tewie-building

so i have just gotten fatter and fatter and fatter since the wedding… and i have been toying with my workout, my meal plan, blah blah blah blah blah since it ended… so now i’m a big butterball (okay i’m skinny fat again basically) and i feel so soft it’s disgusting… so i am just giong back to waht i did for the wedding because it was working.  i went back to that workout split this week and definately like it better.  i only made one tweak to what i was eating then and i’m getting back on that NOW TODAY IMMEDIATELY… no waiting till sunday or any of that bs… i’m just doing it.  i’m done feeling like this.  i am also going back ot my daily pictures.  i know it’s silly but it really worked.  if i could figure out how to post it on here as the flip book it was designed to be i would… but all i can say is that it seriously worked… i don’t overeat becuase i don’t want to be bloated for my morning pics!  my birthday is next week and i’m not even ganna have an all out day for that.  (i may have a meal that is not perfect but not having a whole day)  then the week after that i’m going to a bodybuilding competition (as a spectator) so that should be my two week motivation.  in four weeks i’ll chop my hair as a reward (haha) and then six weeks will be the beach.  i can def be in good shape for that, but i am not putting it off and "starting tomorrow" or any of that crap.  pictures started today.

basic meal plan:

mon and wed
4am-oatmeal egg whites ff cottage cheese, sf jelly and syrup, flax seeds, blueberries (300)  ("pancakes")
workout (40 m steady state moderate cardio, 20 m hit) mon chest tris wed shoulders abs
7:30- whey almond milk glutamine shake and banana (250)
9:00- egg whites, apple, flax (250)
12:00- chicken, rice, veggies, olive oil, ff cheese (300)
3:00- ff greek yogurt, strawberries, almonds (250)
6:00- chicken, salad, ff cheese, guacamole, grapes (400)
9:00- egg flax veggies omelet (200)
1950 calories

tuesday and thursday
4:00 am- oatmeal, egg whites, sf jelly, flax, peach (300) "muffins"
workout (60 min steady state mod cardio)  tues lower body; thurs back bis and yoga
7:30- shake, banana (250)
9:00- egg, apple, walnuts (300)
12:00- fish, rice, veggies, ff cheese, olive oil (300)
3:00- ff yogurt, strawberries, almonds (250)
6:00- chicken salad, popcorn or fruit (300)
9:00- egg, fruit, almonds (300)
11:00- egg whites, whey, flax "brownie" (150)
total 2150

friday and sunday
7:30am- potatos, egg whites, pepeprs, catsup, grapes (300)
cardio only days (60 mins cardio… 20 of it hit?)
10:00- shake, banana (250)
12:30- chicken, pasta, sauce, ff cheese (300)
3:00- ff yogurt, strawberries, almonds (250)
6:00- chicken, salad, guacamole, ff cheese, apple, flax (450)
9:00- egg flax veggie omelet (200)
total 1750

saturday i want a little more freedom without going crazy so i’ll probably try to follow some mixture of all those days for the mroning and then have a shrimp dinner and maybe a couple drinks in the evening (MAYBE… probably not for a few weeks though)
my workout saturday is 60 mins cardio mild intensity and bodypump. (full body weight circuit… totally hard as hell but super fun)
DEEP BREATH… here i go again.

today was a good one.  pretty much the same as monday (i have monday and wednesday defaulted to the same plan; tuesday and thursday defaulted the same and a little more variety for flexibilty in the schedule on the weekends but a default meal plan for fri sat and sun too…. i won’t force myself to follow it exactly all the time, but it’s good when i don’t want to think about what i need to eat and so i have stuff cooked and ready to go)  anyway…

4am-preworkout- "pancakes" oatmeal, ff cottage cheese, sf jelly, sf syrup, blueberries, egg whites (350)
5-7: 60 mins cardio (40 mod steady state eliptical; 20 speed intervals on stepper) lifted shoulders and some intense abs (best i could… they were still sore from the roller on monday night!!)
7:3am-postworkout- almond milk, whey, glutamine, cocoa, coffee, banana (250) tea
9am-protien kick- egg whites (100)
10:30-snack- apple, flax (150) coffee
12:30-lunch- chicken, rice, veggies, oil, ff cheese (300)
3:30-snack- almonds, yogurt, strawberries, sf jello (250) diet rootbeer
6:00-dinner- chicken, salad, guacamole, salsa, ff cheese, grapes (350)
9:00pm-bedtime snack-  egg whites, mushrooms, spinach, flax (200) tea
about 1950 calories (+gum and 2 sf candies)=2000 cals

whew now bed before i get weak!

what i said yesterday… scratch that.  ganna go with none till i can get a grip.  thanks amysuds for advice!!!

beach has been scheduled!!! SIX AND A HALF WEEKS TO GET READY!! i can certainly do it too… i have WAY more muscle now as a result of my last four weeks of struggling (the bright side of the rainbow) and after seeing what i did in four weeks for the wedding, i can do more in six and be better off because of a better muscle base!  i am feeling pretty positve… but i’ll need help when i get back to stay on track.  (i guess remind me to not eat ANY sweets again till i can handle it then!!!)  but then i’ll be planning my trip back home for the first week of october, so really i doubt i’ll struggle to badly again till then.  (oh let my mother listen to me to NOT bring chocs i can have!!!)  if she sticks to stuff that have things i’m allergic to in them, i’ll be fine haha… too bad she likes snickers and i can have them!!!  that’s what i ate everyday last year but i was preggers so i didn’t care then!!!

today is going well though.  great shoulder and ab workout this morning. an hour on the eliptical/hit on the stepper. two hour nap with brady.  walking again tonight! (that’s three times this week!!! i LOVE going for walks!! i don’t count it towards a workout ever… it’s good quality time with my boys!!) 

what i said yesterday… scratch that.  ganna go with none till i can get a grip.  thanks amysuds for advice!!!

beach has been scheduled!!! SIX AND A HALF WEEKS TO GET READY!! i can certainly do it too… i have WAY more muscle now as a result of my last four weeks of struggling (the bright side of the rainbow) and after seeing what i did in four weeks for the wedding, i can do more in six and be better off because of a better muscle base!  i am feeling pretty positve… but i’ll need help when i get back to stay on track.  (i guess remind me to not eat ANY sweets again till i can handle it then!!!)  but then i’ll be planning my trip back home for the first week of october, so really i doubt i’ll struggle to badly again till then.  (oh let my mother listen to me to NOT bring chocs i can have!!!)  if she sticks to stuff that have things i’m allergic to in them, i’ll be fine haha… too bad she likes snickers and i can have them!!!  that’s what i ate everyday last year but i was preggers so i didn’t care then!!!

today is going well though.  great shoulder and ab workout this morning. an hour on the eliptical/hit on the stepper. two hour nap with brady.  walking again tonight! (that’s three times this week!!! i LOVE going for walks!! i don’t count it towards a workout ever… it’s good quality time with my boys!!) 

i have found that there are two ways to handle a sweet tooth.  1.  plan to never eat it.  personally this ends in caving (EVENTUALLY) and going NUTS overeating it like crazy and feeling awful for a few days, but since it’s not enough to ruin me in one day, IF i can recover and get back on track the next day, it does not hurt me.  the problem comes when i lose focus and can not get back on track the next day.  (usually facilitated by my mother!!!)  option number 2.  include a small amount of something that is not exaclty great (i’m talking chocolate here people)  and get used to being able to handle it so that you do not go crazy and learn to eat it in moderation.  for me this will EVENTUALLY lead to me using some of my healthy calories on junk that i should not, but is usually not as bad a binge as the other way… however more often slips.  which is better????

one thing i learned today when i attempted to eat a chocolate bar (of corse at mom’s house) was this:  if i want to crunch then i should NOT eat chocolate because i will chew it up and swallow it without getting any satisfaction at all and it’s gone.  if i want to crunch i need to go with popcorn or something like that that i can eat a decent amount of for 100 cals. (i do love the kettle corn 100 cal bags when i’m needing crunch and they are sweet without the sugar and **** i don’t need… plus being gluten free i don’t get many grain choices so it’s probably really actually kind of good for me to have another grain once in a while.)  if i’m going to eat chocolate i need to stick to something that has no added crap.  i need to eat dark chocolate (maybe it can have peanut butter or mint flavor to it sometimes but no crunch)  because i will suck on it and enjoy it and get more out of it and then when it’s done i’m left satisfied.  this i learned today when i ate a half of a chocolate bar at my mothers house… and left satisfied.  but the key is that i MUST stop and enjoy it and not rush through it and be doing other things while i eat it or i completely miss the whole experience!

i have chosen to include a little chocolate in my day (at least most days) for now.  (option 2)  my reasons are that lately i have not been able to "get back on track" right away the way i used to be able to.  when i am back to being as strong as i was with that before perhaps i will start to cut it back out, but for now i want to learn to be able to tolerate a little bit, and learn moderation.  i also am a HUGE believer in a-b-c. not a-z.  if you try to make big changes too fast you won’t stick to it.  i have made a huge step back since the wedding so i need to take it easy like i did to lead up to the wedding.  at first i had a little dark chocolate everyday.  i foudn that when i was out and about one day with nothing to eat and i was starving i was able to have as mall packet of peanut m&ms and was good and just replaced my meal with that since it was the only choice.  not soemthing normally good but at least it didn’t lead up to an all out binge like it would have normally in the past.  i walked away proud of myself instead of feeling crappy!!!  so i know it’s a waste of 200 calories, but for now if it helps me keep from binging, i’m going to allow up to that much in chocolate a day.  plus if i am on a 200 cal plan, that is only 10 percnet and isn’t the old recommendating 90 percnet good 90 percent of the time!!  plus i can cut it back as i get better at this.  i have seven weeks till the beach.  (well six and a half) and i know i can be back on track by doing this for two weeks and then still have four weeks cutting the chocolate back.  plus i’l be in better shape to be moderating better for my vacation instead of treating it like oh okay i reached my goal so nwo i can eat crazy. i think this is the best plan of attack, but i’m open to anyone else who may think it’s better to just get used to cutting it totally and your expereinces… let me know if you have an oppinion. that’s what this is for right!!?!!

i had changed the workout game plan last week because the class i like to take on saturday with my sister was cancelled.  we did legs instead and tried the squat routine from this month’s oxygen.  my sister is trying to lose weight to get preggers, and i am trying to recover since my month of lost focus (well with my diet anyway.) since the wedding… so i have been working out and training her for the last few weeks.  she was never a consistent lifter before the last month and i have to say i’m so proud of her… she’s really doing well and not whinning at all.  i can handle bitching, but whinning… not so much. i’m really proud of her.  anyway… moving on with my story… we were BOTH VERY SORE  ALL WEEKEND (uh i did over 120 squats, plus four sets of extensions, curls and side lunges!!!) and into this morning when we met for chest.  we were doing a hammer decline press - superset with airplane pushups.  obbie can’t quiet do the airplane pushups since she isn’t at a full pushup yet.  i can do pushups all day so i like to vary them a little, and told her she could drop to her knees but had to give me AT LEAST ONE good real pushup (anyone can do one right!!)  she got into position and went to lower and fell to the ground laughing and said, "my butt is too sore to do pushups"  hahahaha… initially i thought she was just bitching and said shut up and do one, my jaw hurts too bad to pushup but i’m doing them!!  then i realized she was being totally completely honest… she couldn’t keep her body straight for good form on pushups because of her leg workout hahahahaha… casually it didn’t make sence but once i realized the truth of it, i was laughing my butt off… i said, "i’m so blogging about you today." haha ten minutes later she got it and said, "… and don’t make fun of me on the internet!"(really la t da like… haha)   but what kind of bodyspacer would i be if i deprived you all of this cute lil experience this morning haha… oh the joys of the gym. (although nothing out does the time when i got tangled in the dual cables with my feet in the air hanging by my ankles haha)
a bright note:  i’m SO back.  jeremy is booking us a trip for the beach in seven weeks.  i’m super glad for the temporary motivation to get back to eating right.  (and can already feel that i’m back on it…)  i do so well when i have a reason like that…. so i’m glad, but after i get back from the beach i’m ganna take pictures more regularly so that i will not allow myself to slip for a whole month as i have these last four weeks.  (and of corse journal my eating) one cool thing is that i was lifting super heavy through this time of overeating…. maybe i’ll have a little more muscle in seven weeks than i would have had if i hadn’t had that slip up!?!

… if only our bodies followed as quickly as our mindsets… i am so back but it’ll be a week or two till my clothes show the difference!!!  it just feels good to have my head on straight again.

todays eating:
4am.breakfast/preworkout:  "pancakes" oatmeal, egg whites, ff cottage cheese, blueberries, sf syrup, flax seeds (350 cals)
….5-7am. hour of cardio (20 mins hit;40 steady hard eliptical); chest/triceps
7:3am.postworkout:  whey, almond milk, glutamine, banana, coffee (250)
9:3am.snack: egg whites, apple, flax (250)
12:3pm.lunch: rice, mushrooms, spinache, ff mozzerella cheese, chicken, olive oil (300)
3:3pm.snack:  ff greek yogurt, strawberries, sf jello, almonds (250)
—
6pm.dinner will be:  chicken, salad, guacamole, salsa, ff cheese, grapes (350)
(jeremy and i are planning on walking an hour as long as it cools down a little for brady)
9pm.beddtime snack: egg whites, flax, broccoli, onion, tomato (200)
…crunches before bed 10 mins
total cals 1950 (+gum and two sf lifesavers) = 2000 cals

….i am thinking that 2000 will be good till i am where i am back to where i wanna be again, but i may need to take my cals up when i get there so that i still make milk. (i’m nursing brayden for another six months if i can)  then i will probably have to drop back some when he’s no longer nursing? (if anyone knows that i will or will not have to cut cals when i quit nursing, i’d love to hear your experiences)  i started at 1900-2200 getting ready for the wedding and was dropping them to 1800 one or two days a week towards the end but i was also going up to 2500 or more even on a couple days.  i like to stagger calories (i think it’s most effective if/when ya can.)

does anyone know if it counts as eight hours of sleep if you get four at night and two two hour naps?? i read how bad it is to get less than seven hours and i only get four to five hours on any given night.  i really wanna get the seven, but i can’t do it all in one shot and still see my husband and brady get to see him to at this point of our lives.  either i see him or our son does.  if i put him to bed earlier, he doesn’t get to see him but i do.  by letting him stay up later he gets some time with him, but then the hour of me giving him a bath, reading to him, then nursing him to sleep… then it’s time for me to go to bed! ugh!

i had changed the workout game plan last week because the class i like to take on saturday with my sister was cancelled.  we did legs instead and tried the squat routine from this month’s oxygen.  my sister is trying to lose weight to get preggers, and i am trying to recover since my month of lost focus since the wedding… so i have been working out and training her for the last few weeks.  she was never a consistent lifter before the last month and i have to say i’m so proud of her… she’s really doing well and not whinning at all.  i can handle bitching, but whinning… not so much. i’m really proud of her.  anyway… moving on with my story… we were BOTH VERY SORE  ALL WEEKEND  and into this morning  (uh i did over 120 squats…) when we met for chest.  we were doing a hammer decline press - superset with airplane pushups.  obbie can’t quiet do the airplane pushups since she isn’t at a full pushup yet.  i can do pushups all day so i like to vary them a little, and told her she could drop to her knees but had to give me AT LEAST ONE good real pushup (anyone can do one right!!)  she got into position and went to lower and fell to the ground laughing and said, "my butt is too sore to do pushups"  hahahaha… initially i thought she was just bitching and said shut up and do one, my jaw hurts too bad to pushup but i’m doing them!!  then i realized she was being totally completely honest… she couldn’t keep her body straight for good form on pushups because of her leg workout hahahahaha… casually it didn’t make sence but once i realized the truth of it, i was laughing my butt off… i said, "i’m so blogging about you today." haha ten minutes later she got it and said, "… and don’t make fun of me on the internet!"  but what kind of bodyspacer would i be if i deprived you all of this cute lil experience this morning haha… oh the joys of the gym.

a bright note:  i’m SO back.  jeremy is booking us a trip for the beach in seven weeks.  i’m super glad for the temporary motivation to get back to my eating right.  (and can already feel that i’m back on it…)  i do so well when i have a reason like that…. so i’m glad, but after i get back from the beach i’m ganna take pictures more regularly so that i will not allow myself to slip for a whole month as i have these last four weeks.   one cool thing is that i was lifting super heavy through this time of overeating…. maybe i’ll have a little more muscle in seven weeks than i would have had if i hadn’t had that slip up!?!

… if only our bodies followed as quickly as our mindsets… i am so back but it’ll be a week or two till my clothes show the difference!!!  it just feels good to have my head on straight again.

todays eating:
4am.breakfast/preworkout:  "pancakes" oatmeal, egg whites, ff cottage cheese, blueberries, sf syrup, flax seeds (350 cals)
….5-7 hour of cardio (20 mins hit;40 steady hard eliptical); chest/triceps
postworkout:  whey, almond milk, glutamine, banana, coffee (250)
snack: egg whites, apple, flax (250)
lunch: rice, mushrooms, spinache, ff mozzerella cheese, chicken, olive oil (300)
snack:  ff greek yogurt, strawberries, sf jello, almonds (250)
…
dinner will be:  chicken, salad, guacamole, salsa, ff cheese, grapes (350)
(jeremy and i are planning on walking an hour as long as it cools down a little for brady)
and bedtime snack: egg whites, flax, broccoli, onion, tomato (200)
…crunches before bed 10 mins
total cals 1950 (+gum and two sf lifesavers) = 2000 cals

i am thinking that 2000 will be good till i am where i wanna be again, but i may need to take my cals up when i get there so that i still make milk. (i’m nursing brayden for another six months if i can)  then i will probably have to drop back some when he’s no longer nursing? (if anyone knows that i will or will not have to cut cals when i quit nursing, i’d love to hear your experiences)  i started at 1900-2200 getting ready for the wedding and was dropping them to 1800 one or two days a week towards the end but i was also going up to 2500 or more even on a couple days.  i like to stagger calories (i think it’s most effective if/when ya can.)

does anyone know if it counts as eight hours of sleep if you get four at night and two two hour naps?? i read how bad it is to get less than seven hours and i only get four to five hours on any given night.  i really wanna get the seven, but i can’t do it all in one shot and still see my husband and brady get to see him to at this point of our lives.  either i see him or our son does.  if i put him to bed earlier, he doesn’t get to see him but i do.  by letting him stay up later he gets some time with him, but then the hour of me giving him a bath, reading to him, then nursing him to sleep… then it’s time for me to go to bed! ugh!

I’M BACK!! my buddy/neighbor got wireless this week and is absolutely the nicest person i’ve ever met (if you ever read my blog around christmas time about the stranger who left the babiesrus gift card on my door… that’s her… that’s how sweet she is!!) anyway she’s letting me share her connection and it’s super fast and super reliable and WAY better than the one i was rigging up before!  SO I’M BACK!  i’ll log my workouts, and moreso diet daily… but still keep it written cause i work well with that, and so if i miss the net for any reason for a day or so i can catch it up.  so excited to be back!  plus i can post progress pics more then too! it was such a pain to load them onthe card to take to my parentals.

i’m starting a "home group" on monday that will be like a bible study and weight watchers in one group.  i feel like i have a lot of knowledge to offer and i want to help people… and i want to set a good example too. (hence i need to blog my diet… whatever it takes to keep me on track… whatever it takes)  i also feel really strongly that anything you do in the Lord is going to go much better, and let’s be honest… if you are trying to make changes… who better to back you than the Big Guy Upstairs!!!  i’m really excited about this and i think it could be cool if i can just find enough people to attend regularly.  so far i have four but i think when you are just starting something, your numbers are still wishy washy till you see who’s serious.  i’ll let Him handle that part too.

i’ve got about six months left of breast feeding… i am so hormonally all over the place the last few weeks since i cut back how much i have to feed him so extremely (adding cereal and veggies really has helped) i think it’ll be really nice to reclaim my body totally… but it is nice that at this point i am forced to do things naturally too.  i’d love a week or two of hydroxycut to get on track, but it’ll have to wait.  all on discipline myself till then!!!

tomorrow’s my hubby’s birthday!!!  will make for a nice weekend.  grocery shopping up next!!!

everytime i lay brayden down to change his pants, i sit on the foot stool of my rocking chair and my pant legs fall on either side of him… he reaches each hand out to his side to balance his body (like he thinks he’s falling… it’s adorable)  but now that he’s getting more aware of his surroundings he’s starting to notice my pants on the right side of his head.. he reaches out and grabs hold of my pants and holds on while i change his diaper.  brayden is an oral kid… everything he can get his hands on goes in his mouth (i’m guessing a typical baby behavior… i’ve never been around kids or babies before having my own though so it’s all new to me)  so now his new thing is that he grabs hold, turns his head real slowly and watches me out the corner of his eye while he tries to stuff the pants into his mouth! haha it’s positively disgusting to think what could be ont he bottom of those pants, but so adorable to see him trying. 

i gotta post a picture of him eating his cereal… he looks four years not four months old in the picture (it was taken something like three weeks ago)… he’s holding the spoon and playing in his mouth with it… feeding time runs second only to bathtime and bedtime on the fun factor that is braydens day for me.  everytime i feed him, i can’t help but remember "this is what it should be like… fun and happy time."  and i am renewed in my desire to set a helathy example for my little piggy boy.

just wanted to share a bright moment of my little sweetie.   what a cool thing this mom stuff. 

… UH OH SOMEONE’S TEETHING… TIME TO GO PUT SOME ORAJEL ON THAT MOUTH!!!

sokay i’m ganna start my official diet posting tomorrow.  today was a plan and clean up day.  i ate clean but did not do portion checks and finished cooking and wrote out my plan (which is really part of what i want to do with my journalling anyway… plan the next day after i jot down the current day.) but because i like to spend my evenings with the hubby and son and don’t want to get into a rut of being on line when i could be with him, i’m going to post my diet log the day after instead of the day of.  i’ll jot it down on paper because i’m a visual/kinetic person at night real quick and plan the next day, and then get on here when jerem goes to work to post what i did the day before.

i’m really excited to feel like i’ve got hope back… i get so discouraged when i can’t figure out what my issue is with getting back on track.  i know my hormones have been a little whacky lately (changeerratic in breast feeding with adding food to brayden’s diet i’m guessing) because i can tell from other things too (i’m moody lately and headaches… etc etc)  but i think that my erractic eating habits aren’t helping balance out those hormones, and vise versa so eventually i’ve reached the place where i am responsible to grab the reins and make the right choices regardless of how i am feeling.  … but it’s nice to get a boost of "i can do this" in the midst of my "i suck i fell off the boat again" attitude.  some day i’m going to be able to look back and say, "i used to be a yoyo dieter, but i found the balance i was looking for, and no longer struggle with that black and white attitude… i’ve found health and balance."  till then… please don’t give up hope on me, friends.  if the people on this site can’t keep faith in me… who would?  i know i need to harness a lot of that myself, and it will come, but this site is for us to support each other… and i need a little to get  my ball rolling again.  i still care.  i’m not throwing in the towel.  ever.