tewie-building

i’m afraid today is the goodbye to my fellow skippy natural.  as you see it’s like the love that you know you must end but just can’t get enough of how good it feels to be with! i know it’s not bad for you… but believe me… it’s better this way.

 i took my 12 wk. starting pics this morning.  unfortunately i’m at work at the moment so i won’t get anything posted before tomorrow and, AINT NOBODY LOOKING AT THIS SAGGY ASSET OF MINE! (not just yet) but my abs weren’t as bad as i thought they might be.  i did get a few comments at the gym this morning so my arms must look a hair better than they do i the pics… or else when they were pumped a lil.

three day weekend me! tonight group bible study; tomorrow, bodyworks museum; saturday wedding site visits; sunday jeremy’s grad ceremony from masters!  busy busy!

i’m completely in that "oh gosh in three days i can’t have crap anymore!" mode!  i’m so glad i didn’t decide to compete again sooner!  i’m starting to worry how much damage i can do in two more days!!! 

but i have been doing pretty well with eating mostly clean.. just more than i should and a few little things here and there that i normally would be a little bit better at avoiding.  on the other hand i tend to go way overboard when i do eat things that i normally wouldn’t so i guess i’m doing a better job of stopping before i "blow all four tires" than in the past.  that’s one of my BIGGEST goals ever, so i’m proud of that… but still this is not where i want to be starting.  i’m giong to get one more jar of peanut butter tonight and then NO MORE.  if i can’t eat a tablespoon a day and stop then i don’t need to have it for the next twelve weeks.  it’s like i’m so excited to start prepping for the show, but at the same time, can’t seem to focus until i know i have to.  it’s good it’s only two more days.  

 usually when i eat a little off i will get a huge energy burst in responce, but for some reason i’m super tired lately.  probably a combination of tummy troubles (did jeremy really clean the toaster tray after he toasted poptarts before i cooked my fish this week!!?!!) or it could be utter boredom at work putting me to sleep.  when my boss isn’t there, it’s SO lame!  i love her to peices. 

speaking of tummy troubles… does anyone have advice on the whole MEGA BLOAT i’m having!!?!!  tums are a no go for me.  glutamine has been a huge help to me and i’m still taking that… so… why am i SO uncomfortable!  it’s not gluten (unless i got it and didnt’ know) because id on’t eat that.  i don’t do oatmeal… and the only questionable thing i eat is salsa.  but even that, i’ve eaten that almost everyday for a while so…???  i’ve felt so miserable this week when i get home from work that i could just lay on the couch and cry!  the only thing i can think is that it’s from veggies, but what the hell do you do about that???  i mean i’m in pain!

two more days till the brain!!!!!!! three more till 12 weeks out officially kicks off!  i’m so excited to see what my body does this year.

yes, today i have fully recovered from my long walk with jeremys yesterday!  ankles weren’t as sore as i expected.  maybe the walk wasn’t really that bad, and i was really just that hungover still!  we were going to go for another long one tonight.  we had an appointment to look at a reception site that is about a five-ten minute walk down the road for wedding plans.  we walked down but my stomach cramped up so INSAINLY badly that we had to shuffle home.  he damn near had to carry a fiance! haha… so instead we sat on the porch for a little and enjoyed that the cold rainy weather has finally lifted… TILL IT STARTED RAINING! ha!!  i had a pretty good workout this morning though.  my little lady friend lindsey was late for cardio (she doesn’t lift with me but i LOVE when she’s there for cardio) so i did about 12 minutes on the stepper and then jumped on my edger.  (edgar is my favorite eliptical in the gym… second in from the left. haha)  we had a good hour and then i tore up my chest/tris. i was a little wussy with my shoulders today, but i did work ‘em. 

now if this belly aching would go away that’d be fabulous!!!! 

i guess i’ve been putting off dishes/laundry/packing up for tomorrow long enough now it’s time to face the housework/day prep!

TWO DAYS TILL WE SEE THE HUMAN CADAVERS AND…. THE BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE DAYS TILL WE GO SEE OUR LAST TWO PICKS ON WEDDING SITES…… AND THREE DAYS TILL MY OFFICIAL CUT STARTS!!!!!!!!  so much to think about these days! 

played around a bit on fitday and here’s what i came up with for my first four weeks of cutting for jr. nationals… TOTALLY OPEN TO ADVICE….

5am- egg whites, potato, hot peppers (omelette style)  sf katcup
…i can’t workout on an empty stomach
        6-7:30 hour of cardio and half hour weights
7:30- face fat free plain yogurt, strawberries, glutamine, flax seed (1/2 scoop whey on lifting days)
10am- gf hot cereal (similar to oatmeal… for celiac diet) egg whites, flax seed, sf jelly
12:30- brown rice, salmon (or another fish) broccoli 
3pm- apple (or whatever fruit) almonds
5:30ish- grilled chicken breast on large salad (salsa for dressing)
8ish- egg beaters, spinach, onion, broccoli, sf katcup       
+ supplements (viactin calcium chew, multi, cla, b) total calories is 1600 about 40%carb, 40%pro, and 20% fat.

open to thoughts (i’m super torn on fruit and milk so i figured i’d cut that and the yogurt closer to time and replace my post workout with a soyshake or something?? i always hear no fruit/milk products for comp diet, but i see an awful lot of fabulous bodies eating both on here…. ) as for the carb percentage, i don’t know what to do about that.. my energy totally DIES if i go lower than fourty five, and that’s fine four weeks out from a show, but not 12 weeks out… phase it down?  or is that low enough carbs… i really hate to lose a good workout so far out on account of how tired that makes me… i’m stretching to be starting at 40 i think… but……

we FINALLY had some nice weather here in pa… it felt like… what do ya know spring/summer!!!  so jeremy and i went out last night and, i confess i caved and got plastered…. i figured i have this weekend and next weekend and then i can no longer talk to captian for three whole months! when i woke up, there was a distinct feeling of, "oh yes, that’s why i don’t like to drink anymore!!"  long story short there was no gym in sight for me.  my body’s still aching!  in order to keep me from going, jerems agreed to go for a long walk at MY PACE instead of his.  i was so proud!  he walked for a full hour and ten minutes at my pace and never once complained!  i think he’s making it up when he tells me his legs are tired when we are shopping now haha… who knew?

we went to my parents for their little cookout… and my family is super supportive of letting me bring my food.  my mother is usually afraid she’ll accidently gluten me anyway, so to her it’s easier to let me bring it.  (there’s some seriously bad physical reactions if i accidenlty ingest any of that shit)  so i took my lil chicken salad and admit i did get a little carried away on the watermelon, but hey… c’mon it’s watermelon!  what’s funny is that by the time we left the cookout i was ready to die!  my legs hurt so bad!  FROM A WALK???? WTF!!!! i do an hour of cardio everyday and lift for a half hour five days, and do yoga at least once a week… and when i say hurt, i mean these suckers are throbbing!  i’m half embarrassed making my little i’m so proud of jerems comments!!! he’s totally warrented to tell me to suck balls now! haha

 i’m trying my diet plan out for the next four days and on friday we are going to baltimore to see THE BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  BODYWORKS MUSEUM!!! oh to me there could be nothing cooler than seeing a few cadavers and thier muscles and bones and… through the month of may… the BRAIN TOO!!! whooo!!!! (i admit to a sick sence of interest/humor… but this rocks!!!!)  so i agreed not to pack a bunch of food other than snacks and i will eat at one restaurant if he can find one with a gluten free menu.  we aren’t staying overnight now because it’s just a rediculous amount of money… so i guess now i won’t be dirnking.  good… saturday should be a super long busy day.  we have three apointments to go see reception wedding sites.  i’m so proud of him for comming along….

the way i’ve eaten this weekend… i’m lucky he loves me! haha….  i’m so ready to focus on the competition, i feel like starting to cut now is a bad idea for me… going into it at 124 last friday would have given me very little to cut… i’m better off with muscle than i have been in the past, but i’m still not where you really ideally want to be to start…

 keep tweakin gthat damn diet plan… 

and by the way… any man who ever tells me it’s hard to diet ever again in my whole life will be punched in the eye.  just once, inject your sorry, wimpy, winey, lazy asses with a good dose of female hormones and lets see how you weather it!!!  not to mention how depressed you get when you see your bloated gut and water holding thunder thighs in the mirror…. a few days of that shit, and you’d probably give up on your diet once in a while too…

(kay so maybe now i’m feeling the guilt with the peanut butter…)

UGHHHHHHHH

lets go back to the garden.  i swear i wouldn’t have eaten the ****ing apple!!!!  (hmm how many people will get that joke??)

so this morning, i get up and go to the gym.  i’m on the eliptical thinking how i’d like to die more than i’d like to be on that effing thing.  (this is rare… i am one of those weirdos that LIKES to workout!) but i was.. well… i was hungry!  so i decided to tan for fifteen minutes and try to get myself in the mood.  i ran into my mom on the way in and she mentioned that she could see my shoulders looking a little bonier.  NOOOOOOOOOO… granted this is the first place that will show my weight changes before anything else has even thought of tightening up, so i was glad to hear that my small (prep for contest diet… easing in) changes were showing even if only just a LITTLE BIT… i laughed and said, "i can fix that… got any peanut butter?"  needless to say after a long friday at work followed by grocery shopping, i ate me some peanut butter.  i now feel like absolute CRAP.  (oh no it was natural peanut butter but i just think it’s not normal to be able to eat the way i do sometimes haha)  anyway… so now i’m definately not going to be enjoying festivities sunday night.  probably best because i agreed to train a friend at seven in the morning!!!  (YES… A REASON!!!!!)  anyway for now i feel like i’ve got a brick in my stomach and i’m going to bed.  thirteen weeks.  i’m anxious for 12 weeks… something about that really helps me focus.  i guess it’s knowing that there’s no omre time to dick around.  just wish i could desipher all the ****ing diet controversy out there.  frankly, i can’t seem to kick with those low carbs.  i’m ganna try going 1600ish calories and keep my carbs high (like 45 percent maybe) and SLOWLY (every two weeks or so) decrease the carbs, up the protein untill closer to time… then i’ll cut the cals a little and then continue to phase out some carbs untill the show.  that’s my theory.  open to advice.  i just can’t get good workouts if i don’t have the energy.  it’s like not eating any carbs before bed has me so depleated just waking up that i can’t get through my cardio!  i also read that you need carbs before bed since sleep is when your muscles really heal (makes sence) but is opposite of what i seem to read most of the competitors i like are doing… i don’t know how my body reacts to anything these days, so for now i feel like it’s guess and check.  next week i’ll start cut and try and get photos rolling.  i’m going to baltimore to see the bodyworks museum and i’m JACKED about it.  jeremy and i are going to celebrate the engagement there, so i’ll definately have a few drinks and enjoy my last day before competition diet.  when we get back there are a lot of wedding reception sites we are trying to get in with, so it’ll be a busy day.  i’ll be okay on diet, but probably won’t get to work out, but i’ll live.  it’s VERY rare that i actually miss a day without squeesing SOMETHING in….

up for diet advice!!!

ohhhhh….. my body is saying, "hey sleepy head!!!!" this week.  i’m wondering how the heck people live on low carb.  i’m so NOT low carb, but i don’t have them in my last two meals (other than veggies… but no rice or potato, or yam or anything like that)  i just can’t imagine how some of these ladies are doing only oatmeal at breakfast and nothing more… i’m tired just from cutting it out of my last two meals!!!!  wtf!!!!

 my ring went in for sizing on monday and i had planned on going back to the gym after work today because i shortened my cardio to 30 minutes today.  i very RARELY do that, but i had planned to go back and wanted to save 30 minutes to do to kill time untill a tanning bed would be open.  when they called for the ring and jeremy called and said he wasn’t going to the gym, that flew out the window.  i stayed late at work to color my boss’s hair and then ran to pick up my bling!  jeremy and i did go for about a half hour walk, but that’s small beans to the way i do cardio. (no sweat involved in jeremy’s workouts. hahahahaha… poor guy can’t get a break from me!) at this point i’m good on calories and my diet was good today so i just gotta say oh well.  if i try to do it at this point, i’ll never get up in the morning for my workout and i REALLY just want to come home and clean after work tomorrow.  we have company comming….

this weekend will be 13 weeks from the competition.  i’m not in a bad place, but i saw a few girls i’ll probably end up competing against and realize i do have some serious work to do.  my legs aren’t BAD, but they are my weak spot (in my mind at the VERY least) at the moment and i swear i can feel those things flapping sometimes.  i never had a butt untill i started doing yoga and i hardly know how to handle that thing!  so i’m totally fighting in my head back and forth now about this weekend.  our friends are staying from out of town and we are supposed to go out for some drinks.  part of me says no way hose, i’ve seen my thighs and i am NOT drinking!!! but the other part of me says… thirteen friggin weeks!!! lighten up one day on the weekend and enjoy your time out so that you don’t feel sorry you didn’t when you start really cutting next week… ughhh…  we don’t go out as much anymore and i don’t see these friends often… but at the same time eff that!! i got some skimpy summer clothes to get into! ha!!!  which way will she go?  … the answer on bodybuilding.com to be continued….

 time for a veggie omelette… g’night.

ugh WILL IT EVER STOP EFFING RAINING IN YORK PENNSYLVANIA1!!?!!?!!!  TELL ME… WHERE IS THIS EFFING GLOBAL WARMING I HEAR OF… AND WHY ISN’T IT HAPPENING HERE!!!!!!  ISN’T IT NEAR THE END OF MAY!!!! WHY DOES IT STILL FEEL LIKE LATE OCTOBER!!!

 i swear we are in the middle of el-effing-nino!  incase you haven’t noticed, extended periods of DRAGGING ON RAIN and darkness can induce a condition referred to as sad… seasonal affective disorder.  i swear i’ve got that!  i’m keeping my head up at this point, and thank God i do my workouts in the mornings… by the time i get off work i just want to cuddle up on the couch and watch movies all night!  it’s seriously depressing.  my job involves looking out a window all day… anyone in good with motha nature!!?!! 

tonight: supressing the inner bitch!!!

given the weeks EXCITING news (yes i’m still BEAMING with excitement over the engagement!… but who can blame me, right!!!)  however i admit to complete distraction.  not a common thing for me, but (at least in my case) a girl only gets married once! 

weeks regrets: didn’t stay in my calorie guide most days; workouts were pretty pathetic; unfocused! 
weeks success:  stayed over 90% clean with food choices; no chocolate/processed foods; did workout daily; refiguring on meal plan…

being 14 weeks out now, i have two weeks to totally get my butt together, but i really just want to be in a place that i can take a pic for twelve week out without wanting to crawl under a rock and die!  jeremy and i are taking a trip to baltimore to celebrate the engagement that weekend.  i’m ganna take that one day off of hardcore dieting and have  a few drinks with him, and then BALLS TO THE WALLS for 12 HARDCORE WEEKS! 

so as usual… if ANYONE OUT THERE reads these things and has any suggestions… I’M OPEN!