The Best Shape of My Life!

Okay, so I spent the weekend with family and that was awesome! I’m really getting to the point in my mind, heart/soul, and body where I can rest at night not worrying about what I look like, or if I did a workout, and if I did, was it a good one…those kinds of worries. Rather, I can rest at night knowing that I had a good day, and that’s not defined by anything physical that I do, but what I do as a person. It feels so cool to know that my daughter loves me, my wife loves me, and my families support me, in whatever I do. And they don’t care if I have a 6-pack set of abs or a bulging chest or whatever. They want me to be me.

And that’s the message I’ve been getting from God lately, too. "Just be who I made you to be, Nate," He seems to keep telling me. I have fought Him on that for a long time. I mean, look at all the Christian bodybuilders out there, right? It’s possible to serve God, be a great man, husband, father, etc., AND have a great body! But I don’t feel that as my calling. So to those out there that have been blessed by the Almighty in that endeavor, you are to be commended. God has chosen you to to do something that is cool and great! But me, I have not been called to do that.

As I like to put it, I’m an academic. I belong in the school, teaching and learning. And starting my thesis has shown me how important that is to my life. I need to do a great job on this research project. Not only does it mean getting the degree, but it truly does define who I am. Some people have their physiques that define who they are; others have their riches; I have my books, professors, colleagues, and degree/s. This is my calling. This is how I can serve God and help others become awesome people. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make me sound better than any other person. I am just an individual. There are others out there much smarter, much stronger, much faster, bigger, powerful, richer, etc., and all may work for the same God, and may all help others and may all be great. But I will not be defined by my riches (don’t have them), not by my body (I’ve been trying for years), etc. I’ll be defined by what I achieve through school and research. And so it’s time I start putting my energy into that.

God states that if we focus on what He wants us to do, He’ll take care of the rest. So I’m putting this bodybuilding and fitness thing in His hands and I’m going to go the path that He wants. Please pray for me, this will not be easy, I’m sure.

My health and fitness plan is being adjusted to meet these resorted priorities and goals (see previous blog posts). I’m in the process of developing workouts that are 10-15 minutes in length and primarily bodyweight exercises. These I can do any time of the day, all day long, and I can pick and choose the workouts that meet equipment demands or just the ones I want to do. I’ll hopefully post some of that information as I get into them. But for now it’s still reflection and experimenting with my new way of life.

And what a blessing it is! Take care everyone!
Nate

First, let me say a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has been supporting me. The thoughts and perspectives are amazingly helpful, and I want all of you (you know who you are) to know that I truly appreciate you taking the time to comment, offer encouragement and advice, or just think about me and wish me the best. You’re AWESOME!

Now, my decision (or so I’ll call it that)…

My triangle has been disrupted, and I’m realizing the full effects of it. What triangle, you may ask? The triangle of life’s balance. Let me explain my thoughts. There are three corners to any triangle, and to the balance of life there are, I believe, three elements: spirit, psyche, body. Yoga masters have long-ago figured this out. Americans not so much. But that’s a later discussion. The life balance triangle should be equilateral (I believe that’s the geometric term used), meaning that all angles and sides are the same measure. Hence, a person should "balance" their life with the right amount of spirit (yes, there’s a religious element to life), psyche (the mind and soul/passion of a person), and body (obviously the physical part). How people live a good life and can be happy when they ignore one of these elements I have no idea. But I cannot. And I refuse to do so any longer.

If you’ve been reading my blogs lately (and again, you know who you are), you know that I’ve been going through a re-evaluation of my life, my priorities, my desires, EVERYTHING. My aim is not to discredit what any other individual may or may not do; rather, to look inside myself and see what I have, what I need, and what I want out of life. My equilateral triangle because lopsided, and I began to focus mostly on the body element. I was chasing a dream that I knew wasn’t who I was. Not necessarily that I can’t achieve it. I’m sure I have the ability to reach a very low bodyfat percent (I’ve done it before, intentionally and unintentionally), and I could probably have some form of a 6-pack set of abs, etc. But I’m realizing, at 28, that who I am is not that. There are those who are cut out to be athletes, bodybuilders (in the competitive definition here), models, etc. That’s great for them, really. Their achievements are powerful and respectable. But that’s not who I am meant to be. I have a talent, a gift, an expertise, and it’s not with my body.

So I’m in the process of rebalancing my triangle, and in that process, I’m taking a little break from major exercise. I’m trying to keep my diet as good as I can (that I’ve been trying to do for years…I’ll never have a perfect diet), and I’m trying to do some minor workouts here and there. But until I figure out my true desires and goals in life, I’m laying off anything hard and intense. I need the time and energy to refocus, and I want to make sure that I put my spiritual and psychological well-being is in a good place before I drift back into the physical realm of my life.

Thanks again everyone! This process has been very uplifting and powerful so far, though it is extremely exhausting.

When I find the answer, I’ll let you know. I’ve been wrestling with this one for quite a while now, and I think it’s starting to really pull me down. What is it worth to chase down the perfect physique? What is it worth to be the fittest, strongest, fastest, biggest, etc. person out there? What is it worth to put my body through all the stress and havoc?

I’m tired of playing games, and I’m tired of marketing scams. Do I need a 6-pack set of abs? Do I need ripped muscles bulging out of every crevace of my body? Do I need a 30 inch waist? Do I need to bench press 450 lbs? WHAT IS IT THAT I NEED?

And, when I find out what I need, then the ultimate question still remains…What is it worth to pursue those things?

Read my previous blogs to get more info on where I’m coming from. Sure, there are automatic answers that have been developed by the bodybuilding world, supplement companies, food manufacturers, fitness equipment providers, and even personal trainers. But are those automatic answers justifiable?

In other words, is there a difference between the marketed answers and the real answers to sustainable health and fitness? Just like the Transformers, I believe there’s more to it than meets the eye. So what is it worth to have a 6-pack? Is that the be all to end all in fitness? Or is there something deeper, something more intwined the fabric of human life?

This may seem like a bunch of ranting, but I assure you I’m not going crazy. I’m going through some heavy changes in my life for sure. A spiritual and pscyhological renewal, beginning work on a thesis, prepping for a new year of teaching, and realizing that I’m 28 and not 18 (though I don’t want to go back to those days…sorry all you young punks out there).

More on this later. For now I need rest. Feel free to comment.

Overall Daily Rating: 9
A great day! Though my diet wasn’t as good as I would have liked, I got in some great activity and I feel really good overall. Maybe because I didn’t do any work on my thesis research? Surely it’s not the only cause of stress in my life…but it did feel good to put it aside for a day and just focus on other things. I read a couple chapters of Marion Nestle’s WHAT TO EAT book, and I’m learning a lot about the fish industry and the marketing strategies there. Feeling better about my diet because I’m learning what I really need and what I don’t need (like fish and milk).

Nutrition: 8.5
So here’s a rundown of what I had today.

Breakfast (yes, I actually ate breakfast today!)
1 Bowl of Cereal (appr. 1.5 cups of 2% milk)
**Fruit Loops (appr 1.5 servings)
**Honey Nut Cheerios (appr 1 serving)
16 oz Coffee with creamer and sweetener

Lunch (no snack in between today)
1/2 of a frozen pizza (pepperoni of course!)
12 oz Diet Sprite

Snacks (everything in between lunch and supper)
100 Calorie Snack Cake (what’s the point, right?)
Appr. 2 oz of Monterary Jack Cheese (block)
12 oz Diet Coke
12 oz Bud American Ale (yes, I drink beer in the middle of the day sometimes)

Supper
1 Bowl of salad (various veggies, chopped almonds, 1/4 c shredded colby jack, olive oil)
1 Bowl of Hamburger Helper (some Italian variety)

Late Night (this is what always gets me!)
Appr. 3/4 cup Neapolitan ice cream
24 oz Coffee with creamer and sweetener

NOTE: Why do I drink coffee so late at night? I have no idea! I just love coffee. Yeah, I know, it’s probably what keeps me up all night long wondering why I can’t get any sleep (that and peeing every hour or two). But I still love it! I’m an addict I think. Which is sad. Take away my coffee and I think I would die. Sad……..very sad.

NOTE 2: I need more water!
Activity: 10
I had a great day! Two "workouts" and I got to enjoy the sun. I feel great!!

40 Minutes = Bodyweight/Yoga (completed first thing after waking up)
+40 Minutes = Swimming in outdoor pool

NOTE: Obviously, the pool time wasn’t continuous 40 minutes of movement. It came in spurts of 5-10 minutes over about 2.5 hours of time. But I can assure you I was in the water moving with good intensity for at least 40 minutes. And it felt great! I love the water.

Sleep: 9
Went to bed last night around midnight (much like I’m doing tonight) and woke up at approximately 8:40 AM. Now, that would suggest a good 8 hours of sleep, but realistically that did not occur. I probably got a good 6 hours or so of nice, restful sleep. I think I woke up only once because my dog was panting (I don’t know why she gets hot with the air running), and then I think I woke up at 5 or so in the morning to let her outside because I couldn’t take it any longer. But other than that, it was a pretty peaceful night. I woke up a bit tired, but got into the day, especially after my workout.

GOALS FOR TOMORROW:

1. +40 minutes of activity (hoping to lift weights tomorrow).
2. +3 servings of veggies (I’m slacking on this one lately).
3. +72 oz of real water! (GGGGGRRRRRRR)

To start on a good note:

I have consistently been logging nutritional and activity information since May 21, 2009. I tend to go in phases of logging and then not logging. I was looking through my fitness files the other day and thought about that. I am really happy about the notebook I’ve been using, and I actually feel good about logging things, even if it’s not the healthiest thing in the world. So, I’m hoping that this logging system will last.

Now onto my goals:

I originally set a 12% bodyfat goal for 1 August 2009. That was near the beginning of June. My rationale was (though I knew 12% from 16% in two months was a stretch) was that I could make some pretty substantial changes in my diet. Those have NOT occurred.  Though I am getting better about eating fruits and veggies, and I’m making better overall choices as far as food is concerned, I’m not getting to the point where I can really make a substantial dent in bodyfat.

In the past, I have dropped weight and bodyfat in the summertime because I’ve been more active. But it seems like this year I haven’t had the motivation to get out and do things. My daughter is old enough now that she wants to play and do things, but of course, those activities are a great workout for her…not for me. And I have a hard time justifying a personal workout when it takes time away from my family. So I’ve been trying to do my workouts either late in the evening or in the morning (while they’re still asleep). With my sleep schedule all thrown off, that even has been difficult.

And then add to that my thesis, which I’m really getting into. This is my academic priority at this point in my life. Not just because I need to finish it, but because I want to do it, and I want to do a very good job on it. I’m in training to be a researcher, so I want to take care to do this well. Gathering the preliminary research has already proven to be somewhat difficult, and I’m hitting some roadblocks in the early stages of my research. But I’ll overcome them, as I always do. It just might take time away from other things.

Readjustment of Priorities:

Every now and then it’s good for a guy (and girl) to reexamine his/her priorities in life. Just 8-10 years ago, I would give you a completely different set of priorities. But now, at 28 and with a family, I have to look very carefully at my priority order. So after some deep thought (and a spiritual and psychological renewal thanks to God and a very close friend of mine), I’ve reconsidered my priorities.

1. To be a better servant of God Almighty.

I have been lazy about this lately, and it’s time I get back to it. God has called me for a purpose, and He has been faithful and patient with me. Now I need to pick up the slack. My fitness had, at times, consumed me to the point of complete vanity. Now God is calling me back to what I need to get done, and that is something other than the perfect physique. There are some who are called to have 6-pack abs and chiseled bodies, and then there are some who are called for other things. I have not been called to be a model. Bummer for me, I guess. But realizing that there is so much more to life than having chiseled abs or a bulging chest has actually be exhonorating for me, and I feel much better about my life than I had. After chasing a 6-pack set of abs and an 8% bodyfat goal for years, I’m finally starting to see myself more for who I really am. And more importantly, who I’m supposed to be.

2. To be a better husband and father.

Family is everything. Without it, you have nothing. Married or not, with kids or not, everyone has a family. Unfortunately, some are disconnected from it, and that’s a shame. Family is what pulls us through. I’m beginning to feel more connected to my family (both immediate and extended), and that’s a great thing. Specifically, I’m aiming to devote more of my energies to my wife and daughter. Sure, I’ve always loved them, and I’ll continue to love them. But sometimes they’ve gotten the shaft as I have pursued other priorities. Time to put them back where they belong. Right underneath God.

3. To obtain my M.S. and then continue with my doctoral studies.

This, I believe, is my biggest calling in life. It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do, and what I would be good at. The story is actually pretty interesting how I ended up where I did and in what degree program. If you want to know, I’ll tell you. But for now, know this. I feel deeply passionate about my graduate studies, and they have already begun to make me a better person, teacher, friend, and husband/father. I know, it sounds weird maybe. How can going to graduate school help with personal issues? Well, with me, it’s because I have had to manage my time more wisely and cut out the things that aren’t that important. To me, things serve a purpose and a function. If that purpose isn’t necessary, I try to eliminate it.

4. Everything else.

Because, if I focus on the above three items, everything else will be taken care of. I’ll be a better teacher because of my professional development and relationship to friends and family. Again, it might seem weird how everything may be connected, but I’m tell you, everything is connected. If I can help myself with one thing, I will also be helping myself with other things. And then, if I can help myself, I can help others more effectively. And that’s what I live for.

NEW GOALS:

1. Renew myself spiritually every day. Learn to walk more with God, not with the world.
2. Continue to modify diet. Aiming for >3 veggies and >72 oz of water per day.
3. Aim for 12% bodyfat by December 31, 2009.

What do you do?

Yesterday is a prime example of being frustrated and stressed out. Though I look back on the day and laugh a little, it still got to me. Probably because emotions and energies are running pretty high, and of course, pursuing a research thesis isn’t exactly a stroll in the park, either!

I woke up later than I wanted to, which has been happening lately. With summertime in full swing, I don’t have the need to wake up at 5:00 AM and do a workout before heading into work. I guess it’s a nice thing about being a teacher, but let me say also that it can be a curse! Especially for someone who actually enjoys getting up early. I’m not a night owl, but that’s where I’ve been spending a lot of my time. My sleep schedule is all messed up.

I did a bit of reading for my review of literature and general knowledge (thesis work), and in the process tried to update my phone. I hadn’t synchronized my blackberry in a while, so my yahoo address book and calendar were not saying the same thing as my phone. I hate it when that happens, too. But I couldn’t get the software on my computer to work properly, so I uninstalled it (which took FOREVER), and reinstalled the newest version. About three hours later, I finally had everything done and in place to synchronize.

Well, we had a family deal last night in a far away place (about two hours away from us), and so we left around 1:00 pm, went and ate lunch, and then just left for the event. Didn’t get back home till 10:30 pm last night. So it wasn’t until then that I was actually able to connect my phone to the computer and give the new software a chance to work. I really like the new software, even though it does the same thing. It’s not like RIM (company that makes Blackberry) was extremely innovative with their newer software versions…they all do the same thing, just look differently. Anyway, I got my phone updated with my yahoo, and so I’m a bit happier.

Then I couldn’t get to sleep last night.  Maybe thesis stress, maybe work stress (even though I’m on summer break?), and who knows what else. But I kept waking up, and finally, at 3:30 am, I decided that if I’m going to have the energy to be awake, I might as well do some research. So I started reading another article, and eventually faded out. I don’t remember much after that, so I must have actually fallen asleep finally. Woke up at a little after 9:00 am this morning.

So yesterday was not a good day. Not good on my stress levels, not good on my diet, and not good for exercise (I didn’t do any). Overall, just pretty pathetic, except spending time with family was good. I guess we all have bad days every now and then, but it seems like I’m having more than I should. Or maybe I’m just thinking they’re bad days?

Hopefully I can get back on track for today (Wed, July 8, 2009). My goals are:

1. Complete 45 minutes or more of medium-high intensity exercise.
2. Drink 80 oz or more of water.
3. Consume 3 or more servings of veggies.

I also need to do a measurement update today. It’s been a month since I last measured and a LOT has happened since then. We’ll see after that if I’m on track to actually achieve my 12% bf goal by August 1. An adjustment may have to be made. I don’t like to do that, but I’ve had a pretty horrible couple of months, especially with diet, so realistically, if I can’t make the 12% goal by August 1, I would rather change it to the next month when my work schedule picks back up and I’ll have a better routine (for dieting and workout purposes). We’ll see.

I’m back on the current day! Yiiippppeeeee, I think I caught up with myself. Ok, before it turns midnight and I’m behind again, let me talk about today.

Sunburn still hurts. Stupid me for not putting on sunscreen! GGGGRRRRR. But eventually it will heal. I hope sooner rather than later. It itches like crazy, and wearing a shirt is very uncomfortable. Unfortunately for me, most places require a shirt in order to let you in (wal-mart is even becoming that way now, imagine that).

Nutrition…

I decided I would post what I actually consumed today. Overall, I think it was a great day nutritionally. A lot better than I have had in the recent past, especially this weekend. Sure, by no means do I have a perfect diet (or I wouldn’t be sitting at 16% bodyfat right now), but I think I’m getting better at it. So here it goes.

Pre-Lunch:
16 oz coffee with half/half creamer and sweetener

Lunch:
2 Bacon, lettuce, tomato, egg, and cheese sandwiches
* used whole wheat bread
* 1 egg per sandwich, fried in no calorie cooking spray. yolks included (i can’t stand eggs without yolks.)
* 1 slice swiss cheese for each sandwich
* 2 slices bacon per sandwich
8 oz coffee with half/half creamer and sweetener

Snacks:
1 serving grapes
Appr. 12 oz Orange Juice
Handful of various chocolate candies

Supper:
Large Salad (using green leaf lettuce as the base)
* 1/3 of a green pepper, cut
* 1 handful of baby carrots, cut
* 1/2 c black beans, drained and rinsed
* 1/4 c roasted peanuts
* 1 T olive oil (and sprinkled pepper to add spice)
1 piece Tilapia, fried with no calorie cooking spray
1 piece corn on the cob w/ appr 1 T butter
12 oz Diet Coke

Late Night Snacks:
6 small sugar cookies
24 oz coffee with half/half creamer and sweetener

Notes:
Can you tell I like coffee? LOL.

Activity…

25 minutes- Running/Walking with bodyweight exercises and play at a park.
25 minutes- Bodyweight/Yoga exercises at home.

Daily Rating… 10

Well, I had a very fun 4th of July weekend! Though my diet was terrible (expected during holidays), I enjoyed a lot of relaxing time with family (albeit in-laws) and got in some good activity, too. I spent a lot of time in the pool outside, which was great! I love the water, and I love swimming. I titled this blog entry "recovery" for a reason. This week, I hope to recover from the excess of the weekend, and get myself back on track to living healthier and better.

My recovery will focus on the following items.

1. Recovering from a huge sunburn. Yeah, I know, I should put sunscreen on. Didn’t think of it until after I was burned somewhat. I’ll recover, and probably even get a bit of a tan from it, but I know it’s doing a number on my skin. Though it’s frustrating, I was made with light skin for a reason (though I haven’t figured it out yet), and I probably ought to start taking care of it. So here comes the lotion!

2. Recovering from massive amounts of excess carbs and fats. You don’t want to know how many hot dogs, hamburgers (80% lean beef), and bratwursts I ate this weekend! Or the chips. Or the homemade ice cream. Oh wow, that ice cream was delicious! I hadn’t had homemade ice cream in a LONG time. Oh, and there were cookies and cakes, and even some fruit on the side. Yes, I did eat some of the fruit. Did I mention that the buns for the meat were enriched flour white buns? Or does it really matter at this point with all the other stuff I had? At least I drank diet sodas instead of regular ones (and this is after I was doing so well at trying to rid myself of all sodas from my diet!). GGGGGGRRRRRRR.

3. Recovering from laxity in workouts. Oh sure, it was just Fri, Sat, and Sun that I went without a workout. And sure, I was in the pool a lot on Sat and Sun, and sure, I got in some activity, and at times, that activity was at a fairly good intensity level. But let’s be real. There’s a big difference between activity that’s purely for fun and activity that is for blood, sweat, and tears. Water volleyball with family is good activity, but it’s not a hardcore workout. So this week I want to get back to the sweating game (or dripping if I’m in the real pool at the Y) and get back into some hardcore training.

Overall, though, my weekend was good. Entertaining, quality time with some very good people. Yes, for the public record, I love my in-laws! They’ve been very very good to me. So I enjoy taking time to be with them. And I figure I always have tomorrow to get back to work. And if tomorrow never comes (there’s a great thought to have at 11:40 pm on Sunday night), well…at least I know I had some fun before I left.

Have a great week, everyone!
Nate

Sorry….not daily blog for 7/2 and 7/3, and there probably won’t be one for 7/4 either. I might do a summary of them (briefly) on Sunday, but don’t count on it.

I’m exhausted, but not tired. Happens to me every once in a while. I’ve been staying up late working on the house and doing some preliminary research for my thesis (and taking care of some very important personal issues which I will not disclose), and so my sleep schedule has been knocked off schedule. I’ve been walking around the past couple days just kind of in a daze, but when I try and sleep, I can’t. Stress and high running emotions, I know.

So I’m hoping that tomorrow (the 4th) I can enjoy being with family and just relax. Maybe it will take some of the load off me. I’m not going through an anxiety attack or anything like that, and the stress isn’t a deadline stress. Rather, it’s an excited stress. I just started my thesis, and I think I have a really good option to pursue (and so does my adviser), and I’m going through a personal transformation (mostly spiritual, not physical). It’s taking it’s toll.

So more to come, I promise (for those who are actively or inactively following my blog). If anyone has questions about what I’ve done the past few days concerning diet or exercise, feel free to email, PM, or chat. I’m just not posting it here.

See everyone on the 5th!

There are two ways of looking at yesterday: productive, and unproductive. It will depend on your viewpoint. I was gone most of the day because I had to drive about an hour to visit with my graduate adviser concerning my thesis that I’m just starting (yeah, it’s about time, righ?). So I met with him, and had a great conversation about what I’m going to be doing for my research! I’m very excited. Then, while over in that area, my wife, daughter, and I stopped by her grandparents that live over there. So we just kind of relaxed, etc. Then after coming home, I met with a training client. So I didn’t really have time to do much of my own stuff, and I was incredibly exhausted. So, mentally, a very productive day, especially regarding my research that I’ll be starting this fall. Physically, not quite so productive.

Activity…

NONE. Woke up just in time to get ready to leave, and was busy all day.

Nutrition…

This was the good part of my day, for the most part. I met my goal of eating 3 or more servings of veggies, and was very close to the 72 oz water goal. I did drink a lot of coffee (I am an addict I think), but I don’t count that as pure water because it acts as a diuretic. I like it better than sodas, though, because it’s not carbonated and doesn’t contain the harmful acids. But sure, it’s probably not good for me in such large doses. Some of it is caffeine free. A plus? Maybe.

Anyway, I like smores. Take a big, unhealthy marshmellow, put it on a graham cracker (1/2 of one actually), put 1/2 of a chocolate bar on top, and then cover with the other 1/2 of the graham cracker. Melt in the microwave for a few seconds (roasting the marshmellows over an open flame is the best way to make them, but the city discourages us from making fires), and you have yourself the ultimate dessert. Great for when you’re camping. Or when you find these GIGANTIC marshmellows at your grocery store! I couldn’t pass them up. I guess I could have, and sure, I know they’re not healthy, but my daughter likes them (and kids can get away eating crap like that pretty easily), and I hadn’t had one in a long time. So I made myself a smore last night (I only used 1/2 of the gigantic marshmellow because it’s so big….gave the other half to my daughter and she only ate a half of that), and it tastes YUMMY!

Other than that, I ate pretty well. Good proteins, variety of veggies and fruits, some good fats with olive oil and butter on bread and salads, and even some nuts and beans. So a pretty good day nutritionally, give and take a little.

Daily Rating: 7.5

I’m going to rate this day fairly high still because of the nutritional aspect and the productivity toward my schooling. Even though I didn’t do a workout, I still feel pretty good about the day, and taking one day off for other plans, such as school or family, isn’t going to hurt me in the long run. I’m going to try to make up the 45 minutes I set as my goal for each day on Thur and Fri, but if I don’t get to it, I don’t. We’ll see what happens.