beautifullyambitious’s BodyBl

Like an old friend, you can always rely on good ol’ consistency…

The past few days I have done a lot of thinking on a lot of areas in my life and how consistency plays out in them. Here is a reflection of the role of consistency and how the development of the bodybuilding “lifestyle” has played out for me.

When I think back in my life, pre- light (before I learned and LOVED training) I can apply the theory of consistency. I consistently ate “crap” and consistently did not workout yet I also was consistently overweight (not huge but not skinny or toned!) and consistently cranky. Yet, I didn’t “get it”, I didn’t understand why anyone would want to restrict certain foods from their diet or get up at 5 am to work out (which for the record is the time my morning workouts start now). In my mind, it was for hardcore athletes and I wasn’t “one of them”. I consistently had an excuse not to accompany friends when they invited me out hiking or running or to the gym. I also consistently hated going shopping with the girls (yes, that’s right I hated shopping) because nothing ever fit and in some cases I had to go up a size. While my friends were wearing a size 6 or smaller- I was always a size 9 or larger. I consistently told myself “This is my body type and I am just large boned and need to accept it”. I just figured that was it, I wasn’t getting any smaller but for one reason or another I just kept getting larger- occasionally having fluctuating summers where I would be on the small size 9 but for the most part bouncing between a size 9-14. I was miserable, consistently miserable.

At 19, almost 20 I found myself pregnant with my daughter. It was a really rough time for me. On top of dealing with all of the stress surrounding the situation (those who really know me on here know the story and for the record NO it wasn’t just another teen got randomly pregnant) I consistently was stressed and was very, very lost. I didn’t have anyone around me to tell me how to eat, I figured because I was pregnant I could eat whatever I want and in whatever portions I wanted. Yes that is right, I consistently ate LARGE portions of pasta loaded up with white allfredo sauce, loads of candy (gummi bears was my favorite), and let’s not forget all the eating out… I was consistently loading my body (and my daughter’s body) with crap food- only I never knew. As far as exercise, well lets just say it was consistently a “foreign” word and concept into my life.

In February 2002 I gave birth to my daughter. 2 weeks after giving birth I weighed in at 205 lbs. I consistently kept up with my crap eating habits. The only difference was now I was walking once or twice a week to loose the “baby weight” so now I consistently had “justification” for eating all the junk. Then one day I was “served” with custody paperwork. Almost like the domino effect everything changed. Consistency was no longer an option. It was stress induced first, I had a hard time eating anything due to the consistent level of stress I felt every minute of every hour of yes, every day. I knew everything needed to “change” I just didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t know about training or eating or the “healthy way” to loose weight- I would even venture to say that at this point in my life I didn’t even know if “being skinny” was a possibility.

The day I was served the custody paperwork my weight was floating between 190 and 195 lbs. Again, I had consistently just accepted it, okay I am “fat” but I am a “good Mom” that was my favorite justification. Well, after my first official court day someone I hardly knew said “I have no doubt you take good care of your daughter, but what are you doing to take care of you?” That was it, the extra motivation that pushed me over the edge. I started out just walking a few days a week, then I learned how to manipulate my weight by cutting down my diet.

One day I woke up and my clothes were loose from me not eating and I liked the feeling. Over the course of my damn near year long (and incredibly nasty) custody battle I proceeded to starve myself in an effort to loose weight and feel good about something in my life.  Don’t get me wrong, I ate but when I did it was a can of pineapple or a can of green beans or chicken – most of the time I would eat a huge serving of vegetables. I was consistently underfeeding my body, taking in only 1,000 calories a day at the very most…if that. By the time I hit the shooting for only 700-800 calories a day point my custody battle was almost over and I was winning, I was down a total of 60+ lbs, consistently doing 2+ hours of cardio a day and absolutely addicted to the feeling of “skinny”. I loved the compliments I received ranging from people I didn’t know to people I knew years before or even people who knew me through my pregnancy. I loved the attention and that was what consistently drove me to cut down a few more and a few more calories.

After winning my custody battle (I have complete physical and legal custody) I was lost. Here I was consistently dieting and now doing cardio but now the stress was gone. I finally felt like I was in control of more of my life. Being able to relax more now I started out slowly eating more and more, although I never returned to my crap eating habits that I once had I did watch my weight bounce from 120 all the way up to 145 in a matter of a few months. I literally began to panic. I started to venture back into starving myself when a friend of mine brought me to a women’s only gym. There I started on nautilus equipment then gradually the “baby” weights- you know the 3 lb and 5 lb pink coated dumbbells that use to be found in women’s gyms (and probably still are in some of them). I loved it, I had the “control” feeling, the “skinny” feeling (I was loosing weight again, I had more energy and I didn’t have to starve myself. It was then I knew I was hooked. I started to consistently combine weight training with cardio and consistently eat better. I watched my body change in ways I never knew were possible.

From there as I stated earlier I was “hooked”. I began consistently researching fitness articles, consistently watching people in the gym to figure out ways to move forward, I consistently read and researched and talked to anyone who I thought might have knowledge in the fitness department. I tested and tried some of the weirdest diets and workouts that I think anyone has every seen. At that point I consistently dedicated myself to improvement.

Today I reflect back and I see a lot of mistakes but I also see how far I have come.  I now see that at one point I had a very real “eating disorder” and although I didn’t know it at the time I used food as my source of control in chaos. Today I look back and love knowing I have progressed so much and come so far with my health. Today I weigh in somewhere between 120 and 128 lbs and am a size 3 (the smallest I have ever been). Today I eat more then ever before but the “right” choices and have an over abundance of energy. Today I am an amazing role model to my 5 ½ yr old daughter, I teach her about nutrition and exercise and we do fun physical activities. Today I am consistently dedicated to self improvement. After all of this I can say the journey hasn’t always been easy but its always been a wild ride always revolving around consistency.

My final answer? The key to life is truly consistency. Whatever we consistently do will set our lifestyle. Whatever we consistently eat will consistently reflect in both our outward and inward appearance (the loss of confidence). Most important, whatever we think will consistently display itself prominently in our lives.

Make the choice to consistently dedicate yourself to your well-being and to constant improvement. Be faithful and be steady. If you aren’t moving forwards, look around, your falling behind.

-Andrea