beautifullyambitious’s BodyBl

Its been a while since I have written anything here but I feel myself falling apart in every sense of the word..so I figured maybe if I wrote it I could get some positive direction and get it back together. I was on track..loving life even after personally beating cancer in Nov of 08 via surgery… then 2 weeks ago I got a phone call. My best friend Dawn was diagnosed with colon cancer in March of 08.. by Oct 08 (right when mine showed up..) she was announced in remission. We all thought she beat it.. she threw a party.. took a long road trip with her daughter.. then the day before xmas she went back to the doctors.. she wasn’t feeling well. They ran some tests and discovered the cancer had spread into her ovaries. The docs scheduled her in for surgery and she was in the hospital the first week of January.

On the 10th of January I got a phone call that threw my world.. her family called me (she lived in Alaska) and said the docs were giving her weeks to live… I cant even begin to tell you what a night of hell I endured.. the next morning I got another phone call .. they said now she only had days to live and they weren’t sure how many. I dropped my life and flew out the next day to be by her side. I camped out on the hospital floor- leaving only to shower then returning quickly. I barely ate, barely slept, I sure didnt work out but I was there with her. She wasn’t my Dawn.. her left lung collapsed, she couldnt hardley breath, and was on a steadily increasing dosage of morphine to kill the pain. She couldnt talk to me.. but she did aknowledge I was there- I got a little smile and some tears at 3am when I rushed straight from the airport to her bedside. I watched her suffer for 4 days and 3 nights. On Saturday 1/17/09 at 9:53 she took her last breath. Her last breath at 31, as a single mother, with her daughter holding one hand, her boyfriend the other and a group of us girls in there with her.

The quickness in which I lost her has been the hardest to accept. I am on this complete emotional rollarcoaster.. up and down. I have essentially stopped sleeping and although I am trying to still train I just dont have the energy. I cant eat and when I do it is PURE emotional eating.. chocolate ..ect ect.. I know none of this is good for me intellectually but I cant seem to pull it together no matter how hard I try.

If any of you have any suggestions.. I would surely appriciate them. Remember to tell the people in your life you love that you love them. Never take them for granted and always make the time for one call or a hug or a lunch- you never know when you will have to say goodbye forever.

-Andrea