beautifullyambitious’s BodyBl

Mission find direction is on its way! The past few days I have on purpose not committed myself to anyone or anything, kept my cell phone off… I visited the local bookstore and the library, hit the beach a few times - took my beautiful daughter camping… and I must say it was camping in which I not only found some direction, really realized the importance of my life and found some much needed peace and rejuvenation.

It is amazing how much of ourselves we can loose when faced with being a caretaker, a boss, a wife in a one sided marriage, a mommy, the friend who is always positive and listens, the person who is never late, the person who will get up at 4:30 am to workout to avoid taking time from their family after work… to be all of this and so much more it is quite consuming. On top of it all this weekend I realized something amazing about myself- this whole time I have been under extreme stress, I never felt that anything I ever did anything good enough (though let me tell you I (and others who know me) believe I have more then earned the She-raw title (did anyone else use to watch that cartoon?)),  - I have been striving for perfect and perfect is unattainable.

I have officially given myself permission to not be perfect. This is not an easy task, I find myself beginning to be a perfectionist in my head and have to catch it and reverse out of it. Now, thats not say I do not strive for better; it really goes without saying that I will always achieve and strive to achieve better. The thing is this time around if I stumble or fall along the way I wont be so hard on myself or feel like a failure. I feel that this time was given to me as a gift to reflect upon the good I have done till now.

In addition to deciding to not be perfect I believe operation finding direction is underway! When I was growing up all I wanted to do was travel the world and document it all on film and paper. I wanted to chart the uncharted, help those in 3rd world countries and show genuine kindness to humanity. As I got older and after I had my daughter with everyone’s influence I was almost pushed into corporate America…via real estate. I thought I wanted the corporate ladder. Then for a moment last year my ultimate was to own a gym, I started making plans and getting everything in line to open it then live threw me a curve ball and I gave in. I opted to stay with my company. It was fear that I gave into. I realize now that fear has stopped me from many things up until now. I also realize that I am more powerful then fear, and from here forward it will take the back seat!

It is time to take back my power and be fearless in moving forward with life.

Thats it, some Sunday morning power talk. : ) More to come…

Just when I thought the chaos had passed it did not. It seems this wirlwind of events wont quite let me go and although I am quite uncertain the reasoning behind it, I am also certain that 1) Everything happens for a reason 2) One door closes and another one opens 3) As long as you have faith you can get through anything.

 In the past 7 months I have learned my ex husband was unfaithful our entire marriage, opted to leave him, he then attempted suicide (which let me tell you can harm a person’s mental well-being), my grandfather (to whom I am closest to) had a heart attack, moved twice, been promoted to only be laid off (real estate market fell here) to now just not even having a clue where to turn.

 I feel in a whirlwind… not really sure which direction to turn.