tewie-building

so i definately measured myself for the first time since i found out i was pregnant… and it looks as though i’m pregnant alright… but why does my body think i’m carrying my baby in my inner thighs!!!!  ahhhh!!!  i keep telling myself it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay i know how to lose weight and i’ll be fine after the baby comes… but i still have 22 friggin weeks to go so i guess i need to get more of a grip than i thought.  i don’t think i gave myself enough credit for eating as well as i did before i got prego because i have definately not been CONSISTENTLY as good about my choices these days.  each time i slip i feel like i just get that much further from what i know to be right.    this is HARD!  and i’m so damn hungry all the time! 

 just let the next 22 weeks go quickly!!!!

on the upside… i’ve talked jeremy into a total trainer.  it’s similar to the total gym, but they actually ahve better reviews by amazon users, and  they are WAY more reasonably priced.  i’m JACKED about this… but i’m thinking i’ll wait a few more months till i’m ready to cancel my la membership.  i’ll still have my planet fitness membershpi, though that place just makes me feel restricted on options for workouts… the total trainer will give me enough variety if i keep that as well and for my cardio.  (my eliptical… yeah i dn’t think it could handle a whole year of my use… i’m pretty hard on those things so i save that for days when going to the gym is… just not ganna happen… rare but we all have them.  i call it insurance against an unneccessarily missed workout!) 

is it me or does everyone around you seem to get thinner though when your body is hijacked and you are forced to get fatter! 

deep breaths… i’ll get through this!

so my birthday is on thursday  … i’ve been doing SO well eating right the last two weeks since the morning sickness eased off… but now we meet birthday week.  there is a combination of challenges this week:  we got just plain the regular old pregnancy stuff…  then there’s  birthday treats everyone throws at you… then there’s the sunday birthday dinner with the parents (i have no intention of fighting this one… mom’s turkey lasagna with gluten free noodles makes the whole year worth waiting for that one!  she won’t make it often becasue she gets nervous she’ll get me sick… but my birthday is MY DINNER! so turkey lasagna it is!!!! yum!!!)  then the mega challenge… i don’t want to eat badly on saturday.  jeremy and i are going to take a bus trip to atlantic city.  i’m excited since i’ve never been there but our last trip to baltimore was when i first figured out i was pregnant.  i got so hungry i started crying!  there was no restaurants around that served a lick of gluten free food and i finally resorted to a bag of peanuts for lunch.  i tried to search the area and i’m hoping i can just find a seafood restaurant and go for coctail shrimp or something. but after that i don’t have a clue what to do.  the best i can come up with is to take some tuna salad and almond crackers (no wheat)  and maybe some popcorn (pop it before i go).  a bag of soy chips and hoep that is enough for the day.  i’m trying to keep it sa clean as possible so i guess a little fruit and some nuts too… i wish i could come up with a few more things just in case that does not have to stay cold and i can travel light with.  i’ll prack a few packets of whey too… but carbs are the hard part for me because of the wheat issue. 

 i’ll stay posted… but if i survive this week without gaining the whole second trimester weight gain guide line in just the week… i’ll be happy!

 i wish i could find pictures fo women who actually devoted themselves to getting back inshape post pregnancy to get a little idea of how long it will take with focus on it and for encouragement!  some days i don’t stress too bad but some days i have to admit… i get a little nervous.  i’ve never weighed 135 in my life… i’m so uncomfortable right now… but its’ not like i can diet for the next five months. so it is what it is for now… all i can do is damage control. 

i won’t be competing for a while… i held my breath on it and haven’t even gotten on this site in a while since it caught me so off gaurd….  i’m three and a half months pregnant.  i didn’t find out until the day after my "12 weeks out" pictures that i took.  it was the very next day that i discovered i was 6 weeks pregnant.  i’d like to stay active on the board to stay motivated and keep my focus.  but i had to stay away for a while to get a grip and because i wasn’t ready to post anything about it.  once you’ve had a misscarriage… you think twice before you tell anyone you are pregnant for a while.

 the first trimester is a rough thing!  i ate things i would have gagged at before!  since when do i like snickers bars!!!  when you feel that queezy though… i guess you’ll take whatever you really want that’s available… not always the best choice.  it’s been tough on me mentally, but now that i’m in the second and i’m starting to have a belly and not just look like i’m gaining weight like crazy, i guess it’s gotten better.  also, i’m not so sick anymore (not that i was nearly as sick as a lot of women… just the all day queesies!!!) and have been able to eat pretty healthy for more than a day at a time without it making me feel worse for the last two or three weeks.  what a relief!  i was a bit worried htat i’d get so used to eating poorly that i wouldn’t be able to go back to the good healthy habits i’d set before.  but actually, since i’m forced to eat more calories in a day (even if only 300) i will say it’s a little easier to stick to the plan with the wiggle room of calories.  then again, some days pregnancy throws the most insaine hunger you’ve ever had in your life at you randomly!  there’s no "three hundred over" on those days… and you can’t undo those days with extra hard cardio and a few less carbs for a couple days like before.  it’s definately been an adjustment.  it is getting easier mentally as i am starting to see a real belly and not just look heavier.  but what a ride for no further than i am….

scary stuff.

 jeremy and i legally got married a few weeks ago.  we are still planning our big wedding next year.  hey what can i say… i’m a girl and i want a big white dress and cake like we all do i guess.  i feel sort of guilty for the waste of money.. but i’m only marrying one person.  i won’t get this chance again and he’s…. perfect… so… i want the wedding with him.  how awesome it is that he’s even understanding enough to support me in that.  applause for my jeremys!!! 

so i hope being a fat bellied old married fart doesn’t disqualify me from the bodybuilding pages! haha… i gotta stay motivated to not give up all hope on having a decent body some how!!!  (wow people say terrible things!!!) 

wow.. bedtime.

i’m afraid today is the goodbye to my fellow skippy natural.  as you see it’s like the love that you know you must end but just can’t get enough of how good it feels to be with! i know it’s not bad for you… but believe me… it’s better this way.

 i took my 12 wk. starting pics this morning.  unfortunately i’m at work at the moment so i won’t get anything posted before tomorrow and, AINT NOBODY LOOKING AT THIS SAGGY ASSET OF MINE! (not just yet) but my abs weren’t as bad as i thought they might be.  i did get a few comments at the gym this morning so my arms must look a hair better than they do i the pics… or else when they were pumped a lil.

three day weekend me! tonight group bible study; tomorrow, bodyworks museum; saturday wedding site visits; sunday jeremy’s grad ceremony from masters!  busy busy!

i’m completely in that "oh gosh in three days i can’t have crap anymore!" mode!  i’m so glad i didn’t decide to compete again sooner!  i’m starting to worry how much damage i can do in two more days!!! 

but i have been doing pretty well with eating mostly clean.. just more than i should and a few little things here and there that i normally would be a little bit better at avoiding.  on the other hand i tend to go way overboard when i do eat things that i normally wouldn’t so i guess i’m doing a better job of stopping before i "blow all four tires" than in the past.  that’s one of my BIGGEST goals ever, so i’m proud of that… but still this is not where i want to be starting.  i’m giong to get one more jar of peanut butter tonight and then NO MORE.  if i can’t eat a tablespoon a day and stop then i don’t need to have it for the next twelve weeks.  it’s like i’m so excited to start prepping for the show, but at the same time, can’t seem to focus until i know i have to.  it’s good it’s only two more days.  

 usually when i eat a little off i will get a huge energy burst in responce, but for some reason i’m super tired lately.  probably a combination of tummy troubles (did jeremy really clean the toaster tray after he toasted poptarts before i cooked my fish this week!!?!!) or it could be utter boredom at work putting me to sleep.  when my boss isn’t there, it’s SO lame!  i love her to peices. 

speaking of tummy troubles… does anyone have advice on the whole MEGA BLOAT i’m having!!?!!  tums are a no go for me.  glutamine has been a huge help to me and i’m still taking that… so… why am i SO uncomfortable!  it’s not gluten (unless i got it and didnt’ know) because id on’t eat that.  i don’t do oatmeal… and the only questionable thing i eat is salsa.  but even that, i’ve eaten that almost everyday for a while so…???  i’ve felt so miserable this week when i get home from work that i could just lay on the couch and cry!  the only thing i can think is that it’s from veggies, but what the hell do you do about that???  i mean i’m in pain!

two more days till the brain!!!!!!! three more till 12 weeks out officially kicks off!  i’m so excited to see what my body does this year.

yes, today i have fully recovered from my long walk with jeremys yesterday!  ankles weren’t as sore as i expected.  maybe the walk wasn’t really that bad, and i was really just that hungover still!  we were going to go for another long one tonight.  we had an appointment to look at a reception site that is about a five-ten minute walk down the road for wedding plans.  we walked down but my stomach cramped up so INSAINLY badly that we had to shuffle home.  he damn near had to carry a fiance! haha… so instead we sat on the porch for a little and enjoyed that the cold rainy weather has finally lifted… TILL IT STARTED RAINING! ha!!  i had a pretty good workout this morning though.  my little lady friend lindsey was late for cardio (she doesn’t lift with me but i LOVE when she’s there for cardio) so i did about 12 minutes on the stepper and then jumped on my edger.  (edgar is my favorite eliptical in the gym… second in from the left. haha)  we had a good hour and then i tore up my chest/tris. i was a little wussy with my shoulders today, but i did work ‘em. 

now if this belly aching would go away that’d be fabulous!!!! 

i guess i’ve been putting off dishes/laundry/packing up for tomorrow long enough now it’s time to face the housework/day prep!

TWO DAYS TILL WE SEE THE HUMAN CADAVERS AND…. THE BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE DAYS TILL WE GO SEE OUR LAST TWO PICKS ON WEDDING SITES…… AND THREE DAYS TILL MY OFFICIAL CUT STARTS!!!!!!!!  so much to think about these days! 

played around a bit on fitday and here’s what i came up with for my first four weeks of cutting for jr. nationals… TOTALLY OPEN TO ADVICE….

5am- egg whites, potato, hot peppers (omelette style)  sf katcup
…i can’t workout on an empty stomach
        6-7:30 hour of cardio and half hour weights
7:30- face fat free plain yogurt, strawberries, glutamine, flax seed (1/2 scoop whey on lifting days)
10am- gf hot cereal (similar to oatmeal… for celiac diet) egg whites, flax seed, sf jelly
12:30- brown rice, salmon (or another fish) broccoli 
3pm- apple (or whatever fruit) almonds
5:30ish- grilled chicken breast on large salad (salsa for dressing)
8ish- egg beaters, spinach, onion, broccoli, sf katcup       
+ supplements (viactin calcium chew, multi, cla, b) total calories is 1600 about 40%carb, 40%pro, and 20% fat.

open to thoughts (i’m super torn on fruit and milk so i figured i’d cut that and the yogurt closer to time and replace my post workout with a soyshake or something?? i always hear no fruit/milk products for comp diet, but i see an awful lot of fabulous bodies eating both on here…. ) as for the carb percentage, i don’t know what to do about that.. my energy totally DIES if i go lower than fourty five, and that’s fine four weeks out from a show, but not 12 weeks out… phase it down?  or is that low enough carbs… i really hate to lose a good workout so far out on account of how tired that makes me… i’m stretching to be starting at 40 i think… but……

we FINALLY had some nice weather here in pa… it felt like… what do ya know spring/summer!!!  so jeremy and i went out last night and, i confess i caved and got plastered…. i figured i have this weekend and next weekend and then i can no longer talk to captian for three whole months! when i woke up, there was a distinct feeling of, "oh yes, that’s why i don’t like to drink anymore!!"  long story short there was no gym in sight for me.  my body’s still aching!  in order to keep me from going, jerems agreed to go for a long walk at MY PACE instead of his.  i was so proud!  he walked for a full hour and ten minutes at my pace and never once complained!  i think he’s making it up when he tells me his legs are tired when we are shopping now haha… who knew?

we went to my parents for their little cookout… and my family is super supportive of letting me bring my food.  my mother is usually afraid she’ll accidently gluten me anyway, so to her it’s easier to let me bring it.  (there’s some seriously bad physical reactions if i accidenlty ingest any of that shit)  so i took my lil chicken salad and admit i did get a little carried away on the watermelon, but hey… c’mon it’s watermelon!  what’s funny is that by the time we left the cookout i was ready to die!  my legs hurt so bad!  FROM A WALK???? WTF!!!! i do an hour of cardio everyday and lift for a half hour five days, and do yoga at least once a week… and when i say hurt, i mean these suckers are throbbing!  i’m half embarrassed making my little i’m so proud of jerems comments!!! he’s totally warrented to tell me to suck balls now! haha

 i’m trying my diet plan out for the next four days and on friday we are going to baltimore to see THE BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  BODYWORKS MUSEUM!!! oh to me there could be nothing cooler than seeing a few cadavers and thier muscles and bones and… through the month of may… the BRAIN TOO!!! whooo!!!! (i admit to a sick sence of interest/humor… but this rocks!!!!)  so i agreed not to pack a bunch of food other than snacks and i will eat at one restaurant if he can find one with a gluten free menu.  we aren’t staying overnight now because it’s just a rediculous amount of money… so i guess now i won’t be dirnking.  good… saturday should be a super long busy day.  we have three apointments to go see reception wedding sites.  i’m so proud of him for comming along….

the way i’ve eaten this weekend… i’m lucky he loves me! haha….  i’m so ready to focus on the competition, i feel like starting to cut now is a bad idea for me… going into it at 124 last friday would have given me very little to cut… i’m better off with muscle than i have been in the past, but i’m still not where you really ideally want to be to start…

 keep tweakin gthat damn diet plan… 

and by the way… any man who ever tells me it’s hard to diet ever again in my whole life will be punched in the eye.  just once, inject your sorry, wimpy, winey, lazy asses with a good dose of female hormones and lets see how you weather it!!!  not to mention how depressed you get when you see your bloated gut and water holding thunder thighs in the mirror…. a few days of that shit, and you’d probably give up on your diet once in a while too…

(kay so maybe now i’m feeling the guilt with the peanut butter…)

UGHHHHHHHH

lets go back to the garden.  i swear i wouldn’t have eaten the ****ing apple!!!!  (hmm how many people will get that joke??)

so this morning, i get up and go to the gym.  i’m on the eliptical thinking how i’d like to die more than i’d like to be on that effing thing.  (this is rare… i am one of those weirdos that LIKES to workout!) but i was.. well… i was hungry!  so i decided to tan for fifteen minutes and try to get myself in the mood.  i ran into my mom on the way in and she mentioned that she could see my shoulders looking a little bonier.  NOOOOOOOOOO… granted this is the first place that will show my weight changes before anything else has even thought of tightening up, so i was glad to hear that my small (prep for contest diet… easing in) changes were showing even if only just a LITTLE BIT… i laughed and said, "i can fix that… got any peanut butter?"  needless to say after a long friday at work followed by grocery shopping, i ate me some peanut butter.  i now feel like absolute CRAP.  (oh no it was natural peanut butter but i just think it’s not normal to be able to eat the way i do sometimes haha)  anyway… so now i’m definately not going to be enjoying festivities sunday night.  probably best because i agreed to train a friend at seven in the morning!!!  (YES… A REASON!!!!!)  anyway for now i feel like i’ve got a brick in my stomach and i’m going to bed.  thirteen weeks.  i’m anxious for 12 weeks… something about that really helps me focus.  i guess it’s knowing that there’s no omre time to dick around.  just wish i could desipher all the ****ing diet controversy out there.  frankly, i can’t seem to kick with those low carbs.  i’m ganna try going 1600ish calories and keep my carbs high (like 45 percent maybe) and SLOWLY (every two weeks or so) decrease the carbs, up the protein untill closer to time… then i’ll cut the cals a little and then continue to phase out some carbs untill the show.  that’s my theory.  open to advice.  i just can’t get good workouts if i don’t have the energy.  it’s like not eating any carbs before bed has me so depleated just waking up that i can’t get through my cardio!  i also read that you need carbs before bed since sleep is when your muscles really heal (makes sence) but is opposite of what i seem to read most of the competitors i like are doing… i don’t know how my body reacts to anything these days, so for now i feel like it’s guess and check.  next week i’ll start cut and try and get photos rolling.  i’m going to baltimore to see the bodyworks museum and i’m JACKED about it.  jeremy and i are going to celebrate the engagement there, so i’ll definately have a few drinks and enjoy my last day before competition diet.  when we get back there are a lot of wedding reception sites we are trying to get in with, so it’ll be a busy day.  i’ll be okay on diet, but probably won’t get to work out, but i’ll live.  it’s VERY rare that i actually miss a day without squeesing SOMETHING in….

up for diet advice!!!