it is PURE emotional eating.. chocolate ..ect ect.. I know none of this is good for me intellectually but I cant seem to pull it together no matter how hard I try.
If any of you have any suggestions.. I would surely appriciate them. Remember to tell the people in your life you love that you love them. Never take them for granted and always make the time for one call or a hug or a lunch- you never know when you will have to say goodbye forever.
-Andrea
January 28, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Honey, you need to see a grief counselor. A professional can give you perspective. It’s well worth the visit and they have alot of answers and they have been through this many times before. I lost my mom last summer and because I live out the country i had a very short time with her near the end. I went through every emotion you can name. A counselor will really help.
January 28, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Andrea,
My god, I am so very sorry for your loss. It must be very difficult.
keep blogging it can help.
January 28, 2009 at 8:22 pm
You are a true friend…I lost my brother on my birthday…It’s a different type of relationship but the same feels…I made a promise to not forget him (the way he lived) and to look out for his childred. As a friend, that may help, keep a relationships with her daughter..My prayers goes out to you and her family…
January 28, 2009 at 8:25 pm
I’m really sorry about your Lost, and quit frankly there are no words to find at a time like this, Just remember that she is in a better place, and May God give you the strength to carry on, God bless and take good care of yourself.
January 28, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Your story really saddens me. I can’t say know how you feel and say that you will ever get over it because you won’t. The pain might be less but that person will never be gone. There will always be a slight pain from her leaving. I know that you can’t workout and I won’t blame you. I’d said don’t workout for a while. At least a month or so. Get your life back together. Talk to people if you need to. Have a special ceremony in honor of her name. And most importantly speak with God. Talk to him personally and tell him everything. Tell him how you feel. Talk to him. Ask him why this happen. Talk to him like you would face to face with Him. I know that I haven’t been praying to Christ as frequently as I used to but it helps. I’m glad I came on the computer or I would have just went to sleep and maybe never had seen this post. Please if you need anything I will be there to help you as the rest of your families and friend will. Keep us posted on how things are going.
January 28, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I continue to be amazed at the people I meet here at bb.com, my heart goes out to you, I’m not quite sure what to say. I’d research what the grieving process is and I’d probably go get professional help. I think it would be good for you to talk to someone.
How odd the timing for both of you, sounds like it is something environmental. I’d have a Dr appt every other month if I were you, cancer can be so fast. My father died of luekimea - and that was a slow up and down death that took 10 years to happen.
I know of a family where the wife went out to grocery shop and the husband was in the recliner, she said she was going to the store - when she came back he was dead. Your right, life is too short, I AM going to make the time to tell the important people in my life they are important - and I’ll start right now by thanking the bb.com community for being so supportive of me….I don’t take anyone or anything for granted. I’m amazed at the people that God has put across my path and how much they impact me..
My heart goes out to you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are ongoing. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, and spiritually. clc.
January 28, 2009 at 8:36 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss but you need to take care of yourself. I know Dawn would not want to see you falling apart. If you don’t feel like eating right, do it for her.
January 29, 2009 at 8:49 am
Andrea,
That is a very moving story and I’m feeling your pain for you. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through and offer you the deepest sypathy.
You must keep training and eating, Dawn wouldn’t want you to stop and you have to look at your own situation. You have transformed yourself. I am so proud of you for what you have personally acheived so please dont give it all up.
I’ve been your friend on here for quite a while now and it would be horrible to see you give up all that you’ve gained. I’ll help you pick yourself and get back in control.
Get yourself a facebook profile and I’ll be able to give you all the motivation you need.
I wish you all the best as ever. Keep in touch.
Glen x